..and how did your morning start?

[Nunavut Patrick]

Woke up at 7AM, went downstairs to let the dog )Labrador retriever) do his morning business. We also have a cat who comes and goes as he pleases, so he went out as well. He's got a little bell he wears around his collar, so I hear him jingle-jingle. As he goes round the shed in the back, the jingling stops. Meanwhile, the Lab is going for his morning shite. Next thing, there is scruffing, thumping noises coming from behind the shed, and the cat's bell sounds like Santa Claus ringing his sleigh bells. wtf is going on? I've got no shoes on, and then the cat comes from out behind the shed with a morning dove in his mouth. The dogs sees this, loses his mind and starts jumping up and down like a prancing horse, causing the cat to release the bird. The dove can hardly fly, but tries and cannot gain any altitude. The bird alomst makes it out of the back yard, but the dog gets it. However, not being true to the breed, it does not retrieve the bird, but starts trying to eat the dove. Now, I don't want my dog to get bird flu, so I start running towards him. Barefoot. Halfway towards him I put my foot down into a nice, still steaming pile of dog poo. Lovely stuff, and slippery as well. I go down like our no. 8, but unlike Emily, I get right back up and manage to get the dog to drop the dove, who know has hardly any feathers left from either fright or being plucked by the cat and then the dog.

 

Two of my children found this display rather amusing, especially me hopping on one foot in the house to get in the bath to remove the squishy Lab shite from between my toes. The other, more sensitive one, was quite annoyed and despondant at the cat.

 

So, like Vladi's anal sex story- someone has to take the fall-

should I 1- put the cat down

2- put the dog down

3- wear shoes to bed

4- remove the bird feeder from behind the shed

5- get rid of the children

[Total Longo]

Deffo no. 5 i'm afraid mate. You can't get rid of the animals, can you?

[Nunavut Patrick]

You're right, there are very strict Humane Society laws. Are there any good orphanages in Liverpool? Or did that mean and nasty Mrs. Thatcher close them all? I would prefer my children raised Scouse.

[Truered]

No 3 is the obvious answer, doesn't everyone wears shoes for bed??????

[Kurt]

Woke up at 7AM, went downstairs to let the dog )Labrador retriever) do his morning business. We also have a cat who comes and goes as he pleases, so he went out as well. He's got a little bell he wears around his collar, so I hear him jingle-jingle. As he goes round the shed in the back, the jingling stops. Meanwhile, the Lab is going for his morning shite. Next thing, there is scruffing, thumping noises coming from behind the shed, and the cat's bell sounds like Santa Claus ringing his sleigh bells. wtf is going on? I've got no shoes on, and then the cat comes from out behind the shed with a morning dove in his mouth. The dogs sees this, loses his mind and starts jumping up and down like a prancing horse, causing the cat to release the bird. The dove can hardly fly, but tries and cannot gain any altitude. The bird alomst makes it out of the back yard, but the dog gets it. However, not being true to the breed, it does not retrieve the bird, but starts trying to eat the dove. Now, I don't want my dog to get bird flu, so I start running towards him. Barefoot. Halfway towards him I put my foot down into a nice, still steaming pile of dog poo. Lovely stuff, and slippery as well. I go down like our no. 8, but unlike Emily, I get right back up and manage to get the dog to drop the dove, who know has hardly any feathers left from either fright or being plucked by the cat and then the dog.

 

Two of my children found this display rather amusing, especially me hopping on one foot in the house to get in the bath to remove the squishy Lab shite from between my toes. The other, more sensitive one, was quite annoyed and despondant at the cat.

 

So, like Vladi's anal sex story- someone has to take the fall-

should I 1- put the cat down

2- put the dog down

3- wear shoes to bed

4- remove the bird feeder from behind the shed

5- get rid of the children

 

or 6- All of the above ! ;)