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Mentioned before that my youngest brother is a bad blue, 35 years of age so was about 10 when they last won anything. Really bitter he is and he has three kids between 10 and 15 who were all dressed in Everton kits since birth, add to that he has a step son and daughter, the girl doesn't follow football but the young lad got dragged into the cult at the age of 6 when his mum and brother got together, the kids are from Doncaster so the lad had no local connection. Found out today that since our last couple of seasons and our Euro cup win, two of his own kids and the stepson have said they don't want to support Everton anymore and have switched allegiance to Liverpool. He doesn't know that I know yet, I'm biding my time but fuck me am I going to have some fun with this.

I’m assuming all the women who voted had seen The Bitch in his Liverpool shirt.

We've got @Stouffer, which accounts for 98% of our sexiness. The sexy bastard. @TheBitch is another 1% and the rest of us the final 1%.

Fuck right off. Great song, great film, great woman. Negged.

Christ. This is really happening, isn’t it? Welcome to Manchester City, Phil.

He and us could have another champions league medal if he would have stayed the whole season and started in goal instead of karius

We had some renovation work on our house done a while back and I’m a bit miffed looking back that the architect made no effort to have a tattoo done of me and the Mrs.

Norway, obviously.

This whole thing about Dan Meis "loving" the cub that has paid him a fortune for fuck-all work... I have no idea which architect designed our Main Stand and I certainly don't care about who or what they love; all I know is that they did a fucking good job. Call me a heartless old cynic, but I think that's more important.

She's probably been hiding under all the rubbish to be fair.

Newcastle going from Rafa to the Elephant Man is hilarious. Almost as bad as going from Benitez to Hodgson.... oh hang on that already actually happened..... Freaks my nut out to this day.

Ha, cheers Karlo. I'm knocking on a bit now so that's probably only 97.8% sexiness now. Still darn friggin' sexy tho'.

I suppose a lot of people will doubt U2's credentials as a great band, but 'Sweetest Thing' was a genuine turd.

Changing lanes on the motorway and not hitting the cats eyes. Sad, but always makes me smile

Ha! The day after my 25th birthday party, I opened in a one-day game and made a duck over an hour. Then bowling later, after 2x terrible wicket balls, the hat trick ball was skied to mid-on where there was no fielder. I turned to run back for the catch and crashed into the stumps and ended up star-fished on the ground. Mid-wicket had also started running for the catch, but started pissing himself with laughter upon seeing my situation on the pitch and forgot about the ball long enough for it to drop safely into an empty field. It was all I deserved, really.

It was obviously very unfortunate for the Kiwis but everyone knew the rules beforehand. And you can argue a few things in Englands favour as tie-breakers; England got more points and finished higher in the group stage. England battered NZ in the group stage. In the super over England didn’t lose a wicket whereas NZ did (to counter the argument about wickets lost at the end of 50 overs - i’m glad that’s not the rule anymore, I always hated it). NZ were just plain unlucky in how England got their runs towards the end of the 50 overs but overall I think the best team won the tournament.

Didn't that 'esk' fella say they've spent £1m a month so far on plans for the stadium, if I was Meis I'd have all that too and be laughing all the way to the bank. Why don't they also claim that the new stadium will also solve world hunger, cause world peace and bring in an era of complete nuclear disarmament, doesn't sound so far fetched when you see what bitters think. So a stadium by a sewerage works, a team that is mainly mid-table, who will use that stadium probably 20 out of 365 days will solve all of Liverpool's problems in that area. What of the new issues that taking that stadium away from Goodison might cause? Actually, I don't buy into their begging tactics. The area around Anfield (including around their wooden hut) benefits more from us than them right now. We (according to them) bring in far more visitors to the city and generally a lot more often than them. Costco probably has more visitors in a year than Everton would at the dock, and they'd spend more and they'd undoubtedly leave happier. Admit it, they pick up that massive Main Stand that winds you up so much you blocked off part of your ground so your fans wouldn't have to look at it. They wouldn't want them waking up, realising that they are being taken for mugs.

Wow. Aliens, area 51, secret government testing and simulation hypothesis, and we're not even off the first page. Nah this is obvious bait to try and distract me from levelling my characters on Final Fantasy, I'm out of here.

The Tooth Is Out There.

Ftumch!

Dont we have Oxlade Chamberlane, Lallana, Shaqiri, Keita or Milner (if we play 3 in midfield) as well? I really dont go with this we lack strength in depth. And no, I wouldnt have him back after the shit storm he caused to leave less than 20 months ago.

But that's enough about Steven Caulker.

Darling Fascist Bullyboy: Give me some more money, you bastard. May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman, Mosh.

Fuck them. They can suck it up, the utter bastards. I had to sit with their fans in the East Stand for 90 minutes and hear terrible things, terrible things about the club and city I love. I had lifelong mates cheering on Man City and Spurs during the run-in. Fuck them hard, they need to suffer. I hope they get relegated and never come back. Not that I took it personally or hold a grudge. Nothing like that, you lot all know that I'm a reasonable guy from the last 14 years I've been on this forum.

I understand he’ll only be considered if @Paulie Dangerously can’t agree terms.

Kokomo is boss. Terrible shout.

Anyone brave enough to post this on GOT?

80's Chevy chase style

Alien 1 : OK you've been monitoring this planet for decades now, we've come to ask why you've not introduced yourself to the Humans yet and started contact. Alien 2 : Yeah, well we're about ready but we're supposed to go down and meet with the leader of the most powerful country to start that process off. Alien 1 : OK, and what's the problem? Alien 2 : Fuck off. I'm not going down there and speaking to that cunt. Alien 1 : Why not? Can't you put aside your personal differences for the good of the Human race? Alien 2 : You go and do it then. Alien 1 : Fuck off. Alien 2 : Yeah exactly. Alien 1 : Alright, maybe give it another decade, see what things are like then.

Got this on vinyl the other day, The Beach Boys with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. A bit hit and miss but interesting.

Real Madrid having eyes bigger than their belly as per usual.

As if the Quagaars would reveal themselves.

I see a letter signed by 67 Labour peers (this should be an oxymoron) has been published in the Grauniad denouncing Corbyn for his lack of action over anti-Semitism. The list includes cunts such as John Reid and that bastion of integrity Mandy Mandleson! Start setting the lawyers on these fuckers Jezza!

Klopp obviously liked Lovren and for a lot of games he played last year he looked as good as he has for us (although its difficult to look bad with VVD next to you). Matip and VVD appear to be the first picks and he will want Gomez playing when fit too so yeah Lovren will be 4th choice if he stays. At this stage of his career he won't want that and will rightly want to be playing every week even if it means elsewhere. Especially with a champions league medal now. Milan would be a good move for him. We would need cover though. I'd like to have seen us go for Ake. I reckon he could push for a first team spot.

Had no idea that Rugby League was that big in Louisiana

Nah, not for me, Rem. I like to eat my biscuits, not drink them. Plus, I’m not really a big tea drinker. I tend to just dunk my biscuits and lash the remainder of the tea down the sink.

I know there are budget cuts but I didn't realise Merseyside jurisdiction now extended into North Wales.

Another Joyce article behind the Times paywall.

boris Player Valuation: £15m Today at 3:15 PM Add bookmark #29,161 The form we ended last season with, including DCL up top, would challenge for the top 4 this season, particular with all our challengers being weaker. I expect we’ll be even better this season as the team gets more used to Silva’s ideas and younger players, like DCL develop, however it’s all completely irrelevant as we will add in that area. The team that ended last season though, would put in a top 4 challenge this season, which only reiterates how much we have to look forward to this forthcoming season.

The fuck has this got to do with me??

He's an excellent player, a proven match winner and we'd be deluding ourselves to think he wouldn't at least improve the squad. I can understand why people might think "Fuck him" but wouldn't that be a case of cutting the nose off to spite the face? Especially if we can absolutely bend Barcelona right over in the process? 2 year loan, with significantly subsidised wages, with a view to a deal, but then fuck him off and collect our money from them anyway. It's the perfect storm.

Beaten to it? I guess you'll have to sell your gimp suit now.

As soon as I saw that on the beeb site I knew one of the cunts would post it on here. And you top of the list son!

Whilst signalling he is totally out of the loop on the whole saga Also- 'increasing his brand urgh,' you are absolutely right but jesus, what a cunt some footballers are. I wonder if Andy Robertson donates to foodbanks to strengthen his brand. edit-he'd give me a glasgow kiss for asking

I'm very very late to the game on this one, tried it about a month ago and liked it, bought a jar, had 1 sandwich and my wife destroyed the lot in about 3 days. Had it with crisps, cheese and tomato on shitty white bread.