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Saturday Mar 9: We all knew City would beat Watford, but it still grates when it’s 0-0 at half time, looking like a bit of a struggle for them and then out of nothing they’re handed the lead courtesy of what - and I’m being deadly serious here - might just be the worst decision I’ve ever seen. We all know the offside rule is completely fucked these days, but I thought it couldn’t be interpreted in a worse way than what we with the Kane penalty incident at Anfield last season. I was wrong. This was a million times worse. It’s easy to say the rule itself is the problem because it causes confusion, but that’s a cop out. The rule might be shit, but interpreting it in the way that Paul Tierney cunt did today genuinely boggles the mind. It’s almost as though he was looking for a reason to give the goal. I mean, why is he even going over to speak to the linesman at all? It’s offside, the flag goes up, just get on with the game. Yet he’s running over there giving it the ol’ “let’s not be hasty here, let’s discuss this”. Really can’t get my head around it at all. The cunts who are making these stupid rules are ruining our game. I said it last week about VAR and handball, but the offside rule is now arguably the biggest problem in football. But even with the shitty changes they’ve made it to it, there’s still no way on earth Tierney was within his rights to award that goal. I’m off to google “Der Spiegel Paul Tierney” to see if the cunt is mentioned is any of those hacked emails. Sunday Mar 10: L 4 Burnley 2 Alls well that ends well, but fucking hell this has been an abysmal weekend for Premier League officiating. Nothing will ever top what Tierney did at the Etihad, but Andre Marriner gave it his best shot by allowing that Burnley goal and then booking Alisson for being unhappy about it. He saw that foul and ignored it. It’s hard to wonder just how that can happen, as Marriner is one of the best refs we have. Ok, that carries as much significance as being the Japan’s slimmest Sumo, but it’s still a valid point. I’d expect a Sunday league ref to get that decision right, so how can Marriner miss it? He was screwing us over all day though, the prick. Thankfully the lads were able to overcome it and get the win. The front three looked like themselves again and Lallana’s inclusion genuinely helped the team, particularly with the balance he brought to midfield. I don’t think he’ll ever be the player he was when Klopp first arrived because his body won’t let him do that for any sustained period of time, but it’s good to see he’s still got it in him to produce performances like this when he is fit. Lallana was one of my favourite players, his ability on the ball and the technique and balance he’s got are a joy to watch, and he’s a grafter too. He’ll run himself into the ground and that’s why Klopp won’t give up on him as quickly as the likes of me. I don’t know how long he can stay fit, but as long as he is fit I’d be looking to start him in every home game and also some of those aways we have, because having someone that can run beyond the forwards and create space fort them makes us so much dangerous. And he’s the best presser we have too, as we saw with the second goal. Fucking boss that was. The other take away I have from this is that Mané has sneakily had himself a really impressive season. Take penalties out of the equation and he’s scored more than Salah this year. In fact, take penalties out of the equation and no-one in the top flight has scored more than Sadio. He’s not getting the credit he deserves because he’s still regarded as the ‘third man’ in our front three because he can be a bit streaky with his form. He’s been more consistent this season than he was last year though, which is not something Bobby and Mo can say about themselves. Massive win this though, as playing the day after City is just shit, I hate it. Much better to be playing first and applying pressure than playing second and having to respond to it. Next week we have the chance to go top again, but looking at all the remaining fixtures I think the key to this will be if we can be ahead of them when they go to Old Trafford, as that's their game in hand and really we need them to go there knowing they have to win. Meanwhile, crazy scenes in the Brummy derby where Jack Grealish was lamped by a fan and then took his revenge by scoring the winner and diving into the away end to celebrate. Good for him, this is one of the best stories of the year as he completely stuck it to the twat who attacked him, as well as the shithouse steward who kicked him (who was immediately arrested) and the thousands of Birmingham fans who cheered the moron off the field. Well done Jack Grealish. Now, can we talk about the haircut and those socks? Monday Mar 11: Zidane is back at Madrid. Yeah we’ll see how this bald fraud does now with no Ronaldo scoring 50 odd goals a season to make him look good, and fucking refs fixing CL games for them. Fuck Zidane, he’s as over-rated as a manager as he was as a player, and that takes some doing. Yeah I said it, and I stand by it, OVER-RATED. If you don’t like it, tough shit. B-A-L-D-F-R-A-U-D. Not sure why they’ve even gone down that road when Big Sam Allardyce is still available. He was doing his regular self promotional slot on Keys and Gray this weekend and it couldn’t have been any more Brexit if he tried. “We convince ourselves about the fact these foreign coaches are better” Not entirely sure what he means there, as he says its a fact that they are better but, and this is just a wild hunch, I don’t think that’s what he actually believes. That’s three of the worst people connected to football in the one studio right there. Imagine how much of a colossal twat you’d have to be to make Andy Grey seem alright. That’s Keys and Allardyce though. Instead of licking Big Sam’s Big Balls, Keys could have just asked him outright; “Do you think you could achieve the same kind of results and play the same standard of football that Guardiola, Klopp and Pochettino are getting at their clubs?” I’d love to have seen him answer that. Maybe he’d have dusted off his “Allardicio” quote. He’s not entirely wrong in his overall point though, as there have been loads of foreign managers given jobs they were just never qualified for, and in some of those cases British coaches would have done a better job. That would be fair comment (just look at some of the bums Swansea have had, for example), but suggesting that the top clubs are overlooking British managers for inferior foreign coaches is laughable. Who’s the best homegrown manager in the league now? The LMA will probably tell you it’s Sean Dyche or Eddie Howe. Imagine either of those at a top six club. Dyche would make Moyes look like Bob Paisley. It wasn’t just foreign coaches he was complaining about either, it was the overall standard of the games themselves. “Too much passing in midfield”, apparently. No, I’m not even taking the piss. He’s a waddling caricature of himself these days. This was great too; "All the other games this weekend games have been just a little bit too slow in the build-up and a little bit low in terms of shots on target and chances created." His last stint in the league was at Everton, who under him finished dead last in terms of shots on target and chances created. Don’t expect his boy Keysey to mention that though. Meanwhile, the Peaky Blinder wannabe got 14 weeks in jail. Is that all? I saw people condoning that sentence by saying this is the same punishment you’d get for doing it on the street. It’s not on the street though is it, it’s completely fucking different. Attacking someone on the street is still a horrible act, but a person who does that expects to probably not get caught. It’s a scumbag thing to do but it’s a calculated risk and often done in the heart of the moment, and even more often a result of ale. It takes a special brand of dangerous fucking head case to run onto a football field, in a televised game no less, with coppers everywhere, and attack a player from behind. You KNOW if you do that you’re going to jail, so the guy clearly wasn’t put off by the prospect. And you've got to be a nutter to think like that. This wasn’t a heat of the moment loss of control. You actually have to think about running onto a pitch and even plan your moment. So it’s a calculated act. Then when you’re on the field you’ve still got time to decide what to do. That tit on Sunday knew what would happen to him but obviously feels that a couple of months inside is a small price to pay to punch the most hated player from their biggest rivals. Maybe if he thought he was going down for five years he wouldn’t have done it? This isn’t a deterrent at all and it’s probably less than he expected. The talk now is all about how we can stop this kind of thing. You’ve got some knobs talking about perspex screens and fences, while ex pro David Cottrell wants police to be given guns so they can shoot anyone who runs on the field. I don’t even know where to start with that, other than to suggest that maybe he’d be more at home in America, as part of the gun lobbying ‘the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun’ lunatic fringe. Seriously, nobody ever ask this fella his opinion on anything, ever again. There are also suggestions today that clubs should be punished. Why? It’s hardly the club’s fault if some paying punter decides to jump a barrier and run onto the field. You can’t legislate for it and if someone really wants to run on the pitch then they will be able to. There is some merit to the notion that a fan might be less inclined to do it if he thinks it will cost his team points, and the one thing it would stop is the hero worship these pricks get from their peers, but it’s still massively unfair on the club. To me, they should just slap a mandatory prison sentence on anyone who runs on the field and touches a player. Make the punishment severe enough and they won’t do it. Tuesday Mar 12: The kids are out of their version of the CL after a penalty shoot out loss to Dynamo Belgrade. I watched the first half of this but then had to go out. The first half really wasn’t good but they went ahead after the break when Gatzel set up Duncan. They couldn’t hold on though unfortunately. Curtis Jones and Adam Lewis played, but there was no Ki-Jana Hoever for some reason. Maybe he’s injured, but if not then he should have played as he’s the best u19 player at the club. In the big boys CL, City went through to the quarters after a 7-0 win over Schalke. Are you watching this, UEFA? Not good for your competition is it? That said, Schalke are 36 points behind Bayern so their English equivalent right now would be…. *checks table* …Everton or Bournemouth. In the other tie, Juventus overcame a 2-0 first leg deficit to knock out Atletico. That’s some seriously good going that, as if there’s one team in Europe you’d back to hold onto a 2-0 lead it’s Simeone’s men. Ronaldo did the damage and you’ve got to hand it to the fella, he’s an incredible goalscorer. I saw a stat today that since turning 30 he’s scored nearly 90 goals in the CL alone. That’s staggering. If we go through I’d like to avoid Juventus but it’s nothing to do with Ronaldo, it’s just for the obvious reasons. Hopefully City will get them or Barca, but they’re nailed on to get Porto or Spurs though, aren’t they? Jammy twats. I don’t think any team has had easier cup draws than them fuckers this year. Meanwhile, the Besiktas coach lays into Karius and basically says his attitude stinks and that he doesn’t seem to be motivated. He made a bad mistake in a game at the weekend and was booed by the fans, and reportedly asked to be subbed at half time. The coach says he would have took him off if their usual back up had been fit. He’s broken isn’t he? Probably beyond repair. Saw something on Twitter today from a Red reminiscing about when a fan ran on and thumped Kevin Bond at Anfield, two weeks after Walshy had knocked him out at the Dell. I remember that well, it was one of the funniest things I’d ever seen at the time and I still laugh about it now, which I realised today makes me a fucking gargantuan hypocrite based on how I feel about the Grealish incident. I guess all I can say is it was the 80s and things were different then. Plus Kevin Bond deserved it. Wednesday Mar 13: Bayern 1 L 3. What a fucking big boy performance that was, especially second half. We've had some great nights in Europe under Klopp and some brilliant performances, but it's usually all blood and thunder, crazy rollercoaster rides. The Dortmund tie for example, or more recently the City quarter final, which ended well but for a spell it was really in the balance and we had that bit of luck with the disallowed goal that should have stood. Then we're 5-0 up against Roma and ended up hanging on by our fingernails after the away leg. This was different. Even when we conceded there still seemed to be a calmness and resolve about the players. They gave the ball away far too much in the first half, but they never looked in any danger at the back. And once we got that second goal Bayern just knew they were beaten because they barely laid a glove on us over two legs. This team is really fucking special. Sadio's two goals were things of beauty and Virgil might already be top ten in terms of the best players we've ever had. His influence on this team is almost Souness-like in a way. A different type of leadership, but the inspiration he brings is the same. Players in the tunnel must look at him and go "we'll be sound here today". Opponents must look at him (and to a lesser extent Alisson and Fabinho) and think, "how the fuck are we going to do anything against these?" The only downside was the silly booking for Robbo that rules him out of the next game. He's one of only a handful of players we can't really replace, so we need an easy draw or it could cost us. He didn't need to make that challenge but it was never a yellow card, especially at that stage of the game when there was no advantage to be gained. The ref was good overall I thought, but that wasn't his finest moment. Update on the Karius situation. He hasn’t been paid for four months and has reported Besiktas to FIFA. Kinell, no wonder he hasn’t been motivated! That’s taking the piss that, and he’d be well within his rights to just not bother showing up for training or games. That’s presumably what they want. Can't see him seeing out that second year of the two year loan, and we're defo not getting the agreed transfer fee for him either. I bear him no ill will, but I don't need to be seeing his pretty face back at Melwood for pre-season, as he just brings back too many painful memories. Unless of course, we win the double this season in which case I genuinely won't give a fuck about anything. Thursday Mar 14: Steve Nicol is one of our greatest players. I love the guy. Brilliant footballer and a real character. As a pundit though? Fuck me, he makes Dean Saunders look like a genius. While the rest of were buzzing at the way the lads went to one of the most difficult areas in Europe and won comfortably last night, ol’ Chico was saying this on US TV: “I would love to say that Liverpool came and were just too clever and sat in a great spot. But the truth is that I don't think Bayern knew what they wanted to do. Clearly in the first leg they sat and gave nothing away. "But at home, and the reason we all thought they were favourites, you'd expect them to be pushing again, but they didn't. They didn't go forward, they just sort of sat and waited. If you look at the stats, the only reason they had more possession was because Liverpool kept giving them the ball. "That had nothing to do with what they were doing. Liverpool on the ball in this game overall, I thought they were atrocious. I thought they were as bad as I've ever seen." Atrocious??? We were a bit lax in our passing int he first half, but bloody hell that’s embarrassing. As bad as he’s EVER seen? It wasn’t even as bad as anything we’ve seen this month! The United and Everton games were much worse Friday Mar 15: Wow, that draw did NOT go as I expected. First two names out were Ajax and Juve. While I was relieved to avoid Juve, that guaranteed at least one all PL tie, and the prospect of us getting City was looming large. The next name out was us, so I’m bracing myself for the worst when I’m pretty sure I saw the letters “Port” as the guy unwrapped the bit of paper. “Wait, did we get Porto?” Then it was confirmed. Fucking hell, we got Porto. I don’t want to say too much about it as these things can return to bit you in the arse, and it’s disrespectful to Porto who just beat Roma and are therefore no mugs. Bottom line though, we should win that tie and if City had gotten that draw we’d have been fuming about how they’ve had it easy all the way through. We still have to beat them, but this was great for us. Not so great for Spurs, who have to play City. Given how shite they’ve been against them they’ve basically got no chance. The bigger issue here is that the league meeting between them comes just after the second leg. Spurs will probably be completely demoralised by that point and will roll over. If we beat Porto we get either United or Barca in the semis. United is the easier game (despite our irritating habit of freezing at Old Trafford in league games) but I’ve wanted to play Barca for a couple of years now and that would be fucking ace, a proper European night. I”m getting ahead of myself a little here, but I can’t help but worry about a final that would likely either be against City or Juve. Not sure which would be worse, but worry about that if and when it happens I guess. Meanwhile, over on EFC Twitter…. I wish I could post the replies, but they've gone now unfortunately. What a sad bunch of fucking losers. Seriously, it’s utterly bizarre behaviour. We’ve had blue training gear, several of our lads have ran out in blue boots (Virg, Robbo, Bobby to name three) and nobody, NOBODY gives a shit. These wankers catch a mere glimpse of anything even resembling red on their players and the pitch forks come out. The ECHO ran a story on it (there is literally nothing they won’t run a story about these days) and this was the headline - Jordan Pickford deletes Xbox controller tweet following Everton fan 'backlash' - The goalkeeper faced a number of tongue-in-cheek responses after tweeting out the picture. Ok, couple of points. Backlash being in inverted commas, suggesting it wasn’t really a backlash. It was and it’s not the first time. And tongue-in-cheek responses? No, Evertonians don’t do tongue-in-cheek, not when they’ve seen Red. Just ask Koeman, who went from saviour to sacked within a few months of having a red Crimbo tree. I’ll tell you who’s to blame for all this though - Michael Ball, the soft bitter cunt. Ever since he sent back his Predators because they had a tiny bit of Red on the stripes this has become normal behaviour to them, like a test of their true blueness, the fucking weirdos. Staying with Pickford for a sec though. I wrote in this week’s Round Up that I think there’s defo something wrong with him mentally, and it seems Marco Silva agrees, as today he said Everton are working on a daily basis to “keep growing his emotional balance”. Not a surprise to anyone who saw how he behaved at Newcastle last week, the lad’s just not quite right. and that was the week that was....