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Simon is great,some of his posts have gone down in TLW folklore.

 

From the tarmacking gypos and tax evasion,to his housing of internationally wanted terrorists.

 

Plus it was him who brought Jav the one punch horse knockout specialist to our attention.

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Where has this all kicked off?

 

In guessing Fudge Dragon has something to do with it.

 

In the photo thread, that fudge fella posted some pictures, notably one of simon on the floor of his bathroom trying to hide the fact he'd just been caught having a wank.

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In the photo thread, that fudge fella posted some pictures, notably one of simon on the floor of his bathroom trying to hide the fact he'd just been caught having a wank.

 

Yeah just seen that. Nowt wrong with what he had done in my opinion.

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Guest simon

It was a severe case of the Turkey Trotts i drunk the water like a smart ass and suffered big time there's the story i shit myself literally. The reason i fell was i was i was running to the toilet fell and shit there instead. was like 7 yeas ago. I went to Turkey for 2 weeks and spent most of it with the shits i had to have a drip because it was so bad.

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It was a severe case of the Turkey Trotts i drunk the water like a smart ass and suffered big time there's the story i shit myself literally. The reason i fell was i was i was running to the toilet fell and shit there instead. was like 7 yeas ago. I went to Turkey for 2 weeks and spent most of it with the shits i had to have a drip because it was so bad.

 

So you weren't having a danger wank then?

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Guest TK-421
Fuck sake Simon nothing to worry about there.

 

We've all shit ourselves at some point havn't we lads?

 

Lads...

 

Whilst playing 5-a-side, no less.

 

I carried on playing and let it naturally disperse. It was just a follow through.

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So some twat comes on here and thinks he's the big, new man on campus by making the most well liked poster on here feel like a twat. Well done.

 

I don't think he really did.

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It was a severe case of the Turkey Trotts i drunk the water like a smart ass and suffered big time there's the story i shit myself literally. The reason i fell was i was i was running to the toilet fell and shit there instead. was like 7 yeas ago. I went to Turkey for 2 weeks and spent most of it with the shits i had to have a drip because it was so bad.

 

Is that all you were worried about? We've all been there at one point or another.

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Guest simon
Is that all you were worried about? We've all been there at one point or another.

 

I explained to Dave what it was about i thought and still think one of them pics is my little bro a couldn't handle people taking the piss of family other than me.

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Well well well. Look what the cat dragged.

Simon Green, what kind of an hour of the night is this to be coming in at? Where have you been? You've had us worried sick. I swear to god, if you've been knocking around with that Fudge Packer or whatever his name is again....

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I (partially) shat myself about a year and a bit ago, I was camping down in Devon and made the mistake of buying some dodgy local homemade cider.

 

It tasted awful and I mean truly awful, paint striper stuff. About 3/4's of the way through the container (didn't come in a bottle, should have realised then) I had the sudden bowel movements and cramp.

 

Made my rushed excuses and legged it to the toilets, sweating and panicking like a bastard. I got there in time but as I was pulling my trousers and necks down, mid motion to sit on the seat I had the most violent bowel movement I have ever experienced.

 

It went everywhere, mostly on my jeans and the floor and the seat which I then sat on half a second later after the sitting down motion had been complete.

 

I'll never forget the sound.

 

This was the first and last time I supported local enterprises based in the drinks industry in Devon.

 

Simon, we've all been there.

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When you get in pissed after a big sesh, then proceed to shit, spew and piss the bed, it's called the grand slam. More of an achievement than something to be derided.

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I shat myself in school at about aged 10. My stomach just suddenly gave way and it squirted out during a lesson. I was so embarrassed I couldn't ask to go the toilet. I just sat there with the shit seeping into boxers and jeans for about 20 minutes. Then I had to leave the lesson last (so nobody could see the arse of my jeans), and then lose the boxers and do what I could with the jeans in the toilet. In the end I knew it'd be spotted, so I just bunked off for the rest of the afternoon.

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I hadn't been with the bird very long when after a night on the session I was led in bed feeling pretty rough. I needed to fart and thought I'd be able to let one out discretely, alas not. It was so loud I woke the bird and there was a go faster stripe of shit on the bed.

 

I tried making her get up first so I could hide it but she was having none of it. In the end I had to get up to have a proper shit and she obviously saw the present I'd left behind.

 

She got really worried and started screaming "you're bleeding from your bum babe!" I couldn't stop laughing and told her "not to worry love, I've only shit the bed".

 

We're still together 4 and a half years later and I still take the piss out of her over it.

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Guest TK-421

These stories are great. I have one similar to Juniper's.

 

A couple of years ago I went to Devon with my cricket team. One of my teammates and I had a steak and kidney pie from the local pub. It was the last food to arrive, and had clearly been hastily defrosted and cooked. Nevertheless, down it went.

 

At 3.30am the bowel movements started. We were camping and it was pitch black. Luckily I had a windy-up torch which I won in a Xmas cracker. The most useful Xmas cracker prize ever. I managed to find my way to the bogs and let fly.

 

My teammate wasn't so lucky. The pie incubated in his stomach all night, and he didn't wake up to poop. The rest of the tour, for him, was a sad tale of one man and many trips to the toilet.

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I must be the only person on here who hasn't shit himself. I'm not being the odd one out, I'm going to do a poo in my pants tomorrow in asda or maybe b&q.

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