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Saturday Aug 31: Burnley 0 L 3. Terrific win that. We made a difficult fixture look like a stroll in the park. There aren’t many fixtures I look at these days and think ‘this has the potential to go wrong’ but this was one of them so it’s brilliant seeing the lads take care of business with no real problems. I actually went to this one, which is rare for me as I don’t do many aways these days. I really enjoyed this though, not least because Turf Moor is a dump. I mean that in the nicest possible way though. It was refreshing going to a ground that actually felt like a football ground. It’s full of character and it felt like stepping back in time. give me a match day experience like this as opposed to going to Boro, Bolton, Sunderland, Wigan etc Not sure about the pub called ‘The Royal Dyche’ though. Even had a picture of Dyche’s face photoshopped onto a King’s head. Mad. I’d have taken a photo but it was a ‘home fans only’ pub and the locals hanging around outside didn’t look the friendliest. The only blemish on the afternoon was Sadio’s tantrum after being subbed. I think it says everything that virtually everyone I’ve seen commenting on it is completely on his side and understood his frustration. Mo was bang out of order there today. No doubt all the stattos will be out in force though telling us how the numbers disprove the notion that Salah is greedy. Fuck that, I know what I see with my own eyes and stats can’t disprove anything when it comes to things like this. I don’t even care if they show that Salah passing to Mané is the top combination between our forwards (not that they will, I’m just saying) because no matter how many passes he may have made, stats aren’t going to show the times he should have passed and didn’t. Mo can be a right greedy bastard at times. Not all the time, not even most of the time, just some of the time. There are occasions when you can see he’s just decided that he’s going to get himself a goal and he won’t let anything stand in the way of it. Today was one of those occasions and he’s lucky that Sadio and Bobby didn’t actually make more of it than they did, because if he was pulling that shit playing alongside Suarez all hell would have let loose. Just ask Sturridge. If he’s got a clear sight of goal on his left foot I have no problem with him backing himself. When he’s ignoring unmarked team-mates to drag it back onto his and trying to force things though, that’s not on. Klopp should have subbed him because at 2-0 he was playing for himself, not the team. That’s probably what Mané was saying. Sunday Sep 1: Just read today that Seb Coates (remember him?) had himself a right Jon Walters yesterday. He plays for Sporting now, and he gave away THREE pens and was sent off in the same game. Amazing. His manager was probably like… Oh, I was right about the stattos defending Mo. Seen loads of shit flying around today to try and show he’s not greedy, and like I said yesterday none of those numbers mean a damn thing. Nobody is saying he NEVER passes or that he doesn’t contribute to other people scoring goals. Of course he does. This desperation to show he isn’t occasionally a selfish bastard though is cringeworthy. You can shove your stats when it comes to this. For example, he got an assist for Bobby yesterday even though what actually happened was he was dribbling and over-ran the ball, taking him away from the goal, only for Bobby to run up and lash it in the net. The most ludicrous assist at Turf Moor since the ball his Aquilani on the back and Stevie smashed it in from 30 yards. There were two occasions yesterday when what Salah did was actually pretty fucking scandalous. Is there a stat for ignoring a wide open team-mate and instead trying to go with a very low percentage effort on your weak foot? If there is, Mo would lead the league in that, or at the very least he’d be putting pressure on Harry Kane. It’s not a big issue, but it is an issue and there’s nothing wrong with admitting it. His desire for goals is part of what has made him so successful, but he needs to balance that with what’s best for the team. I bet there’s not much that can make Sadio lose his rag, so if that was me that had made him so angry I’d be having a long hard look at myself. Imagine making Sadio mad. Monday Sep 2: Bobby Duncan gets his wish and is sold to Fiorentina for £2m. Great stuff by the club, made up they did this. I said initially I’d just sack him, but that if they could get money for him then great. The one thing I didn’t want was him getting a second chance and us being fed a load of bollocks about “redemption”. He’s a good player but as I’ve said before, he’s not well rounded enough to be anywhere near our team. He’s a number nine, a penalty box player, and we don’t have room for one of those in Klopp’s system. So he either needs to be able to play wide (which he can’t as he’s not quick enough) or he needs to add to his current skillset to do some of the things Firmino does. Maybe he’ll do that, but I’d be amazed. I actually think his career is at it’s highpoint now and it’s all downhill from here, because he seems as thick as he is cocky. Maybe he’ll prove me wrong but I doubt it. He’s going down Jerome Sinclair Boulevard quicker than you can say “Jordan Rossiter”. Tuesday Sep 3: Hahahaha that row between Owen and Shearer was fucking great wasn’t it? I don’t know who is in the right and don’t really care. I’m with Owen all the way though simply based on him saying: “I don’t have to justify myself to fucking Newcastle fans”. The Geordies hate him anyway, and frankly who can blame them? That being said, it’s kind of their own fault as they were the only people on earth who thought that Owen actually wanted to sign for them. Deluded bastards. I remember being told at the time by a very good source close to Owen that he was in tears on the night he joined them. He’d desperately been trying to get hold of Rick Parry to see if there was any way he could come back here, and when there was no joy on that front he signed for Newcastle, who paid him a King’s ransom to make the pill a little bit less bitter to swallow. In fairness to Owen, he couldn’t help the fact that his body began to break down and he couldn’t live up to the ridiculous salary they were paying him. Newcastle fans have every right to hate him though, just as he has every right to not be arsed what they think. My opinion on him hasn’t changed at all by any of this. I have no ill will towards Michael Owen but I don’t love him either. I’m indifferent with a leaning towards liking him for all the great memories he gave us. The Shearer bombshell he dropped was interesting though wasn’t it? I wonder how close he actually was to moving here in 2003? If that had happened, it’s mad to think how different things would have been. We might have had more of a shot at the league but then Istanbul would never have happened. Sliding doors and that. Meanwhile, Milner has his say on the Salah / Mané thing…. Just brilliant, and as usual the use of hashtags is top drawer. Sadio’s reply was great too, it’s just a shame Mo didn't get in on it, as it would have been a good chance for him to completely diffuse the whole situation. Wednesday Sep 4: There’s a 17 year old scouse kid at Wigan who we’re meant to be after as a replacement for Duncan. No idea if he’s any good but based on what I read about him today he’s already a better fit for us than Bobby was because he can play on both wings. The 23s could have this lad and Harvey Elliot playing either side of Brewster. In other news today, Lovren had some interesting things to say: “Yes, I did consider the move, I knew I gave my best for Liverpool and won the Champions League, and I am not kind of player that likes to be benched and earn money. Yes, some people around me advised me ‘what do you care, you are in big club, shut up and take the money’, but I am not happy sitting on the bench. “Milan contacted me, but Roma was most persistent, but the negotiations didn’t go well. I don’t want to go somewhere and prove someone who I am and how do I play and am I ready or not. “I am a professional, I have won the Champions League, won a World Cup silver medal, I achieved big things in football and don’t deserve to go anywhere on loan and to have someone checking me and my quality. “I feel very happy because all the time I felt Liverpool was by me, and I respect that a lot. Klopp told me: ‘Listen, buddy, you are top-class player, we will not let you go on loan. We need you’. “When he told me that, it was unclear to me because I know currently I am in worst position of all centre-backs in the team. But there will be a lot of matches, some injuries are possible too. I wanted to leave, it didn’t happen, I was told Liverpool needs me and I accepted that. It was not meant to be for me to leave. “I feel I am in my prime age, in great shape, mentally ready and you can’t buy experience. Not many players have played in the World Cup final and Champions League final as me. I didn’t want to force my way out from Liverpool. Two years ago I signed four-year contract, enjoyed every moment in Liverpool, achieved big things and that could not be possible had I not been in such big club as Liverpool.” That’s my boy. Personally I’m made up he’s still here. So that makes two of us, me and Mo. Meanwhile, Emre Can is left out of Juve’s CL squad and Luis Suarez says he didn’t want to leave the house for weeks after he lost at Anfield. Thursday Sep 5: Rumours that Shaq pulled out the Swiss squad because he had the hump that Xhaka got the captaincy and not him. Seems a bit unlike him and if it’s not true then he’s got every reason to be pissed off with Xhaka after he said this: “If the captain’s band really is the problem, then we can sit together at one table. We are grown up enough to talk about it. If he really has a problem about that, then he may like the captain’s armband. That’s no problem for me. It does not matter to me if I have it. I want to give everything to the team, whether that’s with the band or without.” That’s made Shaq look like a right little diva. Maybe he is, who knows. Doesn’t really seem the type to me, but something is going on because I’m not buying that “I want to concentrate on my club” excuse, when he never even gets a game for his club. There is beef between them though if reports are to be believed. It’s probably nothing to do with the captaincy and more to do with Shaq thinking Xhaka is fucking turd. Meanwhile, Can puts out a strong statement about Juve’s treatment of him, and then later puts out another statement about how much he respects them so he’ll shut up now. I'll tell you this, my estimation about ‘Big Sexy’ as a man, just fucking plummeted. Friday Sep 6: Roy Keane, fucking hell. Loads of people hate him, especially anyone Irish who isn’t from Cork, and I’m not going to launch any kind of defence of his character. What I would say is that I don’t think there are many people out there who I enjoy listening to as much as this fella. Any time he starts talking I want to reach for the popcorn, because it’s going to be gold. His attack on Ferguson was glorious, especially because everything he said was true. The thing is, it’s “Sir Alex” and he’s virtually untouchable. Nobody says shit about him, but Keane is just genuinely not arsed about anything is he? He’ll just say whatever he wants. His outburst about Jon Walters made me a little uncomfortable though. Few people have given Walters more shot over the years than me, but mocking him for crying on TV when discussing some personal tragedies he’s had in his life is a bit much even for me. Not Keane though, he just went in with both feet on him. I plan on watching the entire thing as like I say, Keane is just fascinating viewing for me. I’m not sure I’ll be able to get through it though because Neville’s little high pitched laugh and his constant egging on of Keane, like some snivelling little schoolyard sidekick, was making me sick. He never said a word when he was going off on Ferguson though. Sat there and didn’t react at all, even though Ferguson was like a second Dad to him. Shithouse. Going back to Walters for a second though, I watched a clip of him talking about a bust up he had with Keane and it was a funny story. He does some show with Kelly Dalglish for Joe.co.uk and it’s really good. I watched a couple of episodes of it today and some of the stories are brilliant, especially the Kenwynne Jones / Pigs Head one. Go to 28:50 on this, trust me it’s worth it. …. and that was the week that was

Brighton went to the Etihad with a bold plan to go toe to toe with Man City and conceded a goal inside the opening 90 seconds, the deadbeats. City won 4-0 without breaking sweat, which was entirely to be expected. Of course we always have to have one eye on what City are doing, but in reality games like this are not even worth worrying about. Just accept it’s going to be a five goal City win beforehand and treat anything less than that as a win. This is how it’s going to be most weeks, we just have to hope that some of the close games don’t go their way. Guardiola was at his condescending best afterwards, praising Brighton’s positive approach and saying that he’s “not just a coach, he’s also a fan” and that’s what he likes to see. Yeah I’ll fucking bet it is. Nothing would suit him more than if all these star struck young managers show up at the Etihad expecting a defeat and just wanting to impress “Pep”. It wasn’t all sunshine and roses for City though, as Laporte went off with a bad injury that was sustained while committing your typical cynical Man City foul. Funny thing is, the blame is being placed on Rodri for not committing a similar foul a second earlier to prevent Laporte needing to step in. Harsh that, the poor lad has only just signed for them so he hasn’t been fully indoctrinated in the “Guardiola way” yet. This was a tough lesson for him to learn as no doubt he got a bollocking for his lack of shithousery. Some are suggesting that Laporte’s injury is such a big deal that it might give us an advantage in the title race. Sorry, not buying it. These cunts did without Kevin De Bruyne for most of last season, so losing Laporte won’t phase them at all. I realise he’s their best defender but the truth is they could drag Richard Dunne out of the pub and play him back there most weeks, because half the league are too scared to attack them and the other half don’t usually get that close to City’s goal because they’ve been fouled in their own half. While that result was entirely to be expected, there was a big surprise at Stamford Bridge where Chelsea blew a 2-0 against Sheffield United against were held to a draw. The draw itself wasn’t THAT surprising, but the Blades coming from two down wasn’t something anyone could have predicted. Abraham’s close range effort put Lampard’s men in front and he added another just before half time when he took advantage of some confusion at the back. Chelsea played some nice stuff and seemed in complete control even though they conceded a minute after half time. The third goal wouldn’t come though and the longer the game went the more jittery they looked. The Blades began to sense there might be something in it for them and so it proved as Zouma’s stoppage time own goal gave them an unlikely point. We’re four games in and I still have no idea what Sheffield United are though. I suspect they’re a bit shit but results wise they’ve done well. I still couldn’t name more than three of their players either. I know McBurnie, Billy Sharp and Callum Robinson, but off the top of my head that’s it, I can’t think of any more. I bet by the end of the season I still only know about six of them. Elsewhere, Leicester won again. My tip for the top six are actually looking like they might even be a threat for top four. I’m not ready to go there yet but it wouldn’t be much of a shock when you look at how flawed everyone outside of us and City are. My boy Vardy opened the scoring with a trademark Vardy goal. Bournemouth fell asleep and let him get in behind on a ball over the top and he lobbed the bouncing ball over the keeper from 25 yards. Great finish. Great player. Bournemouth hit back immediately though with a lovely finish from Callum Wilson. Tielemans tapped in a Vardy cross to restore Leicester’s lead, but he was then fortunate not be sent off for a studs up challenge on Wilson. I don’t think it was intentional but Wilson is lucky he wasn’t seriously injured as it looked horrific on the slow motion replay. The VAR official disagreed though, apparently. Wilson was later booked for a dive. He did make the most of it but he was clearly shoved by the defender and on another day he gets a pen for that. VAR has done Bournemouth no favours whatever in this one. Vardy then wrapped it up with an instinctive finish. Speaking of Vardy, you can add the Bournemouth keeper to the list of pricks who haven’t done their homework. I’m even boring myself with this now, but it really is a joke. Taking two touches when Vardy is around should be a sackable offence. This prick got away with it twice in one game, the fucking tool. I’m irrationally angry about it. I mean I’ve got no reason to care, it doesn’t impact my life in any way, yet I see this happen week after week and every time it pisses me off. Your paid thousands of pounds a week to do a job, the least you can do is fucking be prepared. Meanwhile, I may have jumped the gun on Norwich. They might actually be Fulham after all. I thought they had more about them than the Cottagers did last year but they’ve got three points from four games and have shipped 10 goals ready (amusingly, Chelsea are the next worse on nine!). Norwich got battered by West Ham and Tim Krul was the only thing standing between them and utter humiliation. 2-0 flattered Norwich massively. Haller and Yarmolenko got the goals and Haller also should have had a penalty when he was chopped down when dribbling between two defenders. Paul Tierney had a great view and waved it away. He’s shite him. Almost as shite as VAR. The Norwich manager had a moan about a couple of VAR incidents but said he’s “always been a friend of VAR”. Well fuck you then, if you want it then this is what you get, soft arse. Tell you what’s fucking mad. In the form table for the last 15 games, Palace are top four. How has this happened? More to the point, how have I not noticed? I feel as though they’ve been struggling and are a bit shit, but apparently they’ve been sneakily picking up wins without me knowing. They did it again this weekend. They were crap against Villa but just about eeked out a narrow win. It helped that they were up against ten men after Trezeguet was sent off for two yellows. Absolute bum he is. The goal came late when Ayew bundled his way through to finally break Villa’s resistance with ten minutes left, but the game ended in controversy when Kevin Friend disallowed Henry Lansbury’s equalising goal. So, so bad that decision. I’ve got no love for Grealish but he got screwed there big time. He was nudged in the back and was losing his balance as he entered the box. He just managed to pop the ball off to Lansbury and then he sprawled forward as a challenge came in. Not a foul, but definitely not a dive and he wasn’t even looking for anything. All he was trying to do was lay the ball off before he went over. Lansbury hammered it in first time but Friend had blown his whistle a split second before. The whistle didn’t have an impact on the play at all but because he’d blown before the Lansbury hit his shot that meant VAR couldn’t get involved. Honestly, this whole fucking thing is a pantomime now. I’m going to be mentioned VAR four or fives times in every round up this year. I’m bored already and we’re only four games in. So, so fucking shit. Villa should have had a point and they were understandably livid about it, especially Grealish. Still, never mind eh? Down at St Mary’s Southampton were held to a disappointing draw by Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s struggling United side. Dan James put the Mancs ahead with a good finish but Vestergaard equalised. Southampton had a player sent off for a stupid challenge but United couldn’t find a way though. They had a good penalty shout waved away by Mike Dean though. Could have gone either way, but after decades of them getting every decision going it’s been noticeable in recent years that’s no longer the case. Either it’s because Ferguson has gone, or it’s because they’re shit now and refs feel under less pressure to help them out. Mind you, those two things are inextricably linked anyway. Speaking of horrible arl man bastards, did you see that fucking geriatric twat crying on the Fan TV channel afterwards? You must have seen it, the thing went viral and everyone was laughing about it. Not me though. Of course I can see why it’s funny, but I couldn’t get past how annoyed I was by it. Seriously, who the fuck does this cunt think he is? United are coming off decades of unprecedented success. Even in recent years when they’ve dropped off the pace they’ve still won silverware. Now, this entitled old twat is carrying on like this because they drew at Southampton??? In a week when Bury actually went out of fucking business this bastard is literally in tears because it’s their turn to be average for a few years. It’s not funny, it’s fucking outrageous. When I watch that I genuinely want to slap him. “He wins…. he wins that ball so much” Ah shut your mouth you absolute fucking self entitled, glory hunting, coffin dodging cunt. Fuck off. Just fuck off. Anyway, I’ll move on from this before I say something I’ll regret (in time I might regret what I actually have said, but as of now I stand by it). Will Hughes made amends for his missed sitter last week by firing Watford into an early lead at St James’. The ‘worm with eyebrows’ missed a great chance to equalise and still hasn’t scored since his arrival in January. Rafa defo had the last laugh on Mike Ashley, as the signing of Almiron was basically like taking a shit on his desk. While Almiron’s waits for his first goal, centre back Fabien Schar has scored five in that time. He bagged Newcastle’s equaliser just before half time with a composed finish. The ball fell to him after hitting the hand of one of his team-mates though. It was entirely accidental but that doesn’t matter anymore. If it hits the hand of an attacker the goal is automatically ruled out. Just ask Man City. So how come this one stood? Was the VAR operative asleep at the wheel, Solskjaer style? The game is a complete mess right now because of this shit. It was brought in to stop controversy and ensure that justice is served, and it’s failing on both counts. Onto Sunday, and the Blues just about edged past Wolves at Goodison. Usually I’d rather they lost, but I’m not too bothered they won this one because Wolves fans are just such colossal ballbags. All these wankers who still come to Merseyside and sing about unemployment and pass it off as “banter”. Nah, it just makes you seem like bad Tory bellends. So while I wouldn’t say I wanted Everton to win, I’m happy to see Wolves losing. I mean fucking hell, their captain is scouse and they’re signing that shit? Just like United did for all those years. No self awareness at all. I mean, these cunts are the first to sing about scousers nicking hubcaps, but half of their song book has been shamelessly robbed from us. It’d be ace if the Europa fucked up their entire season, the player trafficking cunts. As for Everton, Richarlison scoring twice was nailed on after I ripped him for about six paragraphs last week. Doesn’t change a thing. I never said he was shit, just that he was a 12 goal a season player who should never be in the Brazil squad. Finally, Erikson gave Spurs an early lead in a typically eventful North London derby on Sunday. Then Granit Xhaka went the full Granit Xhaka and cleaned out Son in the box. The tackle was so late that by the time he hit him he wasn’t even in the camera shot. What a liability he is. A slim, Swiss, Charlie Adam without the goals. Kane despatched the penalty expertly (he’s fucking good at pens, I can’t take that away from him) and Spurs had Arsenal exactly where they wanted them before they allowed Lacazette to score seconds before the break. That changed everything and Arsenal dominated the second half. Still, Spurs had their chances and Kane hit the post with a brilliantly struck effort. Aubamayeng equalised with a deft touch from a Gendouzi pass and Arsenal thought they’d won it late on but Kolasanic was rightly adjudged to be offside. Kane produced his customary dive near the end but Martin Atkinson didn’t buy it. I’ve heard differing opinions on this one, but it’s blatantly obvious what happened. Kane slowed down, waited for the defender to arrive and then stepped into his path before falling over like a big fucking tree. Never a pen in a million years for me. Similar to Calvert-Lewin with Lovren actually. Some call it clever, others call it cheating. Generally depends if it’s one of your own players really. With Kane it’s definitely the latter because there are so many examples of him doing it. Imagine what his reputation would be like if he was some foreigner and not the England captain. I almost called him a slobbering goon there but I promised in week one I’d be nice. On the balance of play the draw was fair but I’d argue that Arsenal deserved to lose purely on the basis of their fans chanting “stand up if you’ve won the league”. The same cunts who are dismissing anything that happened pre-Premier League will be the first to sing about “winning the league on Merseyside”. I don’t know what the fuck is going with people these days. It’s as though facts are just thrown out the window now in the quest for “banter”. You’ve got Trump and Johnson just making shit up as they go, and now footy fans are following suit. Arsenal fans should be embarrassed about that chant, but they won’t be because “it’s just banter”. Burnley were just as bad this weekend too, responding to our “Champions of Europe” chant with “Champions of England, you’ll never sing that”. You’re singing that to us?? The 18 times Champions of England? Fuck me, that’s like some skid mark who won Wimbledon in the 1920s taunting Bjorn Borg.