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Saturday Jan 12: Brighton 0 L 1 We’re not going to win by three or four every week so we may as well get used to games like this. We were never in any real danger but no matter how comfortable you are, when its only 1-0 you always get a moment or two where it potentially could go wrong. Brighton had only one move of any real note, and it needed a great block by Fabinho to prevent them equalising. We controlled things throughout but didn’t do much in front of goal and found it tough against their defensive set up. A bit of trickery from Mo decided it, and such is the desperation of so many to see us fuck things up that somehow even a good guy like Salah is now being portrayed as a villain. A year ago everyone loved him. Now that we might win the title, suddenly he’s getting the Suarez treatment. Seriously, if you’ve convinced yourself there was anything dodgy about that penalty, then you need a long break from football because your hatred of the Reds is completely fucking up your perspective. Chris Hughton had no complaints even though it was his team on the receiving end. Yet all manner of people who don’t even have a horse in the right are calling blue murder. No-one boils piss like we do. Not sure why like, but fuck it. Today’s transfer rumour sees United in for Coutinho. My gut instinct is he will be at Barca for years to come as he’ll turn things around, but if they decide they want rid of him then he’s going to end up in Manchester. Whether it’s City or United I don’t know, but we probably won’t go for him and his options are therefore going to be seriously limited as very few teams could afford him. Tell you something else too, if we don’t go for him then he’ll feel completely justified in joining United and won’t have a second’s regret about it. It’s like that bullshit from Suarez about how he wouldn’t come back to England because he wouldn’t want to play for another club over here out of respect to us. 100% bollocks. Footballer’s generally just don’t think like that. If we don’t make them an offer then all bets are off and they’ll take whatever the best deal is for them, regardless of who it’s with. Coutinho would play for United and Suarez would go to Chelsea, Arsenal or City (I don’t think he’d join United because there’s too much bad blood there) in a fucking heartbeat. All things considered, I’ve now talked myself into rooting for Coutinho to do well at Barca simply to stop him resurfacing in Manchester. Sunday Jan 13: I was trying to figure out who had the most ridiculous statement of the weekend. Was it Neil Warnock’s amazing “to hell with the rest of the world” Brexit rant, or Rio Ferdinand’s completely out of left field attack on Newcastle fans / defence of Mike Ashley on BT. Difficult one to call as they were both horrendously misinformed. But then, a lone voice over in Doha cried out “hold my beer!!” “Well said @rioferdy5 . If Rafa loves Newcastle as he says - spend some of his own money. He’s got enough. Management is about teamwork - why should it always be Ashley? Buy it. It’s still for sale. They’re in the bottom 3 & Rafa is responsible. He picks the team.” Is that the worst football take ever? I think it might be you know. Rafa has some responsibility for their league position, but the idea that he should be stumping up cash for new players or buying out Ashley is just inexcusably stupid. As is the fact that people still employ this soft cunt. Richard Keys is an unfunny, unpleasant fucking simpleton. His tefal headed grinning goon of a sidekick can fuck off too. Pair of wankers. Monday Jan 14: Trent will be out for a month with a knee injury. Bit of confusion here though, as it was reported that he rolled his ankle before the game on Saturday. Now it’s his knee? And he’s out for a month? Letting him play that game isn’t looking so smart now, and nor is the decision to loan out Clyne. I said my piece on that last week though. In other news, I’m in a bad way today. Some kind of stomach flu or something. Felt like shite all today, and it got especially bad when I was driving back from the school run. Chronic heartburn, not helped by the packet of bacon rasher crisps I had for lunch. Every time I’d burp, I’d get that bacon taste all over again. Grim. As much as I love those crisps I’m never eating them again as long as I live. Anyway, I got home, went to bed and lay there trying to control my breathing so I wasn’t sick. I lasted about an hour before it beat me. I didn’t even make it to the bathroom, I just about got to the door when it came surging up. I desperately tried to keep my mouth shut but it just came gushing out anyway. First through my nose, then through my mouth. Vile, disgusting spew everywhere. I guess that’s what it must feel like being Richard Keys. Try as you might, you can’t stop it, so may as well just let it flow. Tuesday Jan 15: Day two of the sickness. Not puking anymore but couldn’t get out of bed all day and could barely even open my eyes without feeling dizzy and nauseous. As a result, I have no idea what is happening in the world around me as I’m just in a daze. I guess this is what it must feel like being Paul Merson. Wednesday Jan 16: City are crying about their fixture list. What is it they’re so upset about? Champions League fixtures clashing with big league games perhaps? Nope. The FA Cup then? Nope. Ah right, the League Cup semi then? Kind of, but not in the way you’d think. They’re bitching about something called the EFL Cup, which if you’re anything like me you just had to google. Turns out they wanted to play their under 21 side in the second leg against Burton, but they can’t because they entered them in the EFL Cup and have a game against Sunderland the night before they play Burton. They wanted to move it and were told no. Quite right too. Why should Sunderland agree to move a game because some Premier League big shot has entered a team into a competition they have no business being in and now don’t have the players to field a competitive team? Absolute wankers. Fuck City. I hate everything about them these days. The self entitled financial doping twats. I hope old Chrome Dome Pep has to field his senior players at Burton and I hope Burton kick fuck out of them in revenge for the humiliation they suffered last week. And then I hope Sunderland kick the shit out of their kids too. Sickness update: I shit myself today. Literally shit myself. Farted and followed right through. Thankfully I was in the house when it happened, which is one of the many benefits of working from home. I’m not saying that working from home means it’s ok to shit yourself, but there is an increased risk of it happening as the consequences just aren’t as severe, so you’ll I mean I knew I’d had the squirts all week and that if I just let it rip then an unstoppable stream of shite was going to come out, but I did it anyway. Again, I guess this is what it must be like being Richard Keys on a Saturday afternoon in Doha. Thursday Jan 17: New deal for Robbo. Usually these new contracts don’t mean much to me unless it’s a player who there was a risk might leave. Otherwise what does it mean other than a pay rise for a lad who is already loaded anyway? This is different though. There was never any chance of Robbo leaving or any doubt he’d sign a new deal, but I’m made up with this and the reason is precisely because of the pay rise. More money for Robbo? Get in! Whatever he’s getting, he deserves more. Seriously. I don’t think it’s possible to pay this lad enough. Brilliant player but an even better human being. I fucking love Andy Robbo. So does everybody though. It’s very rare you find a player that has 100% approval rating among fans. Even great players of the past have often had their critics. Gerrard, Carragher, Suarez even. Andy Robbo’s approval rating is as high as any player I can ever remember though. I don’t think I’ve ever seen even one fan being critical of him. Not being Alberto Moreno obviously helps, but it’s more than that. Best left back in the world and also a world class lad who knows where he came from. He should get a new contract every week. Also today, Mourinho showed up over on BeIN Sports. It sounds strange for me to say this, but I’m a little disappointed. Seriously, I thought he was better than that. This is the domain of the Big Sams and Slimeball Pardews of this world. Mourinho ought to be above that, but apparently he’s not. Not entirely sure what the point of it was, as under the terms of his pay off he’s not allowed to discuss what went wrong at United. So instead he took the airwaves to protest his innocence in the sale of Salah when he was at Chelsea. “I bought the kid. I did not sell him. Chelsea sold him.” He’s a fucking case isn’t he. He wouldn’t answer questions about Pogba as he isn’t allowed, but he reeled off a list of great players he managed who he never had a falling out with and invited everyone to join the dots. Those dots being “if you act like a professional and aren’t shit then you won’t have a problem”. Meanwhile, Curtis Jones is apparently on the radar of clubs in Germany. Yawn. Is there anything more tiresome than this bollocks? There’s not a week goes by we don’t hear about this new ‘threat’ to the English game. Yesterday it was Hudson-Odoye supposedly wanting to join Bayern and the English press are all wringing their hands about “German clubs hoovering up all our young talent”. Jesus. There’s one lad at Dortmund, and that’s it. Load of shite. No way is Curtis Jones leaving here to go to Germany. Friday Jan 18: Ox should be back soon but we won’t see Brewster this season according to Klopp. Not gonna lie, that has set off major alarm bells for me. He was only meant to be out for a few months but it’s turned into something much more serious, and it’s hard when it happens to a kid that age because he’s missing around 18 months of development. It’s hard enough for kids to make it anyway, but take away 18 months of much needed experience and progression and to be brutally honest, there’s very few that will be able to overcome that. Klopp loves him and will no doubt give him every opportunity, but Solanke couldn’t get a sniff and he was three years older and more well polished, so Brewster has it all to do, especially with Bobby Duncan coming up quickly on the rails. Brewster is going to need another season to get back to what he was before, and is he patient enough to stick it out here if he’s not in the first team? The previous flirtations with Germany suggest maybe not, but I guess much will depend on whether we get him the right loan move. Some talk today that Lallana is going to end up at Rangers. Hahaha behave! He’s injured, not dead. As if a 30 year old Premier League player on 100k a week is gonna drop down to what is basically League One standard football and wages. No disrespect to Stevie, but Lallana would be appalled at the suggestion of dropping down that far. It wasn’t the most ridiculous rumour of the day though. Some reports have us bidding £70m for a Portuguese teenager playing for Benfica. The ‘bid’ was rejected because they want double. Yeah sure, ok. Even more ridiculous than that one is Spurs apparently trying to buy Origi. Yeah, because Daniel Levy is prone to panic buying like that isn’t he? Kinell. Whoever is coming up with this shite isn’t even trying. Just fling enough shit and hope it attracts the right amount of clicks. In case you’re wondering, I’m feeling considerably better today but still have a runny arse. I’m currently lashing down the imodiums so I can get through the game tomorrow without dribbling down my own leg. I guess that’s what it must feel like to be Alberto Moreno. Until next week then….