Leaderboard

Thank fuck that’s over. If you’re expecting me to be gloating or happy about England’s heartbreak you’re going to be disappointed. I stand by everything I’ve said previously and under no circumstances did I want them to win, but when they lost all I felt was relief and, surprisingly, some sadness. I took absolutely no joy in it, in fact I actually felt quite bad for some of those involved. That doesn’t mean I wish they’d won because that would have been a fucking nightmare. But I do feel for a lot of the players and to a lesser extent for the decent, normal people (especially the kids) who got swept along and have been enjoying the ride. Rubbing their noses in it is not something I have any desire to do. I said ‘lesser extent’ there because those who aren’t really that arsed about footy but got excited because they’d reached a final will get over this pretty quickly. They probably already are. They can take the flags down from their windows and go back to not caring again. That’s not a criticism by the way. I get it and I don’t have a problem with it. They aren’t the reason I wanted England to lose. That being said, any time I heard anyone saying “it’s coming home” it provoked a reaction in me that I couldn’t control. “Fuck off you twat” was my instinctive response and it didn’t even matter if it was man woman or child saying it! There’s just something about that phrase that brings out the devil in me. The initial song was great and relevant at the time. Over the years it’s been hijacked and the meaning of it skewed by entitled dickheads. England are international football’s equivalent of Huddersfield or Blackpool. Imagine Huddersfield fans talking about “it’s coming home” if they happened to be in a title race. The song was about a tournament coming home to where football began. Now it's used as some weird self entitled mantra that suggests England have some kind of claim on international trophies when they haven't won one in my lifetime, and I'm nearly fifty now! They have no idea how ridiculous "its coming home" sounds and it just gives other nations more reason to take the piss. Look at the Italy players with their "It's coming to Rome" shouts. Can't blame them, everybody is sick of that "coming home" bullshit. I’m not proud of this but the players and the decent people supporting England are just collateral damage to me. If them being disappointed also means the huge amount of fucking wankers living their lives vicariously through ‘their country’ being successful are also left disappointed, so be it. That's the only thing that matters to me. I just didn’t want to see that huge amount of fucking twats from all around the country being happy. It’s that simple really. And if others who I have no beef with are also denied happiness then that’s preferable to me than seeing the absolute worst people in this country getting to celebrate. I should be the bigger man but *shrugs* I’m clearly not. All those videos we all saw of the mobs lashing bottles, fighting, shoving flares up their arseholes, storming the gates of the stadium, drinking beer out of each others arse cracks (yes, that happened) and all the rest of it, I did not want those people to be able to celebrate anything and if that meant hundreds of thousands of kids up and down the country also being disappointed then fine, I can live with that. As I say, I’m not proud of it but I can’t control it either. Speaking of kids, Adrianna came out of school today and told me her form teacher - who isn't really into footy - decided it would be a good idea to play the Italy anthem in class to wind up the lads. "This is for you" he said and then blasted it out. One of the lads stormed out of the class and reported him, and someone then showed up and took the teacher outside to have a word. It's pretty unacceptable behaviour that though I've got to be honest. Grassing up your teacher like that? What a snivelling little fucking baby. Anyway, I digress. Another reason for wanting them to lose was so the politicians would not be able to use it to distract attention from the shit they’ve been pulling. The likes of Johnson and Patel shoving on an England shirt and hash tagging #itscominghome to try and make themselves more relatable. Fuck all that. They’d have used the feel good mood of the nation to deflect away from all the deaths they’re responsible for. So to me, England had to lose because them winning would have been too unbearable on multiple levels, and yeah I’m relieved they did. But that doesn’t mean I’m happy or that I want to rub anyone’s noses in it. I thought I would be, but it turns out I’m not. This whole tournament stressed me out way more than it should have. It used to be easy rooting against England because I despised at least half the squad and that’s before we even get into all the other bullshit that surrounds it all. That isn’t the case now. Obviously I can’t stand Harry Kane but he alone wouldn’t be enough to make me actively root against the team. But if you were to take away the fans, the Brexit / Tory voting public, the politician bandwagon jumpers and the xenophobic element of the media, then.... nah I’d still want them to lose just because of that little cunt in goal. Sorry, there’s not a fucking chance in hell I’d be putting that to one side. Not after what he did. Anyway, avoiding England games by going to play golf hadn’t been working out too well for me as the only game they hadn’t won was the one I actually watched. So this time I went with a different approach. I decided to try and take one for the team by watching it. Wasn’t a great idea as all it took was the booing of the Italy anthem to set me off with the shouting and swearing. There I am trying to belt it out and I’m hearing boos. Basically this was me…. <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/svEx6iCV1s8" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe> So that already set the tone and when Luke Shaw scored early that was me done. I had to get out of there if only for the sake of my marriage. I took the dog for a long walk and kept updated via the lads in the various group chats. I stayed out as long as I could but predictably it dragged on and on and when the rain started coming down I had to head back home. I got back for the second half of extra time but England seemed to be on top and I just couldn’t watch it. So I went to sit in my office, watching Netflix to keep me occupied. Penalties was the absolute fucking nightmare scenario because that potentially threw up the worst possible outcome for me. England winning was always going to be unpalatable, but Pickford being the hero would have been the absolute fucking worst. I’d rather they won 10-0 than have that crayon eating thick twat be the hero. And he almost was. The only way he wasn’t going to be the hero after saving two pens was for some of his team-mates to be the villains. I genuinely feel bad for the lads that missed, especially Saka. I feel really bad for Rashford too as he’s always going to get it the worst from the little Englanders because he’s put himself out there with all the great work he’s done taking on the establishment and looking out for hungry kids. I don’t really know anything about Sancho so have no opinion on him other than that I certainly wouldn’t wish a penalty shoot out miss on him. The ideal scenario would have been Kane missing the decisive one but beggars can’t be choosers and I’ll take this even if I don’t feel good about it. Just what the fuck is Southgate doing putting a kid on the fifth penalty bthough? If he’s taking one, let it be one, two or even three. You can come back from those if you miss, but having him on the decisive fifth kick was negligible beyond belief. Criminal. Loads of people are giving Sterling and Grealish shit for not stepping up, but Grealish has since come out and said he wanted one but it was the manager’s call. No surprise there. I expect Sterling did too, even if he’s the last person on earth you’d want taking an important penalty. These lads are wired differently to the rest of us. If they didn’t have that belief in themselves they wouldn’t have gotten as far in their careers as they have. I doubt any of them said they didn’t want one but Grealish especially will have been desperate to take one because that’s his mentality. Self confidence is not something he’s lacking. So that mess was completely on Southgate. He even subbed Hendo because he didn’t trust him to take one, which was a relief to us Reds but again, I think it’s pretty scandalous and if I’m Hendo I’m fucking seething about it. I know he’s missed a couple for England but he’s got massive balls and I’d have bet on him scoring. How often do we see those redemption stories with penalties? If someone has missed in a tournament, they usually score next time. Hendo has big game experience and he’s taken penalties in big moments. He hasn’t always scored but he’s got the experience of being in that position and he’d have taken responsibility. Yet you sub him and let a teenager step up for the fifth pen. Incredible. Apparently Southgate went with who did the best in training. Soft cunt. I could probably bury eight out of ten in a training environment, but those odds come down massively in a pressure situation like that. I doubt I’d even be able to run up without falling over. So my point here is that training means fuck all because you can’t replicate the actual situation. Putting a kid in that spot was criminal. It was the biggest moment for the country in over 50 years and he’s putting al that weight on the shoulders of a teenager with barely a handful of games under his belt. What makes it worse is Southgate himself missed one of the most important penalties in England history so he ought to know better. When you look at the vile messages sent to the three lads who missed though, it highlights the dilemma facing those of us who just can’t back the team. You can either choose to condemn it and support the team in spite of the scum element (including the government who condoned booing of the lads taking the knee), or go the other way and want the team to lose just to deny these cunts anything to celebrate. I’m obviously in the latter category but I’m not saying I’m right. It’s probably not the way to go but it isn’t something I can control. I saw some tweets from black and asian lads and girls saying how this group of players and what they stand for has made them finally feel they can be a part of being English and supporting the national team, and that’s great. Genuinely, it’s sound and I’m delighted they can now feel that way. It doesn’t change anything for me personally though. I don’t want to stand shoulder to shoulder with the football fans of this country any more than I wanted to stand with the Mancs in their fight against the Glazers. They sing about scousers year in year out and then cry when some of us don’t “get behind your country”. I just can’t see past all the bad shit that ‘being English’ represents and I guarantee that as soon as the new season starts it will all be brought home again when we’ve got the ‘always the victim’ chants and the ’sign on’ chants and all the rest of it thrown our way. I see those comments directed at Saka and Rashford, I see the videos of England fans up and down the country acting like neanderthal wankers and I can’t help but just want to see them suffer and be miserable. The Rashford mural got vandalised, which is really fucking sickening as it’s in his home town where he basically should be seen as a fucking Saint. Imagine being from Manchester and not loving Marcus Rashford. He’s probably more popular with Liverpool fans. And if history is anything to go by there’ll be some twats singing “you let your country down” at the lads who missed the pens. Remember Gerrard got that? If and when Rashford, Sancho or Saka are subjected to that I’ll sit back and take some comfort in knowing that the cunts singing it will have been absolutely fucking devastated by what happened in the final. So many of these small time dickheads live their lives through the England team because their clubs are complete fucking non-entities that never bring them anything to celebrate. It’s no co-incidence that Liverpool and United are probably the two fanbases that on the whole care the least about England. Chelsea and Arsenal would be similar if they weren’t based in London. Those scenes inside Wembley were way worse than anything I would have expected, and I expected pretty bad shit to happen. Thousands forcing their way into the stadium without tickets was not something I saw coming. Then you had those who were already in deciding to beat the shit out of those who hadn't paid to be there. The whole thing was fucking nuts. People will say “don’t let them win” or “why let them stop you supporting England?”. If you can compartmentalise it and put that to one side then good for you. Seriously. I’m not being facetious. If you want to support England then do it. I respect your right to do it. Hopefully you respect mine to not. As for the footy itself, it’s difficult for me to offer any kind of assessment of England and how they played because I only watched one game (Scotland) and they were shite. Based on what the lads in the chat were saying and what I’ve read on the forum, they weren’t great overall and were shite in the final. Italy deserved to win the final because they weren’t as negative. Imagine being more negative than Italy! Southgate adopted the philosophy that the way to be successful was to not concede any goals and in fairness to him it almost worked. It’s not my cup of tea but he was a penalty shoot out away from winning the thing so he will say his approach was justified. With the attacking flair he has at his disposal maybe he should be a bit more adventurous (imagine what Klopp would do if he was choosing from Sterling, Sancho, Kane, Foden, Grealish, Saka, Mount etc) but it’s not my problem. I don’t really care how he gets them to play as it’s none of my business, but for what it’s worth my opinion of him as a coach is that he’s shite. He had every possible advantage to win this tournament but he came up short, and even at the last World Cup they basically had a bye to the semis and then lost to the only decent side they faced. He’s a decent fella but he’s not good at his job. He picked Declan Rice over Hendo in every game for fucks sake. This is some Brazil style, Fred over Fabinho baffling shit. So in the end the best team in the competition won it and even the England fans I heard on the radio afterwards said Italy deserved to win the final as they were the better side for most of it. Mancini has done an incredible job really because man for man that isn’t a great side. It’s a good one, but put it this way, how many of those players would you have at the Reds? I’m taking Veratti, and some of the others would be great additions to the squad but how many get into the starting eleven? Then again, we’re one of the best sides in Europe so it’s a tall order getting in our line up. I think my point is that on paper Italy are not even as strong as England, let alone the likes of France and Belgium. The French should have pissed this tournament but they’re another team being held back by a shithouse coach. Mancini got the balance right. Italy were attacking when they needed to be and defended when they had to. I’m happy for my guy Chiellini who added another highlight to the collection with the horse collar tackle on Saka. I was walking past a row of houses when that happened and all I heard was yelling from different households. I didn’t know what was going on until I read it in the chat and then someone posted a clip of it. Outstanding, that’s what you need from your defenders. I saw his “it’s coming Rome” tweet from the plane where he’s holding the trophy and some of the replies were gold. Loads of moral high ground taking about “you need to cheat to win” and “I’d rather lose fairly than win like that”. It’s usually people who don’t watch footy and jumped on the bandwagon, because any proper footy fan absolutely gets why he did that and they’d want their own defender to do the exact same thing. There was a fair bit of cry arsing about Jorginho not being sent off for a stamp on Grealish. Not for me, Clive. It looked worse than it was. It’s difficult for a player when an opponent slides in needlessly while you are making a play on the ball from a standing position. It isn’t a deliberate stamp but a lesser referee would have sent him off for that so I understand the debate about it. It didn’t make any difference because neither team were going to score in extra time (they rarely do and it’s becoming a bit pointless really) and he missed his pen. Credit to Pickford for that because he did exactly what you need to do against someone who takes penalties like that. You have to not commit and make them beat you by finding the corner. Pickford didn’t go early and got his reward. He might be a repulsive little hyperactive twat but that was great goalkeeping. Player of the Tournament for me is obviously my man Chiellini, but it probably would have been Spinazzola had he not been injured. Jorginho was extremely influential too and is worth a shout, as is Bonucci. Donnarumma got the official award which I’m not on board with at all, but it was difficult as there was no one obvious stand out candidate. My team of the tournament is probably a load of old bollocks because I didn’t watch every game live and a lot of this is based on highlights. Plus I can’t include any England players as I didn’t watch their games. Maybe a couple of them should be in here but on this occasion their absence is not based on bias, just ignorance. Team of the Tournament: Sommer; Spinazzola, Bonucci, Chiellini, Maehle; Jorginho, De Bruyne, Pedri; Ronaldo, Schick, Chiesa. Honourable mentions. Wijnaldum, Dumfries, Hoijberg, Damsgaard, Lukaku, Robbo, Coufal, Veratti, Barella, Forsberg, Donnarumma, Shaq and Pogba. Yes, I said Pogba and no I can’t believe it either. Goal of the tournament Schick against Scotland was great, but I did love the Denmark goal with the glorious cross by Maehle and of course the Luca Modric effort against Scotland was stunning. My favourite goal was the Ronaldo counter attack one though. Love that shit me. Game of the tournament 1 Switzerland 3 France 3 2 Belgium 1 Italy 2 3 Portugal 2 Germany 4 Moment of the Tournament 1 Chiellini's shenanigans with Alba prior to the shoot out. 2 The Scottish right back's treatment of Grealish. “McGinn gave me some tips. You need to nibble his ear but don’t be critical, be complimentary. So the whole time I was telling him how good looking he is. I love his calves, asking how he got his hair like that” 3 Any Italian Anthem Random player I'd like us to buy based on the tournament Definitely Maehle. Honourable shout to Pedri (not realistic, but it would be funny to take him off Barca's skint little grubby hands) and Renato Sanches too. And if Veratti and his haunting blue eyes ever fancy leaving Paris then there's a spot here for him too, despite our dismal prior record with Italians. Pundit of the Tournament 1 Roy Keane 2 Roy Keane 3 Roy Keane Twat of the tournament 1 Pickford. Just because. 2 Benzema. Hate him. 3 The Turkish fan with Covid 19 on the back of his shirt. My Boy of the tournament 1 Chiellini 2 Maehle 3 Pepe Fraud of the tournament 1 Deschamps 2 Russia 3 Southgate 4 Laporte (he's fucking FRENCH!!). 5 Martinez Surprise package of the tournament Pogba. He actually performed like a top footballer at times. Worst Player in the Tournament Lyndon Dykes. (See also 'worst player in the history of the world') Biggest disappointment of the tournament Has to be Mbappe. He played ok on the whole, yet he was expected to take this tournament by storm and make no impact at all. Special mention to Germany as well. Fucking dickheads could have spared me a lot of stress if they hadn't been so shit.

So now it’s all on my Azurri Boys. They’re my one remaining hope, but they made hard work of it against Spain and were second best for a lot of the game. I think Spain are better than I’ve been giving them credit for but they’re nothing special and I wouldn’t have trusted them against England. I don’t particularly trust Italy either but along with France they’re probably the side I’d feel most comfortable about stopping England winning. This performance has shaken my confidence in Italy a bit though. Spinazzola is clearly a big miss for them and they just didn’t really look like themselves in the semi. Maybe its a “styles makes fights” thing though and Spain just wasn’t a good match up for them. That’s what I’m clinging to anyway as I’m not prepared to entertain the thought that they’re running out of steam. Spain dominated the first half and had most of the chances. Italy had a couple of flashes but Spain will have gone in thinking they should have been ahead. Instead, they soon found themselves behind after a lovely finish by Chiesa early in the second half. I thought that would be it. Italy would defend for their lives and see it out while Spain passed the ball around 30 yards from goal not really getting anywhere. I was wrong though. Italy never looked completely secure and Spain equalised with a cracking goal. The enigma that is Morata played a one two and then calmly rolled the ball past Donarruma who seemed to be playing Dodgeball as he dived out of the way of it, Brad Jones at Old Trafford style. Morata is such a weird player. He goes from shite to world class quicker than anyone since Pippo Inzaghi. You watch him and think “they need to sub him, he’s contributing fuck all” and then out of nowhere he does something brilliant. I can see why Luis Enrique picks him but I can also see why it baffles a lot of people. I don’t know if he’s the world’s worst good player or the world’s best shit player. That goal really changed the momentum of the game and Italy now had to see out the final ten minutes against a rampant Spain side who had their tails up. It was a worrying spell for me and I just needed my boys to get to extra time so they could regroup. Thankfully they survived and I thought extra time was pretty even. Neither side really looked like scoring and penalties seemed inevitable. I might be wrong here but it feels like every time Spain play Italy it goes to pens. Spain are notoriously shite at pens and also faced the added weight of history. When a team wins on pens they rarely do it a second time and so it proved again. The final better not fucking go to pens, that’s all I can say. I called all of those pens except Olmo’s. You could tell who was going to miss and who was going to score a mile off. The body language of the takers was such a give away. That’s not always the case and sometimes the most confident player misses and the one who is shitting himself scores. Not this time though, it was easy to predict. The Italian lad who took the first one looked terrified and his pen was soft as shit. Olmo then walks up with a look of steel in his eyes (he’d been the best player on the pitch for me). Complete confidence oozing through him and then he ballooned it over the bar. I didn’t see that coming. None of the other Italians looked like they were going to miss but did anybody actually think Morata was going to score? We all saw that coming, right? He should never have been sent up there to take one. The final pen from Jorginho was just fucking ridiculous. I mean, we know he’s brilliant at pens and the only time I can ever remember him missing was when I jinxed him the week before we played Chelsea and Alisson denied him. I think he missed another the week after too, but generally he’s just fucking money from the spot. This was next level coolness though. It looked like the Spanish keeper actually applauded him as it went in. Imagine having that much swag to be able to pull that off in such a huge moment. So Italy advance and given they’ve been the best side in the tournament it’s fitting they’ve reached the final. I really like the Italian forwards. None of them are superstars but they’re all good and they’ve all made an impact. Italy sides of the past always had that huge star that they pinned their hopes on and they usually failed to deliver. Mancini and Vialli, Baggio, Del Piero, Totti etc. They don’t have any of them now but they’ve got a group of Beppe Signori types. Very good but not superstars. The other thing I like about them is Mancini’s use of subs. Feels like he makes five subs every game and does it at just the right time to keep his side fresh. And they usually make a contribution too. Italy are unbeaten in 30 odd games now so credit where its due, Mancini has done a hell of a job with them. I’ve never liked him but if he extends that run by one more win then all is forgiven. My man Chiellini though. He’s been the undisputed star of this tournament and I’m not even talking about how he’s played. I can’t keep my eyes off him when he’s on screen. He’s always doing something entertaining. The way he buzzes off the anthem, or celebrates one of his team-mates making a tackle, or steams into the crowd to hug the fans after games. Even just the faces he pulls. He’s class, I love him, but he outdid himself during the coin toss before the shoot out. That was the moment of the tournament by far. He just had Jordi Alba on toast there. Alba is trying to be Mr Serious, with his game face on, and Chiellini is throwing him around like a rag doll but he’s laughing his nuts off while he’s doing it so the ref is like “oh this is all fun and games, no problem here”. But Alba does not look like he’s enjoying it one bit. It’s fucking glorious. He even playfully punches him in the face! Chiellini is having an absolute fucking ball. He’s loving every minute of this and I’m loving every minute watching him. One more win big man, just one more win. When you look back on that little exchange with him and Alba though you can see Spain had no chance of winning that shoot out. It was over before it began. The Italians just looked so much more relaxed about the whole thing and it showed in how they took their pens (that first loser notwithstanding). So now we have the best anthem in the world v the worst. And as if God Save the Queen wasn’t bad enough, the cunts have now adopted the biggest wool anthem in the world, Sweet Caroline. Never mind the fact Northern Ireland fans have been singing that for years, they’re England and they’ll take what they like because they’re England and that’s how it’s always been. The sense of entitlement these cunts have is off the scale. Once again I didn’t watch. I took myself out to the golf course to get away from it. I did the same for the Czech and Ukraine games and the courses I played were deserted. This time I went to Bootle and there were loads of people on there. I spoke to a couple of lads and the subject of the match came up and why none of us were watching. “There’s no Reds playing” and “I couldn’t give a fuck about England” they said. One of them referenced the videos doing the rounds of fans singing about hating scousers, so I was in my element then and brought up all the bellends who come to Anfield signing shit about “sign on” and “always the victim”, and it was just nice to be around like minded people. So while I did my best to avoid it, because it went on for so long I was home before it finished. My missus had it on so I retreated into another room so I didn’t have to see any of it. Then I saw in the group chat Sterling had dived to win a pen. Curiosity got the better of me and I nipped into the living room to watch the pen, desperately wanting Schmeichel to save it. And he did. And I cheered. And then I watched in horror as the rebound fell perfectly to that fucking slobbering goon to score. And I shouted words to that effect. And then I booted the sofa and shouted “FUUUUUCK” as I left the room. And then I was in the doghouse because my daughter heard it all. So then I went outside and didn’t come back in until it was long finished. I’m not handling it well and I’m basically living the life of an Evertonian at the moment. Consumed by bitterness, hatred, resentment and relying on others to get the job done and prevent the unthinkable happening. It’s a fucking wretched existence but it’s given some understanding of why the Blues are the way they are. The worst part is when people try to strike up conversation by talking about England, assuming there’s a common bond there. It’s really uncomfortable because I don’t want to piss on their chips but I can’t fake any enthusiasm for it either. Usually I just say “Oh I’m not interested in international footy” because when you say “I hope they get beat” you then have to go into a big explanation about why and it’s just tiresome. My mum was saying this too. She had a delivery from Amazon the other day and the delivery fella was all cheery and excited and said he was knocking off to get home and watch the match. “Oh I won’t be watching that” she said, disdainfully. The guy just thought she was just one of those people who hate footy when in reality it’s that she hates England. She isn’t taking this well at all either. She’s an anti-England as I am, albeit for different reasons. She never supports them, never has done from what I can remember, but it’s usually because she can’t get past the club rivalry aspect of it and she can’t put aside her hatred for certain players. I’m the same. I’m not going to be cheering for Luke Shaw, Harry Maguire, Kyle Walker, Harry Kane, Raheem Sterling and Jordan fucking Pickford. Can’t do it, even though there is actually a lot to like about some of the lads in the squad too. For me the players are way down the list of reasons I don’t want them to win, but with my mum it’s much more straightforward. It’s basically Harry Kane. Nobody hates him more than my mum and he’s 90% of the reason she’s not been watching the games and desperately wants them to lose. The other 10% is Sweet Caroline. She loves Neil Diamond as much as she hates Harry Kane so this is a double whammy for her. My dad on the other hand is just completely indifferent to it all. He’s not interested. Doesn’t give a fuck. He isn’t wanting them to win but it’s not going to cause him to lose any sleep if they do. I wish I could be like that but I can’t control it. I’m consumed with resentment. Unlike me, they’ve watched the knockout games but they switched off the Ukraine game as soon as Kane scored and I imagine they did the same in the semi. I haven’t spoken to them about it yet so I don’t know. It’s still too raw for me, it’s making me miserable. I’m trying to not think about it and writing this isn’t helping, so I’m signing off now. This might be the last one because I sure as shit won’t be doing one if the unthinkable happens. I’ll either be back celebrating an Italy win or I’ll see you in August. *sings* Fratelli, d'Italia L'Italia se desta Dell elmo di Scipio Se cinta la testa.....