Harry Squatter

Let of some steam Bennett

Just imagine getting told by some gay Freddie Mercury lookalike wearing a chain mail vest and learher keks to "put the knife away and shut your mouth" Best 80's action films ever

If his pace goes he can always get a job at Knowsley Safari Park, as long as he doesn't escape and get shot on the motorway.

I used to buy Nuts when I worked away so I could have a wank in my hotel room over it. Good thing is that it just showed up as "nuts" on my receipt rather than "magazines" so I could claim it back as food.

I'm worth £5.67 so I reckon he must be about £47m

What happened to Ilori and I thought Coates was getting bonfired to Fulham?

Another one for Juan Galonso. When I worked on the bar at Crosby Squash Club which is now Hearts Health Club it turned into a late night drinking den and most of Crosby and Waterloo would descend on the place. There wet only about 30 regular birds there and the majority would just be fellas 25 and upwards. One bird who went was quite fit, she looked like a young Paula Abdul with bigger tits and a nicer face. She was probably the biggest slag in there, me and my mate didn't know her name but just called her Alliance & Leicester as she worked in the one on Liverpool Road. In the club there were 6 squash courts and one snooker room. One night I was looking for more pint glasses and went in there, she was getting banged on the snooker table while his mate kept trying to get involved. A week later one of the bouncers took her back to his and banged her, a few weeks after the manager who looked like a Hobbit version of Billy Idol told us he'd done her in the cellar after a stay behind. One of the lads on the bar had a blow job off her at a party he went to. One week she was all over some lad by the fruit machine and had his hand up her very short skirt and she was writhing around and biting his lip, my brother who was a glass collector walked up to her and asked her whether she had finished her drink which she put on top of the fruit machine. She just put two fingers up at him without stopping her passionate episode. I saw her walking through Moor Lane about 4 years later with 2 kids and some geeky fat fella, must be horrible knowing half of Crosby has shagged your Missus.

Shall we pick teams so we all aren't wandering round for 20 minutes like the Stone Roses in the Fools Gold video?

Woman in my work has just got a top management job on a fast track promotion. When I worked with her she was one of the biggest slags going. She was having an affair with two married fellas who were both quite high up in the management chain. One of the guys from my team went round to fix a radiator for her as he used to work for British Gas. He went upstairs to fix a radiator on the landing and it was obvious that some fella was hiding in the bedroom. He waited outside the house in his car after it and saw some lad off our team leave the house. The guy who fixed the radiator shagged her about a month later. She got a job inLondon and would regularly go out getting pissed with the admin staff, three admin assistants who were no older than 20 had all shagged her within a period of 3 weeks. One of my mates let it slip that he had banged her 5 years earlier, he said he went down on her but nearly spewed because her minge smelt so much. Some lad then turned round and said "what year was that?" to which he said 2004. The other guy said "thank god for that, I did her in 2001"

We should have enough tonight if Woo and his brother play as well as the mcLids

We could even have 8m for Reina and possibly another 12m for Skrtel instead of loaning them to Napoli.

I heard that David Moores funded the Rwandan genocide and gave Mohammed Farah Aideed the cash from the Peter Beardsley sale to the Blueshite.

I'd do her up the arse - Esther I hope you are reading this.

This will Defo get us back in the Champions League

And Downing

5 Rob Dave, I hope you weren't talking to Erik Meijer

I think it's unfair to label all evertonians racist, they are all bitter bastards but not all are racists.

Wonder why baines never gave the lids a free flight ticket?

Tim Howard saluting all those loyal fans

I think if we ever got bought by some Arab or Russian sugar daddy a few of them would actually hang themselves.

I think I've watched Rocky 3 more than a hundred times, I just never get bored of it. Rocky suddenly realises he isn't as good as he thought he was, Mr T completely humiliates him and he just loses complete faith in himself despite previously being the man who never gave up under any circumstances. He then blames himself for Mickey dying. Apollo gets involved, not only because he feels sorry for Rocky and still sees some potential in him but because he's bored off his tits being retired and wants to prove himself at the end with a private fight. He gets Rocky to change his entire fighting style and mindset and proves to the commentators that he's not just a slugger and he can box. As mentioned before it should have ended there. You can buy the canvas print of Rocky and Apollo freeze frame off the Internet, just need a spare 300 quid!

If yer can't understand what's bein said then yer a bad wool.....

They edited out the bit where Baines tells them "I used to support the redshite"

Are they the same lads who filmed that Danielle Smith vid? They all sound the same and the Cloverfield style camera work is similar.

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