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And people said Everton wouldn't be in the dock before 2024.

The Pedo’s Club

I was sort of with some girl for maybe four months once when I was 18/19, and the main reason for it was that she had a job in the canteen at work. Free full English breakfast every morning break, then a bacon & egg butty or something at dinner time. They used to let us all have a tab which we were supposed to pay every Friday but my name was always conveniently left off the list. I would sneak up to the canteen for a snog sometimes but she was one of those professional Scouse birds (“Ay giiiirrrl. What’s up chickkk”) so one or two of the lads that knew what was going on would rip me for it. The only other times I’d see her were at like 3am-4am every Sunday morning when we’d turn up at each other’s houses after closing time for a quick tumble. She left the job and we quickly drifted apart but her replacement was a lad that lived around the corner from me who I instantly befriended to keep my free food privileges. It bloody worked as well. He’d feed me all week and I’d buy him a couple of pints in Hunt’s Cross or Woolton every Friday after work. Never got to have any sex with him though but we’re still in touch so you never know.

They might think twice before throwing their kids on to the pitch.

"Prison sentence could save Mosh millions".

As funny as it was to hear Newcastle fans singing about a Sunderland player whose name rhymes with noncin', I'd cringe my skeleton out if there were any songs or banners about this at Anfield.

Everyone out there protesting about bizarre stuff that varies wildly. Makes you wonder why a couple of posters on the GF have chosen this week to go to London… Why can’t us “rational” folk organise a mass scale protest against genuine government corruption? Even just a couple of hundred thousand people marching “against knobheads” would suffice and restore a bit of faith in humanity. Candlelit vigils for murdered women have the police going in swinging, but there’s people on Westminster Bridge chanting about all MP’s being satanic ritual nonces and then going on their merry way. It’s mental. Most people don’t give a fuck. Out of those that think we do, the majority of us tut at them on the internet and stick another box set on Netflix. Next weekend they’ll probably bring Whitehall to a standstill because Chinese 5G gamma rays are harming baby dragons in Westeros, whilst we’re all self isolating and trying to find blag copies of the new Space Jam film so the kids will stop talking for an hour.

The 2021 season is firmly in the rear view mirror now. Champions League qualification starts tonight with Celtic up against Midgetland, who you’d imagine are a much better team than them, based on the last few European campaigns. The number of Everton players under investigation for noncing currently stands at one but there is of course plenty of time for that to change. Other interesting things to look out for in ‘other football’ this season are the removal of the away goals rule, Spurs failing miserably in the most uninspiring competition since the SportPesa Cup and FIFA attempting to fundamentally change the rules of the game forever, switching everyone off for good and allowing Dave U to close us down and focus on his golf website. https://hypebeast.com/2021/7/fifa-new-football-rules-trials-30-minute-halves-sin-bin-throw-ins

I’m the age of #metoo and Epstein people are on their guard and wary of anything that might be as we all feel slightly guilty when we think back to some things we’ve done in light of this, it’s natural a light has illuminated some shameful behaviour and we measure our, in no real way comparable, actions against these. Was what you did iffy, not overly, but you didn’t help yourself in the description and you know every cunt on here will take the piss. What I’d suggest, for what it’s worth, is twofold. Firstly, I would book a session with another trainer at the same gym and whilst you’re there search her out and say something along the lines of ‘I’m not unhappy with the session, in fact quite the opposite, I really enjoyed it. I really felt like we had a connection and thought it would be weird to continue as it felt kind of grubby knowing that I fancied you. I’d love to take you for a coffee one day?’ Second part would be to get yourself a new gym for when she invariably turns you down. Congratulations! Welvome to old man who falls in love with any women who shows him interest, even if it’s all in your own head, club. Mine’s barmaids, every fucking time. PS I hope you don’t need stage two.

Hope he’s not a loser. You know? Beck? Loser. The indie hit from the mid-1990s? Beck? Loser?

Another one for the signature this. Never forget who the real ITK is for transfers and sex pests.

Imagine if Everton couldn't release the DVD celebrating their first win at Anfield since Methuselah was a little boy, because of who scored the second goal. That would be hilariously tragic.

You motherfuckers who think what I did was harrasment can fuck off. You're all mental.

Does anyone remember this? Then you look at Mane's first season at Anfield: Appearances: 29, Goals: 13 And Jota's first season for Liverpool: Appearances: 30, Goals: 13 I'm more than happy for him to continue copying Mane's trajectory!

The weird cunt has just flown out to ‘space’ so obviously he’s having a press conference where they receive their space wings in an award ceremony for a thing they paid for, mad. I’ve seen some sell absorbed shite in my life before, but this is obscenely lacking in self awareness. He just told Amazon customers and staff they paid for this, I’m sure they’re thrilled you big weird goon.

It's got the makings of a successful gameshow.

Imagine any time she has to give testimony in court. "And how far were you from the counter in Mr McNobby's sweet shop when you claim to have seen Mr Bjornebye steal the pickled onion Monster Munch?" "About 10 feet." "Are you sure? With your skill for estimating distances, was it 10 feet, or was it 365 million miles?"

That's not bad advice. For you other cunts, if I get the date, best believe I won't let you forget it. Each and every one of you. And if I don't, please forget about it.

Zero self-awareness from the cunt. Hope Aliens catch him and stick him on a minimum wage job on the planet Zodd.

I genuinely would be sorry to see Nat leave, if he does. He's obviously got his career and game time to prioritise, as he should do. Getting £15m for him is also good business for the club considering he was loaned out to a Bundesliga 2 club. If we do let Nat go, I hope we include a sell on clause, maybe even a buy back although I think the latter might not be included. Nat will also go with my appreciation for the part he played last season plus, he did notch as well!

The only thing I could think of was that by September, in England, schools will have gone back, with no mitigations, the weather will be cooling down, people will be spending less time outside, we’ll be heading towards seasonal infections AND WE’LL BE FUCKED

A conspiracy I'm happy to sign up to is that they are actively stoking protests, confusion and frustration to undermine the legitimate need for a public inquiry into the pandemic response. "It's not the time" will eventually turn into "there's no public appetite for this, people just want to get back to normal".

I seem to be the only person on here who has no idea who Awoniyi is or why he's worth 6.5m.

Hard to feel anything other than sad about this whole thing. Sad for the victims, sad for him as most of these seem to those who were abused themselves.

Watching the England Denmark game the other week and the Mrs asks me what’s in Denmark. I asked her to elaborate and she said you know, what cities. Reminded her we were meant to go to Copenhagen last year for her birthday and she just gave me an oh yeah. Asked me what countries it’s near and the first one I thought of was Sweden. Asked me what cities are in Sweden. Gothenburg. Is that where Batman’s from. This is a woman with a first class degree and a masters and she wonders why I can’t trust her to cross the road.

Could be in with a chance of Ligue 1 this year.

Luckily they have just the man to fill it (Mbappe).

These boys can still knock out a tune in their 60's Live_From_Daryl_s_House_Backstabbers-360p.mp4

He's claiming that one too?

It's a psychological phenomenon, can't remember what it's called but they were talking about Putin and saying they get to the point where they're so powerful they think they're basically omniscient. That's why they tend to get obsessed with germs and God because they think they're the only ones who can stop them.

Dont know how to put the link in but Denise Lasalle "Trapped by this thing called love" is brilliant. First heard it when I was a kid working down in Poole loved it ever since.

This will, I’m sure, have been mentioned before but the speed in which your finger and toe nails grow as you age. I’m sure I only cut my finger nails last week and I already look like Flo Jo.

That's what you might say in response to David James's video games or Paul Merson's gambling? This? This appears to be something quite different...

Said it before but it's like something out of the twilight zone. If he announced he will start rounding up people and putting them in camps,I absolutely guarantee a chunk of the population wouldnt object. How the fuck did we get here?

Would it be too much to hope there won't be chants being sung by Liverpool fans (and others) the next time we play Everton about something as serious as this?

"He’s not exceptionally sick and he’s not going to be scoring 30 goals a season" typo or you just down with the kids now?

Mum's gone to Iceland, but she's not taking the kids.

Everton have confirmed a player is suspended due to a Police investigation apparently. This made me laugh Probably going to hell

Can’t have the windows open in the house for more than 5 minutes before she starts moaning that it’s colder than suburbia in here

All I've got going round my mind now is Batman driving around in a Volvo estate and the batcave decked out like a branch of Ikea.

I'm sure that all fair minded Evertonians who have a long history of rational thinking and who aren't prone to knee jerk reactions will treat him the same as they did when Firmino was accused of racism against Mason Holgate.

The Everton Christmas do should be a laugh.

I’ve got a bridge to sell you, Anies.