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Showing content with the highest reputation on 21/10/18 in all areas

  1. 6 points
    I hardly ever post anymore since my daughter died, I don't know if it's that the reason I don't post much anymore but I'm more comfortable lurking I suppose. When she died 4 years ago, I was destroyed and part of me still is. I'll never get over it. There's things that I have to deal with over the last few years, that I think have stopped me grieving for her in a way that I'd like to. In many ways I've become numb to so much. I seem to be on autopilot most of the time and out of the blue, I'm floored and can barely pick my head up off the floor. For most of the time I function like everyone else, I go to work and do what other people do, but I don't get anywhere near the enjoyment out of life that I used to. And I accept that as I know why. My wife and I set up a charity, Love, Jasmine, 2 years ago in her memory and I know many of you sponsored Dougie Doins on his sponsored bike ride last year when he raised money for us - thank you!. We support other families who have gone through/going through what we are and the way people deal with it is as unique as the child they've lost. There's no right or wrong way to deal with grief. You have to find your own way. For some counselling works, for others it doesn't. Some prefer the company of others who have experienced something similar and peer support can really help with isolation. One of things that we've tried to do with the charity is give families different choices. We don't just say here's counselling and go to the GP and get medication. We provide self-care strategies such Yoga, meditation and complimentary therapies and these are available to kids and adults alike. There's counselling for those that want to try that as well as support groups and we also provide transport for families to get them to appointments, if they can't get themselves to us. Last year, we asked families what would help and so many came back to us and said respite breaks, so we bought a caravan and we now send families for respite breaks as well. I didn't mean this to sound like an advert for the charity, I guess I'm just trying to say grief is different for everyone. I see it every day in my own life at home and with the people that we work with each day.
  2. 5 points
    I lost my brother who was also my best mate to cancer in March 2016, 9 months later my mum died of pneumonia, this was while I was going through a messy and prolonged divorce where I lost my house and had to take redundancy from a well paid job to get rid of the debts my ex wife left me with, but the death of my brother was the thing that hit me the hardest, it completely floored me and devastated me, he was like a lion, never once complained about what he was going through, never wished it on anyone else, and was more worried about other people than himself, it broke me having to go and see him while he was dying but I put on a brave face, hid the tears and went in cracking jokes and having a laugh with him, he talked about dying and it fucking almost crucified me when he was talking about it, but i think it was something he had to do, so he never saw me break, he was a Man City fan, since the early 70s when we were kids and with me being Liverpool there was plenty of banter, he died the week after we played City in the league cup final, that was the last game we ever watched together, he was drifting in and out of consciousness due to the drugs but still celebrated when City scored, before he died I wrote him a letter telling him how much I loved him and when it was his time to go he had to say hello to Elvis, John Lennon and Bruce Lee from me, and he said he would but I had to tell him the City scores whenever I went to his grave, which I do. The after affect is awful , like you're drowning and just get your breath back and another wave of grief crashes into you, I have no idea how I got through it, there's books that I read in the weeks and months after, and films I watched that I have no recollection of, I should have had counselling but I had no idea that it existed, time heals but every so often a song or a memory sneaks up and slaps you in the face, I must be made of stern stuff as I know of a couple of people that have committed suicide in my town just cos they split up from their wives/girlfriends.
  3. 4 points
    Thanks everyone, for your concern and for your stories of your own losses and of how you've each managed your own grief. I should say that I'm sound btw, haven't suffered any loss or bereavement recently, but I did watch a film about loss the other night, and that prompted my post. The film was Peter Jackson's The Lovely Bones, and it really struck me about how in grief, how there are no rules, no right or wrong, how grieving is such an intensely personal and individual thing. My nan dies in the June of 1999 and it hit me like a ton of bricks. After both my mother and my dad had (for different reasons) fucked off and left both me and my younger brother, it was my elderly maternal grandmother whooo gladly filled the vacuum and stepped in to bring us both up. Had she not done so, then we would have both been shipped off to some children's home. As I watched that film though, my grief for my nan really struck me. I have missed her for every single day of the past 20 years, but rarely if ever have I ever spoken of my grief, my pain and sorrow to anyone. This cannot be healthy. Perhaps I should and maybe it's important for me to do so. Maybe this thread is the beginning of my catharsis and of a recovery of sorts. In many respects I'm a very typical fella; I drink too much, bottle stuff up, repress my feelings, live in denial, put a brave face on, soldier on, and generally be an arsehole. After 20 odd years, maybe it's time to grasp thhe nettle, man up and sort my shit out? Maybe. Thanks to eveyone who's taken the time to reply to my OP, many of your posts have been both touching and moving. Much love back at ya.
  4. 3 points
  5. 3 points
  6. 2 points
    I’ve just sat and read the thread right through. They aren’t my stories but they are so affecting. It doesn’t feel like the time to respond to any of them individually but we say it time and again but putting these kinds of experiences down on here is one of the best things about this place. I picked up on those thoughts of wondering the purpose of putting some of those feelings down in print. I don’t know what you take from it but be sure that your thoughts and experiences are read by others and help in profound and long lasting ways as we all try to navigate the really big parts of our own lives. Thank you and much love to you all
  7. 2 points
  8. 2 points
    Nothing on the Twitter feed of Theresa May, the Prime Minister, who asked for the backing of Conservative voters for her Brexit negotiations during the general election, and who those who voted Conservative gave said backing to.
  9. 2 points
    “People are discussing aspects of a performance on a football forum, and there is some mild criticism of the way we have played. I’m needed, Lois.”
  10. 2 points
    There is only one acapella that I rate higher but he is a god.
  11. 2 points
  12. 2 points
    People are actually saying the Chelsea staff member was a disgrace. It's disrespectful, but a disgrace is trying to gouge another coach in the eye after a game. That shit today was barely anything.
  13. 2 points
    Wow. This really is quite the thread. Sincere thanks to everyone who has contributed. There is no rulebook for grief but ultimately those of us left behind must carry on by whatever means. My own experience still leaves me angry and numb at the same time. My wife and I do appear to enjoy life but on my own behalf Im never quite sure if Im simply faking it. I feel that the loss of R defines me more than my amazing wife A and grown up children B, D and J. Aint that just a kicker.
  14. 1 point
    I am a bit drunk and listening to Queen. Freddie is the greatest frontman that has ever lived. What a fucking gigantic legend he was. Just 45 when he died. [YOUTUBE]BAf2S6ij2gk[/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE]LRt2jX1kaYo[/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE]VMnjF1O4eH0[/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE]MCMV1j_VnVs[/YOUTUBE] And one for all the people doing the Movember thing.
  15. 1 point
    There's only one Bread song that matters Mook:
  16. 1 point
    Sat here by myself, pissed as fart listening to Queen and I’d forgot just how good they were... simply astonishing Jeff..
  17. 1 point
    Went to the docs for a regular check up and blood tests yesterday, the nurse told me I've got to stop eating bread. Nothing else, just bread. WHAT THE FUCK? 24 hours on and I'm still not sure how I'm going to manage to live.
  18. 1 point
    Happy birthday Champ. Have a good'n x
  19. 1 point
    Really havent got the hang of editing on this new site Sorry if it looks a bit crap
  20. 1 point
    In here can be a good place.
  21. 1 point
    I’ve lost three close family members, including my Mum and Dad in the last few years. It. Fucking. Sucks. I dont know if one person’s story of grief can help much, as it’s taken so differently by the individual. For me, talking it through with friends and family helped. I’m sure a councillor would help too. My inbox is always open to those who want to talk.
  22. 1 point
  23. 1 point
    As always with any draft, my only aim is to finish above Stig.
  24. 1 point
    If you can guarantee arguing, I'll join. Though I'm not sure I really get how it'll pan out in practice - I mean, there seems to me to be a much higher chance of not knowing anything about a large portion of the picks than there would be in a football one.
  25. 1 point
    We all know that if anything actually comes out of this, it will both clubs getting fucked the same by UEFA in typical diplomatic shithousery. And, of course, our communications department will then release an official statement applauding UEFA for their very equitable verdict.