Sexual diseases.

[Sugar Ape]

My brother had them on his ring piece, he 'thought' he had piles and told his missus that's what it was.

 

He asked me to check it out for him pissed up one night, they looked like walnuts the size of golf balls covered in puss with blood oozing from them, poor cunt couldn't even sit down.

 

Had to have 5 weeks of treatment to get them lasered off.

 

I went on holiday to Spain a few years ago with two of my mates and one of them invited this lad he worked with that I'd met before for maybe 5 minutes in my life. 

 

He turns up at the airport with a massive suitcase and absolutely no money to his name until he got paid 4 days later. We all chipped in a hundred Euros each to last him a few days, he spent about 60 Euros on the plane drinking Vodka and got his passport taken off him for smoking in the toilet. We landed and my two mates went out for something to eat while I stayed at the hotel with him. He opened his suitcase and had two pair of shorts in there, one t-shirt and a fucking huge ghetto blaster. And that was it, no underwear, no socks, nothing else.

 

He then went down to the bar, ordered a pint of vodka straight with no mixer, drank it, vanished to his room then came down 5 minutes later with a kitchen knife and sprinted past me. We found him passed out 30 minutes later on a traffic island. And that was the best behaved night we got out of him.

 

What has this got to do with the thread? Well, my and my other two mates were having a bevy by the pool in the day when the manager came and got us and told us we'd have to leave the hotel. We'd left the other cunt in bed but knew straight away he'd done something bad. Turned out he was standing bollocko in his doorway when the lift pinged open directly opposite him and a family got out, stood there open mouthed when they saw him and he casually asked if they'd like to see his crabs which he'd caught off some married woman he was having an affair with. Thankfully we talked them into letting us stay. I'd like to say that was the only time he dropped his pants and offered to show people his crabs but I'd be lying.

 

When he got paid he withdrew 1,200 Euros, only had 3 days to go and he still had to borrow money off the rest of us before the end of the holiday as he spent 400 Euros buying everyone in a bar a drink and the rest on coke. He was, and still is, a policeman as well.

 

That was the same holiday I was getting into a bird in a bar and Rik Waller off Pop Idol, complete with dreadlocks no less, clicked his fingers at the bird I was with and said you're coming back to my hotel with me. He looked slightly put out when she told him to fuck off and I threatened to put his fat arse through the window.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Goes by the name of Bruce Robertson ?

[Sugar Ape]

Goes by the name of Bruce Robertson ?

Goes by the name of ' remember that fucking cunt ' whenever I bring him up with my mates.

[Fowlers God]

That's fantastic SA made my day at work more enjoyable reading that mate

[Sugar Ape]

If I go to the docs and tell them I've got chlamydia, will they sort me out the antibiotics or will I have to have a test? As I'm pretty darn sure I've got it. 

 

And yes this this is related to my post in the one night stand thread a few weeks ago. She text me about a week ago blaming me (even though she was my first since breaking up with my ex and me and my ex were clean) and then a few days later I started getting the burn when I piss. What a fucker. Decides the best way to tell someone they might have chlamydia is blame them. 

 

So did your cock fall off then or what?

[Sugar Ape]

1 hour ago, Code said:

Two of the upcoming discussions. 

Something for everyone I guess. 

 

 

On 14/11/2011 at 18:27, Code said:

I got chlamydia back in 94, this was before mobile phones had become something everyone owned so it was a real pain in the arse compared to what it would have been if I was 22 now and got it today.

 

One of my ex-girlfriends called me and said she had tested positive and that I needed to go and test myself, I obviously had got it and then things started to get difficult.

 

The doctor told me I had to get in touch with everyone I had sex with the last six months and sadly there had been a few.

 

But as the responsible guy I was (and am obviously) I sat myself down and tried to put together a list, especially those I could not even remember their full names were tricky ones. Had it been now I could just have sent a text and been done with it, but back in those days you actually had to speak to those you wanted to get in touch with so I started calling those I had found the numbers to.

 

As you can imagine I felt like a right tit and asshole, especially as there were a few I was supposed to call the day after, not months later, but I have to say everyone took it in a good manner.

 

I even had to write a few short letters to those I never found a number to but where I knew where they lived, I went around to their houses to deliever them hoping they were not home when I came knocking.

 

Fuckin nightmare it was but at least I had a pretty good conscience when I was done with it.

 

To get cured was a walk in the park though.

At least you’ve got some stories to tell for the sexual partners one Code. 

[Trumo]

On 03/07/2015 at 22:55, lifetime fan said:

My brother had them on his ring piece, he 'thought' he had piles and told his missus that's what it was.

 

He asked me to check it out for him pissed up one night, they looked like walnuts the size of golf balls covered in puss with blood oozing from them, poor cunt couldn't even sit down.

 

Had to have 5 weeks of treatment to get them lasered off.

 

I'm surprised you didn't have 5 weeks of treatment to have your eyeballs lasered off after all that.

[lifetime fan]

On 26/02/2021 at 09:54, Trumo said:

 

I'm surprised you didn't have 5 weeks of treatment to have your eyeballs lasered off after all that.

Ive never been able to forgot that sight no matter how hard I try. 

[YorkshireRed]

If only I had the chance, these days, to obtain a sexual disease.

Unless ‘blue balls’ counts of course. In that case, I’m riddled with it. 

[Harry's Lad]

19 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

If only I had the chance, these days, to obtain a sexual disease.

Unless ‘blue balls’ counts of course. In that case, I’m riddled with it. 

If there's a scale to blue balls with light blue being a mild case, mine are fucking midnight blue.

[Evelyn Tentions]

On 30/10/2013 at 18:35, stevebaby said:

My former flatmate got a swollen dick. Nothing wrong with that, except it was fucking HUGE! and extremely painful, so much so that he ended up in hospital for Christmas. His girlfriend was absolutely livid, accusing him of doing it deliberately so he wouldn't have to spend Christmas with her family. All his mates visited him in hospital. It was so painful that they had to rig a sheet like a tent as it was even painful if the sheet touched it. I swear while we were there every nurse in the place came in "just to check"...then left smirking. Naturally, being true mates, we found the whole business hilarious.

They never found out the cause. My diagnosis was "overuse" because I knew he was a relentless shagger but he didn't want the docs to know that in case his girlfriend found out.. One of the docs was quite fascinated by the mystery, used to visit my mate every day to check his progress and said he was doing a paper for a medical journal. One day he asked my mate if it was ok to take a photo. My mate asked "Is this for your paper?"

"Fuck no!" says the young doc,"I'm going to put the pic on my Christmas cards to all the nurses and tell'em it's mine."

I had epidydymomorchitis a few years back,  one of my balls was the size of a small rugby ball, not sexually transmitted. Caused me problems for years.

While I was in hospital getting tested and treated, one of the nurses came to give me an injection.

 'Just a little prick' she says.

'Yes, but you should see the size of my testicle.'