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haha quality!

There's a boss UPS one too where a delivery van is screeching around New York at speed, knocking cyclists off their bikes, crashing into cars and running people over. Someone shouts 'Hey what the hell are you doin?' And the driver says: 'Screw you buddy - I got a package to deliver' "UPS, we screw them - to get your package there on time" I'm being serious here, but this kind of advertising would work on me!

Anyone ever seen a film called crazy people with Dudley Moore in? He works for an advertising firm and comes up with a concept called 'honest advertising' He has things like 'Jaguar - for men who want hand-jobs from women they don't know' And: 'Slimfast, for people who are tired of sweating on relatively cool days' There's one later in the film as well, where they 'secretly film' some tall lankey white lab technicians trying to build a circuit board and fucking it up, witha voiceover from the head of Sony: "Caucassians are tall and gangley, where as we Japanese are short and our eyes are closer to the electronic components - Sony, because caucasians are just too damn tall." :D

Awww hell yeah!

Nice gesture Rash, same to you fella.

Man I'm getting old. Anyone fancy a game of Street Fighter 2?

Agreed - just ask Graham Rix.

* wonders what to say next

There's the title for a sequal to 'Das Boot' if ever I've seen one!

"I didn't kill my wife!"

Felis Cattus the third

Oh my word what a fucking ace thread! Airwolf for me, there's something about its white belly that I find almost sexual. Gotta love the overkill involved in Airwolf, bank robbers driving a pick-up truck often found themselves being chased by a helicoptor that could do mach-2, and would usually end up as a pile of scrap mettle after being hellfire-missiled by Ernesy Borgnine. But just to fill in the last ten minutes 2 migs would appear over the Rocky mountains out of nowhere. 'Hey string, looks like those bank robbers were working for the Russians!'

Do tha Japs have a rugby team? All Blacks vs Japan would be worth watching. "That 5'5 giant brushed me aside as though I wasn't there - will there be no end to my family's shame?"

Awww hell yeah! I'll be 32 when my sister turns 18 and starts bringing her mates round - I've been making plans to hit on them since shortly before she was born, believe.

Been a few of these over recent years, but I think what knocks me sick more than just the attacks is the fact they are often lured to specific spots with hoax calls before being ambushed. It just fucking blows my mind. There was a story a few weeks back about an 80yo man dying becaue the ambulance he was travelling in was blocked in by a bunch of kids on bikes. I wonder what would happen if one of these fire officers lashed out at one of the little animals? Lose his job and a public flogging on the front page of the daily post I'd imagine.

Same here. Have a moan about fixtures and ref decisions and pretty soon you're starting your league campaign at home against fulham and refs won't give any pens.

Kewell was last seen being pursued through the sewers by Tommy Lee Jones with a gun.

Rugby is just British bulldog with a ball - fact. The best footballers in the world are the ones with the most skill, poise, speed, ballance, vision and football brain. You can stand back in awe and admire that. The best rugby players in the world however are just human battering rams.

The only member of the Royals who's ever really impressed me is Andrew, flying rescue helicoptors in and out of exploding ships during the falklands when he could quite easilly have sat at home shooting grouse. They have their uses though, would Yank tourists bother coming here at all if it wasn't for them? Oh and it's little known, but during times of invasion or national crisis - the Queen has the ability to turn into a big heavily armed robot like Michael Jackson in Moonwalker.

I might argue this point later when I've been for a shit because I know you are open and fair-minded about all things Irish and English.

I imagine I'll develop a taste for Pickeling when i reach the age of 78, have a penchant for brown clothes, and can no longer control my bodily functions.

You can't blame posties for the overall shitness of the Royal Mail, that's the fault of Adam Crozier - the man who appointed Sven to the England job and changed the post office's name to 'consignia' and back again when he realised it sounded shit. The man couldn't organise a gay-pride parade in San Francisco.

MPs can say anything they want in chambers, they can't be sued for anything as long as it's said withing the walls. Brown could get up and say 'Alex Fergusson likes small boys' and Taggart couldn't do a damn thing about it legally - it's called 'absolute privellage'. I don't know why politicians get bitched at for lying or evading, they're just playing the game democracy has them play. How else could a man or men who are supposed to be in total control admit to people that there are certain things which are broke and cannot be fixed. The drug war is unwinable, the NHS is not feasible, the war in Iraq was about oil. These are things we all know but which no politician could ever admit - for fear of the media jumping on it and the other side gaining power because of it.

I hear that! Seriously though, I take my hat off to anyone who goes without pay to put themselves on the line for fellow workers who've been shat on. People slag unions off and many of them did take the piss in Liverpool (Friday afternoon was always a convenient strike day in Fords back in the day, even if a vending machine was broke that'd be an excuse to have an early dart) But the minute the working man no longer has any currency to deal is the minute big business has carte blanche to treat us all however the fuck they want.

Leg - the original 'Minstrel Boy'