Funny High School moments

[Scooby Dudek]

[Fugitive]

High School!?!?!? Fuck off.

 

We sent one of our teachers into a full blown nervous breakdown and someone set a wall display on fire and nearly burnt the RE department down amongst other things.

[Captain Turdseye]

My form tutor had the worst dog breath ever so I wrapped up a packet of Tic-Tacs and gave them to him for Christmas. He opened them in front of the class at registration to raucous laughter and he almost started crying. His voice was quivering as he said "Thanks John, it's the thought that counts." I actually felt guilty and apologised to him the next day on the sly.

 

A few weeks later he told us that his dad died in the war and I told him that we were 14 years old and didn't give a fuck. A few other lads chimed in with stuff like "Yeah, who is bothered these days?" And he actually burst into tears. Like Fuge's teacher, he left shortly afterwards due to a nervous breakdown. He'd been there 25 years, I think we were the worst group he'd ever had.

 

My favourite school moment though was me and a few mates persuading one of the biggest lads in our year to slide tackle a retard on the concrete. He steamed over like a train and went straight through him, ripping his trousers to shreds. The spazzy kid came down head first and ended up getting taken away in an ambulance whilst Thomas 'The Tank' got suspended for a fortnight. I saw the retard on telly a couple of years ago, he was in the front row at the snooker, clapping like a gay seal when Ronnie O'Sullivan entered the arena. Spastic until the end.

[odris]

My form tutor had the worst dog breath ever so I wrapped up a packet of Tic-Tacs and gave them to him for Christmas. He opened them in front of the class at registration to raucous laughter and he almost started crying. His voice was quivering as he said "Thanks John, it's the thought that counts." I actually felt guilty and apologised to him the next day on the sly.

 

A few weeks later he told us that his dad died in the war and I told him that we were 14 years old and didn't give a fuck. A few other lads chimed in with stuff like "Yeah, who is bothered these days?" And he actually burst into tears. Like Fuge's teacher, he left shortly afterwards due to a nervous breakdown. He'd been there 25 years, I think we were the worst group he'd ever had.

 

My favourite school moment though was me and a few mates persuading one of the biggest lads in our year to slide tackle a retard on the concrete. He steamed over like a train and went straight through him, ripping his trousers to shreds. The spazzy kid came down head first and ended up getting taken away in an ambulance whilst Thomas 'The Tank' got suspended for a fortnight. I saw the retard on telly a couple of years ago, he was in the front row at the snooker, clapping like a gay seal when Ronnie O'Sullivan entered the arena. Spastic until the end.

 

You're a nob.

[Pony Princess]

Me and a mate stole all the mouse balls from the mice in both computer rooms. When I was a nipper all computer mice had these rubber balls in. Mice were quite expensive and obviously without the balls they would not work. They are rubbery and we had fun throwing them at each other and bouncing them off things.

[Alan Sex]

Me and a mate stole all the mouse balls from the mice in both computer rooms. When I was a nipper all computer mice had these rubber balls in. Mice were quite expensive and obviously without the balls they would not work. They are rubbery and we had fun throwing them at each other and bouncing them off things.

 

It's always about the balls with you, my little pony!

[Pony Princess]

It's always about the balls with you, my little pony!

 

[Captain Turdseye]

You're a nob.

 

I think knob is the word you were aiming for. And thanks.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Yeah, you haven't exactly covered yourself in glory with that post CT, in fact in approximately 3 years time you'll deeply regret posting that.

[Captain Turdseye]

Kids do the funniest things.

[Magic Sponge]

I got suspended from school for throwing the cushion part of a bus seat out of the top window, on the way to school. My history teacher was driving behind the bus at the time and seen everything.

 

That's what going to a school in Dovecot does to ya.

[zigackly]

My school was actually called the John Masefield High School. In England.

 

I will never live the shame down.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I got suspended from school for throwing the cushion part of a bus seat out of the top window, on the way to school. My history teacher was driving behind the bus at the time and seen everything.

 

That's what going to a school in Dovecot does to ya.

 

Claaaaaasic, every good bus had a seat going out the exit window.

[Harry Squatter]

One dinnertime I was dying to go the toilet but the dinnerladies had locked the doors to get back in, I decided to sneak in the staff entrance and use the teacher’s bogs. If I had been caught I probably would have got suspended for about 2 weeks.

 

As soon as I was in there I heard the PE teacher walk in with another teacher, the other teacher washed his hands and got off. Anyway, the PE teacher decides to go for a dump in the cubicle next to me and starts making loads of angry noises whilst having a dump like ARRRGGGHHHH and GRRRRR, even hitting the sides of the cubicles like he was giving birth to a monster baby. Unable to contain myself I burst out laughing, he then shouts out “Who’s that laughing?”. I put on my most unconvincing and deepest voice “err its Roy” (the Art & Design teacher). He said “Listen Roy, it probably sounds funny this but believe me its not, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone in the staff room about this ok?”. I was like “err yes Steve, no problem”, even though Roy was a top woolyback and I had a scouse accent.

 

He then went back to his “ARRRRRRGGH” routine then proceeded to pull the entire bog roll off in one go, it sounded like some whirlwind when all the bog paper was coming off the wall. I just got up and legged it faster than I’d ever moved before, luckily avoiding a load of teachers on the way. Would loved to have seen him go up to Roy in the staff room and say “no one must ever hear of this” without Roy having any idea what he was going on about.

 

 

The lads bogs in our school had very steep walls about 8/9 foot but you could climb up to the top and get over into the next one if you were agile enough . One of the locks on one of the cubicle doors went so every time the door got shut you would be stuck in there and they would have to get the caretaker to come out. If you had to wait ages for the caretaker you could try climbing up the walls but it was difficult with them being 8/9ft and nothing really to climb on so you would have to use both arms and legs at the same time to climb up pushing against the walls, a few people tried it but fell down and injured themselves. They fixed it twice but the handle always seemed to get snapped off.

 

Anyway, some dirty bastard in the year above us smeared all his shit over the walls of this bog and the caretaker quite rightly refused to clean it off. We all got called to assembly and the Deputy Head demanded that someone own up, she was a very posh woman and said “someone has smeared huuuuuuman Excreeemmeent” over the walls of the toilet but everyone just burst out laughing she was like “It’s an OUUTTRAGGEE!!!” no one owned up. With the caretaker still refusing to clean it, the shit stayed on the walls and dried up.

 

This lad who always used to grass people up for everything walked into the bogs and two of the school hard knocks grabbed him and shoved him in the cubicle and slammed the door shut, he was shouting saying “get the caretaker, I can’t get out” but everyone laughed and left him. I went to a Maths class that this lad was supposed to attend and the teacher was calling the register, she said “how come he is off, I saw him less than an hour ago”, a few people in the class started laughing as they knew what had happened to him.

 

About 40 minutes into the lesson this lad opens the door of the classroom and stands there looking around like he’s making a grand entrance. He tells the teacher he got stuck in the toilet and climbed up the wall and out. He then comes to sit near me and another girl, I tell her that he’s probably covered in germs and is a bio-hazard, she scream and gets up and goes to the back of the class and shouts out “he’s covered in shit”. Everyone else gets up and moves away from him. The teacher goes over to him and says “Ugh, You stink, get out my class now”. He was then ordered to go home and have a shower and presumably burn his uniform. When I watched the Dark Knight Rises the prison that everyone tries to escape from reminded me of the bogs in my old school.

 

 

 

Some lad who me and my mates didn’t like always used to go to the woodwork/metalwork shop at lunchtime. We always used to say that he was bumming the woodwork teacher and his assistant called Dave. He would go to avoid everyone and be a bad suck up to the teacher. We always used to wind him up and he used to go off his head. We got our parents reports to take home but this lad left his in his desk then stayed off sick for two days. Me and my mates managed to get hold of a few blank report sheets so wrote a blag one out and put it in with the rest of his reports and put it back in the envelope in his desk, so when he took it home he would be completely oblivious to anyone tampering with them.

 

We wrote one out from the woodwork teacher saying “David is very good at making me relax at lunchtimes and lets me touch him when we are alone”. Then wrote on from the assistant Dave which said: “David gets into good positions on the woodwork table and dresses up in dungarees for me”. His Mum went ballistic and phoned the school up asking why the reports were perverted and didn’t focus on what he was learning. His Mum was a big drama queen so made a massive deal about how it was a Catholic school and they should not behave in such a way. It took about 60 phonecalls for them to be convinced that they were blag reports. We never owned up to it either. If that happened now there would be some huge Stuart Hall/Jimmy Saville outrage and it would be in the Daily Mail.

 

All the books in our school used to get vandalised, with cocks and speech bubbles in the pictures. We had to read a book called the Silver Sword about someone who escapes from a Nazi Concentration camp, there is a picture of him clinging onto the underside of a train after escaping, but someone drew a picture of a cock on his head being dragged along the ground with red biro for blood spurting out.

 

All the religious books got vandalised, there was one where Jesus is recruiting his disciples and a speech bubble says “Come with me and I will make you bummers of men”. The picture where Jesus is arrested and taken to Pontius Pilate says “I only arrested you because I fancy men with long beards, I hope you like men in uniforms”. Virtually every picture in the book had a cock drawn on it, even the crucifixion picture.

 

My mate borrowed a book from the library which had loads of photos of dogs in it, he vandalised it and put it back, I looked at it during one lesson and there was a picture of two black Labradors, he had written in speech bubbles “Woof Woof, I am Purple Aki’s dog, Woof Woof I have AIDS”, again every other picture in the book had a cock drawn on it, two Alsatians even had cocks growing out of their mouths. One teacher was on a mission to hunt down the phantom cock drawer but didn't get far enough to examine people's cock drawing skills.

 

 

We watched the 1981 film Excalibur in one of our lessons (god knows why). There is a sex scene in it where Arthurs father rips off his mothers clothes and bangs her senseless on a table while still having his knight outfit on. The teacher fast forwarded that part and everyone went “Sir, why cant we watch that?”. He then got called out about ten minutes later we rewound it back and watched it about 10 times. The headmaster came looking for the teacher who had left us to it and walked in on us rewinding the sex scene. I think the teacher got into shit about it, again if it happened today there would be a Daily Mail headline “teacher pollutes pupils minds by allowing them to watch porn”