The Ailment thread

[cloggypop]

Hope you escape today TJ. Hope you don't take too long mending after that. 

[tokyojoe]

3 hours ago, cloggypop said:

Hope you escape today TJ. Hope you don't take too long mending after that. 

Going 'home' in about an hour or two after her indoors says 'don't ever do this to me again'.

 

Break me fucking hip? Yeh, right.

[Captain Turdseye]

3 minutes ago, tokyojoe said:

Going 'home' in about an hour or two after her indoors says 'don't ever do this to me again'.

 

Break me fucking hip? Yeh, right.

You did say you wanted to get away for Xmas. God works in mysterious ways. 

[Bjornebye]

5 minutes ago, tokyojoe said:

Going 'home' in about an hour or two after her indoors says 'don't ever do this to me again'.

 

Break me fucking hip? Yeh, right.

You'll be throwing yourself out the window by 8 o'clock if she keeps it up mate ! 

[tokyojoe]

I was on Harlow's homeless list for about an hour this afternoon!

[Bjornebye]

Hahaha 

[cloggypop]

34 minutes ago, tokyojoe said:

Going 'home' in about an hour or two after her indoors says 'don't ever do this to me again'.

 

Break me fucking hip? Yeh, right.

Get in! I'm off out on the piss to celebrate. 

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Just got back from pre-operation shit in the hospital. OP is on Monday, this time they are opening up the whole shoulder to do various procedures to try and save me having to have a prosthetic shoulder. Also some muscle specialist will be in attendance to look at my Bicep/triceps and shoulder muscles around/attached to the left shoulder which are basically stone hard and fucked as far as twisting goes to aid movement. If all goes well I should be out for next weekend and then a long road ahead with physio etc. 

[Captain Turdseye]

3 hours ago, Pistonbroke said:

Just got back from pre-operation shit in the hospital. OP is on Monday, this time they are opening up the whole shoulder to do various procedures to try and save me having to have a prosthetic shoulder. Also some muscle specialist will be in attendance to look at my Bicep/triceps and shoulder muscles around/attached to the left shoulder which are basically stone hard and fucked as far as twisting goes to aid movement. If all goes well I should be out for next weekend and then a long road ahead with physio etc. 

Could have just done it at home and took it in inside a little pot. 

[Elite]

4 hours ago, Pistonbroke said:

Just got back from pre-operation shit in the hospital. OP is on Monday, this time they are opening up the whole shoulder to do various procedures to try and save me having to have a prosthetic shoulder. Also some muscle specialist will be in attendance to look at my Bicep/triceps and shoulder muscles around/attached to the left shoulder which are basically stone hard and fucked as far as twisting goes to aid movement. If all goes well I should be out for next weekend and then a long road ahead with physio etc. 

How did it get that bad in the first place? 

[Mudface]

2 minutes ago, Elite said:

How did it get that bad in the first place? 

He's a veteran of a site that's remarkably easy to masturbate to. Takes its toll on even the broadest of shoulders.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

3 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Could have just done it at home and took it in inside a little pot. 

 

They wanted to have the smell of champions. 

3 hours ago, Elite said:

How did it get that bad in the first place? 

 

Arthritis/Too much sport/weights, especially during my time as a soldier. 

3 hours ago, Mudface said:

He's a veteran of a site that's remarkably easy to masturbate to. Takes its toll on even the broadest of shoulders.

 

Aye, funny enough the right shoulder is on the way out as well, have to go through all this shit again after they finally sort the left one out. If they cant I'll have to wank with my feet. 

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

9 hours ago, Pistonbroke said:

Just got back from pre-operation shit in the hospital. OP is on Monday, this time they are opening up the whole shoulder to do various procedures to try and save me having to have a prosthetic shoulder. Also some muscle specialist will be in attendance to look at my Bicep/triceps and shoulder muscles around/attached to the left shoulder which are basically stone hard and fucked as far as twisting goes to aid movement. If all goes well I should be out for next weekend and then a long road ahead with physio etc. 

all the best dude, sounds like a lot of fucking about.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

8 hours ago, arthur friedenreich said:

all the best dude, sounds like a lot of fucking about.

 

Cheers mate. In the big scheme of things its nothing compared to what some on here are going through. Just a matter of pain management and sticking withing the parameters of how far I can move my shoulder, I probably have about 30% movement. Hopefully this latest Op will sort things out as its pissing me off and I'll have to go through the same crap for the other shoulder. Hopefully they'll skip the small OP's on that one and go straight to the big daddy if its successful on Monday. Old age is a bastard mate. You do all that sport then suffer later on in life, yet the lazy fuckers in the family and friends circle are top fit at a similar age. 

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

On 24/01/2020 at 19:55, Pistonbroke said:

 

Cheers mate. In the big scheme of things its nothing compared to what some on here are going through. Just a matter of pain management and sticking withing the parameters of how far I can move my shoulder, I probably have about 30% movement. Hopefully this latest Op will sort things out as its pissing me off and I'll have to go through the same crap for the other shoulder. Hopefully they'll skip the small OP's on that one and go straight to the big daddy if its successful on Monday. Old age is a bastard mate. You do all that sport then suffer later on in life, yet the lazy fuckers in the family and friends circle are top fit at a similar age. 

How did yer get on then?

 

i’m in for 3 month post transplant biopsy, was nil by mouth from 8pm, sneaked in a quick 40k on the bike before coming in. Procedure was easy enough, but forced to lie on my back for 4-4.5 hours, with no sitting up, for first 4. Having not eaten since last night, they brought us back up to the ward at 2pm and I had an apple and load of peanut and cranberry stuff, and I spent the next 2 hours squirming about trying to hold a shite in.

Thankfully now post shite and able to sit up, don’t mind pissing In a bottle, but I’ll be fucked if I’m taking a shite in bed.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

5 hours ago, Jim Spartacus said:

How did yer get on then?

 

i’m in for 3 month post transplant biopsy, was nil by mouth from 8pm, sneaked in a quick 40k on the bike before coming in. Procedure was easy enough, but forced to lie on my back for 4-4.5 hours, with no sitting up, for first 4. Having not eaten since last night, they brought us back up to the ward at 2pm and I had an apple and load of peanut and cranberry stuff, and I spent the next 2 hours squirming about trying to hold a shite in.

Thankfully now post shite and able to sit up, don’t mind pissing In a bottle, but I’ll be fucked if I’m taking a shite in bed.

Good timing mate, finally escaped Hospital this morning. Although to be fair, much like the NHS in the Uk the German health system is top notch. Those working within it deserve more credit, respect and financial reward than they get. Still glad to be back home after 2 weeks mind, can't beat a shit on your own toilet. Thankfully I held it in until I could leave my bed, those young girls have a hard enough job without having to wipe my arse. 

My orthopaedic doctor (who also carried out the OP) is confident he got to the root of my issues. Basically did a resection of both joints in the shoulder and removed infected/knackered bone, ligament damage etc. The muscle specialist also treated the bicep/triceps problem but says only time will tell if that clears up or needs further surgery. Long road with physio now, thankfully the main Hospital where I live can take care of the physio and stuff as an outpatient, so that saves going into a rehab clinic for a Month. I'd far rather recuperate from home, plus the Hospital is a nice 2km each way walk, so I can do something for my fitness 4 times a week. It's amazing how much muscle mass you lose due to laying in bed for a few weeks when you reach a certain age. 

Also had this torture seat delivered to my home yesterday (hence why they let me leave today) which I need to use 3-4 hours a day. Basically set the angles up, strap your arm in it, and away you go. Thank fuck for coffee, Netflix etc and good drugs. Although I won't miss those infusion drips, had more infusions than a Turkish tea house. Wacky drugs though. The mechanical seat basically gradually helps with movement, rotation, reach etc and after the pain lessens you can move to the next settings. I'm just looking at it at the moment and thinking....fuck you Seat. When I got in the house there was a note from my missus (she's at work) saying 'Welcome home love, welcome to the pleasure dome:' Think it was supposed to be a play on Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Not sure if she wants to shag me on it later or sit and watch me in pain. 

 

I sincerely hope that everything goes well with your own implant, at least with it being in 3 months you'll get to see us land the title. What joint are they replacing mate? Also hope you get home from your pre-op soon. 

On a side note. It was far easier posting something from my mobile than using a PC Keyboard. Everything is in reach of your thumb on a mobile, took me 20 minutes to type this shit with one hand. 

[Captain Turdseye]

Is it your wanking arm, G?

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Pistonbroke said:

Good timing mate, finally escaped Hospital this morning. Although to be fair, much like the NHS in the Uk the German health system is top notch. Those working within it deserve more credit, respect and financial reward than they get. Still glad to be back home after 2 weeks mind, can't beat a shit on your own toilet. Thankfully I held it in until I could leave my bed, those young girls have a hard enough job without having to wipe my arse. 

My orthopaedic doctor (who also carried out the OP) is confident he got to the root of my issues. Basically did a resection of both joints in the shoulder and removed infected/knackered bone, ligament damage etc. The muscle specialist also treated the bicep/triceps problem but says only time will tell if that clears up or needs further surgery. Long road with physio now, thankfully the main Hospital where I live can take care of the physio and stuff as an outpatient, so that saves going into a rehab clinic for a Month. I'd far rather recuperate from home, plus the Hospital is a nice 2km each way walk, so I can do something for my fitness 4 times a week. It's amazing how much muscle mass you lose due to laying in bed for a few weeks when you reach a certain age. 

Also had this torture seat delivered to my home yesterday (hence why they let me leave today) which I need to use 3-4 hours a day. Basically set the angles up, strap your arm in it, and away you go. Thank fuck for coffee, Netflix etc and good drugs. Although I won't miss those infusion drips, had more infusions than a Turkish tea house. Wacky drugs though. The mechanical seat basically gradually helps with movement, rotation, reach etc and after the pain lessens you can move to the next settings. I'm just looking at it at the moment and thinking....fuck you Seat. When I got in the house there was a note from my missus (she's at work) saying 'Welcome home love, welcome to the pleasure dome:' Think it was supposed to be a play on Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Not sure if she wants to shag me on it later or sit and watch me in pain. 

 

I sincerely hope that everything goes well with your own implant, at least with it being in 3 months you'll get to see us land the title. What joint are they replacing mate? Also hope you get home from your pre-op soon. 

On a side note. It was far easier posting something from my mobile than using a PC Keyboard. Everything is in reach of your thumb on a mobile, took me 20 minutes to type this shit with one hand. 

Can your new bionic wanking arm water plants? 

[Guest Pistonbroke]

3 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Is it your wanking arm, G?

I'm Ambidextrous when it comes to tugging, so yes and no. 

2 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Can your new bionic wanking arm water plants? 

They are weird cacti and are supposed to look like that mate. Plus I leave watering the plants to the missus. 

[Elite]

Scalded my leg last week.

[Remmie]

21 minutes ago, Elite said:

Scalded my leg last week.

Hopefully will leave a pretty cool scar, I got an oven burn that was in the shape of a fish, lasted for about 2 years.

 

How did you iron your leg?

[Bjornebye]

44 minutes ago, Elite said:

Scalded my leg last week.

I can't work out if you've had a Millwall or an Oldham tattoo removed. 

 

 

How have you managed that you nutter? You also appear to have your scalded leg on tip-toes which means you are posing. You've got some shit on the back of your leg as well. 

 

 

 

[Elite]

Slipped with a bucket of hot water in my hand. Proper slapstick stuff.

[Bjornebye]

13 minutes ago, Elite said:

Slipped with a bucket of hot water in my hand. Proper slapstick stuff.

Ouch. 

[Elite]

Just had a prostrate exam, dear god.