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Boris Johnson


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16 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

I'd prefer Theresa May to either of these two cunts. 

 

That's been the thing all along for me. The whooping and hollering and near-Thatcher-level celebrations when she resigned was so shortsighted. This worst-case-scenario eventuality was obvious to anyone with half a brain.

 

Better the devil you know, than the lying, treacherous, self-serving Eton scumbag piece of shit you also know.

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Boris Johnson making model buses isn't weird. What's weird is not admitting how many children you have

So Johnson wants to protect his ‘loved ones’? What we need protecting from is him

Tom Peck

Boris Johnson’s original strategy of winning the Tory leadership contest by placing himself under effective house arrest came unstuck at the weekend when he somehow managed to still cock everything up, from inside the house in which he had arrested himself.

But now we are on to Plan B, namely the media blitz, at least we all know why Plan A was the preferred option.

The BBC ... LBC ... Talk Radio ... all of these outlets seem to want to know more about the police being called in the middle of the night to the house of the de facto future Prime Minister over a reported domestic disturbance. They want to know how things like how many secret families does he have. And so on and so on.

But Boris Johnson, alas, doesn’t want to talk. He won’t, he has said at least twice now, “bring his loved ones in to it.” “It wouldn’t be fair on them,” he has explained.

Anyone who has ever worked in a news room knows the “privacy of my family” defence very well. There you’ll be, getting on with your day, when an email will arrive, detailing the latest injunction, taken out by the latest politician, popstar, actor or footballer. “Will no one, please, think of my children!” is the executive summary of such things, which arrive on legal headed notepaper, having cost the subject somewhere in the region of tens of thousands of pounds.

Ninety nine times out of a hundred, said person’s sudden, desperate concern for the welfare of their children and their mother, has come immediately after, to take just one random example, a lengthy affair with your brother’s wife. It’s an interesting approach – call in the lawyers to demand the free press in a free country hold themselves to a higher moral standard than you do.

 

Oh to be loved by Boris Johnson. A short list of the loved ones for whom he so gallantly seeks protection, are a handful of grown up children in their twenties of whom friends say now go about their lives with cover stories about the identity of their own dad.

Then there’s the ten year old daughter, from the ten year old affair, whose existence was kept quiet via a court order. And now there’s the former work colleague, 24 years his junior, who invited him into a flat she now can’t return to. There are rumoured to be more, but Johnson is just too gallant to discuss them.

Not too gallant though, through some mysterious magic, to transmit a photograph of himself and girlfriend Carrie Symonds in the fading light of the Sussex countryside to the newspapers, 24 hours after she had been recorded screaming, “Get off me, get out my flat,” at him.

 Biggest lies told by Boris Johnson

Show all 5

 

 

 

 

There is some concern, that this photographic evidence of the happy couple happily back together on happy terms, appears to show Johnson both significantly heavier, and with significantly longer hair than he now has, and thus that it may have been taken several weeks ago.

Nick Ferrari asked Johnson about this 26, yes fully 26 times. It was a radio interview, so it is theoretically possible Johnson didn’t know that a video feed of it was also being broadcast live on various news channels, which would explain the gentle smirk that greeted his consistent refusal to answer the question. The question, in a nutshell, was “Are you lying?” The answer did not come. 

When Ferrari wanted to know when he had last had his haircut, Johnson’s view was that the interview was “descending into farce.” He’s right, it was, but it was a farce of his own making, through telling a lie as robust as a wet paper bag and imagining its structural integrity could hold out, through nothing other than the sheer force of Johnson’s personality.

And that is how the Johnson premiership will start, grow and die. Things will have to be smirked away that are far more serious than a photograph in a Sussex beer garden. These things will be people’s lives and livelihoods. They will not be a laughing matter. The farce into which we descend will not be farce, it will be tragedy.

His plan for Brexit is as credible as his photograph. Its chances of surviving first contact with reality are the same, which is to say, zero.

 

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He accuses Jeremy Hunt of wishing to “carry on kicking the can down the road.” His own plan is to break up the withdrawal agreement, keep the bits he likes and get rid of the bits he doesn’t. The Irish border question can be dealt with after we’ve left, he says, and in the meantime, there’ll be free and frictionless trade.

It’s a legal impossibility, a fantasy, which the EU consistently warns it will not allow.

The withdrawal agreement IS the metaphorical can. Johnson looks interviewers in the eye, with as straight a face as he can manage, when even he doesn’t believe his own garbage, and tells them the can be broken up. That bits of it can be kept, other bits kicked.

Does anyone care? Is anyone listening? There are whispers that the Tory membership might not be as craven as we are led to believe. That more of them than previously thought might be able to see the transparently obvious – that they’re about to make a mistake of epic proportions. It is nevertheless, still unlikely to be enough.

Later, he would be telling Talk Radio that, “to relax” he paints models of buses from old wooden crates, complete with “happy passengers.” This is supposed to be evidence that he is, somehow, a strange man. But it is perhaps the only question to which he has given an entirely straight answer.

What is stranger than a man who paints models of buses? One who won’t tell you how many children he has, for a start. There is only one appropriate response to the hobbycraft revelations and it this: who cares?

As he made this apparently stunning admission, by the way, a Foreign Office Minister from his own party, Sir Alan Duncan, was standing at the despatch box of the House of Commons, breezily saying that Johnson needs to lose “for the good of the country.”

That is mad. The full tonto. Making a model bus from a wooden crate is entirely sane by comparison.

Still, Brexit “do or die” by the 31st October, Johnson continues to promise. As things stand, the “do” bit doesn’t look possible. Nor are there obvious ways to make it so. That only leaves one other option. Given that all of us, in the last three years have seen things you people wouldn’t believe, perhaps it’s fitting that Brexit is gearing up for its Blade Runner ending. Time to die.

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1 minute ago, Chris said:

 

To bury the story within the world's most powerful information source, for sure.

I might have been a bit off with my reasoning but I did say he wasn't so stupid that he couldn't string a sentence together, he must have said "bus" about 10 times with a few garbled words in between. 

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Boris Johnson’s claims about the prospects of rewriting the Brexit deal have been compared by the European parliament’s Brexit coordinator to the “false promises, pseudo-patriotism and foreigner-bashing” he is said to have used to win the EU referendum.

The suggestion from the Conservative leadership frontrunner that he will be able to dump Theresa May’s withdrawal agreement, withhold the UK’s £39bn divorce bill and still negotiate a free-trade deal in Brussels was savaged by Guy Verhofstadt.

 

The former prime minister of Belgium said Johnson’s assertion during the current leadership campaign was a myth. In a withering assessment of the race between Johnson and Jeremy Hunt, who also claims he will be able to renegotiate the deal, Verhofstadt said it appeared they had “learned nothing whatsoever”.

Theresa May says next PM must not try to bypass parliament on Brexit

 

 

The EU has repeatedly said it will not renegotiate the agreement and that the UK will crash out unless the House of Commons ratifies the full package, including the protocol containing the Irish backstop for avoiding a hard border on the island of Ireland.

Describing Johnson as the Vote Leave campaign’s “most prominent architect” and “a man who continues to dissemble, exaggerate and disinform”, Verhofstadt said he appeared to be unable to stop spreading “untruths”.

He added: “Chief among them is the myth that Britain can tear up the withdrawal agreement that May negotiated with the EU, withhold its financial commitments to the bloc and simultaneously start negotiating free-trade deals.

“To Johnson’s followers, however, he is more prophet than politician: only he can deliver a mythical ‘true Brexit’ that will deliver the prosperity promised during the referendum campaign.

Sign up to our Brexit weekly briefing

 

 

“As is often the case with populists, reality does not square with Johnson’s ensorcelling combination of false promises, pseudo-patriotism and foreigner-bashing.

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“He and his fellow Brexiteers speak of a ‘global Britain’ that will trade freely with the rest of the world, even as they drag their country down a path strewn with uprooted trade ties and substantial new barriers to commerce.”

Johnson has said he believes that with “positive energy” he will be able to either persuade Brussels to ditch the backstop, which would otherwise keep the UK in a customs union until another border solution is found, or agree to a “standstill” in current relations through article 24 of the general agreement on tariffs and trade.

The latter claim has been described as “not true” by the international trade secretary, Liam Fox, among others. He pointed out article 24 requires EU agreement, which Brussels has said it will not give.

The EU is due to announce the finalising of a trade deal with the Mercosur bloc – Argentina, Brazil, Paraguay, and Uruguay – that will reduce tariffs on European products being exported to those countries.

The EU has been keen to burnish its trade credentials after enjoying a purple patch of negotiations, including with Japan, with which it has struck the world’s largest bilateral free-trade deal.

“With Johnson likely taking power in late July, Europe will have offered still more proof that Brexit is not only unnecessary but also detrimental to Britain’s economic interests,” Verhofstadt writes in an articlefor the Guardian. “The ‘buccaneering’ Brexiteers might then finally have to explain what it is they’re still complaining about.”

Meanwhile, as Finland takes over the six-month rotating presidency of the EU, the country’s minister of European affairs, Tytti Tuppurainen, said the UK needed to “define for herself both the answers and the basic rules of the game” in the Brexit conundrum, in a sign of the growing frustration with Britain.

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Guest Pistonbroke

Some geniuses out and about. 

 

Image may contain: 1 person

 

Emlyn Pearce

Is this my real wife?
Is this philandery?
Ahead by a landslide
No escape for society
Open your eyes
Look up all the lies and see:
I'm just a rich boy, no need for democracy
It’s an easy win, for old Bo Jo
A little high, on a little blow
Anyway the country goes, doesn't really matter to me, to me.

Theresa, I just hatched a plan
Got endorsed by Lizzy Truss
For that lie upon the bus.
Theresa, Brexit can be won!
Just need to go and throw the Scots away!
Theresa, oh oh 
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not PM this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters...

MASTURBATE! 
My time has come!
Sends shivers down my spine...
BUGGER! Now I’ve gone and spilt my wine!
Carrie! Get off my laptop please
I’m duffing up my phallus, spaffing over Tory sleaze!

Goodbye Nazanin, I've got to go
Gotta leave you in Tehran, forget the truth!
Nazanin, oh oh (anyway the country goes)
I can’t help but lie
You must wish I'd never been born at all!

(Guitar solo)

I see a little watermelon of a smile:
Piccaninny! Piccaninny! Would you fetch an espresso?
Tory voters whitening, very very frightening!
Portillo! Bordello! Minstrel show! Albino! Eskimo! Magnifi-Go-o-o-o-ve!

I'm just a rich boy and nobody loves me!

“He's just a rich boy from a rich family
Spare us from his Honey Monstrosity!”

“Easy come, easy go, will you let me vote?”

“G Miller, no! He will not let you vote!”
“Let her vote!”
“G Miller, he will not let you vote!”
“Let her vote!”
“G Miller, he will not let you vote!”
“Let her vote!”
(Will not let her vote) “Let her vote!” (never, never let her vote) “Let her vote!” (never let her vote)
“Oh oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no!”
“Oh Gina Miller, Gina Miller, Gina Miller let us vote!”
Beelzebub has a medal put aside for me!
For meee!
For MEEEEEEEEEE!

So you think you can stop me and spit in my eye?
Though you loved me on #HIGNY?
Oh baby can't do this to me baby
Just gotta get out, just gotta get Hunt outta here!
Oh oh oh yeah, oh oh yeah...

Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters 
Nothing really matters but ME!!!

(Anyway the country goes...)

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Quote

Jun 05, 2017 · Simple numbers tell story of police cuts under Theresa May. Over the next five years the number of police officers in England and Wales fell from a peak of 144,353 in 2009 to 122,859 in 2016. At the same time the number of specialist armed police officers has fallen from a peak of 6,796 in 2010 to 5,639 in 2016.

 

Now Boris is pledging to give us 20,000 police officers, at a cost of £1bn. So we will have effectively swapped over 20,000 experienced bobbys for 20,000 inexperienced ones. But reaped the rewards of reducing the numbers so the job they have is so much harder. 

 

Will we get a visit if someone breaks into our home, or are these part of the ministry of truth who will call on you if your social media account strays from the narrative? 

 

At the tender age of 19 as a young cop I was insufferable, I didn't know it then of course. Full of all the law I'd learned I went about my job with absolute dedication and must have been a nightmare for all those that encountered me. What was needed was an old hand to chill my beans, that's how things usually worked but we were so understaffed at the time I was left to my own devices. I was bloody good but too bloody keen. Years later when I had a shift to control I had a lot of new cops and most of your time is spent just calming them down.

 

The police since the miner's strike have been seen largely as a weapon of the government, despite having been shit on completely by them. They have very little respect from people although I think most people would agree they have a difficult job. They won't react to much these days except motorists, they love to screw the motorist. Then there's the justice system, which these days seems to be about anything but justice. 

 

Ideally adding 20,000 police over five years from 2009 instead of decimating them would have been the real answer. It's like your boss cutting your wages over the next five years, then announcing after 5 years of hardship you're going to get a rise which is less than you had five years ago. With all of the complications on your life that those 5 years of struggle and debt you got yourself into it barely helps. In fact it's an insult. 

 

My daughter said that the government should not be allowed to cut emergency services etc that the money for these essential services should be ring-fenced, she gets it but she doesn't understand the system yet. People cry over brexit but for years our government has been allowed to cripple essential services. These cuts to those services pose a real and present danger to us, and like the frog in the pan of water we just sit there while it slowly heats up. I suppose our two minutes of hate are directed at other things. 

 

 

Politicians, they're all cunts. Never forget that. 

 

 

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Guest Pistonbroke

Typical Tories though. Dismantle services and then pledge to rebuild them at the time of an election. You gain absolutely fuck all. 

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