Leaderboard

It was all happening this weekend with the ol’ VAR wasn’t it? The biggest drama was at the Etihad where City thought they’d scored a stoppage time winner only for the video ref to disallow it. For that to happen to them twice, against the same opponent, in the space of just a few months is incredible. It’s also funny as hell. It was a weird game really, and a completely freakish result. Sterling had headed City in front from a stunning De Bruyne cross. Spurs equalised out of nowhere when Lamela’s shot somehow beat Emerson from 20 yards. City then regained the lead when Aguero tapped in another glorious cross from De Bruyne, only for Lucas Moura to come off the bench and equalise within about five seconds. Then we had the stoppage time incident that provoked so much discussion all weekend. Jesus scored and nobody had even the slightest inkling there was anything dodgy about it, until after a delay of a couple of minutes we discovered it wouldn’t stand. Fantastic scenes, I won’t lie, I was laughing my balls off, partly due to relief but mainly because I could hardly believe this had happened to them again. So much for lightning never striking in the same place. There was much debate amongst the pundits afterwards. Carra was steadfastly fighting the corner of VAR while everyone else seemed to be moaning about it. Carra’s point was that the new handball rule is the problem and all VAR did was allow the officials to enforce the rule, so it actually did it’s job perfectly. That’s as may be, but if we didn’t have VAR then no-one would be arsed about that rule and indeed it probably would never have been introduced in the first place. Here’s what I said about that rule last week…. Wolves had a goal bizarrely ruled out by VAR. I’m irrationally angry about it because if the ball had hit the arm of a defender like that rather than the attacker, there’s not a chance in hell a penalty would have been given, so why was this disallowed? I’ll tell you why. Because the law changed and now if the ball hits an attackers arm / hand, even accidentally, it’s no goal. What a fucking shit rule, but it’s what I’ve come to expect now as these cunts in suits are ruining our game. So, let me know say… *Monty Burns voice* I’ve had one of my trademark changes of heart. God bless VAR, the new handball rule and all of those who conspired to make that glorious moment at the Etihad happen. Ok, in all seriousness, I’m made up City didn’t win but that whole situation was terrible and it’s not what I want to see. I’m starting to hate what football is becoming with this shit. I’ve got no love for City or their fans, but that shit just wasn’t right. The ball hit the hand of two players at the same time, but the only one that counts is the attacker? Bullshit. Stupid fucking rule that I reckon will probably be scrapped after one year because everyone hates it. If only I could say the same about fucking VAR. That’s here to stay, because it’s all about catering for the TV audience and nobody gives a shit about the match going fan, whose experience of the game is being completely ruined by this shit. VAR also denied City a penalty early on when Rodri was manhandled in the box by Lamela. Michael Oliver didn’t see it as he was looking at other players in the box, but surely this is the whole reason why you’d have the video? I don’t know what’s going on or what the point of it is. It used to be that the ref would go to the touchline and have a look for himself, before deciding what decision to give. They’ve scrapped that, and apparently now it’s all down to some junior ref sat watching a TV to decide if the proper ref out on the pitch got it wrong. As if some little YTS ref is going to tell Oliver he’s fucked up. This is causing more problems than it’s solving, and people are spending more time bitching about VAR than they were about refs fucking up decisions. Anyway, all that being said, it was funny seeing various City players take to social media to complain about it. None of them knew the rule had been changed, which tells me that they didn’t listen when the ref came to visit the training ground to explain it all to them. It also tells me they don’t watch Match of the Day, as if they did they’d have seen that Wolves ‘goal’ last week. They’d have also heard Shearer and Murphy complaining about the rule and they’d therefore know exactly why their winner was ruled out. Tell you what though, as happy as I am that Spurs took two points off them, I have to say that City murdered them and Spurs looked fucking hopeless. It was daylight robbery. One of the most one sided draws you’ll ever see. City had 30 attempts and Spurs had three. The result is brilliant for us but I can’t take too much from it because Spurs are the third best team in the country and they were barely able to even lay a glove on City, despite the flukey scoreline. It’s a bit demoralising in that sense. Aguero and Guardiola had a bit of a set to after the Argentinian was subbed. They kissed and made up after they thought Jesus had won it, but something isn’t right there. Pair of knobheads. And did you see Jesus kicking off at Oliver at full time? The daft bastard. It wasn’t Oliver’s decision, there’s no point giving him shit. He may as well have been yelling at one of the stewards, as they had as much say in what happened as Oliver did. Guardiola wasn’t happy about the whole VAR thing afterwards but it was a bit much that he started going on about Adrian being a few inches off his line in the Super Cup shoot out a few days before. Stalking cunt. We should get a restraining order out against him, the fucking weirdo. De Bruyne meanwhile, was the epitome of class about it. He usually is. I wish he didn’t play for them as he’s a top lad and an incredible player. Over to the Emirates now, where Lacazette squeezed a shot through the legs of Pope to set Arsenal on their way to three points against Burnley. Ashley Barnes equalised (I said last week he’d get 15 goals this year and he’s already a fifth of the way there after just two games) but Aubameyeng won it in the second half. The Gunners were good value for the points as they looked dangerous every time they attacked. Dyche has never taken points off Arsenal. They’re his Kryptonite. That might explain why he’s always moaning after he faces them. He had another big rant about diving after this one, which was a bit odd as there wasn’t really too much out of the ordinary happening. Actually that may be his point. This shit has become ‘normal’ now. I agree with everything he says about players going down too easily and that it’s not good for the game. Thing is though, Ashley Barnes is as good as anyone at doing that. He backs in, waits for contact and hits the deck. It’s not as blatant as some of the more orthodox dives you see, but it’s essentially the same thing. I’d like to know where Dyche stands on that, especially as he’s a former centre back. New Arsenal signing Pepe came off the bench and looked really lively. We might have our hands full this weekend if he starts alongside Aubameyeng and Lacazette. Thankfully their defence is still as bad as ever. It took just 45 seconds for Villa’s first home game back in the big league to turn sour, as Tom Heaton gave away a stupid penalty and Josh King buried it. Harry Wilson scored Bournemouth’s second goal with a shot from distance. It took a massive deflection, but still, that’s a nice start for him and he played well. Villa pulled one back through one of their new signings, Douglas Luiz. Not sure what to make of him yet, other than to say his hair is shocking and he contributed to Wilson’s goal with a stupid dummy. His goal was brilliant though, so he might be good. We’ll see. Tell you who is good. Norwich. They’re really fun to watch. I said after we beat them last week that I think they showed enough to convince me that they were going to be alright this season. The only thing holding me back from declaring them as ‘defo staying up’ was that I said the same stuff about Fulham last year. I was still saying it even after the turn of the year when they were well adrift. I flogged that dead horse for months and I don’t want to make that mistake again. Norwich though, I really think they might be decent. By decent I don’t just mean staying up by the skin of their teeth, I mean ‘Bournemouth decent’ where they’re comfortable in mid table. I’m going to wait until after next week’s round up to make any definitive predictions about top four and relegation etc though, so don’t hold me to that one yet. I suspect Norwich’s defence is probably shit but they play great football and that Pukki up front looks the business. I was really impressed with him at Anfield and he followed that up by banging in a hat-trick against Newcastle. He can defo play. We’ve seen strikers have little purple patches before only for it to turn out that they’re shite. Michael Ricketts managed to get an England call up based on a few months of massive over-achievement, and remember that fella from Wigan who scored an overhead kick and looked great for about a month? What was his name? Began with a ‘Z’ I think. *googles* Amr Zaki. He scored 10 goals in 16 games, got linked with Real Madrid and then completely reverted back to what he was before. Shite. I don’t think Pukki is one of those though. He looks like a very good striker. His movement is great and his finishing has been sharp so far. He reminds me a little bit of Danny Ings and I can definitely see him being crowned ‘my boy Pukki’ in the not too distant future. Newcastle look lost. Rafa was able to keep them competitive but will Bruce be able to do that? We’ll see, but he’s got his work out. That club is so fucked up I almost feel sorry for the fans. Then I remember the “USA” chants and the tiresome “sign on” crap. No sympathy from me. Over at Goodison, Bernard scored for Everton to give them a 1-0 win over Watford. Bernard goals come around about as often as Halley’s Comet. He’s a Brazilian Stewart Downing. Nothing more pointless than a forward who never scores and Bernard is almost as pointless as Theo Walcott. Not quite though, as there is nothing on this planet that’s as pointless as Theo Walcott. Watford had their chances and would have gone home with a point if their finishing had been better. Meanwhile, Brighton’s decent start continued with a home draw with West Ham that leaves them on four points from two games. Hernandez gave West Ham the lead but Brossard scored on his debut to equalise. He’d earlier had one ruled out by VAR and he had about ten shots in the game, which is twice as many as Brighton had as an entire team in the second half of last season. Onto Sunday now. Chelsea started well but fizzled out against Leicester on Lampard’s Stamford Bridge homecoming. Mount fired them in front after six minutes and it had been coming as they were all over Brendan’s team right from the off. Brilliant goal it was too. Great pressing and desire as well as a nice finish. Kepa almost undid their good start when he was caught dawdling on the ball by Vardy. What have I said about this shit? Any keeper who takes more than one touch when Vardy is on the pitch should be fined two weeks wages. I’m not kidding. It’s just fucking negligent. These cunts are just not paying attention and it winds me right up. Kepa was standing around, surveying his options, thinking he had all day. He just about got away with it but it deserved to be punished really. Leicester eventually began to get a foothold in the game and Maddison became increasingly influential. Ndidi equalised when he powered in an unmarked header from a corner. Maddison, Vardy and Tielemans all could have won it for Leicester who finished the game really strongly. Leicester might actually fancy their chances of finishing above Chelsea this season. Sheffield United got their first win and are sitting pretty on four points from two games. They look alright so far. They’re competitive and won’t be a pushover. They aren’t as easy on the eye as Norwich but they’re not your typical Sheffield United alehouse team either. I always think of them as horrible bastards, launching it to Brian Deane or Jostein Flo up top. At one point they were basically just Wimbledon of the North, but they play some good stuff now under Chris Wilder. Lundstrom rounded off a nice team move to set them on their way just after half time. They didn’t really threaten much before or after that but they were never in any danger defensively as they completely shut Palace down and just looked like they wanted it more. There were seven minutes added on at the end and the home fans were understandably nervous. They needn’t have been. They could have added on seven weeks and Palace wouldn’t have scored. They offered nothing. Zaha has mentally checked out at the moment and without him on form they’ve not got much hope. They seem to start badly every year though so this is nothing new. It does feel a little bit different though. They haven’t strengthened much (in fact they’ve lost Wan Bissaka and Batshuayi so they’re actually weaker) and their best player has a titty lip on him. They might go down this year depending on how well the newly promoted sides do. Monday night was a good laugh, even though the Mancs played better than I expected at Wolves. Nothing special, they still looked bang average but I expected them to lose quite comfortably so from that perspective they overachieved. Apparently they were pretty good in the first half but I only tuned it at half time so I missed that. The second half mostly belonged to Wolves and they deservedly got their equaliser when Neves picked out the top corner with a lovely strike. Of course VAR then had to stick it’s fucking oar in and kill the moment. Wolves fans are going mental about one of the best goals they’ll have seen in ages, and then all of a sudden the dreaded VAR review comes and everyone is sitting around holding their dicks, waiting to see what happens. The goal stood, but the moment was still ruined. All this examining offsides to the exact millimetre is just tiresome. I don’t really know what the answer is, as if you’re reviewing it then I suppose it has to be turned into a black and white issue and you can’t say “he’s only a little bit offside so we’ll let it go”. I’m not giving you any solutions, I’m just saying this is shit and I hate it. I’d rather live with incorrect offside decisions than put up with this shit all the time. One small positive to come from VAR though is players now know that if they’ve committed a foul in the box and the ref gives it, there’s no point protesting your innocence and causing a scene. Conor Coady clipped Pogba and when the ref blew he didn’t bother saying anything, because he knew. He’d caught him and VAR would show it. What happened next was great though. Rashford had scored from the spot in spectacular fashion last week, but Pogba told Rashford he wanted it. Rashford seemed fine about it, but Pogba missed. Couple of things on this. Firstly, it wasn’t a bad pen and at least he wasn’t acting the fool with the stupid run up. It was a great save. Secondly, I don’t really think Pogba himself deserves the blame for that, as it’s 100% on Solksjaer and his weak as piss approach. “Let the lads sort it out, we have two penalty takers so whoever feels confident can take it”. Get the fuck outta here. They’re always going to feel confident, they wouldn’t be penalty takers if they didn’t. Everyone at United knows Rashford should be on pens but nobody at United has the balls to tell Pogba that. So they fudged it. This was like David Moores going with joint-managers because he didn’t have it in him to tell Roy he had to go. Pogba has everyone at United by the balls. I thought Gary Neville was going to cry afterwards. His voice went so high at one point that I couldn’t even hear him. I thought the sound had gone off on the TV. Then my two dogs started howling. His voice was that high that even Carra was taking the piss out of it, saying “you sound like me!”. You could tell Neville wanted to call Solskjaer a massive fanny but instead he tip toed around it and did his best to imply Pogba’s ego was the problem. Nope, this is all on the manager, your mate Ole. Pogba is not a good penalty taker but because he’s somehow managed to convince so many people that he’s a great player, nobody is willing to tell him. I mean fucking hell, Neville actually named him as his ‘one to watch’ and said he could even be Player of the Season. The only way that happens is if the hundred or so other Premier League players who are better than him all decide to retire at once. I’m genuinely baffled by all this. People go on about how talented Pogba is, but it’s completely fucking mental. I don’t see it at all. Being able to pull the occasional brilliant long ball out of your arse every now and again, or having the technical ability to hit the odd good volley just doesn’t make you a special player. Pogba’s fanboys will point to these things as proof of how great he is while completely ignoring all the massive flaws and countless shit performances. The way some people talk about Pogba you’d swear he was Kevin De Bruyne. The Belgian can do all of the things that supposedly make Pogba ’special’ but he does a hell of a lot more besides, and he doesn’t have any of the huge flaws in his game that Pogba has. Judging a player based on the occasional bit of brilliance and not on the overall package is such a fucking millennial thing though. Having a good FIFA rating is more important than actually delivering on the pitch. Paul Pogba is shit. He’s a liability and I hope he stays with United for the rest of his career. I also hope they let him take their penalties too.