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So here we are again, another season over and the wait for the title goes on. The season has flown over again and our lads were incredible from first game to last. I could just about handle the stress of watching our games, it was the feeling of helplessness whenever City were playing that was tough. Relying on other teams for favours isn't something I ever want to do again, so next year we'll just have to win every game. Or at the very least make sure we beat City twice. Easier said than done, but after what these boys did this season I'm not going to doubt them, and after the way City’s players conducted themselves this week I’d imagine our lads can’t wait to get another crack at them. Hopefully City win the FA Cup so we can smash them everywhere in the Charity Shield. It’s hard to take knowing we aren’t Champions after a season like that, but I’m not too disappointed or disheartened. I’m resentful because I feel as though we’ve been cheated out of something we deserved (financial doping or a Manchester ref doing them favours, take your pick), but putting that sense of injustice aside I feel fucking great about where we are. I mean think about it. We lost once all season. We haven’t lost at home for over two years. We’ve made back to back European Cup finals. We've got Andy Robbo. All in all we’re in fucking great shape and the bond between team and fans has never been stronger. Meanwhile, over at Old Trafford….. It's only when you see something like that it fully hits home just how good we've got it right now. We've got a squad of players who never once short changed us this season. Not once. They might not always play well but they always leave everything they have out on the pitch. All those clips you see of other teams being highlighted on MOTD (usually by Shearer, he loves a bit of shirker bashing) for their lack of work rate and half arsed closing down or not tracking back. You don't get that with our boys and I love them for it. Even more so when I look at how United's players are cheating their crowd. While we were winning our 30th game of the season they were losing at home to already relegated Cardiff City. And while that was happening, their fans were cheering for City’s goals at Brighton. How the mighty have fallen. Good way for Cardiff to sign off though. Warnock said he asked his players to make his last Premier League game a memorable one and to win it for him. They did him proud. As I said last week though, this was a game they should have been looking at as the one that kept them up, but because they blew it against Palace it was a dead rubber. Brighton hate Palace but they've got them to thank for still being in the league, because Brighton would be gone if Palace had rolled over last week. Still, it says everything about the difference between Cardiff's players and United's that they were the ones who wanted it more. Mendez-Laing won a penalty and picked himself up to score. He added a second with a tap in after the break and all United had to offer in resistance were a couple of decent efforts by 17 year old Mason Greenwood. Pogba did fuck all as per, and was lucky to stay on when he flung Murphy to the floor and then shoved him in the face. Classic case of a player doing something aggressive just to try and fool the fans into thinking he cares. He doesn’t. He’s half arsed his way through 3/4 of the season but one little spell of decent performances got him a spot in the PFA team of the year. I don’t agree with fans hurling abuse at players and I’m not condoning the behaviour of that United fan in the clip above, but I completely understand how he could be driven to acting like that. If I had to watch that preening twat every week and then listen to people telling me how great he is and that it’s the manager’s fault for not getting the best out of him, I’d probably go all Michael Douglas in Falling Down too. Pogba was even preening when the fella was hurtling insults at him! Fan: “You’re fucking shite!!!” Pogba: *nods his head sarcastically* Fan: “FUCK OFF!!!” Pogba: *applauds* Fan: “FUCKIN SHIIIIITE!!!!” Pogba: *thumbs up, pats hand on his heart* Fan “You’re not even average!! FUCK OFF!!” That finished me off that did. The perfect put down for someone like Pogba and exactly what I’ve been saying about him for years. Every now and then he looks boss. Every now and then he looks like the worst player in the league, and sometimes he’s a bit of both even in the same game. If you add up the overall body of work, it comes out as less than the average for a top six club midfielder. So yeah, not even average. He’s a product of the FIFA / Social Media generation. I know Roy Keane and Graeme Souness hate loads of modern day players, but you can see why their disdain for Pogba in particular is off the scale. He doesn’t even do the basics without the ball (Cardiff’s second was a direct result of him standing still and letting his man run off him into the box) but all he has to do is ping one 60 yard pass or hit a decent shot from distance and the FIFA virgins are tugging themselves off. It’s going to be a long road back for them as United’s situation is truly dire. Mourinho said this week “I said that finishing second with Man United was perhaps my greatest achievement. Now people understand.” The man has a point (although typically he’s completely exonerating himself of any blame for how shit they are). I couldn’t believe they finished second last season as they were obviously shite, but much like Solskjaer’s little honeymoon period it was unsustainable and it caught up with them. They’re so, so bad right now. Look at their team and tell me who you’d even want. I’d have Rashford for the bench and that is quite literally it. At one time I’d have taken Martial too, but fuck that. His attitude stinks. Their squad is dogshit. Ashley Young is their captain and no-one can even argue about it because he's the best candidate, even though he's Ashley Young. Imagine being that shit that Ashley Young is your captain. They’re just a shambles. They used to be such a well run club that it was difficult to see any way past them. Now they literally can’t get a thing right, even their kit. Next year they have a kit to commemorate 20 years since they won the treble. They won the treble in 1998/99, and next season is 2019/20, so even by my GCSE grade E maths (what can I say, I was a lazy bastard in school) that’s 21 years. You couldn’t make this shit up. What a mess. Still, never mind, eh? Right, what’s next? I'm sure you'll be relieved to know I’m going to completely skip over City’s win at Brighton. I have nothing to say about them at this point as I’ve said plenty all season. I fast forwarded through the highlights from the game and I’ll be doing all I can to ensure I never see any footage of their post match celebrations. So far so good. Maybe at some point I’ll accidentally be subjected to a split second of it (probably the MOTD credits next season) but by and large I’ll be avoiding this like I avoided any footage from our 2007 CL final loss to Milan. To this day I think I’ve only ever seen those Inzaghi goals once, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen them lifting the trophy. So yeah, I’m ignoring City completely in this and just concentrating on the other games. First up, Wilfried Palace v Bournemouth which was a cracker. Eight goals, five of them to Palace. Not sure they'd managed five goals at home in the previous 18 home games combined. Batshuayi volleyed in a deflected Zaha cross and then slid in to convert a low centre from Wan-Bissaka to double Palace’s lead. Their third was a weird one. Zaha went racing through and stabbed a shot at the keeper, who wasn’t expecting it and could only parry it onto one of his defenders and then watch helplessly and it rebounded into the net. Zaha’s shot was just weird though, he had time to set himself but deliberately took it early. Had it gone in it would have been a brilliantly improvised finish, but in reality it was a bit shit and he got lucky. Jefferson Lerma pulled one back with an absolute belter from 30 yards that went in off the bar and then - and I’ve had to rewind this just to double check - Jordon Ibe found the net to give Bournemouth hope. Zaha then teed up Van Aanholt to restore Palace’s two goal lead but King stole in at the back post to make it 4-3 and keep the game alive. Zaha then got into a bit of handbags with Lerma and was given a booking for his trouble. He was fuming, and the next time he picked up the ball he just powered past two players (including Lerma who unsuccessfully tried to foul him) before teeing up Townsend to make it 5-3. He’s reportedly told Palace he wants to leave this summer. Where to hough? Chelsea would be the most obvious destination but they’re banned from buying anyone. He won’t go back to United, he’s too good for Arsenal so that would leave us, Spurs and City. I’d be made up if we went for him but it seems unlikely as he’s never been linked with us even tentatively. City don’t need him but since when has that stopped them? Spurs would seem the most likely, and I’d hate to see him there as he’d improve them a lot. Ideally Palace price him out of a move and he stays put. Arsenal ended with a win at Burnley. Aubamayeng scored twice to grab a share of the Golden Boot with Mo and Sadio. Ashley Barnes pulled one back but Nketia wrapped it up with the last kick of the game. Not a good week for the Gunners though, who put out a statement saying they'd love to know how UEFA came up with the decision to play the Europa Final in such a far flung remote location, only to have it pointed out that their then chief exec was part of the committee who made the decision. Man United behaviour that. Meanwhile, a tough day for the Blues at Spurs as the poor buggers didn’t know who to cheer. Some will have wanted to cheer their own team while others will have been rooting for Spurs as a show of solidarity ahead of the Champions League final. That could have caused some infighting in the away end, but thankfully they all found common ground by cheering for Man City instead. Dier put Spurs ahead but Walcott equalised. Is there a more pointless footballer on the planet than Theo Walcott? That’s a rhetorical question by the way, because clearly there isn’t. He's the only player in the history of football who has gotten progressively worse with each year as a professional. What an absolute fucking waste of space. Tosun bundled in to give Everton the lead but Eriksen found the bottom corner with a free-kick to ensure it was honours even. The Spurs players did a lap of appreciation at full time and were given an incredible send off ahead of the CL Final. Spine tingling stuff, wonderful support. The reception they got from their own fans wasn’t bad either. Mark Noble set West Ham on their way to three points at Watford with a nice individual goal. Lanzini doubled their advantage with a header after a brilliant effort from Antonio had been tipped onto the bar by the keeper. Antonio’s form these last few weeks has been top class. Deulefeu’s clever finish got Watford back into it immediately after half time, but two minutes later Antonio got away from Holebas and was brought down. Not much contact and Antonio’s touch was shite, but a red card for the Watford man, who now misses the FA Cup final. Harsh that like. In hindsight, Javi Gracia should have put the reserve side out for this one as why risk something like that happening? Nothing was riding on the game for either team. Arnautovic scored from close range and Noble made it 4-1 from the spot after Antonio had been fouled. Strong end to the season for the Hammers after a terrible start. Across London, Shelvey’s first goal in over a year set Newcastle on the way to three points at Fulham. That Ayoze Perez loser (ah that felt good) prodded in number two after poor goalkeeping from Spider Rico. Schar headed in from a corner and Rondon added a late fourth. Fulham have been improved of late but they gave Scott Parker the job permanently and he’s immediately gone and pulled a Solskjaer on them. Fair play to Huddersfield who gave all of their travelling fans a free shirt. How come the smaller clubs can afford to do things like this but the big clubs would never dream of it? Those fans deserve it, they’ve been great all season. I'd have no issue whatsoever if they came straight back up, but I can't see it. They ended with a draw at Southampton which was a decent way to finish. The Saints led when Redmond lashed one in from 18 yards, but a howler from Angus Gunn allowed Pritchard to equalise. Channeling his inner Ben Foster there. Finally, over at the KingPower Stadium Higuain had a great chance to put Chelsea ahead at Leicester but he frauded it up as he’s a big fat fraud. It ended 0-0 and was your classic end of season nothing game. Chelsea aren't in as dire a situation as United, but they'll have their work cut out staying in the top four next season, especially if they keep Sarri. So that's that then until August. When you look at it, we basically single handedly salvaged the season as it would have been shite without us. The relegation battle was crap, the 'race' for top four was like watching four drunks at closing time, throwing wild haymakers and knocking themselves out. The title race was the only thing of any real interest and quality, and that's only because we've made such massive strides. Had we just been average like the other top four challengers, maybe then people would actually look at what City have done to distort the competition through foul means and actually take issue with it? Instead, they were seen as the fucking white knight riding in to save football from us winning the title. One day they'll realise just how much those cunts are ruining the game, but it won't be any time soon I suspect, not while we're so fucking good and pushing them all the way, Roll on August and let's do it all again. Meanwhile, some awards: Player of the Season not named Big Virg - Andy Robertson Young Player of the Season - Trent of course. Goal of the Season - Can't choose between Townsend's stunner at the Etihad and Big Div's derby winner. Aaron Ramsay’s against Fulham was great too. Best Shit Player - Ashley Barnes retains his crown. Shittest Good Player - Paul Pogba Twat of the season: 1 Iheanacho, 2 Kompany, 3 Guardiola. Biggest over achievers - Watford Biggest under achievers - United. ‘My Boy’ of the season - Ryan Fraser Best fans - Huddersfield by a landslide. Palace create a good atmosphere too, but everyone else is shit. Worst fans - Man City, not even close. Twats of the Season XI Ederson - Shit tattooed, ugly, offensive looking twat. Kyle Walker - Over rated, ‘banter’ loving twat Vincent Kompany - Bulb headed dirty twat Harry Maguire - Big foreheaded, red card escaping twat Lucas Digne - Constantly lying about turning down Liverpool twat. Paul Pogba - Style over substance twat. Ander Herrera - One last time for the road, twat Bernardo Silva - Snide twat. Richarlison - Diving, stupid faced twat. Sergio Aguero - Bird shit headed, still non-English speaking after eight years here twat Kelechi Iheanacho - Deliberate chance missing twat Non-top five team of the season: GK: Neil Etheridge (Cardiff) - He’s really good, half the teams in the division should be looking to bring him in this summer. RB: Ricardo Perreira (Leicester) - Brilliant player. If we didn’t have Trent I’d be pulling out all the stops to try and land this guy. CB: Aaron Wan-Bissaka (Palace) - I know he’s a right back, I don’t care, it’s my team so I’ll pick who I like, where I like. He’s got all the attributes to play in the middle anyway and long term my prediction is he’ll end up there. CB: Sol Bamba (Cardiff) - I know he shouldn’t be in here but I like him and Neil Warnock reckons he’s as good as Big Virg, so that’ll do for me. Besides, if the alternative is that Harry Maguire goon then that’s not an alternative I’m down with. I like his name, I like saying it. It rolls off the tongue. Sol Bamba. Say it with me. Sol Bamba. LB: Lucas Digne (Everton) - Second best left back in the city, which is nothing to be ashamed of when you play across the park from the great Andy Robbo. Just edges out Ben Chilwell, who I really like too. RW: Wilfried Zaha (Palace) - I think he’s brilliant. Not everyone agrees but they’re wrong and that’s ok, we can’t all be right all of the time. I’m not right all the time, but I am right that Zaha is brilliant. CM: Abdoulaye Doucoure (Watford) - I like him. I’ve liked him for a couple of years. We were linked with him last summer but I don’t like him THAT much. Good player, not a great player. There was a shortage of midfielders to choose from though so he gets in. CM: James Maddison (Leicester) - Loves a dive but the lad can play. Very smooth. Good on the ball and can pick a pass. Reminds me of Danny Murphy, apart from the diving and not being bald. LM: Ryan Fraser (Bournemouth) - I never used to like him because of that time he came off the bench and tore us apart. It was the big club snob in me. I was offended that a little fat Scottish lad who looked like he lived on a diet of Irn Bru and battered Mars Bars could do that to us, and I was unkind about him for a while after that. I was wrong. For all I know he might live on Irn Bru and battered Mars Bars, but he’s a good player and he’s deservedly earned the title of ‘my boy Ryan Fraser’. CF: Callum Wilson (Bournemouth) - He’s only in the team because my boy Ryan Fraser has a great understanding with him. He’s a quality player in his own right but he can thank my boy for his spot in this starting eleven. CF: Jamie Vardy (Leicester) - My favourite non-LFC player and someone I always enjoy watching. Reminds me of Rushy. Settle down now, I’m not saying he’s as good as Rushy, but he’s the closest thing I’ve seen to him in terms of style. subs GK: Lucas Fabianksi (West Ham) - Every week I watch MOTD and see keepers making clangers. I can’t remember any from this guy though. He mightn’t be the best keeper in the league but he’s on of the most reliable as he rarely costs his team goals. RB: Matt Doherty (Wolves) - He first caught my eye in the opening weeks of the season, but because I’d never heard of him before I thought it was just a case of ‘the sun even shines on a dog’s arse some days’. I was wrong though, he’s been good every time I’ve seen him and he was boss against us last week. LB: Ben Chilwell (Leicester) - As with Ricardo, if we didn’t already have someone boss in his position I’d be all over this lad this summer. Good player with a great engine. The only player in the league to make more sprints this season than Robbo and Mo. CB / CM: Declan Rice (West Ham) - Good player. Not sure why they keep playing him in midfield though. I mean he can do a job, but he looks like a potential top drawer centre back. CM: Joao Moutinho (Wolves) - Toss up between him and Neves. I went with Moutinho for no particular reason RM / LM: Gerard Deulefeu (Watford) - I always joke about him looking like the best in the world for maybe two games a season and then doing fuck all the rest of the time. This year he’s been much more consistent though. He still doesn’t do it as often as he should, but he had a good season. CF: Raul Jiminez (Wolves) - Good all round striker who can do a bit of everything. Would have had a shot at making the starting eleven except he wore that wrestlers mask as a goal celebration. I’m ok with him doing it, but then they started handing them out to all their fucking moron fans. Honourable mentions to Andros Townsend, Felipe Anderson, Ashley Westwood, David Brooks, Diogo Jota, Ettiene Capoue and Nathan Redmond.