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Showing content with the highest reputation on 12/08/19 in all areas

  1. 5 points
    It’s time for the first weekly recap, baby! Weekly Recap Matchday 1: What I noticed this week Disclaimer first; I will talk about 5 things that happened every week in Ligue 1 and the conclusions I can draw from them. I’ve picked 5 because I simply can’t talk about every match. This may come as a surprise but there are many matches and teams in France that are boring and don’t deserve to be talked about. So, I’ll leave my thoughts at 5 and not 10, which would cover every match during a week. I will try to vary what teams I talk about week to week, but if there is a Toulouse match where nothing happened and in contrast, there is a Lyon match that finishes 5-5 and one of the scoring players takes his cock out in celebration, I will have to talk about the Lyon match even if I didn’t talk about Toulouse before and I have talked about Lyon. That’s what seems right to me. And finally, of course, at the conclusion of every report I will award a player the highest fictitious honour known to man; the goddamn “Young Stud of the Week”, baby! Let’s go! 1. PSG cunt Nimes in the bastard and their title stroll is off and running, but not all is right in the French capital. This was going to be the most predictable result of the weekend. PSG, for the second game in a row after their Trophee des Champions victory against Rennes, was facing an undermanned, weakened side who were ripe for an aggressive spanking. And not the hot, sexual kind, more the uncomfortable kind, where an angry, old-school parent attempts to discipline their child. I’ve paraphrased it, but before the game, the Nimes manager basically said “I have no team. We will get absolutely sodomized tonight.” Ok, I made the last part up, but he pretty much said the first part. This is because Nimes sold three attackers this summer, plus their best midfielder (yes, it’s Teji Savanier @Bjornebye, you cunt) and haven’t yet replaced them. As a result, Paris meandered their way to an easy victory, and the team they were facing was even shitter than usual. Kylian Mbappe was sensational. Marco Verratti was sensational. PSG won 3-0. Otherwise, there’s nothing else to really say about the game. Now, what is interesting is what was going on in the stands. PSG supporters could be heard chanting “Neymar, hijo de puta” numerous times during the match. I’m not really sure why French supporters would insult a Brazilian guy with bad words in Spanish, but yeah, the divorce is very much on. The Ultras also had a banner which essentially translated to; "Neymar, fuck off". In sum, it’s all very pleasant. Call me crazy, but I think everyone involved is looking forward to the day Neymar goes back in Spain. 2. Lille start season on a high despite numerous player sales I’ve said it before and I’ll talk about it more in my season preview, but Lille have turned into the new Monaco. Despite this being the first game of the season and that they only beat a mediocre Nantes side 2-1, there is a sense that the new players that have been recruited this summer will shine and continue Lille’s upward trajectory as a club. At least in Ligue 1. The Champions League will be a different story (spoiler alert; they will probably be really bad there). Anyway, new 20-year-old Nigerian striker Victor Osimhen, signed from Wolfsburg, already looks like he will be the club’s next cash cow. He absolutely obliterated the Nantes defense, scoring both of Lille’s goals, in the process showing pace, strength and fearsome shooting. Their new 16 million euro attacking midfielder Yusuf Yazici also came on and immediately showed quality on the ball and returning midfielder Boubakary Soumare showcased why he’s one of the favourites to become a star this season. In conclusion, even after selling multiple very good players, they still have numerous young studs in their side and therefore, the club is in good health. 3. Monaco lose 0-3 to Lyon, are an absolute stinking pile of dog shit I did a small match report on this Friday, but I need to talk about this more, because this result was a continuation of the horror (the dozens of) Monaco supporters had to endure last season. Even though some of the events of the match were a bit particular (the Fabregas red card and the Monaco keeper literally jumping over a Memphis Depay shot) and conclusions probably shouldn’t be drawn from one result, I’m very much a hysterical fanny and feel like overreacting; Monaco are in big trouble. They are so bad. I have a big rant on Monaco to make but I’ll do it in my season preview (that’s a veteran writer move to get the anticipation up). All I will say about this match is that Lyon were fresh off losing to Bournemouth 3-0 (yes, in pre-season, but still), yet they turned up 6 days later to the Stade Louis II and pissed all over this guy’s stadium. Embarrassing. 4. Strasbourg are held in the derby (yes, the derby) against Metz Given you’re all ignorant swines when it comes to French football, I bet none of you are aware that Strasbourg and Metz are fierce rivals. As a Ligue 1 guy, this is common knowledge for me and I totally did not Wikipedia this; Strasbourg and Metz play in what is referred to as the “Derby de l’est” or “Derby of the East), a strange name because geographically both clubs are actually separated by 150 kilometers. Again, common knowledge for me, despite this distance between the clubs, there is actually a fierce rivalry between the regions of Alsace, where Strasbourg are located, and Lorraine, where Metz are located. As a result, we have this absolute barnburner of a rivalry. Now, everyone knows nothing can be really gathered from a derby (“form goes out the window, it’s a great equalizer", etc…) but I have some conclusions from this thrilling 1-1 draw nonetheless. Number 1; Metz will be an absolute bore to watch but I think they will be safe. Number 2; Strasbourg are not boring to watch, they actually play decent football, but they will have a disappointing season. There you go, that’s why you all read my stuff, for bold predictions and hot takes like these ones. (No pic of the rivalry on Google but this is a comparable intensity) 5. Reims sucker punch Marseille at the Velodrome, a stadium that may be in its last year after supporters burn it down in frustration at the end of this season My condolences to @Jairzinho for betting his hard-earned money on this sorry-ass bunch of losers. This was always going to be a tough game for Marseille regardless because Reims are a pain to play against for all teams not named “PSG”, but in hindsight Reims should have actually been heavy favourites heading into this game. I said betting on Marseille was going to be “a bit of a risk”. I was wrong. What I should have said was “betting on Marseille winning this match is like betting on @Hades getting laid in the next decade”. In Premier League terms, it’s the equivalent of saying Burnley should be favourites against Spurs. That should simply never happen. Yet this Marseille squad is so loaded with shite and the club is mired in such negativity that I should have been more adamant this would happen. So what did happen? Basically, Reims did the bare minimum defensively; they were compact, they had a solid 4-5-1 shape, and when they broke forward their fast, black men (and one Korean man) had the composure to put a couple chances away. It was easy for Reims, comfortable even. Marseille had two shots on target and hit the bar once. At home. They got rinsed by Reims (that's a pun, by the way, those two words are pronounced pretty much the same). 3 Stacks’ Young Stud of the Week Award Vic “big-ass dick” Osimhen, for his two goal performance against Nantes on his Lille debut. And yes, he does qualify as a young stud despite Nigeria’s notorious record of doctoring their player’s ages. See ya'll next week!!!
  2. 4 points
    Got a phone call off my daughter a few years back when she had moved into her first house. Dad there's some bloke in our house saying he can take our telly away He'll be a TV Licensing guy, love put him on the phone I can't Why ? Anthony's got him on the floor choking him
  3. 3 points
    Lovren's a very good centre half and we've a ridiculous amount of games this season. Would be crazy to sell him. It's not like Gomez and Matip are made of tungsten like Virgil either.
  4. 3 points
  5. 2 points
    Report by Dave Usher A 4-1 home win to kick off the season isn’t anything to be sniffed at, which is why I had to chastise myself at full time when I realised that my pleasure at the result was tinged by mild disappointment and a sense of missed opportunity. I’m aware that’s daft and goes against every traditionally held viewpoint, and that’s why I had to check myself. That being said, City’s win the next day does kind of validate my initial reaction, to some extent at least. Before you stop reading, log off and call me a miserable, impossible to please bastard, allow me to explain. It’s a mark of how special this team is - and also of the almost impossibly high bar that has been set by Guardiola’s side - that a 4-1 win isn’t wholly satisfactory anymore, especially when it was 4-0 at half time. This team is so good that winning by three goals at home is almost level par, nothing special, just what we’ve come to expect. That’s the standard they’ve set for themselves in recent years. Unfortunately the standard City have set is marginally higher, which they demonstrated again by topping our 4-1 result with a 5-0 win away at West Ham. Annoying bastards. Despite the tinge of disappointment at letting a really big score get away from us, I’m trying not to allow what City do lessen the enjoyment I get from watching the Reds. It isn’t always easy though. After how last season went it’s always in the back of your mind that we need to try and match them, not just point for point but also goal for goal, in case it comes down to that. Trying to do that and constantly thinking about it is fucking tiring though, isn’t it? Last season was torture at times, and it’s almost like the summer never happened as I’ve just picked up those exact same emotions I was having last year. Even though it’s fucking August!! We can’t control what they do except when we play them but if we’re going to challenge them again like we did last year then we’ll need to take every opportunity that comes our way. From that perspective, I think we let one slip through our grasp a little here, because goal difference might end up being important. That said, I enjoyed the game and it was refreshing to come up against an opponent that didn’t just pack their own box and try to stifle us. Norwich’s approach to the game was actually quite astonishing I thought. Other than Man City, I bet we won’t see anyone else try to play that way against us. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The amount of times Tim Krul just passed it five yards to his centre back from goal kicks was incredible. They tried to play their way out time and time again and in fairness they managed it more often than not. They’re going to be fun to watch this season. I thought it was foolhardy but that’s how the coach wants his team to play and fair play to him for being brave enough to do that against us, especially at 4-0 down. At times early in the second half it looked like we were going to overwhelm them as they were trying to play out from inside their own box while we were pushed right up on them. Doing that against us is like throwing a used tampon into a shark tank. Our lads were swarming all over them and the only surprise was that we didn’t score from one of those situations. We almost did when Salah bent one inches wide after Fabinho had won the ball in their half, but overall Norwich played through our press far better than I would have expected them to. This is just a teaser, click to view the full article Please note that Match Reports are only available to website subscribers. Subscriptions cost just £2 a month (you need to register first) and can be purchased here.
  6. 2 points
    Wow, just wow. I have been one of his harshest critics but you are painting a picture of Kvarme not the player that since Klopp arrived and only made a handful of mistakes. Yes they are nearly all high profile but it's not.like he makes them all game every game.
  7. 2 points
    Gok Wan is now officially redundant. And Bobby's Dad looks like an extra from Narcos.
  8. 2 points
    You're angst is perfectly articulated and relatable, Dave. It's exactly the way I felt when I watched West Ham/City on Saturday. I'm not watching another City game until we next play them. It absolutely gives me the shits and I'm not torturing myself watching these cunts, or teams rolling over against them. I'd rather wake up to a surprise result - like their loss to Palace last year - or check the scores on my phone as I walk to work - like their loss at Newcastle earlier this year. I'll just try and enjoy watching us do well - which we will - and pretend Abu Dhabi doesn't exist. Your insight about a 38-game sprint/run-in is brilliant, and chilling. The shitness of modern football, brought on by money and corruption, not managerial genius... certainly not the managerial genius that the Paisley 1981/82 season you referenced definitely was. Cheers for, contextually and mood-wise, a spot on report.
  9. 2 points
    Oh man, what a pic! looks like Bobby had a blast in the off season. It seems he's not the only talented one in the family. His mother is apparently handy with a sewing machine and likes upcycling her old curtains, and him being the wonderful loving loyal son that he is, wears them without batting an eyelid... Our Bobby likes to party!!
  10. 2 points
    All VAR will do/has done is highlight how stupid most of the rules are and that they need to change, in particular the handball rule, what does and doesn't constitute a foul, etc... The rules in football aren't indelible or sacred, they were made up by a bunch of random English guys during the industrial revolution or whatever. VAR won't go away. If the authorities are smart, they'll change the rules in function of the technology and the game will be better as a result.
  11. 2 points
    Imagine the scenes on here if we picked up a couple of injuries and signed him on fresh terms.
  12. 2 points
  13. 2 points
    Wind chimes. They're just pieces of metal making a fucking racket as they collide. They're about as peaceful and spiritual as Harvey Price freestyle drumming on some pots and pans.
  14. 2 points
    Was rice trying to curry favour with the ref?
  15. 2 points
    Previous Liverpool estimations of injury lengths lead me to suspect we will be lucky to see Alisson before the end of his contract.
  16. 2 points
    I hate VAR but mainly for the immeasurable stuff. I expect it will get more decisions right than previously but it will also break games up and slow them down which will work against more often than not. We'll also never score a goal like the one v Fulham at Anfield last season again as the VAR would be getting looked at for two minutes on Fulham's offside goal first. Added to that it ruins the experience of the moment when the ball hits the goal. I see it as more scientifically accurate but at the expense of what makes football so popular. It's fucking shit.
  17. 2 points
    On my last trip to Vietnam a few months ago, a friend asked if I would talk to the children at her sisters little English private school. I love Vietnam and the Vietnamese people who are just unbelievably friendly so I jumped at the chance to repay a little of the kindness I've received. I enjoyed it so so so much, I returned for a couple more weekends before I went back to Australia. I returned to Vietnam a couple of weeks ago and went to the school for a class on the weekend. As soon as they spotted me, I was mobbed by the kids welcoming me back, it was magic, a truly terrific feeling. Needless to say, I'll be going back.
  18. 1 point
  19. 1 point
    Captures my mood perfectly too - on a high at half time, a little deflated after a disappointing 2nd half, and a tiny bit depressed after the City match. Ridiculous state of affairs on the first weekend of the season,especially after a 4-1 win! Another thought - we'd have done a Premier League and Champions League double - think about that - last season if we didn't have to compete against the FFP-trampling, sports-washing of City, and this team would be even bigger legends than they already are.
  20. 1 point
    I blame the Echo, you print shit like this and it has a nasty habit of biting you on the calf...
  21. 1 point
    Black baseball cap lad with the long hair is definitely an alien.
  22. 1 point
    I’d be made up. Just for the fume.
  23. 1 point
    We've got my mrs's 17 year old nephew from San Diego staying with us for the next week. Just a few things pissing me off about him 1. I cant go out on the beer as i normally do on a saturday night because, according to my mrs, me having a slight smell of beer about me on the sunday morning might be more than his sensitivities could bear 2. The stupid fucking way he talks which raises at the end of sentence as if asking a question and the way he starts to croak as fucking americans do. 3. The stupid way he holds a knife and fork 4. The way he looks down his nose at me for liking butter on my toast for breakfast and not jam 5. He keeps saying "a bunch of" 6. The fucking stupid daft looking chinos he wears with white pumps 7. The Newcastle shirt he wears because he likes the colours 8. Hes never heard of Deontay Wilder or Tyson Fury 9. Everything is "cute" 10. He cant say "no thanks" its no, i'm good" Cunt I'll stop there
  24. 1 point
  25. 1 point
    Oh I will alright, but The Bitch has hair like Samson. If anyone can defeat baldness it'll be him.



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