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Sugar Ape

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37 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

 

The school is about five/six miles away, it's 'sort of' on my way to work. She failed three times so has just decided she's done with it forever, she's quite stubborn like that. 

My sister failed her's 5 times before finally passing so she should reconsider this mate.

 

Agree with the others here, taxi or bus a couple of days a week sounds good just to give you a break. Another thing to consider is if you become ill she'll have to find a way in on her own anyway. She sounds like a nice sort so I'm sure a workable compromise can be found.

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As if on cue. Got a text saying she's going to be out late at half five, so I drove the long way home, was still early, went the shop to get a drink, turned up and she's still not out. She's been on time about ten times in the last six years. I am worried I'm gonna flip at some stage.

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24 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

As if on cue. Got a text saying she's going to be out late at half five, so I drove the long way home, was still early, went the shop to get a drink, turned up and she's still not out. She's been on time about ten times in the last six years. I am worried I'm gonna flip at some stage.

Get it changed mate. There’s absolutely no reason to make life harder for yourselves. There are obvious benefits to her from you giving her a lift - her time, her money, her effort etc. And those benefits have worth, but if you don’t address the aggravation it’s causing you, it’ll end up causing rows and resentment, and it sounds like that’s not necessary.

 

life’s hard enough without us finding ways to make it harder.

 

get talking to her about it too. Don’t just suggest change, explain that it’s getting you down - not giving her a lift, but the impact the timings have on your day.

 

work it out, find a compromise, get her driving, win. 

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34 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

As if on cue. Got a text saying she's going to be out late at half five, so I drove the long way home, was still early, went the shop to get a drink, turned up and she's still not out. She's been on time about ten times in the last six years. I am worried I'm gonna flip at some stage.

This situation would, without fail, fuck me right off. I'm happy giving my missus a lift somewhere occasionally but I'd never revolve my life around ferrying her all over the shop. Can totally understand it getting you down, your're spending half your day waiting around for someone else.

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I had a chat to her on the way home, I couldn't hide it I was so fed up, and she's said she'll get a taxi, she's not being funny about it but said she can tell I'm miffed. I do feel like shit now like, plus I don't see how it's sustainable financially.

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I know I'm on ignore but I'm sure you have the odd peep so please take this the way it is intended.

 

She hasn't passed her test yet because she doesn't want to enough, you have made it easy for her by essentially being her chauffeur. A few months of having to fend for herself and she may well make passing her test her top priority.

 

Its quite understandable your mental health is affected and it will only get better when she is no longer totally reliant on you for her to do her job.

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9 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

I had a chat to her on the way home, I couldn't hide it I was so fed up, and she's said she'll get a taxi, she's not being funny about it but said she can tell I'm miffed. I do feel like shit now like, plus I don't see how it's sustainable financially.

She's gonna have to get over her failed tests and learn to drive. There's no shame in failing a few times, we're not teenagers, no one gives a shit about that stuff.

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I failed my driving test 4 times.

 

Turns out falling asleep at the wheel isn't classed as a minor.

 

Seriously though, I did fail 4 times and passed on my 5th attempt. Persistence overcomes resistance.

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Must be a sweet piece of arse, mine would have been given a bike months back and told that’s all she’s riding, me included, until she passes her test.

 

Nothing like a bit of rampant misogyny to fire up the ambition of a floozy.

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17 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

I had a chat to her on the way home, I couldn't hide it I was so fed up, and she's said she'll get a taxi, she's not being funny about it but said she can tell I'm miffed. I do feel like shit now like, plus I don't see how it's sustainable financially.

You've done the right thing mate, for both of your sakes. 

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29 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Must be a sweet piece of arse, mine would have been given a bike months back and told that’s all she’s riding, me included, until she passes her test.

 

Nothing like a bit of rampant misogyny to fire up the ambition of a floozy.

I did precisely that. It's been in the shed for about 3 years.

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1 minute ago, Bruce Spanner said:


Isn’t it a bit cold for her in there?

Nah, it's still September.

It's getting out up for sale. The bike that is, not the Mrs.

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I have a bit of sympathy for Mrs Section_31 about the driving thing. I had lessons for 2 fucking years and not a single one went by without having what would have been a major in a test. I never suffer from anxiety and am generally very lucky with my mental health but driving lessons changed that. I dreaded them all week and a bad one would put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Not to mention the cost, it's £30 an hour now. I stopped taking them when I got made redundant and have very little desire to learn again. 

 

It also sucks camel dick being a fucking adult not being able to fucking drive. Hate asking for lifts but sometimes it's necessary. Got a mate's wedding in the lake district this weekend and the public transport is useless. He has offered to get some friend to pick me up from Windermere, I feel like a right prick about it. Will buy the groom and driver lots of ale I guess. 

 

Your Mrs seems a good sort Section, I'm sure she was feeling bad about the situation as well. When you take a job, factoring in how to get there and back is kinda crucial, so not sure when that decision was made but she will have to have accepted the consequences. I've missed out on a couple of jobs because I couldn't drive there. 

 

Making changes will be better for you both. 

 

 

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16 minutes ago, Remmie said:

I have a bit of sympathy for Mrs Section_31 about the driving thing. I had lessons for 2 fucking years and not a single one went by without having what would have been a major in a test. I never suffer from anxiety and am generally very lucky with my mental health but driving lessons changed that. I dreaded them all week and a bad one would put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Not to mention the cost, it's £30 an hour now. I stopped taking them when I got made redundant and have very little desire to learn again. 

 

It also sucks camel dick being a fucking adult not being able to fucking drive. Hate asking for lifts but sometimes it's necessary. Got a mate's wedding in the lake district this weekend and the public transport is useless. He has offered to get some friend to pick me up from Windermere, I feel like a right prick about it. Will buy the groom and driver lots of ale I guess. 

 

Your Mrs seems a good sort Section, I'm sure she was feeling bad about the situation as well. When you take a job, factoring in how to get there and back is kinda crucial, so not sure when that decision was made but she will have to have accepted the consequences. I've missed out on a couple of jobs because I couldn't drive there. 

 

Making changes will be better for you both. 

 

 

My son is the same as you, has real issues with driving and has failed about 4 times. As a result his work opportunities are totally reliant on public transport, push bike or walking. If you work in a town centre office its fine but if out on an industrial estate somewhere then you're usually fucked.

 

My son wont pass his test, due to his anxiety issues, until he really wants and needs to. I've spent ages talking to him about it and no end of incentives I can offer or pictures I can paint of how marvellous life will be having a car (which I will buy) will make any difference.

 

When he finally decides his life will be so much better having transport he will get help with the anxiety and become determined to pass. And pass he will. Same for you I guess.

 

Sections wife will only become a driver when it becomes so important it just has to be done.

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I have never had a driving lesson in my life and managed to work for 40 years in various locations all around Merseyside. At one point I could have used Arriva and Merseyrail timetables as my specialist subject on Mastermind. I would also point out that not once did Section offer me a lift.

 

The only advice I can give in the situation is that you find a happy medium whereby you give your better half lifts a few times a week when most suitable and helpful for both , and keep an eye on the weather forecast if public transport is involved.

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The sooner they make portal guns the better.

 

It may rearrange every atom in your body when you go through it but would save a load of hassle.

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14 hours ago, Section_31 said:

I had a chat to her on the way home, I couldn't hide it I was so fed up, and she's said she'll get a taxi, she's not being funny about it but said she can tell I'm miffed. I do feel like shit now like, plus I don't see how it's sustainable financially.

You’ve done well there. I’d have been trying my hardest to hold it in and remain nice but would have gone into a full blown Bill Burr style rant.

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Sounds like she needs to be able to drive to commute - she needs to persevere with the lessons and just get it done.

 

We hired a girl in our team - part of the role was going out in the works van to site and events. But she can't fucking drive! Which meant I had to drive her her and there (pre Covid). It absolutely drove me nuts. I'd never hire someone who couldn't drive if the job has an element of needing you to be able to drive. 

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9 minutes ago, johnsusername said:

Sounds like she needs to be able to drive to commute - she needs to persevere with the lessons and just get it done.

 

We hired a girl in our team - part of the role was going out in the works van to site and events. But she can't fucking drive! Which meant I had to drive her her and there (pre Covid). It absolutely drove me nuts. I'd never hire someone who couldn't drive if the job has an element of needing you to be able to drive. 

It knackers me out. I had to drive through Belfast recently during Friday rush hour following a 90 minute drive to take us all to a tourist attraction before we then had to head to the airport in our rental car. Her sister decided to dump her car on the outskirts and travel in with us because she didn't fancy the traffic, so muggins had to do it - in a strange city - then drop her off again so she could pick her car up, before we headed to Belfast Airport (which interestingly is nowhere near Belfast, but about 20 miles back on ourselves).

 

All of this kind of stuff pisses me off no end, but I'm not the type to say no - more likely the type to brood about it for five years and Google 'jobs abroad'. 

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I've got a strong 'no long drives on a Friday' rule. Had it for years, it's the worst day of the week to drive as rush hour starts at 1pm and ends at about 6:30pm because some people finish earlier and people try to get away for weekends on top of the regular heavy traffic.

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35 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

It knackers me out. I had to drive through Belfast recently during Friday rush hour following a 90 minute drive to take us all to a tourist attraction before we then had to head to the airport in our rental car. Her sister decided to dump her car on the outskirts and travel in with us because she didn't fancy the traffic, so muggins had to do it - in a strange city - then drop her off again so she could pick her car up, before we headed to Belfast Airport (which interestingly is nowhere near Belfast, but about 20 miles back on ourselves).

 

All of this kind of stuff pisses me off no end, but I'm not the type to say no - more likely the type to brood about it for five years and Google 'jobs abroad'. 

Ha, the underpass and round there through Belfast is a nightmare at anytime, even worse at rush hour. 

 

There are two airports - the City and the International. The City is near the centre but to be honest can be a bit of a pain to get to during rush hour.

 

This might be me being petty, but I hate giving lifts to people who can't drive. Why should I go through the stress, headaches and financial strain of learning to drive and passing my tests, then saving enough money for a car, petrol, tax, insurance, just to drive someone around who couldn't be arsed? (It's why I make my 3 year old get the bus on her own. She'll learn!)

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