Have a rant thread

[Section_31]

The way our society has destroyed dogs as a concept.

 

I've always loved dogs. Now they're fucking everywhere and they're treated like kids.

 

They're in the pub, they're in cafes, they're providing emotional support to fat people, they're in clothes, they've got their own psychologists and food that's "good enough for people to eat" (in an age of food banks no less).

 

Everytime someone sees a dog they act like they've never seen one before. "Oh I love your dog!" What's its name? "Ultra Magnus." What breed is it? "It's a japapoo - part japanese prisoner of war and part raptor." 

 

They've got collars that give them shocks when they bark (I mean bark, just imagine it, won't someone think of the children?!). 

 

Their walking is outsourced, their training is outsourced, their holidays are outsourced to bums, by people who want a dog for the selfies and the attention but don't want to compromise on their lifestyles and generally can't be arsed.

 

Fuck off. 

 

Dogs should be companions for the family, defending the home, shitting wherever they want and eating cylindrical dollops of meat. And their names should sound like dog names.

[Stouffer]

Our dog Max once pissed on a bloke at the park.

 

. Dog.

[Evelyn Tentions]

40 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

The way our society has destroyed dogs as a concept.

 

I've always loved dogs. Now they're fucking everywhere and they're treated like kids.

 

They're in the pub, they're in cafes, they're providing emotional support to fat people, they're in clothes, they've got their own psychologists and food that's "good enough for people to eat" (in an age of food banks no less).

 

Everytime someone sees a dog they act like they've never seen one before. "Oh I love your dog!" What's its name? "Ultra Magnus." What breed is it? "It's a japapoo - part japanese prisoner of war and part raptor." 

 

They've got collars that give them shocks when they bark (I mean bark, just imagine it, won't someone think of the children?!). 

 

Their walking is outsourced, their training is outsourced, their holidays are outsourced to bums, by people who want a dog for the selfies and the attention but don't want to compromise on their lifestyles and generally can't be arsed.

 

Fuck off. 

 

Dogs should be companions for the family, defending the home, shitting wherever they want and eating cylindrical dollops of meat. And their names should sound like dog names.

There a few kids I'd like to put one of those collars on. And every Tory politician.

[YorkshireRed]

43 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

providing emotional support to fat people

And a fabulous job Buddy does as well. Mainly by eating my food. 

[Stouffer]

The swishing sound during the reveal on Homes Under the Hammer fucks me right off.

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Section_31 said:

The way our society has destroyed dogs as a concept.

 

I've always loved dogs. Now they're fucking everywhere and they're treated like kids.

 

They're in the pub, they're in cafes, they're providing emotional support to fat people, they're in clothes, they've got their own psychologists and food that's "good enough for people to eat" (in an age of food banks no less).

 

Everytime someone sees a dog they act like they've never seen one before. "Oh I love your dog!" What's its name? "Ultra Magnus." What breed is it? "It's a japapoo - part japanese prisoner of war and part raptor." 

 

They've got collars that give them shocks when they bark (I mean bark, just imagine it, won't someone think of the children?!). 

 

Their walking is outsourced, their training is outsourced, their holidays are outsourced to bums, by people who want a dog for the selfies and the attention but don't want to compromise on their lifestyles and generally can't be arsed.

 

Fuck off. 

 

Dogs should be companions for the family, defending the home, shitting wherever they want and eating cylindrical dollops of meat. And their names should sound like dog names.

 

Judgemental cunt. 

 

 

I agree though. As someone who has recently got a rescue dog, he's treated like a dog. No fanny bollocks even though he's loved. It's the people who can't control their dogs who do my head in more. Ours isn't trained off the lead yet so he stays on it, being a rescue dog he's sheepish around other dogs but cunts let theirs run up "Oh he's fine" yeah fuck off mine isn't he's shit scared. 

 

He's already a huge part of our small family but like fuck he's getting psycho analysed. He can come the pub for a pint though. I won't say which pub though incase the Wallasey prowler's got the horn. 

[Bjornebye]

2 minutes ago, Stouffer said:

The swishing sound during the reveal on Homes Under the Hammer fucks me right off.

 

Add to this the pre and post advert music on Sky Sports News. 

 

 

 

[Karl_b]

1 hour ago, Section_31 said:

The way our society has destroyed dogs as a concept.

 

I've always loved dogs. Now they're fucking everywhere and they're treated like kids.

 

They're in the pub, they're in cafes, they're providing emotional support to fat people, they're in clothes, they've got their own psychologists and food that's "good enough for people to eat" (in an age of food banks no less).

 

Everytime someone sees a dog they act like they've never seen one before. "Oh I love your dog!" What's its name? "Ultra Magnus." What breed is it? "It's a japapoo - part japanese prisoner of war and part raptor." 

 

They've got collars that give them shocks when they bark (I mean bark, just imagine it, won't someone think of the children?!). 

 

Their walking is outsourced, their training is outsourced, their holidays are outsourced to bums, by people who want a dog for the selfies and the attention but don't want to compromise on their lifestyles and generally can't be arsed.

 

Fuck off. 

 

Dogs should be companions for the family, defending the home, shitting wherever they want and eating cylindrical dollops of meat. And their names should sound like dog names.

 

I enjoyed your letter to the Guardian too:

 

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jul/21/why-uk-holiday-destinations-are-going-to-the-dogs

 

 

[Section_31]

My sister in law has a dog and it's had to be put on a diet. It just stops walking halfway around the block because it can't be arsed, it's only three.

 

They used to dress it up in coats and shit, it has one of those collar things that electrocutes it when it barks. It's absolutely batshit mental now, they have to keep it behind a child gate.

 

They're emblematic of our wider society. The more you fuck with the natural way they're supposed to live, the more depressed they become.

[Bjornebye]

2 hours ago, Section_31 said:

My sister in law has a dog and it's had to be put on a diet. It just stops walking halfway around the block because it can't be arsed, it's only three.

 

They used to dress it up in coats and shit, it has one of those collar things that electrocutes it when it barks. It's absolutely batshit mental now, they have to keep it behind a child gate.

 

They're emblematic of our wider society. The more you fuck with the natural way they're supposed to live, the more depressed they become.

 

Who the fuck puts a collar like that on a dog?! Although I wish the cunt across the street with her yapping morning bastards would. Little twats 

[Creator Supreme]

3 hours ago, Stouffer said:

Homes Under the Hammer fucks me right off.

Fixed!

[Harry's Lad]

3 hours ago, Stouffer said:

The swishing sound during the reveal on Homes Under the Hammer fucks me right off.

Homes Under the Hammer fucks me right off full stop.

[Harry Squatter]

4 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

 

Who the fuck puts a collar like that on a dog?! Although I wish the cunt across the street with her yapping morning bastards would. Little twats 

A fucking twat dog down the road literally starts barking non stop at 5am. The owner is one lazy cunt or just leaves it in the house on its own for ages.

[Harry Squatter]

7 hours ago, Section_31 said:

My sister in law has a dog and it's had to be put on a diet. It just stops walking halfway around the block because it can't be arsed, it's only three.

 

They used to dress it up in coats and shit, it has one of those collar things that electrocutes it when it barks. It's absolutely batshit mental now, they have to keep it behind a child gate.

 

They're emblematic of our wider society. The more you fuck with the natural way they're supposed to live, the more depressed they become.

A couple I know have no kids and used to go away 6 or 7 times a year. The woman decided it would be a good idea to get a dog but then realised she couldnt go on holiday on a whim.

 

They decided to spend about 40 grand on a motor home and drove round the country instead. They even made a little "bedroom" for the dog. After a few years of getting bored of going to Cornwall and the Lake District just to sit in dog friendly pubs while it pissed down they flogged it for less than half its value and just decided to pay the kennel fees when they went abroad instead. 

[Bjornebye]

9 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

 

Who the fuck puts a collar like that on a dog?! Although I wish the cunt across the street with her yapping morning bastards would. Little twats 

Cunts shouldn’t have a dog if it’s gonna be alone for hours on end 

[Bob]

5 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Cunts shouldn’t have a dog if it’s gonna be alone for hours on end 

That’s what cats are for.

[Section_31]

12 hours ago, Harry Squatter said:

A couple I know have no kids and used to go away 6 or 7 times a year. The woman decided it would be a good idea to get a dog but then realised she couldnt go on holiday on a whim.

 

They decided to spend about 40 grand on a motor home and drove round the country instead. They even made a little "bedroom" for the dog. After a few years of getting bored of going to Cornwall and the Lake District just to sit in dog friendly pubs while it pissed down they flogged it for less than half its value and just decided to pay the kennel fees when they went abroad instead. 

 

I've always wanted a dog but felt it would be cruel to do so if I was in an office most of the time. I might consider it now I work from home more but it's a big decision.

 

When you get a dog there's certain things you rightly have to consider, but it seems they're forced to integrate into our lifestyle now rather than us have to make changes to it.

 

If I want to take it into a small cafe, stinking of puddles while people eat their breakfast, I will do, because it's my god given right.

[Bruce Spanner]

Dogs in bars.

 

Just fuck off.

 

EDIT: Not read the previous. I feel validated. Nobody wants your little overgrown, drenched, rats running around their feet as they’re trying to get blown out by the hot barmaid.

 

[Section_31]

People who moan that the bog stinks when you've had a shit. Well yeah it will do....

 

Like we have some kind of internal controls and we can choose between rose petals and death.

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Section_31 said:

People who moan that the bog stinks when you've had a shit. Well yeah it will do....

 

Like we have some kind of internal controls and we can choose between rose petals and death.

 

Hahaha, who moaned? 

[Harry's Lad]

18 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

 

Hahaha, who moaned? 

I was moaning about myself the other day.

I was sat on the bog breathing through a towel it was that bad.

It comes to something when you can't stand the smell of your own shit.

[Section_31]

22 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

 

Hahaha, who moaned? 

 

The Mrs on this occasion but it's a fairly common occurrence. I don't think it's unreasonable for shit to stink.

[Bjornebye]

36 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

 

The Mrs on this occasion but it's a fairly common occurrence. I don't think it's unreasonable for shit to stink.

Exactly. Although my dogs shit (and farts) can fuck right off 

[VladimirIlyich]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

Exactly. Although my dogs shit (and farts) can fuck right off 

Still blaming the dog,eh? 

[Preston Red]

There's no worse smell than a freshly laid turd that resembles a chair leg, and it's sat upright in the pan.

 

No matter how much of it sits above the waterline, it fucking hums.