alles ist gut

The FA can't expect people to watch a game clashing with a Lords Test Match

Top, top Benze-MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ( (c) Steve McManaman) analysis there, Dave.

There's a lot of competition!

And it don’t stop (except when it does) Leighton Clarkson : Final game for a weakened Aberdeen team at Parkhead against the perennial champions. It’s not easy to look good if you’re the creative midfielder and your team has only 24% possession. The closest the Dons came to a shot on goal in the first half was a back post header from a Clarkson corner that Joe Hart dealt with without needing to move. There wasn’t one in the second half either. Some days it’s not your week. Luke Chambers : At the other end of the SPL table, Kilmarnock took on Ross County in a virtual relegation playoff; Chambers at left wing-back. Did not have an awful lot to do defensively, as the home team dominated the first half, taking the lead late on, and then adding a (relatively generous VAR decision) penalty early in the second period. Even when County got a goal back from the spot themselves (Yan Dhanda!), Kilmarnock stayed in control of the game and added a third to finish things. Tenth place and safety. Vitezslav Jaros : Unused substitute for Stockport County as they came up short in the League Two playoff final against Carlisle at that Wembley in a penalty shootout after the game finished 1-1 after extra time. He will get the chance to sit on some more benches with the Czechia Under-21 squad at the upcoming European Championships. Anderson Arroyo : Unused substitute for Alavés in their final game of the season at fellow promotion chasers Las Palmas; the 0-0 draw ensured that the Islanders finished second and go up automatically, while Alavés drop to fourth and will continue their quest in the playoffs, starting at Eibar on Saturday. Sepp van den Berg : Sadly Schalke were unable to get the result they needed at Leipzig on the last day of the Bundesliga season, falling to a 4-2 defeat and being relegated as a result. Not great positionally on the first RBL goal, running into the back post as his keeper parried a cross straight to an opposing player and thus unable to do anything about the resulting shot. One of several players dribbled round by Nkunku in the box for their second. Although Schalke were able to get it back to 2-2, they over-committed in search of the win they needed and conceded a third on a counterattack, before Nkunku added a fourth in stoppage time with a chip after van den Berg missed a header on a long punt by the Leipzig keeper. Some years it’s not your week.

Emergency podcast material? As an upgrade on Adrian?

He was training regularly and not getting in the squad; to me that suggests an agreement not to risk what's left of his body. Hopefully he can get some TV work, alongside a short-term contract nominally playing football, with the objective of putting that gawping fuckwit Jenas on the dole by 2025.

As is van den Berg, of course.

Sounds like a job for Paulie’s missus?

Top, top sidekick analysis there, Dave. (Also that should say ‘Newcastle’ on the first line.)

Egypt have one ANC qualifier and then a friendly against South Sudan (might be a good time for an unspecified muscle strain); Colombia and Brazil each have two friendlies in Europe; Uruguay have two friendlies in Montevideo. Anyway, like you said, it’s a fortnight away.

We'd expect pics

Top, top Welbeck analysis there, Dave.

Maybe Elon should sign him?

Sportscene (BBC One Scotland only) Luke Chambers : At left wing-back as Kilmarnock visited bottom club Dundee United. Helped create the opening goal; after losing the ball in the opposing box, his pressing allowed his team mates to win the ball back, and after some pinball in the box Kyle Vassell knocked it into the old onion bag. Then blocked an attempted clearance up the touchline immediately before Kilmarnock scored their second.They eventually won 3-0, which leaves them three points ahead of 11th-placed Ross County, who they will play at home on Sunday,where a draw will keep them out of the relegation playoff. Leighton Clarkson : Aberdeen played their last home game of the season against St. Mirren, and Clarkson scored his fifth goal of the season, and his first since Christmas from a free-kick, just outside the box. ERROL! RUN VT! After St. Mirren had a man sent off for a terrible tackle (the player in question was clearly in a temper, having just been dispossesed and then nutmegged by Clarkson), Aberdeen added a second before the break, then a third just after. Clarkson himself created more chances after that, and can consider himself unlucky not to add to his team-leading total of eight assists. The win clinches third place for Aberdeen, which at present gives them a place in the Europa Conference League qualifiers; however should Celtic justify short odds in the FA Cup Final against Inverness Caley Thistle, the reward would upgrade to the Europa League. Sometimes it's the journey, sometimes it's the destination.

Backing track: piano (minor key) Conor Bradley : His Player of the Season year at Bolton came to an end Friday night at Oakwell as Barnsley won the playoff semifinal second leg 1-0 to get to Wembley 2-1. Bolton simply didn’t put their possession advantage to any use and rarely looked like scoring on a day when the rest of the midfield just didn’t turn up. Bradley himself was tightly marked, usually getting the ball close to the touch line with little support. His best effort on the ball was a run into the Barnsley box which ended with him going to ground with barely any opposition contact. Not everyone gets to Wembley. Sepp van den Berg : Schalke went into their final home game third from bottom (the Bundesliga relegation playoff place) needing to get something from the game against Frankfurt, and went ahead in the first minute. Might have got closer to Kamada when he shot from outside the box for the equaliser, but the blame should go entirely to Schwolow who should have saved it. Probably goal-saving interception on a cross early in the second half. Was marking space for the cross that resulted in the second Frankfurt goal (he had made the initial header to clear the corner but the team as a whole did not get out to stop the second ball). The late Schalke equaliser leaves them a point from safety with a trip to Leipzig on the last day of the season. Not every team in blue and white avoids the drop. Leighton Clarkson : Aberdeen travelled to Hearts looking to secure third place, without their best player in Duk Lopes. The visitors took the lead against the run of play from a Clarkson inswinging corner that was headed in at the back post. Miovski could easily have doubled the lead later in the first half after being put through by a Clarkson chip to the penalty spot, but he couldn’t get the ball under control. Hearts equalised just before halftime, then took the lead ten minutes after the break. Clarkson was one of few Aberdeen players to escape criticism in the media afterwards, the main source of creativity on the pitch, and also made a late goal line clearance (any goal might have been ruled out for offside). Hearts now just two points behind Aberdeen, who, with a trip to Parkhead next weekend, might need a win against St. Mirren on Wednesday. Luke Chambers : Kilmarnock faced St. Johnstone as their relegation battle continued. Chambers at left wing-back; not at fault for the visitors only goal, from a back post corner (Chambers tracking his man to the edge of the D). Crashed a shot against the left-hand post from 15 yards out (the chance to put the rebound into an open goal was squandered). Their task was then made harder by a sending-off just before halftime. Chambers also started the home teams best move of the second half, picking up a loose ball in his own area, bringing it forward into space before switching the ball out to the flank, leading to a shot on goal. The defeat keeps Kilmarnock tenth, with games against both teams below them to come. Anderson Arroyo : Came off the subs bench for Alavés in their final home game of the season against Malaga with twenty minutes left with a tenuous 1-0 lead to defend. Wasn’t to blame for the equaliser, blasted in from 20 yards out on the other side of the area to him. Alavés grabbed a winner in the 87th minute with a similar long-range shot. Wins for Granada and Las Palmas keep them third, with just next Saturday’s game at Las Palmas to go; the winner gets automatic promotion, plus the championship if Granada don’t take care of their own business. Fidel O’Rourke : Disappointing end to his season as he was an unused substitute in Halifax’s FA Trophy triumph over Gateshead at Wembley ; on one level you can understand the Halifax manager wanting to have as many of his permanent players on the field at the end of the game. Still, he’ll always have the moment of being given a winners medal after a Wembley final, when so many others will not.

They'll be on the pitch by twenty to five!

Top, top jobsworths analysis there, Dave.

Top, top Sparta analysis there, Dave.

So no Núñez then (inflamed tendon in the toe).

Top, top ‘Asian Timo Werner’ analysis there, Dave.