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It was a reduced fixture list in the Premier League this weekend because of the “FA doing their bit to help City win a quadruple Cup”. While Andre Marriner was channeling his inner Paul Tierney to ensure a favourable result for the sky blue half of Manchester, things didn’t go so smoothly for the red half, as United were dumped out by Wolves. Amusing, yes, but in the big picture it’s bad news. Why? Because it increases the odds of Pep's Financial Dopes winning another trophy and it decreases the odds of United hiring the Goblin full time. I was hoping Solksjaer wouldn’t be found out until next season, but that’s two defeats in a row now and he’s in danger of fucking the whole thing up. Enough about Micky Mouse cup competitions though, let’s get straight into the league action. Somewhat surprisingly, the best game of the weekend was at West Ham, who were involved in a seven goal thriller with Huddersfield. Usually Huddersfield being in a game with seven goals would mean either a 7-0 or 6-1 loss, as they’d only scored more than once on one solitary occasion this season, so no-one could have predicted they’d put three past the Hammers. The fact it still wasn’t enough for them to even get a point must be pretty depressing for all concerned. They know they’re down but you don't want to go quietly. You want to go kicking and screaming, like West Brom last season for example. Huddersfield’s fighting spirit can’t be faulted but they’re just shite. They’ve probably got one win left in them though and I just hope it's not against us. West Ham drew first blood when Noble calmly slotted a penalty after Lanzini had been brought down. Bacuna levelled so quickly that there were still bubbles floating all around the place. When did they start doing that? Is it a recent thing or did they do it at Upton Park. Can we still say Upton Park, or do we have to use “Boleyn Ground” now as that’s what they started calling it when they realised it’s days were numbered. Back on topic though, he’s alright that Bacuna you know. At least he’s really stood out the last few weeks on MOTD, and that's all I can base it on. He’s been there all season but I’m only just noticing him now, so either he hasn’t played much or until recently he’s been shite. *googles* Ok so it’s the former. Barely played before the turn of the year and is only just getting a proper run now. Might be worth keeping an eye on as he’s got something about him and is only 21. Karlan Grant put them ahead when he rolled a shot into the bottom corner with his left foot. Then he made it 3-1 with a screamer with his right. He’s another one who I hadn’t noticed until recently, but that’s because they only bought him in January (from Charlton). Don’t know if he’s any good yet but in a few weeks he’s already scored more than their other strikers have between them all season. It’s an extremely low bar but he’s sailed right over it. That was as good as it got for them, as Ogbonna’s thumping header got the Hammers back in it and substitute ‘Cheatarito’ came off the bench to equalise. My boy J-Punch missed a late sitter for Huddersfield and then in stoppage time Hernandez glanced in the winner. That Huddersfield manager won’t last long. He’s too emotional and a few times he’s had a moan about his players in his post match interviews. Rookie mistake that, but then he is a rookie (36 years old and plucked from Dortmund reserves). Bet Allardyce and the LMA fucking hate him. Elsewhere, Brendan’s good start continued as Leicester pulled out a battling win at Burnley despite going down to ten men inside five minutes when Maguire was sent off for a professional foul. Where’s Martin Atkinson when you need him, eh slabhead?? Leicester went in front through a brilliant Maddison free-kick. What nobody seems to be arsed about is that it was some rampant cheating from him to win the free-kick in the first place. I noticed it immediately but the commentators never even bothered mentioning it, so I had to rewind it twice just to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. I wasn’t. It was exactly how I saw it on first viewing. He jumps away from the ball and into the path of Tarkowski, and then collapses in a heap. I’m not sure the contact warranted him going down, but even if it did he fucking initiated it! He’s been doing it all season though. He’s one of the worst divers around but because he’s young and English people only seem to want to talk about his talent. He is definitely talented. He reminds me of Danny Murphy (which is a compliment as I always liked SuperDan), apart from the rampant diving which reminds me of Spurs. After the goal he was booked for removing his shirt and revealing a moving message in tribute to a 5 year old girl who died of cancer. Looked like he was fighting back tears too, the poor lad. Michael Oliver still booked him like, because y’know, rules and that. Maddison defended Oliver on social media saying that "he was just doing his job. He didn't enjoy booking me and he offered his condolences about Sophie, which I thought was very classy". Yeah yeah, but he didn't actually need to book Maddison really, did he? Usually I'm of the view that if you take your shirt off you deserve all you get. Everyone knows the rules, and why should a ref risk being marked down by his assessors by not enforcing the laws of the game. In this case I feel differently. Oliver is widely seen as the best ref in the league now, so that gives him a certain amount of sway in these matters. He doesn't need to be as much of a jobsworth robot as most of these other dicks. He could have easily overlooked what Maddison did and told his bosses to fuck off. He could have said, "Sorry but I'm not going to book a lad who is grieving because a little girl he'd befriended had just died of cancer." He'd have had the whole nation in his corner, so what are they gonna do to him? Nothing, that's what. They wouldn't risk the public backlash. So show some fucking stones Oliver, you Mr Bean looking fucking dweeb. Anyway, McNeil equalised with a low shot that Schmeichel should have kept out, and the winger then put one on a plate for Wood who somehow put it over from four yards. Burnley then had two penalty shouts turned down. One when the ball hit Morgan’s arm as he challenged Crouchy for a header, and another when Taylor cut across N’Didi in the box and went down. Oliver had a good view of that and said ‘no way’. Interesting really because it was basically the same thing Maguire did and got sent off. Maguire’s contact was completely accidental as a player ran across his path, and N’Didi didn’t intentionally play his man either. Not sure what the difference is there other than the unofficial law that says Burnley are not allowed to have penalties. A couple of refs forgot about that recently and they had two in as many games, but obviously the memo has gone round again and normal service is resumed. Morgan headed the winner in stoppage time (the 10th goal in added time Burnley have conceded this season) but Burnley still had a great chance to level seconds later, only for Vydra to be denied by Schmeichel. Burnley are right back in the shit now, which feels weird because they had a run where they seemed to win every week. Then they lose a few and suddenly they’re neck and neck with Cardiff again. It’s all good though, we need them fighting for their lives when they play City. Down on the south coast my boy Ryan Fraser was denied by the post in the opening stages of Bournemouth’s dramatic draw with Newcastle. Hell of a long journey for the fans that. I feel sorry for them actually. A seven hour coach journey with only deluded Geordies for company. Fate worse than death that. Decent game though at least. Rondon broke the deadlock with a glorious free-kick after the worm with eyebrows had been fouled by Ibe. King equalised from the spot after the eagle eyed (and sparrow faced) Mike Dean spotted a foul on Ake. Wilson then thought he’d headed Bournemouth in front but Dummett got back to make a brilliant goal-line clearance. Tremendous that. King bagged his second after good work by Solanke but former Bournemouth man Matt Ritchie stunned the home crowd when he lashed in an equaliser four minutes into stoppage time. He celebrated it too, which isn’t something you see too often these days. He knew he was going to get stick for it and was at great pains to point out afterwards how grateful he is to Bournemouth and how much he owes them. I think he handled it well to be honest. I mean, your team is in a relegation battle and you score a screamer with the last kick of the game to earn a point, you’d have to be pretty fucking weird not to get a bit caught up in the moment. As long as you don’t give it the full Adebayor there’s nothing wrong with being happy at scoring against your old team. That being said, the Adebayor celebration might be the funniest one I’ve ever seen. Truly glorious that was. Onto Sunday now, and just what the fuck are Chelsea playing at? Everton can’t beat anyone these days and they hadn’t won at home for two months. They’re proper shite. Chelsea though, what a bunch of fucking quims. Completely spineless they are. I watched the first half an hour or so and then had to go out. I expected to check in later and see that Chelsea had won by three or four because they were murdering Everton early on. They could have scored three in the first five minutes alone. So I could hardly believe it when I found out the score later. Based on what I’d seen there was no way they weren’t winning that game. Hazard and Pedro were causing havoc and Barkley was on a mission to silence the boo boys. The second half was all Everton though based on the MOTD highlights. Richarlison headed in from close range after that bum keeper fumbled a routine save. He’s the flop of the season and it’s not even close. The Chelsea keeper I mean, not Richarlison. He’s actually been pretty good and may have done enough to earn himself a move to a decent club this summer. He won a penalty which Sigurdsson put too close to the keeper, who again made a meal of it and fumbled it straight back Sigurdsson who tapped in the rebound to make it 2-0. Fuck both of these losers. The game was only a few minutes old and Chelsea fans were singing about Gerrard’s slip. What the actual fuck? It’s Everton. At Goodison. Why are they singing about something that happened to Liverpool five years ago? I don’t understand the motivation. Are they looking to make friends and impress Evertonians? Sad bastards. Tell you something else. Hazard is not a great player. He’s massively talented (top five in the world, easily) but great players take games by the scruff of the neck and drag their team-mates over the line. The only time this little twat does that is when he’s playing us. He’ll be in Lionel Messi mode at Anfield in a few weeks time, absolutely no doubt about it. The sooner he fucks off the better, the little fair weather cunt. Chelsea won’t get top four now. I thought they might as it was in their hands and they’d have gone fourth if they’d won this, just one point behind Spurs in third. For them to lose to a piss poor Everton in such a sorry, gutless fashion, tells me they’re gonna finish sixth as they’ve got no balls. Sarri’s future is about as bright as Theresa May’s, albeit he’s a lot less popular with Chelsea fans.