Simon

[manwiththestick]

I was at a mates BBQ years ago whilst his folks had gone on holiday, we were all sitting in the garden getting pissed and for whatever reason we all started laughing. In the midst of this chortling I let go what i thought was a harmless fart when it dawned on me a few seconds later that i'd shit myself. I sat for a while and casually got up, went upstairs to the bog and took of the soiled undies, cleaned myself with the flannel and dumped both shitty flannel and boxies under the bed of said mates younger brothers bed. Carried on partying.

 

We've all done it Si.

[Trucker Paddy]

It was a severe case of the Turkey Trotts i drunk the water like a smart ass and suffered big time there's the story i shit myself literally. The reason i fell was i was i was running to the toilet fell and shit there instead. was like 7 yeas ago. I went to Turkey for 2 weeks and spent most of it with the shits i had to have a drip because it was so bad.

 

Bloody hell mate is that it, we've all been there, in fact as you know I spent 3 years of the last decade travelling and I've had that experience on more than one occasion in different continents, and haven't stank as much as when you knocked a whole pint of Guinness over me!

[Rico1304]

I was once called out of retirement to play a certain sport ( fuck you Fuge you cunt struck, no picture providing bell whiff - and we all know you still lurk) after a really heavy night out. I went on with about 10 mins to go and as I went into my first challenge shit myself. Quick as a flash I jumped into a big puddle a washed my arse.

 

Not my proudest moment or a story that'll make it onto my This Is Your Life.

 

Also, leave Si alone. For every good thing that this forum has done for him they can do a million times worse to you.

[Remmie]

Are you familiar with the expressions touching cloth and touching sock? I invented filling sock

[Anubis]

I must be the only person on here who hasn't shit himself.

 

Weirdo....

[Chinandeler Bong]

As a sufferer of IBS I can assure you Si that there is no shame in the odd shitting the bed malarkey. None at all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, maybe a little shame but onwards and upwards my good man.

[jonnybastard]

I shit the bed every now and then, gets the sheets changed.

[Remmie]

I shit the bed every now and then, gets the sheets changed.

Check out posh cunt here changing the sheets just because he shat on them

[razor]

Phoenix Festival 94/95? It was a longer then usual festival as it started officially on the Thursday. I never go to the toilet at a festival. On the Sunday, and to this day I don't know why, but I needed a curry. I ate this red hot one and then fell asleep. Some hours later i woke up in stomach-cramp agony and legged it somewhere. I say 'somewhere' because it was pitch black and I had nowhere to actually run to, so it was a indiscriminate panic-dash.

 

Wherever I was running to, I didn't make it. I was too mixed up to do anything about it so just collapsed again. Woke up in a barley field. And soiled trousers. Messy.

 

I do know a lad who ate 15 year-old frozen pate. He obviously didn't know it was 15 years old when he ate it, but we did find the stinking wrapper in the bin a few days later. He stole it with a stash of food from his parents' freezer because he had no food of his own.

 

He basically sat on the toilet / lay on the floor for about a week. There's mess, there's "mess" and there's this lad's flat.

[Jennings]

Mrs Jennings doesn't like my farts.

 

I used to have this ace gag, where I would put my hand down my pants when I farted and then waft it in her face saying "I can't belive my farts turn you on, you dirty bitch."

 

She would go mad.

 

Unfortunately one time I hadn't realised that I had the onset of diarrhea. We were chilling out in a hotel room and I felt a big fart coming on. I put my hand down the back of my shorts in preparation for the ultimate fart/waft combination. I shat all over my hand.

 

Instead of wafting, I had to do the waddle of shame to the toilet.

[Fowlers God]

A juniper story for me. Ended up of the Walls of the boozers toiletu. I piss the bed after heavy sessions all the time. Mrs FG loves it the dirty bitch.(by loving it I mean she won't talk to me all day, but I have covered in my piss

[lifetime fan]

A juniper story for me. Ended up of the Walls of the boozers toiletu. I piss the bed after heavy sessions all the time. Mrs FG loves it the dirty bitch.(by loving it I mean she won't talk to me all day, but I have covered in my piss

 

Judging by the spelling in your post FG I reckon you probably woke up with pissy pants this morning.

[Section_31]

I was at a mates BBQ years ago whilst his folks had gone on holiday, we were all sitting in the garden getting pissed and for whatever reason we all started laughing. In the midst of this chortling I let go what i thought was a harmless fart when it dawned on me a few seconds later that i'd shit myself. I sat for a while and casually got up, went upstairs to the bog and took of the soiled undies, cleaned myself with the flannel and dumped both shitty flannel and boxies under the bed of said mates younger brothers bed. Carried on partying.

 

We've all done it Si.

 

Superb.

 

I had a dream last night that I'd shit myself, woke up to find that I hadn't. Think it was a warning though as I have had bad guts.

[chris71]

Shat myself on a motorbike on the way home from the gym once. Was about half way home

and thought I'd make it . But no. An all mighty scutter filled my pants, only the waterproof trousers kept it all in.

Got some strange looks of the mother when I came flying in the door and bolted upstairs for the shower,totally destroyed.

 

Kept me warm on the journey home though,every cloud a ?

[Furmedge]

Was pissed in town the other week, let out a huge gut wrenching fart in Wetherspoons. Went for a piss an hour later, turned out I'd let a bit of shit out too. Luckily I managed to wipe my arse before it crawled up my back.

[Trucker Paddy]

Amazing how this thread has evolved

[Furmedge]

It's a Simon thread, what did you expect?

[Jim MM]

Amazing how this thread has evolved

 

They usually turn to shit by page two.

[Section_31]

Reading through a simon thread is like playing the Beatles Rock Band version of Sgt Pepper's.

[melons]

I must be the only person on here who hasn't shit himself. I'm not being the odd one out, I'm going to do a poo in my pants tomorrow in asda or maybe b&q.

 

I have IBS, I watch what i'm eating big time if I don't know where the nearest toilet is...

 

Had a fair few close calls though.

 

 

They usually turn to shit by page two.

 

Yeah, but the sun's shining out of his arse by page 3/4.

[Remmie]

This thread is getting me off

[Pony Princess]

Mrs Jennings doesn't like my farts.

 

I used to have this ace gag, where I would put my hand down my pants when I farted and then waft it in her face saying "I can't belive my farts turn you on, you dirty bitch."

 

She would go mad.

 

Unfortunately one time I hadn't realised that I had the onset of diarrhea. We were chilling out in a hotel room and I felt a big fart coming on. I put my hand down the back of my shorts in preparation for the ultimate fart/waft combination. I shat all over my hand.

 

Instead of wafting, I had to do the waddle of shame to the toilet.

 

Buttercupping is awesome... not sure what happens when your hand is full of shit instead of arse gas though.

[Dougie Do'ins]

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