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Last but not least in this series of report cards, we come to Virgil Van Dijk. I saved the best until last. And he was the best. The best at Liverpool. The best in the Premier League. The best in the Champions League. Basically, he’s just the best. Not just the best defender either. Over the past year he’s probably been the most dominant player in the world. He may or may not be rewarded for that form with a Balon d’or, but it doesn’t really change anything if he misses out. He's the fucking man. It’s always going to be more difficult for defenders to win individual honours, especially when Lionel Messi is around. It’s difficult comparing them too, because they do completely different jobs. Messi is the best ‘footballer’ in the world (perhaps the best to ever) but currently Van Dijk might just be the best ‘player’, if that makes sense? Look at it this way. Was anyone better in their respective position this season than Virgil? Could he (or any defender) have done any better than he did in 2018/19? How could he have improved on what he did? Other than scoring more goals I'm not sure it's possible. Virgil should score more goals but he did alright and is getting better all the time. Defensively though, he was as close to flawless as you’re likely to see. We’ve had some great centre halves at Liverpool. Truly great ones. None have been like this guy though. With the other greats, there was always something that you could say they weren’t the best at. Sami Hyypia wasn’t the quickest, Carra wasn’t either and he was also a little undersized for what you’d ideally want in a centre back. Alan Hansen wasn’t the most physical, neither was Lawro. All were world class, but none were what you could call the complete package. Virgil though? There isn’t one weakness there. He’s great at everything. There is no part of his game that you think ‘he needs to work on that’ as he’s just fantastic at everything. He’ll out run you. He’ll outjump you. He’ll outthink you. He’ll outplay you. If necessary, he’ll outfight you. He can run like Usain Bolt, jump like Michael Jordan, read the game like Franco Baresi and pass like Xabi Alonso. He’s ridiculous. He actually beat Adama Traore in a race down the touchline at Wolves. He also dominated aerially against every striker he faced and as we know, no-one was able to dribble past him. He makes it look so easy that sometimes it’s taken for granted just how well he’s played. Because he’s rarely having to make last ditch challenges and blocks, and he’s hardly ever at full stretch, it looks like he’s not had much to do. There’s a reason it looks like he hasn’t had much to do though. It’s because it’s easy for him and very few players can actually make him work for his money. One of the biggest differences he’s brought to our game is something that largely goes un-noticed. When the opposition try to put a ball over the top or just try to knock it long and play for second balls, we’ve had problems with that in the past. Defenders would be at full stretch and would often only be able to clear it straight to the opposition and allow them to mount attacks, or at the very least get up the field and relieve the pressure from themselves. Now? It just doesn’t happen, because Virgil doesn’t just win those balls, he knocks them down to his own team-mates and allows us to keep up the pressure. He does it constantly, and because he does it so easily it’s barely even mentioned. I see it all the time though and just marvel at the difference he’s made. There’ll be a difficult looking ball played down the channel that has him turned around, and he’ll just rise like a salmon and knock it down perfectly into the path of Robertson, or he’ll bring it down on his mighty chest and roll it to Fabinho to get us going again. It’s only a little thing but it makes a huge difference. Much is made of the “never been dribbled past” stat and while it’s importance is probably a little over-stated, it’s cool as fuck and it’s causing some serious fume from opposition fans, specifically the Blues and City (who are effectively one and the same these days anyway). When you look at the list of names Virgil has come up against over the past year, it’s remarkable that none have managed to dribble past him (apparently Leroy Sane did it on international duty, but that doesn’t count as Virg wasn’t playing for the Reds). How many have even tried though? That’s probably the more telling stat. Great players don’t even bother attempting to go past him because they know it’s futile. They just pass it to someone else and avoid the ignominy of being mugged by the big man. Van Dijk has transformed this team. He is the most expensive player in the history of the club and yet he’s also one of our greatest bargains. Seriously, he is. £75m is a steal. He’s at least doubled his value already, but that’s not even the point I’m making. He’s made everyone else better too. Joel Matip was being linked with Fulham six months ago, then he looked absolutely magnificent in the second half of the season. Joe Gomez looks like a superstar after playing four or five months alongside Big Virg. And if that’s not enough to prove my point, how about this; last year Dejan Lovren went from a whipping boy to performing like one of the best defenders in the world. Van Dijk is the common denominator in all of that. The players still have to perform and they deserve credit in their own right, but none of them would have looked as accomplished as they have without the influence of Van Dijk, on and off the field. Just by being around him players become better. He’s a leader, but he’s also humble and he inspires confidence in those around him. Now, even when they aren’t partnered by him they still look great because they’re all full of confidence in themselves. Lovren reached a world cup final without Virgil, but would he have performed as well as he did if he hadn’t spent those months building his confidence alongside Big Virg? No chance. The big man’s influence has been fucking huge. On our team, on the fans and on his fellow defenders. Everyone has so much more confidence now. Losing him for any significant period of time would be a huge blow, but when he missed the home leg with Bayern Munich Matip and Fabinho held down the fought and we kept a comfortable clean sheet. We can cope without him for the odd game, but his availability is the biggest key to any success we will have. He’s our most important player and it’s not even close. The impact he’s had on his own team-mates is matched only by that he’s had on the opposition. He intimidates people. Not through fear, but just because he’s so good and so dominant. No-one looks forward to playing against him. The real beauty of it is that we’ve now got the Van Dijk of goalkeepers in Alisson, and the Van Dijk of midfielders in Fabinho. Imagine being an opposing player lined up next to them in the tunnel. You’d be thinking “we’ve got no fucking chance here”. Big, physical, dominant specimens. When he first arrived, I compared Virgil to LeBron James. By that I mean when you watch him, it’s almost unfair how superior he is to everybody else. Both Van Dijk and LeBron always look like they’re the fifth year senior (or year 11 or whatever the fuck it’s called now) who gatecrashed a game with the little first years on the playground. They’re just bigger, faster, stronger and better than everyone else. Physically they’re just superior, but ability wise they are too. Most opponents are powerless when they come up against them, Troy Deeney summed it up better than anybody really, saying “I’ve said it many times, I hate him. I hate going up against him. He’s too big, too strong, too quick, too good on the ball, loves fighting, a good head of hair. He’s one of those guys that sprays on his top as well, so it smells lovely!” Quite. Rating 10 / 10 As difficult as it is to top what he did this year, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was even better next year. Best Moment: It would have been the marvellous way he handled the two against one break against Son and Sissoko, but Andy Robbo stole his thunder when he did the same thing, only against Messi, Suarez and Alba. I'm tempted to go with the ‘assist’ for Origi’s derby winner, but it’s probably the vital header away at Bayern. That was a great moment. The pass to set up Mané in that game was pretty special too. Worst Moment: I’m struggling here. There was the mix up with Alisson at Fulham that led to Babel scoring, but I’ll go for letting Suarez run off the back of him for Barca’s first goal in Camp Nou. The future? More of the same. He’s coming into his prime but probably still has six or seven years left at his best level before he starts slowing down. He seems to love it here so there’s no reason why he won’t spend those years here, and if he does (and if we continue to win trophies) there’s a chance he might go down as our greatest ever player.

Maybe it’s just me, and this might be an unpopular view, but I never felt like Bobby fully got going this season. He was good, but he only reached the heights of the 17/18 season in fits and starts. You know his attitude and commitment is always going to be there, but I felt like he suffered early in the season, initially from not having much of a break over the summer, and then from Klopp changing the system to 4-2-3-1. Bobby as a number nine in the front three is brilliant. I wouldn’t swap him for any centre forward in the world. Genuinely, there’s no-one I’d rather have. He’s perfect for how we play and is vitally important in so many aspects of our game. Bobby in any other role though just isn’t as effective. With Klopp using Salah up top and Firmino behind, it just never looked right to me. It never looks right when Bobby goes out wide either, although his phenomenal work ethic does make us stronger defensively than when Mo is out there. I quite liked the tactic of switching them over late in games when we had a lead, but I’m not keen on us starting that way. To me, Bobby is just not the same when he isn’t the number nine and the fulcrum of our attack. He sets the tone and everyone plays off him. When he wasn’t in that role we still got results because we’re a great team, but it wasn’t as free flowing as last season. Firmino still had his moments, with a late winner against PSG and a hat-trick at home to Arsenal the obvious highlights, but in general this year’s Bobby wasn’t as dynamite as last year’s Bobby. He got off to a slow start and prior to that hat-trick against Arsenal on Dec 29 he had only scored six goals. While his contribution to the team can’t simply be measured in goals *cough* Harry Kane *cough*, six goals in 26 games isn’t what you’d expect, especially after how many he scored the season before. As I said, the system change didn’t really help him and there were times when it looked like he just couldn’t get into the game and looked frustrated. The thing with Bobby is he’s a workaholic and he has to be involved. He’s not going to stand around and wait for the ball to come to him, he goes and gets it. When he’s the nine, the ball comes his way naturally and he can work across the line and come short and do whatever it takes to be involved in the game. When he played as the ten it was different. He ended up coming deeper and deeper to get the ball and there were times when he was picking it up off the centre backs like Hendo or Fabinho. His work ethic was admirable but that change in set up often left him looking like a spare one at a wedding. He’s the ultimate team guy though so you’d never hear him complaining or see him showing any signs of frustration. He just does what’s needed, even when it means others get the glory for his hard work. It’s not even that he was out of form or playing poorly, he just didn’t seem able to make his usual kind of impact, and I do put a lot of that down to 4-2-3-1. The notable exception to that was the Arsenal game when he banged in a hat-trick. One was a tap in and another was a penalty, but the second one was glorious. Generally though, based on everything I’ve seen, Bobby is twice the player when he’s the nine than he is when he plays anywhere else. The second half of his season was better than the first, but an injury picked up in training ahead of the Huddersfield game basically ended his season early. He returned for the final but he had no sharpness or rhythm and it showed. As I say, it felt like he never got into his stride at any point. It was fits and starts. Of course the great thing about Bobby is even if he’s not dazzling he’s still contributing a lot with what he does off the ball. He’s one of our most important players but the closing weeks off the season showed that we can cope without him much better than I thought we would. We’re a better team when he plays, but at least we know we can win without him if necessary. We might need to do that again in the opening weeks of next season as his involvement in Copa America may see him get an extended rest. The problem is that Sadio and Mo are also away on tournament duty and we can’t leave all three of them out to start the season. Generally Bobby is pretty indestructible but given the injury problems he had at the end of the season it is a bit of a concern that the lack of rest might catch up with him. Like Mo and Sadio, he’s played solidly for two whole years with only a few weeks off. Next year is massive for us with all the games we’re going to have, so we could have done without all three of our forwards playing through the entire summer like this. The start of the season might be quite tricky for us. Rating 7.5 / 10 I accept this might be a little harsh. Maybe an 8 would have been fairer, but *shrugs* it is what it is. He’s still boss, he just wasn’t as boss as he was the year before. Best Moment: The goal against Arsenal when he slalomed past three defenders and left them all on the seat of their shorts was a thing of beauty, but coming off the bench to score a last minute winner against PSG (and then doing the one eye celebration) was the best moment. Worst Moment: Rushing back from injury to face Barca and then re-aggravating it, causing him to miss the second leg and be a shadow of his normal self in the final. The future? I worry he might get off to a slow start but I still expect him to be great next year, especially if we sign another forward who can come in and allow us to freshen things up rather than have to keep picking ‘the big three’ and running them into the ground.

He’s great. I love him. This is going to be a difficult one to do though because Milner is one of the trickiest ones to evaluate. Virtually every performance from him is the same. There are no wild fluctuations in form, no highs or lows, he’s just basically the same every time he steps onto the field. He always makes the right decisions, he crosses well, he passes well, he works his socks off, he’s got great technique and he’s a leader and an example to everyone in the squad. He’s been great in midfield and when he’s needed to play full back he’s been great there too. He's Big Games James, the man you can count on when the pressure is at's highest. Just look at how many pressure penalties he's converted. He's the epitome of Klopp's 'Mentality Monsters'. Klopp even revealed that Milner gives a team talk before every game, whether he’s playing or not. The importance of Milner to this squad is probably much greater than anyone outside of the dressing room realises. In a group where most are relatively young and prior to this season hadn’t tasted much success, Milner has been there and done it all. His experience and professionalism raises the level of everyone else. I was happiest for Hendo that we won something. I was made up for Klopp as well, but Milner is right up there too. I was desperate for him to win something with us. He's got medals and he's had a great career, but for his Anfield legacy he needed to win something. To me, Milner has been a great Liverpool player. But without a major trophy it's just not the same. He'd have been remembered fondly, but now he'll be remembered as a club legend. He deserves that for being such a fantastic pro and great team-mate. Not to mention being a terrific player. I’ve said this before but it’s worth repeating. You could stick Milner in a time machine and transport him back to any era and put him in any of our great teams of the past, and he’d fit right in. Not only would be a hit on the pitch, but he’d be accepted into any dressing room as he’s just an old school pro. He's the consummate football player. A modern day Ian Callaghan. The Barcelona game was the perfect example of how valuable Milner is to this team. First half in midfield, absolutely sensational. Second half at left back, even better. Messi called him a donkey when they clashed at the Nou Camp. The ironic thing is, if Messi had a few like James Milner around him in that Barca team then they wouldn’t have been so easily turned over at Anfield (and by Roma last year). Great players need a James Milner or two around them, especially away from home when the going gets tough. Rating 8 /10 Terrific season. He was really good last year, but he was even better this time around. And now he's a European Champion. Best Moment: I’ve got three. Dumping Neymar on his arse in the first few minutes at Anfield. Dumping Messi on his arse in the Nou Camp. And breaking down in tears at full time after we beat Barca. You can also throw in any time he had to take a pen too. Balls of steel. Worst Moment: I suppose being called a donkey by Messi, although knowing Milner he probably buzzed off that and wears it as a badge of honour. Not taking the chance he had in the final was probably the lowest in my eyes as I'd have loved nothing more than for him to score a decisive goal in a final for us. He's probably not arsed though because we won. The Future: Give him a new contract. He’s as good as he’s ever been, arguably even better. He’s not slowing down and has a couple more years left in him if he’s not starting every week (which he won’t be because Klopp rotates the midfield lads constantly).

A year ago I saw Sadio Mané as very much the third man in the front three. He was boss but if another brilliant forward had dropped into our laps, Sadio would have been the obvious one to make way. It wasn’t a vote against him, it was a vote for Mo (44 goals) and Bobby (loads of goals, loads of assists and also the glue that held it all together). Now? Different story. Mané was our best forward this year. Statistically it was still Salah, but my eyes tell me that Mané was better despite what their respective seasons might look like on a spreadsheet. Why was Mané better? He was more consistent, he had fewer bad games and his goals often seemed to be more crucial. There was a spell when Salah wasn’t scoring and it was Mané who picked up the slack and kept us going. He shared the Golden Boot with Salah and Aubamayeng but Mané was the only one who didn’t take pens, so he’s the real winner for me. He started the season brilliantly, he ended it brilliantly and although he had a couple of dry spells he never really let those standards drop much in between. This was the Mané I expected to see LAST season, but as well as he did in 17/18 he was streaky and had some poor runs of form. This year he just seemed to have a swagger about him. Klopp says it’s because he’s finally realised just how good he is. Maybe last year when Mo was tearing it up, Sadio contented himself with a supporting role, like the Manic Street Preachers to Bon Jovi at Anfield last week. Now Mané isn’t a support act for anyone. He’s not the Manics, he’s the fucking Proclaimers. A headline act. As I say though, this is what I expected from him. In his first season with us I thought he was our Player of the Season, even though Coutinho got it. You’d see things from Sadio that would make you think he could be anything he wants to be. He never seems to get tired, he’s one of the quickest I’ve seen over a few yards (teenage Michael Owen is the only one who rivals him) and you can’t kick him out of a game as he just gets up and gets on with it. He didn’t always put it together consistently but there was world class talent there right from day one. The goal he scored at the Emirates on his debut is the one that always sticks with me. It was incredible. He’s so explosive and can do it with either foot or his head. He did it in flashes in his first two seasons, but this season he was doing it on a weekly basis, especially after the turn of the year. I read recently that he scored seven headers this season as well. Seven headers!! He’s only five foot seven or something. Doesn’t matter though, because not only can he jump, but he’s as good as there is at finding space in between defenders. He started this campaign with a double against West Ham on the opening day, and had four goals in his first four games. Then he went seven without scoring. Three in his next two was followed by an eight game drought but after that he was on fire. It felt like he scored every week after the turn of the year. I know he didn’t, it just felt like he did. His performances were quality too, so it wasn’t just the goals. So often this season I felt like the front three just weren’t at the same level they were a year ago, but that was unfair on Sadio because most of the time he was performing as well as or even better than last year. He had his off days, and the goalless draw away at United was horrendous from an attacking point of view (the entire team were garbage). Pitiful stuff that. For the most part though, Sadio had his A game with him most weeks. The beauty of it is that you can tell he hasn’t peaked yet, there’s still another level he can get to. I read something the other day from Trent, where he said that Mané is the player he least likes to face in training because he struggles to handle him. Rio Ferdinand also said recently that as great as our front three are, Mané is the one he would least like to play against because he’s relentless, quick, strong, can use both feet and he’s unpredictable. I think he’s still very much under-rated though. The wider footballing world sees Salah as the main man because of his 44 goals last season and his much higher profile. Mo doesn’t shy away from attention or the limelight but Sadio doesn’t seem to want any part of that. He’s quiet, shy even. The Messi to Mo’s Ronaldo. That probably seems like a dig at Salah but it’s not intended to be. I’m just trying to highlight the difference in the pair of them and explain why Mané is maybe not getting the recognition he probably should. Take that Barca game for example. Mo and Bobby were both missing but we won 4-0 anyway. Sadio didn’t score and was hardly talked about afterwards, but he was fucking brilliant that night. He ran Barca ragged. He may not have put the ball in the net himself, but he did as much as anyone to cause the overall sense of panic in the Barca backline. They were terrified of him and he unsettled them right from the start. He didn’t score though so it almost went under the radar. In the final he was our best forward too, even though he was nowhere near his best. Even when he's not having the influence you want him to he's always a threat and his capacity to just pick the ball up and run fifty yards with it must make him a right bastard to have to play against. He has two or three of those every game. So in summary, he’s gone from being the third man to being at the very least on an equal footing with Bobby and Mo. A great season and I can’t wait to see what he does next year. Rating 9 /10 Probably half a dozen more goals short of a perfect ten, but a hell of an effort. Best Moment: The back heel goal against Watford was a cracker, and I was tempted to go with him deliberately chipping the ball at Sissoko’s arm in the final. But that effort away at Bayern was just an iconic goal in the European history of the club. Just wonderful technique, I could watch it over and over. And I have. Worst Moment: He missed about five sitters against Napoli at home and had Alisson not saved the day then Sadio would have been the villain of the peace. But his worst moment of the season is definitely this… The Future? He’s no longer the third man, he’s on an equal footing with the other two and might actually be on his way to becoming number one if he can build on this year.

Saturday Jun 22: United’s move for Harry Maguire is in danger because another club has entered the race and are willing to offer him 280k a week. That other club? Man City. Of course, oui. Their wage bill is less than ours though, remember. I hope this is true because outside of Paul Pogba he’s the most over-rated player in the league. I’m not saying he’s shit, but the hype doesn’t match the player. He’s be great for United, where he’ll get more protection from the midfield and full backs, but City’s defenders face the same challenge ours do. They’re left isolated a lot and defend high up the pitch. Our forwards would fucking destroy him, so I hope this happens. Mind you, if Kompany has left behind his ‘get out of jail free card’ it won’t matter anyway as he’ll just hack them down without punishment. Wait, he’s already got one of those cards of his own hasn’t he? I’d forgotten about that. No wonder City want him to replace Kompany. A slab head replacing a bulb head. Perfect fit. Meanwhile, there was a no look finish from Bobby as Brazil battered Peru. This was one of his better ones, and it might be the most Bobby goal ever. He almost scored by blocking a clearance, and when it came back off the woodwork he went round the keeper and scored while looking in the opposite direction. Only Bobby could have scored a goal like that. I’d be happy enough for them to win it. Usually I’d be on board the Argie bus, but we’ve got two lads playing for Brazil, and besides, Argentina are fucking garbage. Look at their team these days, it’s staggeringly shit. They’ve actually got a Spurs reserve starting for them. Funes Mori is in the squad too. I didn’t even know he’d left Everton but wiki tells me he plays for Villarreal now where next season he’ll be joined in that back four by Alberto Moreno. What did those fans do to deserve that? The most surprising name in the Argie squad is Pereyra from Watford. Not only because Argentina are now scraping a barrel where they’re calling up players from Watford, but because I always thought he was Uruguayan. Turns out he's Argentinian. Who knew? The mighty have fallen, big time. Hard to look past Brazil for this one, but their record in this competition is shit so there’s always that. Watched a bit of the women’s world cup tonight. Hadn’t seen any of it until this, but I saw extra time and pens of Norway’s win over Australia and it was boss. End to end and incident packed. Australia’s penalties though, fucking hell. I keep planning on watching some of these games but life always gets in the way. I’ll defo watch if the England girls get to the semis, and I’ll be rooting for them to win it. Which tells me that I’m not actually anti-England, I’m just anti-everything that surrounds the England men’s team. Sunday Jun 23: "If he [Salah] has the chance to play in the best league of the world, which is the Spanish one, he has to sign for Barcelona. Mo has everything to be one of the best players in the world.” So says Samuel Eto'o. Newsflash Sammy boy, he already is one of the best in the world, he plays for a team that fucking obliterated your Barcelona boys (and did it without him) and he’s a European Champion. What the fuck is this shit. Is Eto’o Cameroon’s answer to Paul Merson? “Best league in the world” hahaha fuck off. Messi and Ronaldo have padded their stats for decades by banging in hat-tricks every second week against slapdicks like Eibar, Girona, Rayo Vallecano etc I’m not disputing the greatness of either, but if they had spent their entire careers playing in our league and not in Spain you could probably knock 100 goals of both of their totals. Staying with the bang average La Liga theme, Real Betis want Divock. Can’t see him going there. They finished 10th and haven’t been relevant since Denilson played there. Maybe we could swap him for Joaquin? Remember him? We were linked with him every summer for years. Holy Shit!! I was actually taking the piss there, but I just googled Joaquin to see what he’s doing now and he’s still playing for Betis. He’s 37 and he’s their fucking captain!! Hahahaha. Best league in the world though, eh? As if Divock is going there. Maybe they’d have better luck going for Sturridge. In five years time. Monday Jun 24: Rafa is leaving Newcastle which probably means Newcastle are leaving the Premier League. No-one else they are capable of landing is going to be able to do what Rafa did there. He might not be the best manager out there, but he’s the best Newcastle could get in their current situation. The fans are livid but they just don’t have a clue how to deal with Ashley. They’ve had protests but they’ve been embarrassing. A few dozen of them standing outside Sports Direct shops shouting abuse at the zero contract spotty teenage staff. There was a photo of around 20 of them protesting outside St James’ today. It was a pitiful turnout and I saw a Sunderland fan joke that “the other 51,980 are at home filling out their season ticket renewals”. Nailed it. Maybe I’m cold hearted and spiteful, but I feel no sympathy for them at all. It’s karma for chanting USA at us when we were up shit creek with Hicks & Gillett. And for them cheering Man City goals when we played them on the last day of the 2013/14 season. My wife’s niece’s fella is a Newcastle fan though and he’s sound. He was telling me a couple of weeks ago he was supporting us in the final because “after the season you had it wouldn’t have been right for you not to win something”. Honestly, it briefly made me feel like a right cunt for some of the things I’ve written about Geordies this year. Then he said “all my mates wanted you to lose though” so that eased my guilt somewhat. Mike Ashley is a tit and he’s a fucking abysmal owner. But he’s not stupid. He knows Rafa was doing a great job there and he knows this is bad news for himself as well as the club. If he’s letting Rafa walk then the first thing I’d ask is “what the fuck was Rafa asking for?”. It’ll have been full control on transfers, a bigger budget and a pay rise for himself. The one time Ashley gave him cash he went over to the MLS and signed that worm with eyebrows Almiron. Whatever it was, Ashley wouldn’t back down and it’ll probably cost Newcastle their place in the top flight. As for Rafa, he’ll be alright. He’s done a good enough job at Newcastle that he’ll be in demand. Wherever he goes though, it won’t run smoothly as he loves the aggro too much. He could cause an row in an empty board room. Tuesday Jun 25: Suarez is in the news today over his antics in a Copa America game against Chile last night. First, he appealed for handball against the keeper for making a save INSIDE THE BOX, and later he was demanding a card for a Chile player who had tackled a Uruguay fan who had ran on the field. See, this is why I still love him and always will. Don’t get me wrong, I’m over him now (it took years), but he’s still fucking boss. Is there anyone else who takes it to these kind of extremes? He’s fucking hilarious. Palace want Mignolet. Makes sense, he’s miles better than anything they have and they love a big club Belgian cast off. There has been some talk that we are trying to persuade him to stay. I don’t see it. He’s too good a pro to just sit on his arse and not play. At a push we might be able to get him to give it one more year, but it seems unlikely. Meanwhile, Van Gaal is begging up Milner at the expense of Messi and Neymar. Great stuff from the loony toons Dutchman. “Look at Barcelona. How many Champions [League] have won with what they say is the best player in the world?” he told El Pais. “Look at Neymar at PSG. How many Champions won? Neymar and Messi I like them as individual players, not as team players. I believe that in collective games there is nothing more important than the team player. “One of the best is James Milner. In the final of the Champions he played as a defender and as a midfielder. It’s great that I can offer that at 33. I think Messi should ask himself how it is possible that he has not won a Champions League for so long.” It’s not too dissimilar to something I wrote in Milner’s season report card. Messi called Milner a donkey but if he had a couple of Milner’s in his team they wouldn’t have been spanked in Rome and at Anfield. There is no team in the world that can’t benefit from having a James Milner type or two in their line up. Wednesday Jun 26: Spurs look like they’ve beaten United to the signature of that midfielder from Lyon. He’s meant to be good, and midfield is probably where Spurs are weakest so this probably separates them even further from United, Chelsea (I know they finished ahead of Spurs, but no way in hell are they a better side) and of course Arsenal. The Gunners have problems in midfield too, but they have problems everywhere except up front. The latest is that Torreira apparently wants out because he doesn’t like Emery. Next year is going to be us and City miles ahead again. We’re on the brink of making a signing too. Sepp Van den Berg, a 17 year old Dutch defender, is set to turn down Bayern to come and join Big Virg and Ki-Jana Hoever. He’s played a number of top flight games in Holland and has been compared to Joe Gomez. I’m going out on a limb here and I’ll say he’s going to be fucking brilliant. Thursday Jun 27: Van den Berg officially signs and does his first interview. He nailed it too. Have a read of these quotes… “It’s just amazing. It is, for me, the biggest club in the world and it’s a dream come true. I am really excited,” he said. “Football without fans is nothing. I can say Liverpool has the best fans in the world, so I am really excited to hopefully [get a chance] to play with them behind me. “Longer-term, I hope I can play as much as possible here for the club. Short-term, [my target is] to be with the first team, develop myself, grow into the team and see how it goes. Long-term, I really want to be a legend here.” That’s what you want to hear, fucking boss that. Not looking beyond being a Liverpool player, wants to spend his whole career here and become a legend. Chances are he won’t succeed (not a reflection on him, it’s just the odds are massively against it) but that's defo the spirit you want. I’m looking forward to seeing this kid play, especially if they pair him with Hoever at the back. In other news, Mo scored for Egypt last night, but he made more headlines for this comment on Twitter. “Women must be treated with the utmost respect. “No” means “no.” Those things are and must remain sacred. I also believe that many who make mistakes can change for the better and shouldn’t be sent straight to the guillotine, which is the easiest way out.” Why is he randomly just putting stuff like that out there? Is this just an ongoing campaign from him, or was it in response to something I’ve missed? Maybe it was just a shot at Ronaldo? Over in the Copa America, Bobby missed a penalty in a shoot out win over Paraguay. Brazil aren’t very good but they never concede any goals because big Alisson is the man. Meanwhile, in the Women’s World Cup England beat Norway 3-0 to reach the semi finals. I planned on watching this but once again, something came up and got in the way. When I saw the score my reaction was “good for them” rather than “fuck off” which again reaffirms to me that my reason for not supporting the men’s national team isn’t because they’re ‘England’. It’s because they’re followed by loads of absolute cunts who I resent even having to breathe the same air as, let alone support the same team as them. Most of those pricks will be looking down their noses at the girls, which just makes me want them to win even more. Up the Lionesses!! Fnaar fnaar. I don’t even care that Phil Neville is the coach. He’s always been fairly harmless, in no small part because he was shite. Especially in derby games. Friday Jun 28: It’s my birthday today. I’m 46. Fuck me. That’s almost 50. I don’t feel like I’m that old. I mean, if I see a fella on the street that’s about my age, I still see them in the same way I did when I was younger. I see a fella pushing fifty, I don’t look and think “he’s about my age”, I just see him as an older fella. A grown up. I don’t see myself like that though. Is it just me that thinks like this? How did I get to be this old? It just crept up on me and I don’t like it. I did get a nice video from the club though, with Milner, Alisson, Matip, Shaq and others all wishing me a Happy Birthday. I know they send the same video out to everyone on their birthday, but I don’t care. It felt like they were wishing me a Happy Birthday and I loved it. Disappointed there was no Robbo, Big Virg or Hendo on there though. Maybe next year? In proper news today, Naby is injured. Big surprise there eh? He wasn’t fit, he was never going to be fit but they bullied him (and LFC) into showing up and playing. And now they’re sending him back broken. Again. I feel sorry for Naby as he’s the biggest star in his country and will have felt enormous pressure to give it a go. It’s really hard for African lads to say no to their country without being branded traitors. The decision should have been taken out of his hands by their doctors, but like so many African nations their FA just doesn’t give a fuck. Let’s not forget that the president of their FA was calling Klopp a liar when he said Naby wouldn’t be recovered sufficiently in time for the tournament, and he also basically said it’s got fuck all to do with us what they do. and that was the week that was…