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The French were given a real scare by Hungary in front of a fired up full house of shirtless skinheads in Budapest. Cracking atmosphere inside the ground (the less said about the protests outside of it the better) and the place went nuts when they took the lead completely against the run of play. The lad who scored didn’t know what to do so he just ran and ran and then jumped over the hoardings and scared the shit out of some poor girl who reporting at pitch side. Funny though and it’ll be one of the iconic moments of the tournament when its replayed in future years. Some funny looking specimens in that Hungary side though, including this lad who is a cross between Stevie Nicol and Sloth from the Goonies. France equalised through Griezemann but it makes the group really interesting now and their game with Portugal should be a cracker now. Get your money on England drawing with the Czechs because they won’t want to play whoever is second in this group. The Czechs might be better off throwing the game and hoping for the best. This result wasn’t great but there wasn’t too much wrong with the French performance overall and I don’t think anyone’s confidence in them has been shaken by it. They’re still the team to beat although Germany threw down a marker by spanking Portugal. Ronaldo had actually put Portugal ahead but then they scored two own goals (one from that Emperor's New Clothes cunt Ruben Dias) to undo his good work. You can imagine what arl CR7 will have been thinking as the goals were flying in at the other end after he'd done his bit. Actually that might be unfair. I know what the young Ronaldo would have been thinking, but he seems like more of a leader these days. I don’t like Ronaldo. Never have done, never will do. But I tell you what, I respect the fucking shit out of him as a player. He’s phenomenal and that desire he has to be the best is Michael Jordan like. He’s 35 now but he’s still the best player in this tournament and he doesn’t look any different now to how he was five years ago. He’s not slowed down one bit. That opening goal might be my favourite of the tournament so far because it reminded me of the Reds, and not just because it was Jota who had the assist. Proper Red Arrows stuff that was. Ronaldo headed away a corner in his own box and then took off at full sprint, he ran the length of the pitch at blistering speed and then got on the end of Jota’s lay off. Phenomenal athleticism but it’s the desire that really stands out. After all he’s won in the game, everything he’s achieved, and he’s still got that kind of hunger. After that though Germany were pretty dominant. They forced two own goals and then a lovely move was finished off by the influential Havertz to make it 3-1. The even more influential Gosens headed in to make it four. In their first game against France, Germany had played quite well but their crossing was horrific. In this game the crossing was sensational and that was the difference. The goals all came from crosses and it’s typical Germany that they fixed a problem in time for the next match. Jota pulled one back from virtually on the goal-line after Ronaldo had volleyed it back across goal, and maybe they could have forced a draw if a thunderbolt by Sanchez had gone in and not come back off the post. It wasn’t their day and they’re now sweating about qualification as they’ll need something against France. I don’t think this loss says too much about Portugal as it’s not as though they were shite, but this is the problem in a group of death. If they get through they’d still be a team you’d defo want to avoid. Nice to see ‘Big Sexy’ get a run out for half an hour when he replaced Hummels. I’ve got a lot of time for Emre Can but I feel like I’m in a minority. He’s a weird one because he just invokes apathy more than anything else. It’s almost like he never even played for us. He was a good player but he didn’t leave much of a legacy did he? Picked the worst time to leave as well, just before the trophies started rolling in. No Thiago again for Spain, which is becoming very fucking annoying. There’s no way that team is good enough to be able to leave him out. They couldn’t beat Sweden and they couldn’t beat Poland and they didn’t deserve to. Its not like they've been unlucky. The draw was fair, even if Spain did miss a penalty. That penalty was the subject of much debate in the group chat, as I said it wasn’t a pen and everyone else in there was completely wrong. The argument that “it’s a free-kick if it’s outside the box” doesn’t wash with me because decisions in the box are always judged differently and so they should be, because the ‘penalty’ is much more severe. You give that on the halfway line and I’m ok with it. In the box though? Nah. Moreno got the ball away and the Poland lad stood on his foot after the ball had been played. He tried to stop himself but his momentum caused him to stand on Moreno’s foot with very little force. If he’d been dribbling then yeah I’d give that, but what the Poland player did had absolutely no bearing on the outcome of that move as the ball had already been played away. So it’s never a pen for me and everyone else in the chat can get to fuck, especially Brownie the know-it-all prick. Luis Enrique had said before the game his team was going to be Morata plus ten others, which showed commendable loyalty to his frontman. Morata repaid it by opening the scoring but they can continue their little father-son thing back home as this team is going nowhere. Poland levelled with a towering Lewandowski header and although Spain huffed and puffed and had loads of the ball, they rarely looked like finding a winner. Szczesny made one brilliant save when he flung himself bravely at the feet of Moreno to make a block, but aside from that he didn’t have to do much. I really hope Spain fail to win their last game and go home, the Thiago omitting wankers. Wales are through despite losing 1-0 to Italy reserves, who ended on nine points and have now won eleven straight games without conceding a goal. They haven’t lost any game in about 30 I think I heard them say on commentary. It’s mad the way they just got sneaky good all of a sudden. They weren’t even in the last World Cup. Strong anthem game from them again but without Chiellini it did lack a little gusto. Everyone goes on about how great the Welsh anthem is. Sorry, I don’t really see it. I like the passion they show and I’m sure the words are meaningful and that, but it’s all about the tune for me and this doesn’t grab me like the Italian and French anthems. It’s not even as good as the Scottish one. Mind you, and this is probably not go to be very well received but I’ll say it anyway. ‘Flower of Scotland’ is a bit ‘Grand Old Teamy’ in sentiment. All that about beating King Edward’s army at Bannockburn hundreds of years ago reeks of “we don’t care what the Redshite say”. That being said I’m still very much on board with it because of the “fuck the English” sentiment. Staying with the Scots, right back Stephen O’Donnell has spoken about his strategy for dealing with Grealish, and it’s fucking hilarious. “McGinn gave me some tips. You need to nibble his ear but don’t be critical, be complimentary. So the whole time I was telling him how good looking he is. I love his calves, asking how he got his hair like that” You could see Grealish was rattled and I thought it was because O’Donnell was all over him like a rash and kept booting him whenever he could. Turns out it was the verbals as well. Brilliant. I’ve actually been in Robert the Bruce’s cave you know. Went there for a visit when I was on holiday as a kid. And there’s a famous whiskey up there called Usher’s, so I reckon all things considered that makes me an honorary Scot. My Welsh connections are a little more tenuous but I’ve been to Llandudno loads of times, had a brief dalliance with a Welsh bird about twenty years ago and I’ve got a mate from Cardiff. So up the Dragons! They stayed second in the group despite the best efforts of Big Shaq who inspired the Swiss to a 3-1 win over Turkey. He even scored with his right foot from outside the box. I had a quick look out of the window when that went in, half expecting to see four fellas on horseback riding past. Absolutely belting game that based on the highlights. Four lovely goals and the keepers made half a dozen great saves between them. Turkey are shite though. Can’t believe people had them as their ‘dark horses’. They're dead horses now. Tell you what was fucking weird. When Turkey scored they showed the crowd and there was a guy in a Besiktas shirt with “Covid 19” on the back. I mean what the fuck?? I can't understand the thought process. It's something that has fucked everyone over, so why would you be celebrating it like that? It's not as though Turkey were unaffected and he was doing it to taunt the opposition. It's so fucking stupid the only thing I'm surprised by is that England fans didn't do it first. Unless of course his name is Covid and his squad number is 19. How unlucky would that be!

Wales eh? How good was that! Great performance, great result, well deserved. They’re virtually in the knockouts now and might just have a very winnable game against Russia or Finland if things shake out well for them. That was a cracking game with Turkey, who at least showed some signs of life after the limp corpse showing they turned in against the Italians on opening night. It was just a really entertaining game, with loads of good footy and plenty of chances, most of which fell to Wales. Ramsay looked like he was going to have one of those games he’d stress over for the rest of his life as he kept getting chances and missing them. Most of them were created by Bale, and when the two combined just before half time Ramsay finally put one away with a deft finish. They were always in control but couldn’t get the second goal and it could have become nervy late on. It’s easy for me to say as I didn’t have any real emotional investment in it (I wanted Wales to win but I wouldn’t have lost any sleep if they hadn’t), but at no point did I ever feel like there was any chance they were going to concede and not win the game. In the last ten minutes they were ripping Turkey to pieces on the break with the pace of James but the ball just wouldn’t go in. Then they got a corner in stoppage time and with the Turks expected Bale to keep it in the corner, he danced along the touchline before getting a shot in that was saved for another corner. Amazingly, they let him do the exact same fucking thing again and he picked out Roberts to put the cherry on top of the cake. Great stuff, I even shouted “get in there”. I’m happy for them and even if they lose to Italy (which I don’t think it a certainty) they should be through now. Bale and Ramsay are just different class and that’s probably the main difference between Wales and Scotland. The Scots two best players are both left backs, whereas Wales have genuine top class talent capable of making things happen at the top end of the pitch. Wales aren’t the plucky little underdog punching above their weight, they just look like a proper team. They made the semis last time so this isn’t a fluke. Bale doesn’t have that searing pace that once made him one of the most fearsome forwards in the world, but he’s developed his all around game now and he’s just a fantastic footballer on his day. You’re not going to get a full season out of him on top form but when he’s fit and firing he’s brilliant. I looked at how he played in this game and you know what my conclusion was? Bale is the player people keep trying to claim Pogba is. Strength, power, technique, vision, world class passing, composure, decision making. That put them on four points and in second spot, with Italy moving to six points after another really impressive win. Turns out that Italy are really fucking good and it wasn’t just that Turkey were bad last week. They made the Swiss look equally inept. They look like a proper team. Like a club side in fact. High intensity pressing, quick one touch passing, superbly organised. They’ve won both games 3-0 and they’ve now won ten games in a row without conceding a single goal. Incredible that, especially as they aren’t the boring defensive side of yesteryear, they’re actually really positive. Locatelli was the star of this show with two goals, but they’re just a proper team who don’t rely on any one player. Chiellini went off injured in this one after having a goal stolen from him by VAR. I hate that attacking handball rule, it’s such bullshit. And taking a goal from the most Roman looking man in history in the Olympic Stadium in Rome is just not cricket is it? Wishing the big fella a speedy recovery as I love watching him defend and he’s taken over from Buffon as the king of the anthem singing. What a man. The other game on Wednesday saw Russia edge out Finland 1-0. Population of Russia - 145m. Population of Finland 5m. 140m more people to choose from and they win by one goal. Fucking losers. The winning goal by Miranchuk was fucking brilliant though. That’s the only thing I’ve seen from this game and Ukraine v North Macedonia was another fixture I wasn’t wasting any time watching. I won’t waste much time writing about it either. It finished 2-1 to Ukraine with goals from Yarmolenko and Yaremchuk. Weren’t they the same two that scored against Holland? Pretty sure they were. Alioski pulled one back but Ukraine now look a decent bet to finish second in their group. Holland are almost certainly winning that group though after beating Austria to move onto six points. They never got out of second gear but they still won at a canter. Gini was a level above everyone else. What a fucking player. Arnautovic was missing through suspension after his excessive celebration in the first game when he yelled all kinds of abuse at Alioski. Don’t know what he said but it was deemed racist so he might be lucky he only got the one game. The cameras spent as much time on him as they did on the game though. Whats up with that? He’s not Ronaldo, he’s what you get from wish.com when you order Zlatan. Memphis Depay wasn’t at his best in this game but I do quite like him. Good player. He scored from the spot to set them on their way and Dumfries scored for the second game in a row to wrap it up. That goal was created by substitute Donyel Malen who did more in 30 seconds than that big yard dog Weghorst did in the whole time he was on the field. No way is he the best striker Holland have at their disposal. He’s shite. He’s what you get from wish.com when you order Lyndon Dykes. It reflects badly on the mancs they couldn’t get a tune out of Depay but then they’ve done the same to Martial, who should be well better than he is. Those two could have been phenomenal in the right environment. Mind you, they had Lukaku as well and for some reason fucked him off too. Then there's Van Der Beek who was great for Ajax. They’re proper clueless these days, thankfully. Tell you who I’ve never seen do anything but he’s meant to be dead good. Frenkie De Jong. Not saying he’s shit or anything, just that I don’t see what the fuss is about. I’ve never seen him stand out in any game I’ve seen him play. Of course even peak Platini would be overshadowed by Gini in this form, so maybe I'm being harsh on young Frenkie.. And all this stuff about the Dutch being suspect at the back. I know Virg isn’t there but they’ve got De Ligt from Juve and de Vrij who just won the title with Inter. Ake is on the bench so it’s not like they’ve got League One lads back there. Add them to the list of teams I’d fancy to beat England. Denmark’s misery continued as they lost to Belgium despite playing pretty fucking well. They have no points after two games but they’re miles better than loads of the sides on three points. Unlucky bastards. One of the lads in the group chat asked “what have Denmark done to deserve this kind of luck?” and the immediate reply was “well there was some raping and pillaging but that was a while back”. You’ll never believe this, but it was Stu Monty. Might be the funniest thing he’s ever said. Not sure it was worth the 20 year wait mind. I don’t know what to make of Belgium. They’ve won both games but they’re a bit flawed and I know Bobby Brown Shoes isn’t that good, but they’ve got as much attacking talent as anyone. Lukaku, De Bruyne and Hazard (when fit and on form) get in pretty much any team in the tournament which makes them dangerous and a strong contender. Mad that Chelsea had all three and lost them all, and Hazard was the only one they got anything out of. And now to Friday, and the most eagerly anticipated event of the tournament. The moment everyone had been waiting for.... Dejan Lovren finally graced the tournament with his presence. The big fella missed the England game but he was back for the game with the Czechs and it didn’t go well for him as Croatia were held to a draw after he conceded a penalty. What a bullshit penalty decision that was though. He wins the header cleanly and so what if his elbow inadvertently catches the striker. You can’t jump with your arms by your sides and it’s not like big Dejan moved towards the Czech lad. He jumped straight up in the air from a standing position and Schtick jumped into him. Fucking terrible that. The refereeing has been great so far but that was a bad one. That spot kick by Schtick cancelled out a nice opener from my boy Perisic. Poor goalkeeping that though, and Petr Cech’s take on it afterwards was great. Usually you get some slapdick like Jenas or Shearer saying “he’ll be disappointed with that” but this time we had Cech talking about him going with his fists and not with flat palms, and why that was not the right technique. He then explained why he would always use his palms and not his fists and I found myself nodding and going “yeah that makes sense that, big man. Thanks for the insight”. I’ve hardly watched any punditry so far so that’s why I’ve not mentioned them much but that was good from Cech as it was informative and it was the kind of thing they should be bringing us. Michael Owen does that all the time from a striker’s perspective and I like that, it makes me feel like I know something I didn't know before, which is surely the reason they are there and being paid so handsomely? There’s not enough of it because they have divs like Shearer or Vieira giving us the insight of a fucking lampost. Klinsmann can fuck off though. No idea why they hired him. I know he’s a legend of the game and he’s had an interesting career which makes him qualified to talk about all manner of things, but I can’t get past his annoying fucking voice. He sounds like a European tennis player who was forced to go to that Nick Bollettieri Tennis Academy when he was six and ended up with that bastardised American accent with a little foreign twang. I still maintain that Hicks & Gillett trying to hire him was a worse crime than the leveraged buyout and almost putting us out of business. I'm taking ITV's pundits over BBC's all day, but Lineker trying to plug Still Open All Hours and Would I Lie to You because the game was on ITV was pretty funny though. Sweden v Slovakia was another snoozefest and the only goal came from the penalty spot, with Forsberg converting the pen to give Sweden three points they didn't really deserve. The only thing worth watching about Sweden is Isak, who was man of the match and has this week been tentatively linked with the Reds. He's one more decent performance away from securing 'my boy' status but he's not quite there yet. So to the big one. 0-0 but I thought it was a really intriguing watch and I enjoyed the game. Scotland were the better side and can hold their heads up. England were fucking shite but it doesn’t really matter because they’ll qualify regardless after getting a win in their opener. First decent side they face they’re out. They were booed off which when you actually stop and think about it is fucking mad. Who do these cunts think they are? The fans I mean. What exactly is it that makes them think they have some divine right to be winning games like this? England haven't won shit since the 60s. They haven't beaten anyone good in a game that matters since.... I don't even know. It's a long time. Yet every tournament we have to listen to the hype machine rolling about how "England can win it" and "It's coming home". Booing them off after a draw that keeps them top of the group and unbeaten is just weird. But then some of them were booing even before the game. I'm glad England are shite because this country doesn't deserve success. Southgate will get a load of stick for his team selection and weird subs. Again, this is just a result of the entitled mentality. He got an MBE for beating a few pub teams to reach the World Cup semi finals and people convinced themselves he was Rinus Michels. He's as average as a coach as he was as a player. But he seems like a decent guy and doesn't deserve the shit he's going to get when England lose in the first knockout game. As well as I thought Scotland played I have to re-emphasise that Lyndon Dykes is genuinely awful. I can’t believe they left him on and took Che Adams off (he was really fucking good). Almost as mad as Southgate subbing Foden when he was the only one doing anything. Not sure what’s going with Kane but he doesn’t look right at all and the fact he’s been subbed in both games points to a fitness issue. Still, never mind, eh. The best thing about this was Souness afterwards just going on a rampage. A particular highlight was “Football isn’t coming home. Not with this lot”, but I also enjoyed him taking issue with the patronising “Scotland worked harder” and “Scotland wanted it more” shite. That's insulting to both teams as there was nothing wrong with the effort and attitude of the England players. Scotland just played better football and created the clearer chances because they are a proper team and not a collection of overhyped individuals. I keep hearing about the 'frightening' talent in this England squad but I don't see it. Foden, Mount, Sterling, Grealish etc are all very good players but look around all the other 'major' nations and they have players just as good or better. Then look at that England midfield. Rice, Phillips and Mount is just a bang average trio. Phillips (who I like) has one good game and suddenly he's a superstar, while I genuinely don't know what Declan Dier does. Hendo must have had some kind of relapse to not be getting in ahead of those two. Scotland were the better side and if they had a number nine who doesn’t play like a hod carrier then maybe they’d have won, because there doesn’t look to be too much wrong with the rest of their side. How great does Souey look though? He’s in remarkable shape, the beard looks distinguished as fuck and he’s always the best dressed in any room he’s in. I was gonna say I hope I look that good when I’m 68 but fucking hell, I wish I looked that good now. Or when I was 30 for that matter. Other observations. Grant Hanley looks like one of Mel Gibson's trusty enforcers from Braveheart. John McGinn looks like a Philly Burkhill drawing of Robbo. Phil Foden looks like an albino marmoset and Harry Kane still looks like a young Bruce Forsyth.