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Well that’s how you bounce back from a disappointing performance. Bloody hell, that was something wasn’t it? Complete dominance from first minute to last. We were so good that OPTA reported that Palace didn’t touch the ball in our box (turns out they managed one touch about a foot inside the box) and I can’t even remember seeing Alisson touch the ball with his hands all night. Absolutely incredible. This is what you’d expect from a team urged on by a full house, not one in an empty stadium. You don’t see intensity and desire like that in behind closed doors games. Certainly not when a team is 4-0 up. I thought Klopp summed up the performance perfectly when he referenced “in the 86th minute four of our boys were chasing one poor Crystal Palace player like he had the last ball on earth”. That’s it. That’s exactly it. It was relentless pressure on Palace from the start of the game to the end of it. They weren’t helped by losing Zaha through injury early on as he was their main route of escaping their own half, but honestly I don’t think it would have made any difference if he’d stayed on, and in fairness Hodgson said pretty much the same thing after. We were very good with the ball but we were fucking unbelievable without it. I reckon if you talk to those Palace players privately they’ll say it’s the hardest game they’ve ever played in. They didn’t get a second on the ball and Jordan Ayew never had a Palace player within thirty yards of him all night. He was so isolated up there, partly because he himself couldn’t hold onto the ball to allow anyone to get close to him. Van Dijk and Gomez just smothered him every time the ball went near him. This was everything that Sunday wasn’t. When you see this you wonder how it could have been so lacklustre at Everton, but maybe it’s just as Salah said afterwards, that sometimes you just have games where you don’t play well. Or maybe it was that he was back. And Robbo too. Both played a big part in this, but especially Mo. We just looked a completely different animal in this game and he was a big reason for that. Without harping on too much about Sunday, the main problem was we were just too stagnant and didn’t carry a threat in behind. This couldn’t have been more different. With Robbo bursting forward out wide we then had Sadio able to move around and get involved more, while Mo was always looking to play quick give and goes around the box and making runs in behind. Palace defended just as deeply as Everton and with even more numbers behind the ball. They couldn’t deal with us though. Mind you, the derby could have been hugely different if Trent had done what he did in this game from the first free-kick he had. There’s one big difference right there. Goals change games. You can credit me with the assist for our opening goal as I reverse jinxed the shit out of that with what I wrote in the Everton report. In case you missed it…. "I think that might have been the last time we even remotely threatened until Fabinho saw a decent free-kick tipped over by Pickford. We don’t usually see him on set-pieces but that was a decent effort. Maybe he’ll get another chance, as I do feel we all vastly over-rate how good Trent is at free-kicks. He’s alright like, but he’s not the lethal dead ball specialist he’s portrayed as (here’s hoping I’ve reverse jinxed him there and he pings one into the top corner against Palace or City)." Absolutely nailed that one. On a similar note, what the hell was going on with Gini’s finishing in this game? He had two great chances when the game was still close and he scuffed both of them. Gini’s ball striking isn’t as great as we think it is (here’s hoping I’ve reverse jinxed him there and he pings one into the top corner against City). Anyway…. Trent whipped the free kick around the wall and into the corner, leaving Hennessey helpless. It looks like he had no chance of saving it but maybe that’s because he was too far over the other side? I don’t know, I’m not a keeper, but I don’t see Alisson being beaten by free-kicks very often and it’s probably because of his positioning. Regardless, it’s a lovely hit by Trent and just what we needed at the time. We’d started well and created some chances, but having drawn a blank last time out and not played for three months before that, getting our first goal was hugely important. I have no idea how Klopp or the players felt, but it was a big relief to me anyway. The whole performance was. I feel like football is finally back now. Until this I hadn’t really been feeling it. It’s interesting that both Mo and Klopp said afterwards that they want to play the best ‘behind closed doors football’ anyone has seen. Clearly that’s been something Klopp has been drumming into them as a motivational tool since Sunday’s drab derby. We know we’re the best when there are fans in the stadium so he’s telling them that this is a new challenge and he wants them to be the best at this too. The motivation from the lads stood out all night. This looked exactly like a normal game. I can’t say that about any of the other games I’ve watched so far, but this was exactly like one of our normal high octane home performances. Palace will be relieved to have only conceded four as it could easily have been double that, especially given we were denied two clear penalties in the first half. First Van Dijk was manhandled by Cahill as he attacked a corner. Martin Atkinson has to see that, but if he doesn’t then VAR needs to be telling him. There was another good shout when Bobby tried to lob the ball over Cahill and the ball struck the defender’s arm. Those incidents are quite subjective and usually I come down on the side of ‘ball to hand’ but that one was 75% a penalty I’d say. Cahill’s arm is not in a natural position, it’s high and to the side and he stops the ball with his elbow. Should have been a pen. I have to say though (through gritted teeth) that overall Atkinson was good. There were loads of occasions where we won the ball and a Palace player was virtually begging for a free-kick, but Atkinson seemed to get all of those right. He could easily have given fouls in those situations even though they weren’t. The way he refereed the game helped us to play the aggressive, almost maniacal pressing game that just overwhelmed Palace. That was probably the most pleasing aspect of the performance. Klopp described it as “the best counter pressing performance in a behind closed doors game ever” and that’s just a massive tribute to the players. That kind of desire and discipline to do that without a crowd comes from within. Mentality monsters. The goals weren’t bad either were they? Trent’s free-kick was a lovely strike, Salah’s was an expertly taken finish from a stunningly weighted pass from Fabinho, Fabinho then replicated his Man City goal with a thunderous strike and Sadio wrapped it up with a glorious “front three” goal as Firmino and Salah combined to set him free. Klopp was asked which goal was his favourite but he wouldn’t be drawn on it. I’m happy to choose. Number one was the Mané goal because that’s the type of goal I love seeing. I prefer the counter attack from opposition corner type goals, but Sadio or Mo charging into open space and scoring is the type of goal I most associate with this golden era we’re enjoying. Salah’s pass with his right foot to put Mané clear was fantastic and the outcome was never in doubt after that. Sadio always finds that far bottom corner when he cuts in. So yeah, that was number one. Number two was Salah’s goal. Why? Because that was everything that we didn’t have on Sunday. That little diagonal run in behind the full back is something Mo does brilliantly. Sadio does too actually. The run was great, but Fabinho has to drop that ball on a sixpence as the window to complete that pass is tiny. A bit less and Van Aanholt heads it away. A bit more and the keeper comes and gets it. It was perfect. Number three is Fabinho’s thunderbastard because it came out of nowhere. Even when he shaped to shoot I still thought he was going to feint and then lay it off. Next thing it’s bursting the net. And last but not least (actually technically I am saying it is least I suppose) is Trent’s free-kick. Imagine that being the ‘worst’ goal of the four you scored. The quality in this performance can’t be over-stated. It was nice to see Williams and Elliott given an opportunity and they both did well. Neco is genuinely brilliant. He might be the best kept secret in the Premier League as I don’t think many people (even our own fans) realise yet just how good he is. Aside from maybe one game when he struggled a little (Shrewsbury away I think it was) he’s looked terrific any time he’s been given a chance. He’s a strong defender, a fierce competitor and a tidy footballer, but the thing that really sets him apart for me is the uncanny knack he has for being involved in virtually everything. The ball is drawn to him like a magnet. Despite being a right back he’s somehow a huge goal threat and seems to have chances to score every time he plays. In the replay against Shrewsbury I remember him having five or six decent attempts on goal and in the short space of time he was on against Palace he was a serious goal threat. He could have scored two with a little more luck. He also played a lovely slide rule defence splitting ball to set Mo in too. I’m telling you, this lad is special. Getting him games is the problem because he’s got the best young right back in the world ahead of him. There’s a common belief that Trent will eventually move into midfield, especially if Neco continues to progress at this rapid rate, but I see things going a little differently. Having two quality right backs is certainly not a problem. Besides, there’s no reason why Neco can’t play left back too, meaning he’d be able to cover both full back spots and therefore see plenty of action, which would also allow us to rest Trent and Robbo far more than we are currently able to. He’s more accomplished as a right back, obviously, but his left foot isn’t bad. He’ll never be Robbo as he’s right footed, but who knows, maybe he can eventually be another Stevie Nicol? I expect him to get at least a couple more starts before the end of the season, especially when we play four games in nine days. It’s an exciting prospect, seeing how Williams, Elliott and Jones do over the coming weeks. Harvey looked like he’s added a few pounds of muscle too, which you’d expect as he’s still growing and doing weights every day at Melwood. If he gets stronger and a little quicker then we could be talking about the best teenager we’ve had since Owen. We’ll see though. This team is so exceptional that it’s really hard for anyone to break into it. We know what the first eleven is and that’s the line up that played in this game. There are a few positions that are interchangeable (Ox or Keita can come into midfield without weakening it too much, while Matip for Gomez isn’t a big drop off) but by and large we know the best eleven and that best eleven is currently the best club side in the world. Imagine how good you need to be as a teenager to be able to come in and hold your own. Yet those three all look like they might be able to do that soon. The beauty of the next few weeks is that Klopp should be able to experiment a little because the title will be soon wrapped up. Mind you, I want that points record too. Some might dismiss the importance of it but to me it’s fucking huge. Yes, it’s being greedy but I want this team to break every record they can, because they deserve to be regarded as the best team to have ever played in this country. If you look at the body of work over the last two to three years, I don’t think there’s much doubt. Who is better? Nobody, that’s who. But if they can beat (and preferably shatter) City’s points record then there’s not really any argument to be had. They’ll be out on their own as the best ever. If we can keep playing like this for the rest of the season then there’s no reason to think we won’t do it. There is always a danger that once the title is won we might see an easing off and the deckchairs might come out, but I just can’t see that. It’s not who this team is and it’s certainly not who Klopp is. He’ll want them to win every game and they’ll want to win every game. The Everton game was shite and serves as a warning of what can happen, but there were extenuating circumstances for that and maybe the lads just needed a game to blow off the cobwebs. I worried it might take a few weeks for them to get back to full speed. Turns out it only took a few days. The football was sensational at times but as I say it was the desire and work rate from the players that stood out. This was what I expected when footy came back. It’s why I was so disappointed at the weekend. I thought we’d be fitter and hungrier than everyone else and that teams just wouldn’t be able to cope with it. Against Palace that’s exactly how it looked. And in the opening round of fixtures at the weekend Palace had looked like one of the better sides. They played really well at Bournemouth and this had the potential to be really tricky given our frequent Anfield struggles against them. I was worried (about this game, not about the title. Anyone worrying about that needs to give their head a wobble as this was settled months ago) and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one. So seeing the boys play like this has made me feel much better. I’m looking forward to all of the other games we have left now as it was just fucking ace being able to watch the lads do their thing again. I keep saying it, but I haven’t missed football at all during this break - I’ve just missed the Reds. And now they’re back. Star man is tough as everyone was outstanding. Salah and Fabinho probably stood out the most though and I’ll go with Fab I think. A wonderful goal, a top quality assist and just a completely dominant display all around from him. By the time we play again we might already be Champions but if not we have the chance to win it against City. In an ideal world I’d want City to win at Chelsea and then for us to stuff them to secure the title next week. If you could guarantee me a win at the Etihad I’d happily cheer City on tonight at Stamford Bridge, but you can’t guarantee me that so I just want it settled as quickly as possible. Therefore, I’m hoping for Chelsea to do us a favour tonight meaning that next week City will have to give our players a guard of honour. Thinking about it, that might even be a more satisfying scenario than winning it on the field against them. Why? Because last year when City won the title their players were on the plane home signing songs about us and poor Sean Cox. How fitting would it be for them to have to stand there applauding us onto THEIR pitch knowing we’ve taken their crown? So yeah, come on Chelsea, do the business tonight so we can see Sterling having to applaud Gomez onto the field as part of the Champions. Team: Alisson; Alexander-Arnold (Williams), Gomez, Van Dijk, Robertson (Keita); Fabinho, Henderson (Oxlade-Chamberlain), Wijnaldum; Salah, Firmino (Minamino), Mané (Elliott):

Ok, the games are coming thick and fast and it’s difficult to keep up. The best way to do this I think it to do the Round Up after each round of fixtures, but because there’s no break in between this means that the next round of games will have started before I can get this out there. For example, I’m writing this while Leicester and Brighton are playing, and there’s another game after that. Those will be in the next round up, not this one, so bear with me as I’ll try to keep up as best I can. Right, to kick this one off we go back to last Friday’s game at the new White Hart Lane or whatever the fuck they decided to call it… *checks google* Hahahaha Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Fucking hell. Bet they paid a fortune to some marketing dick in a suit to come up with that one too. Christ. If that’s the best they could come up I’d love to hear the suggestions that were rejected. Anyway, Spurs took the lead against Ole’s resurgent Yernited (mad the way they’ve been talked up lately. They seemed to get better with every week they didn’t play) when Bergwijn sliced thorough the middle of the United defence and beat De Gea with a shot that was straight at him. How many times have we seen that over the last year or two? Maguire’s ‘defending’ was a sight to behold too, as Bergwijn went round him like he was a cone on the training field, but De Gea’s blunder meant that most people overlooked that. Not Roy Keane. He wanted to murder both of them with his bare hands. Ok that’s not true. He only wanted to murder De Gea. He’d have been happy enough just slapping Maguire about a bit. I don’t care what people think of Roy Keane, I’m going to come out and say that his assassination of Maguire and De Gea is the best thing I’ve seen since footy came back. It’s an admittedly low bar. The goal wasn’t really deserved and I thought Spurs were fucking woeful. After going ahead they sat back and tried to ‘Mourinho’ a result out of it. Why are they playing like that when they’ve got talented attacking players and one of the best centre forwards in Europe? That’s a rhetorical question. I know why. We all know why. It’s who he is. He can’t help himself. Enjoy the next couple of years, Spurs fans, because this is what you can expect on a weekly basis. The football is going to be brutal but Daniel Levy won’t be sacking Jose any time soon as he’ll need to pay him off, and that’s simply not an option with Levy controlling the purse strings. With Spurs just camped in their own half United were able to apply some pressure but it wasn’t until Pogba arrived that they looked threatening. He was good to be fair. I don’t say that often because I’m not a liar, but credit where it’s due he looked decent in this game. He played one terrific through ball that caused a collective orgasm among his army of twitter virgins. They’ll be showing the gif of that for the next decade in response to anything and everything, because that’s what the Fifa generation do. It’s not just United fans, but they might just be the worst for it. Arsenal are bad too, you only have to see how many times that gif of Pepe sort of slightly not really dribbling past Virgil has been posted. But United fans seem to be the specialists in celebrating minor moments and making out that they’re much more significant than they actually are. When Henderson lifts the Premier League trophy you’ll see underneath a clip of Pogba playing that pass along with the comment “yeah but can he do this?”. Kevin De Bruyne will surge past three players, ping a sixty yard ball to Sterling and then race into the box to convert the cross and you’ll see the Pogba pass with the comment “My midfielder > your midfielder” I’m not even kidding. United fans have gone fucking loopy these last few years since they became shite. They’ve been spoiled and now don’t have a clue how to handle not being successful, so they’re claiming all sorts of little ‘victories’ and embarrassing themselves on social media. These absolute dangers will big up Wan Bissaka as the best right back in the world just because he slide tackled some fucking slapdick winger from Carlisle or Rotherham in a League Cup tie. They usually have names like @Tactical_McTominay, @Martialista, @Rashfordology, @Pogba-Fernandez-Goal! or some other cringey shit like that. Cunts. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve got the same type of wanker posting the same kind of shit about our players (usually Keita doing a stepover). The difference is we’re miles clear at the top of the table and we’re the reigning World and European Champs so we can do that without looking like our hard drives should be checked. Actually that’s not true, the Keita obsessives definitely need their hard drives checking too, but I digress. So yeah, Pogba made the difference after he came on and United drew level when he skipped past the lumbering Dier and then conned his way to a penalty, which was converted by Fernandez, who is surely the most over-rated player since…well since Pogba actually. In fairness Fernandez is actually very good, he’s just been massively overhyped due to United’s midfield having been so fucking bad until he arrived. Tell you what though, Jon Moss hasn’t lost anything during the lockdown. Either in poundage or incompetence. He was fat and shit before the break and he’s still fat and shit now. He actually gave two pens to United. One was allowed to stand and the other was overturned by VAR. The truth is neither of them were pens. Pogba dived for the first and Fernandez dived for the second. Thank fuck for VAR or Fernandez would have gotten away with that. I genuinely don’t get how come more wasn’t made of the Pogba one though. Everyone other than me and Jose seems to have just said “yeah clear penalty, you can’t do that in the box”. Do what? That’s not a foul in a million years. I know Eric Dier is shit but what’s he supposed to do there? Pogba went past him and then reached back to hold him off. Dier sort of reaches out to move Pogba’s arm out of the way and then Pogba just fell down. Dier doesn’t push or pull him, he doesn’t really do anything at all. Still, if he had moved his feet in the first place instead of standing there leaden footed like some kind of Harry Maguire tribute act then the penalty incident doesn’t happen. He’s terrible. Always has been. That’s why I always used to refer to him as Eric Dire until he nailed Sergio Ramos and I felt that he deserved a little bit of respect for that so I started to spell his name correctly. So God bless him for that horrendous challenge on Ramos but the lad is a terrible football player. Remember when there was a national debate about whether he was better than Henderson? Kinell. Like arguing that (insert any band you like) are better than Bon Jovi. Absolute insanity. Spurs are now an awful shadow of the side they were under Pochettino. It’s night and day in terms of how they play, but is anyone other than Daniel Levy surprised by that? Why would you appoint that fucker? Busted flush. Still, it could be worse. They could be Arsenal. Fucking hell. I don’t even get a kick out of them being shit anymore. I’m sure I’ve said this before but it’s been such a long time since I was doing these that it’s worth repeating. I’m actually offended by Arsenal. They’re so spineless, shit and shameless about it that I don’t even enjoy them losing, I actually get fucking irrationally annoyed by it. They’re a disgrace. They’re the most spineless, self satisfied team I think I’ve ever seen. What they’ve become is not only an insult to what went before, but it’s also an insult to my football sensibilities. Nothing screams out “losers” more than Arsenal of the past few years. What a pitiful, gutless, cowardly, deluded, arrogant, our shit don’t stink bunch of fucking wasters. Arteta must be off his fucking head to have his cushy role at City to take that job. Other than some of the kids and maybe Tierney (if he hasn’t already been permanently doused in that Arsenal stink) there is not one player there worth keeping. Not fucking one. Aubamayeng is the only top player they have but they need to fuck him off while they can still get money for him, because by the time Arsenal are competing again he’ll be long retired, and possibly drawing his pension. Everyone laughs at some of the Arsenal Fan TV crew and yeah, it’s funny as fuck watching their constant meltdowns. Imagine if you had to watch that team every week though? That loss at Brighton was just as Arsenal as it gets. Leno went off on a stretcher after a clash with Maupay. He was shouting and pointing at the striker as he left the field. Wasn’t really much in it to be fair, but it was just pure Arsenal that they then went on to allow Maupay to score the winner in stoppage time. Pepe put the Gunners ahead with a beauty, cutting in from the right and lashing one into the top corner. Maybe now Arsenal fans can replace that ‘beating Van Dijk’ gif? I won’t hold my breath like. So it was looking for Arsenal but Lewis Dunk scrambled one in from close range with 15 minutes left and then Maupay won it at the death, FIVE minutes into stoppage time. Guendouzi and Mustafi kicked off on Maupay after the final whistle. Again, typical of this Arsenal team, only showing fight after the game is over. Maupay said afterwards that some of the Arsenal players need to learn humility and he’s fucking bang on there. They do. Arsenal are FUCKING SHITE. Embarrassingly so. Yet they strut around like they’re the fucking Invincibles. Maupay said one player in particular was running his mouth all game. Turns out its was Guendouzi, who was calling Brighton players shit and boasting about how he and his team-mates earn more than Brighton players ever will. A little surprising that he’s the one doing that but he’s been there a couple of years now, which is long enough for that arrogant loser stench to get on him. That whole situation sums up Arsenal. They don’t ‘earn’ more than Brighton’s players. They might be paid more, but they sure as hell don’t fucking earn it. And yeah, Brighton’s players are shit (relatively speaking), but guess what, Sideshow Bob junior, those shit players have done the double over you this season. What does that say about YOU?? This is what I’m saying. It’s why Arsenal offend me. It’s not about them not being very good. Spurs aren’t very good currently either, but I don’t find them offensive. No, Arsenal get me angry because they’re a bunch of fucking losers who for some reason still have this superior attitude about themselves. No wonder my man Troopz fucking hates them all. And now they’ve just given David Luiz a new contract. See? This is what I’m talking about. They just reward failure. There is no hope for them at all. They’re a fucking steaming heap of cow shit that thinks it tastes like a chocolate gateau. Can’t believe I’ve written so much about Arsenal. I’m angry as fuck even typing this. This is how wound up they get me. I could easily do this for another ten paragraphs as the hate is flowing, but I’ll keep some powder dry as we’ve still got eight games left before the season ends. So, moving on. Palace looked quite good didn’t they? That doesn’t bode well for us as we take them on tomorrow in an empty Anfield. They were a lot more comfortable at Bournemouth than the 2-0 scoreline suggests. Milivojevic is something of a dead ball specialist. Usually it’s pens but he takes a mean free-kick too, and he fizzed one into the top corner to give Palace the lead. Ayew made it 2-0 when he side footed in a cross from my boy Van Aanholt, who earned that status over the lockdown period by taking on that cunt Katie Hopkins on twitter before the vile fascist bitch was permanently banned. I liked him anyway as he seems like a top lad who has always been complimentary about the Reds, but yeah, he’s defo my boy now. Hopefully he doesn’t make me regret that by shining against us tomorrow. Interesting that Nice Guy Eddie reckons that playing at home is now a disadvantage. It’s been like that in Germany since the restart with loads of away teams winning, so it’s something to look out for over the next few weeks. Norwich went into the restart with faint hopes of mounting a great escape. They showed signs of life before the lockdown and had a chance to make a statement with a home game against Southampton, who don’t really have anything to play for. The Saints murdered them though. They played some lovely stuff and Ingsy looked great didn’t he? On the one hand I think it’d be nice to have someone like him to bring in whenever one of the front three can’t play, but on the other you have to realise that the reason he looks so good now is because he plays all the time. He would never have had that here so he’d never be sharp enough to do himself justice. Ings, Armstrong and Redmond all got on the scoresheet and it could easily have been more. Norwich’s defending was so bad and their tackling so non-existent they could have been wearing Arsenal shirts and you wouldn’t have known the difference. Onto Sunday now and Villa lost again. Chelsea’s starting line up was a bit weird, with Giroud and Loftus-Cheek both starting in a front three with Willian. It didn't work and it wasn't until they changed it and got Pulisic on that they looked dangerous. Villa took the lead through some guy I’d never heard of. Courtney Hause?? New one on me that. Villa seem to have come back from lockdown with half a new starting line up though. Not that it’s made any difference as they’re still shite. Pulisic then stole in at the back post to equalise and Giroud got the winner minutes later, the big handsome bastard. Games like this are the ones where you wonder if the lack of a crowd is a big factor, as Villa were standing off Chelsea and letting them play. Would they have been able to hold onto their lead better with 50,000 fans urging them on and encouraging them to press and get stuck in? There’s no way to know for sure, but I definitely think a raucous crowd can lift players maybe 5% at least. So in relation to Eddie Howe’s point I’d say that playing at home isn’t a disadvantage, but it’s probably not much of an advantage anymore either, especially in games like this when Villa could really have done with all the help they could get. Newcastle did alright without their ‘best fans in the world’ though didn’t they? Not a result you’d expect but under these circumstances there’s going to be all kinds of mad ones between now and the end of the season. Saint-Maximin picked up where he left off before lockdown and the Blades struggled to cope with him. He’s like a Poundland Adama Traore, and I mean that as a compliment as I like him, he's exciting to watch. He’s good on Twitter too, got a great sense of humour. Joelinton went clean through early on and fell over. Twenty odd games without scoring and it showed. He was then booked for going head to head with John Egan, who was also booked. Pair of fucking dickheads. I realise social distancing isn’t really possible in a game of football, but touching foreheads and breathing on each other is the height of stupidity. Egan then pulled him back when he went through on goal, which was even more stupid. Red card for him, but why would you not just let him go through and take your chances that he’d miss? I’m being serious. You’ve got to know your opponent and if I’m playing against a striker that hasn’t scored since August or whatever, I’m not going to pull him back and get sent off when I could just let him go through and he'd almost certainly bottle it. So Egan was off, the Blades were down to ten and soon after they fell behind when Stephens fell over his own feet and Saint Maximin converted at the back post. Ritchie made it 2-0 and then even Joelinton got in on the act to finally break his duck. Sheffield United have looked rubbish in both games so far though so this break may well end up hurting them more than anyone. They were a win over Villa away from going 5th, which given City’s ban would secure a CL spot. But they couldn’t beat Villa, they were stuffed by Newcastle and it feels like their bubble has now burst and they’ll do well to even stay where they are, let alone finish higher. Wolves on the other hand, look like they could make a real push for the top four. My boy Adama was left on the bench (strangely, this happens a lot) but within seconds of coming on he had West Ham petrified as he was beating people for fun. He created the opener with a brilliant cross that was headed home by Jimenez. West Ham doubled up on him but you can’t actually stop him from doing that. If he wants to go on the outside and cross, then he’s going on the outside and he’s crossing. He was involved in the second too. Showing good feet before playing it out wide to Doherty. His cross was superbly volleyed in by that little Neto prick. Great goal that. As was the goal that put Leicester ahead at Watford. What a fucking hit by Chilwell. Stunning. Hilariously, it wasn’t enough for the three points as Craig Dawson fired in an equaliser a minute later. Fair result as there’s no way Watford deserved to lose the game. Finally, as expected, City slaughtered Burnley. I didn’t watch it as there was no point. With the lack of intensity we’ve seen in all of the games so far I fully expect City to sweep everyone aside. If you don’t play at your maximum then you’ve got no chance against their possession based game. They just pass pass pass until the opening comes and someone gets a tap in. Burnley started ok and looked comfortable enough until they conceded and after that they gave up. There are lots of problems at Burnley currently, and I don’t just mean the far right Brexit loons who flew a “white lives matter” banner over the stadium just after the players had all taken a knee. I feel sorry for Burnley as a club and for all the decent fans, because shit like this just re-enforces what people already think about them. They’ve got a higher percentage of far right goons than most, but the majority of their fans will have been mortified by that. Ben Mee’s interview afterwards was fantastic. He’s a credit to his club, fair play to him. They are a club in crisis though as some key players aren’t going to play because of expiring contracts and by all accounts nobody (by that I mean Dyche and the other players) is blaming them because this is a board issue. The suggestion is that Dyche wanted to keep them all and give them new contracts but the board wouldn’t sanction it. So you can’t blame those players for sitting it out as why would you risk injury to play for a club that doesn’t want you? This isn’t a Ryan Fraser situation. Aaron Lennon, Jeff Hendrick and Phil Bardsley have to look out for themselves now as Burnley haven't looked after them. Now Dyche is reported to be unsettled too and it’s hardly surprising really. Whatever you think of him, the job he’s done there has been fantastic and if anyone has done enough to deserve a free reign with no board interference it’s him. I sometimes wonder what would happen to Burnley if he left. It depends who they replaced him with of course but I suspect it’d be like Charlton when Curbishley departed. Would anybody miss them? I think I might, just a little. I went to Turf Moor earlier this season and I must admit I enjoyed it, it felt like a proper football ground from a bygone age. Too many clubs have soulless bowls now, so going to Burnley was actually quite nice. One of the pubs near the ground is called the Royal Dyche and has an image of him wearing a king’s crown. Will they have to rename the pub if he goes, or has he earned the right to have that permanently in his honour? Chances are it’ll be ‘the Royal Farage’ before Dyche’s office chair seat is even cold.

Tuesday Jun 16: As expected, the Government were forced into a u-turn on the meals for kids because of the pressure put on them by Marcus Rashford. This was always going to happen because that tefal headed cunt Hancock called on footy players to ‘do their bit’ and Rashford turned it back on to them. Great work by him by saying "well I've done this, so how about YOU do YOUR fucking bit". Of course, Johnson initially claimed he knew nothing about it until that day and that it’s a great idea and the right thing to do blah blah blah. Great idea? Making sure that kids don’t starve isn’t a ‘great idea’, it’s just basic fucking humanity. Something Johnson and his ilk have no concept of as it doesn’t line their pockets. Hancock then went on telly and got Rashford’s name wrong. So transparent this shit. Instead of people talking about why the government needed to be railroaded into making sure kids aren’t going hungry, now the discussion will be how Hancock called him “Daniel Rashford”. This shit happens constantly. It’s all about deflections. Politicians these days are like Mourinho's Chelsea when Cole and Lampard seemed to score with th ball flying in off an opponent's arse every other week. Deflect. Deflect. Deflect. Get people talking about the unimportant things to shine the light away from the big fucking massively important issue that isn’t being dealt with in the manner it should be. And it works every fucking time. Meanwhile, footy’s back tomorrow and I can’t wait. Not just me who’s excited about it though. Funnily enough, those same pundits who were so against footy coming back are now banging the drum about how excited they are. Rio Ferdinand for example. The same cunt who wanted footy scrapped and claimed that “Liverpool fans should think about people’s health” is now tweeting “Buzzing the @premierleague back this evening.... just sorting my Fantasy Football! Who’s going up top... Aguero or Aubameyang?” How about going with “Null” and “Void” as your front two, you fucking hypocritical manc turd. When they announced the fixtures and I saw that the first Saturday was basically wall to wall footy I was made up and envisaged just locking myself away in my office watching game after game. In reality what will probably happen is I’ll skip the first one because I’ll have to run the missus somewhere. I’ll catch a little bit of the second one before having to take my daughter somewhere. I won’t be arsed about the third one because it’s two shit teams. I’ll start watching there fourth one but then get bored and switch off because there’ll be something on Netflix or Disney+ I fancy watching. Still, it’s great to have it back and for those of who who will have the dedication to watch all the games, I salute you. I’ll defo watch City v Arsenal tomorrow because it’s going to take us one game closer to the title when Arsenal win. No, hear me out. Arteta knows City like the back of his hand and he’s had months to prepare his game-plan. The three months has also given them time to get everyone fit, as you know Arsenal always have an injury list as long as a pensioner’s lockdown shopping list (those of you who’ve been shopping for parents know). This will be the first and last time Arteta has a full squad to choose from, and with City not having any motivation get ready for Arsenal to shock the world. I’m actually mildly excited about Villa v Sheffield United tomorrow too but I daresay that won’t last. It’ll be like when German footy came back and I watched 20 minutes of Dortmund’s game out of curiosity before I got bored and went in the garden. It’s highly unlikely I’ll sit through a full Villa game, especially knowing I’ll be watching Arsenal beat City afterwards. Wednesday Jun 17: Yeah I’m a dickhead. You’d think I’d know better by now, especially as under normal circumstances the only people with a lower opinion of Arsenal’s players than me are DT and Troopz. They might have held out for a draw if they hadn’t had to send in the clown, but they didn’t deserve anything as I don’t think they even managed one shot did they? Arteta is so fixated on tightening them up at the back that they appear to have forgotten how to attack. Then again, when you’re leaving Lacazette on the bench for that Nketia kid you probably deserve all you get. Has Lacazatte shagged Arteta's cat or ran over his wife or something? The other game was fucking dire. I managed to sit through an hour of it, although after about ten minutes it had been reduced to background viewing as I did some work instead. Yeah, it was THAT bad I chose to do some work. But yeah, footy is back which is great. I already know now that I’m only really going to be watching our games though, as well as the occasional other fixture that takes my fancy. Most of the other games I’ll just catch up on through MOTD, as I can’t be arsed watching shit teams in empty stadiums. I’ll leave that to Evertonians. Also today, there was a rumour that we want to swap Naby for Ruben Neves. Of course it's bollocks and when do 'swap' deals ever happen except in the gossip columns? Even when they do, they don't. To all intents and purposes we swapped Kev Stewart for Andy Robbo, but in reality they were two separate transfers that just happened to be made by the same two clubs in a similar time frame. Players don't get swapped like Panini stickers. This one is clearly just nonsense anyway. A lot of fans might have given up on Keita but Klopp hasn't and is unlikely to for another year at least. And why would Wolves do that deal? They've proved to be shrewd in the transfer market and have made some great signings. They aren't going to swap a top Premier League star for a player who is usually injured and isn't the most consistent when he isn't. What's tomorrow's bullshit rumour, a swap between Adama Traore and Shaq? Speaking of bullshit rumours, the Echo are trying to talk us into a move for Ryan Fraser. I like him, or at least I did, but he's nowhere near good enough to even make our bench. He isn't as good as Harry Wilson and chances are we won't keep him, so why would we sign Fraser? The answer is we wouldn't, but the Echo has clicks it needs to accumulate I guess. Besides, even if Fraser were good enough (he isn't) he's refusing to play for Bournemouth now because he's out of contract after this month. To me that puts him a pretty bad light and if I were a club looking at signing him that would make me pull the plug on it. Thursday Jun 18: Richarlison says Van Dijk is not even in the top three defenders in the world. HERECY!! The fucking nerve on this tit. What makes it even worse is, get this, he didn’t have Lovren in his list of three either. He went with Thiago Silva, Marquinhos and Sergio Ramos. I’m embarrassed for him to be honest. Silva is brilliant and his performances in both games against us last season were as good as I’ve seen. Marquinhos I couldn’t even pick out of a line up, although I know PSG often play him in midfield, which you wouldn’t do with a top three centre back in the world. So that’s bollocks. As for Ramos? He was shit when he was good. I’m serious. This isn’t because of what he did to Mo (although that’s why Richarlison picked him). It’s because Lovren was right about him. You can’t get sent off that many times, leaving your team a man short, and still be regarded as a world class defender. It’s common sense. The greatest defenders rarely if ever get sent off because they read the game so well they don’t need to make last ditch tackles or show how 'hard' they are by hitting people will sly elbows and shit. Sergio Ramos is David Luiz with an evil streak and better PR. Stick him in that Arsenal side and he’d be just as much of a liability as poor old Sideshow Bob. As for Richarlison, he isn’t even in the top three strikers in the city he plays in despite his dubious claim that “I’ve already dribbled past Van Dijk”. Yeah, he actually said that, which even if true (when did this actually happen? Does anyone know?) is hilariously lame. Still, the Blues will probably have that on the side of a bus soon. You think I’m joking, but I’m not. They’ve done worse. Remember when Merseybus came up with the idea to have one of their buses commemorate Liverpool’s achievements and then another listing Everton’s? The Everton one had, amongst other things, “First club to install undersoil heating”. So yeah, “Richarlison once dribbled past Van Dijk (maybe)” would certainly find a place on there. He’d do well to remember this piece of advice, which I believe was from Omar in the Wire. I don’t remember the exact wording but it went something like this: “If you come at the King, he’s not going to hear you if you’re in Nat Phillips’ pocket”. Friday Jun 19: James Pearce reveals that Klopp’s coaching staff have been ‘raving’ about Naby Keita. I’m not surprised as in the little clips from the training matches I’ve seen on LFCTV he’s looked dynamite. Probably him and Sadio have looked the sharpest. Does it really mean anything though? I hope it does, but we’ve been down this road before. Every time he looks like he’s coming into form and is about to finally make his mark on the team, he picks up a stupid little injury that keeps him out 2-3 weeks and then the whole process begins again. I haven’t given up on him and there’s clearly a big talent there but I’m not getting my hopes up either until he can stay fit for an extended period of time until he actually proves he can. I’d probably start him on Sunday though. Not sure who I’d leave out for him, probably Fabinho I guess. Or Gini. Defo not Hendo. Meanwhile, Roy Keane goes off on one about De Get (and to a lesser extent Maguire) as United were held 1-1 by Spurs. Now, to clarify, I’m not going to disagree with anyone saying Keane is a wanker and that all of this ‘rage’ is just something he’s doing almost as a character he’s playing. Whatever negative thing you want to say about Keane is fine by me. Defending Roy Keane is not a hill I'm prepared to die on. That being said…. That was funny as fuck tonight. He just went off and although Evra initially wanted to pull him up he thought better of it and just let him carry on. Evra did step in eventually when Keane called De Sea the most over-rated keeper ever and insisted he should have caught a ball that he spectacularly tipped over the bar. I’d say around half of what Keane said was accurate and the other half, although completely off the mark, was fucking hilarious. Put it this way. I’d rather watch Keane shouting and spitting than listen to Jermaine Jeans or Alan Shearer tell me that “the keeper will be disappointed with that”. Meanwhile, here’s your weekly Chico…. What a guy. I love him. Saturday Jun 20: Klopp lays into the government’s handling of Covid and compares it unfavourably with how Germany dealt with it. Here’s the thing, anybody who is even remotely surprised that Germany dealt with something better than a Conservative government led by the biggest clown in political history clearly hasn’t been paying attention. These fuckers are incapable of getting anything right, because common sense and doing the right thing is completely alien to them. The only things that come natural to them are self preservation and making money. That’s it. Nothing else. That's why we're right up there with America and Brazil as the worst hit nations. This mess isn’t on Boris Johnson and the Tories though. He's just 'being Boris'. It's who he is and it's hardly a secret. This mess is on those who elected him, because it’s blatantly obvious what he is and has always been, but none of that mattered because all he had to do to get people's votes was not be Jeremy Corbyn and trot out his little "Get Brexit Done" mantra. If you needed this crisis to prove to you that he’s a fucking clueless, selfish, incompetent oaf then that’s on you. Mind you, what's even worse is there are some who STILL don't see it. I like that Klopp isn’t afraid to speak out on these things, although he’s clever enough not to go too strongly because when you do that the message often gets lost. He seems to always know the right thing to say and the right time to say it. We’re incredibly lucky to have him and not just for his abilities as a football manager. Meanwhile, Guardiola confirms that Leroy Sane has rejected a contract and will be sold at the end of the season if they can do a deal. Reading between the lines he’s more or less said that Sane wants to play for Bayern Munich and City can’t talk him out of it. So, there’s no chance that we could sign him which is a shame as remember last week when I said there are only a few players out there we could sign who would make me happier than if we brought Coutinho back? Well you could add Sane to that list. Other than De Bruyne, I think he’s City’s best player and he’s criminally under-rated. I could never understand why he didn’t start more games as he’s fucking brilliant. Elsewhere, best headline on news now today: Liverpool target Mbappe in £350m swap deal. I almost have to admire how brazen that is. It’s like “yeah we know how utterly ludicrous this is but fuck it, let’s run it anyway”. I mean where do you even start with that? £350m??? It was on F365 so I had a little look and forget what I said about almost admiring it. They were quoting the S*n who apparently ran a story today that we were planning on sending Mané plus £200m to PSG to get Mbappe. When you think about it, it’s actually offensive that some cunt is being paid to write that. Not as offensive as the shit that other cunts there are being paid to write, but still, it’s offensive. There are other reports today claiming Klopp is ‘growing anxious’ about Mané not signing a new deal. Hold on, didn’t he sign one not so long ago? I’m sure he did, because I remember writing something about how it was worrying he hadn’t signed (whereas Salah and Firmino had), and about 10 minutes after I filed it with ESPN, LFCTV had Sadio announcing his new deal. So what’s this shit about then? Ok, I just googled and he signed a five year contract in November 2018, so he has THREE FUCKING YEARS left. Honestly, I know times are hard for the press but if they continually make up this kind of shit then it’s best if they do go to the wall. Sunday Jun 21: Everton 0 L 0. Fuck that was bad. We should have lost but we didn’t because we’ve got the best keeper in the world and lady luck was on our side. And because Everton are shite and are as adept at winning derby matches as I am at ballet dancing. The fake crowd noise was actually worse than the real Goodison crowd. Hate it, but as I watched the game on Pick TV I had no choice but to endure it, and I can’t complain too much about it because Sky did at least make the game free for everyone. It’s grim though. Almost as grim as Richarlison’s playacting. Cunt. It’s stupid to make any snap judgements based on our first game in three months, but I’m going to do it anyway as nothing I’m saying here is based solely on this anyway. It’s about what’s happened before. We simply MUST buy a top quality alternative to Sadio and Mo because nothing we currently have is worth a damn. Minamino can’t play there, neither can Ox and while I think Origi definitely has some worth he’s being completely undermined by constantly being used out wide. What the fuck is that about? How many times does Jurgen have to see him play there to know he’s miles more effective at centre forward. Origi is actually a pretty good striker and he knows where the net is. His finishing is very good and he’s got a knack for scoring important goals. So when he’s given a run out, let him play up front for fucks sake. We looked a million miles off the pace today and I don’t think we’ll just flick a switch and start playing well again. We’re a team that relies on rhythm and sharpness and after three months off we have neither. There’s also the issue of how much (or how little) we’ll be impacted by not having fans there at home. No team has more of a symbiotic relationship with the crown than we do, so will Anfield still be a fortress? I tell you something, I’m so fucking glad we built up such a massive lead because I genuinely don’t think I could cope with the next few weeks if this title race was close. We only need five more points, assuming City win all their remaining games, which they probably will. I totally misjudged that situation as I didn’t think they’d be that arsed about the games they have left. Even if they aren’t fully motivated they’ll still win most of them easily because based on the games we’ve seen so far there’s just no intensity and these are like training games. And no-one is more suited to that type of game than City. I expect them to win every game, including when they play us next weekend. But we only need five points so thank fuck for that. Meanwhile, on the rumour front we’re still being mentioned as one of the suitors for Arsenal youngster Saka. I just can’t see this happening as I doubt he’d go anywhere. Kids who are getting a game at the big clubs rarely move. Saka is getting a lot of playing time at Arsenal. Would he get that here? Doubtful, although there’s every chance he’d have started at left back today. I like him, he’s talented, but I won’t get my hopes up on this one. Monday Jun 22: City smacked Burnley around at the Etihad. No surprise there. They’ll beat Chelsea on Thursday too, but at least Chelsea might offer some resistance. Burnley were totally disinterested from the moment they conceded the first goal. The Koulibaly link resurfaced today with rumours of a £60m bid that ‘insulted’ Napoli. It has to be bollocks as yesterday confirmed what we already knew. The priority if we’re spending big has to be a world class wide player who we can rotate in and out with Sadio and Mo. Who that is I don’t know, but there’ll be someone out there who we can get and we need to do it. Koulibaly is fucking awesome but spending that much money on a position where we already have Gomez and Matip would be completely reckless and irresponsible. And if there’s no-one who we can get at the right price, then fuck it, just get Coutinho back on loan. From what I hear the main stumbling block is Klopp and some of the players are still sore about the way he left. Fair enough, I get that completely. But unless there’s a better option out there then fuck all that shit and get it done. Put it this way, he’s miles better than any other option we had to bring in for Mo yesterday. If there is a better option out there then great, I’m all in, but otherwise just get him back here. Aldo agrees with me, he wrote a column today calling for the club to bring him back because it makes sense for all parties. So that’s Aldo and Stevie Nicol agreeing with me. Hmmm, right, yeah I see it now. Not done myself any favours there have I? All I need now is Dean Saunders and I’ll have the set. Finally, Antonio Rudiger reckons he convinced Timo Werner to snub the Reds to sign for Chelsea. Ok mate, whatever. Fact is, Werner was hitching up his skirt and flashing his drawers at Klopp for months, but for whatever reason Klopp decided not to pursue it. Maybe because he finally realised that Werner is just a Harrods Danny Ings. A little bit more high end than you can buy on the high street but more or less the same product at a vastly inflated cost. …..and that was the week that was