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Good luck with that , though it’s difficult try and keep positive thoughts as opposed to dwelling on what you think might happen, as this will be of benefit to you both and I’m sure all will be ok , all the best.

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I knew it was going to be something horrible when I saw this thread.

Just awful for you all, Bob. Let it not be as bad as you’re fearing x

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The first time round I just never ever felt like it wouldn’t be ok. I was sure it would be fine.

 

we had agreed to end our relationship for good a few weeks before she was diagnosed after trying to give it another go after a year apart, but it wasn’t going to work. But it meant we were back living together which meant I could be there for her and with her.

 

i don’t know if that’s making it feel so different that I’m not with her to support her or whether it’s just reading the word “incurable” on the breast cancer website, but I feel utterly hollow now.

 

every time I think about how our little girl will feel I burst into tears.

 

like now. Fucking cunt disease.

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37 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

The first time round I just never ever felt like it wouldn’t be ok. I was sure it would be fine.

 

we had agreed to end our relationship for good a few weeks before she was diagnosed after trying to give it another go after a year apart, but it wasn’t going to work. But it meant we were back living together which meant I could be there for her and with her.

 

i don’t know if that’s making it feel so different that I’m not with her to support her or whether it’s just reading the word “incurable” on the breast cancer website, but I feel utterly hollow now.

 

every time I think about how our little girl will feel I burst into tears.

 

like now. Fucking cunt disease.

Have you looked on the Macmillan Website. They have a free phone line. I don’t know if you already have professional supports in place but it might be helpful to talk your situation out with them or something similar . No-one knows how you are feeling but there are people that have been on this road before you and it may be helpful to talk to people who you can tell how it feels and who you’re not having to protect. All of our thoughts are with you

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9 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

My ex-wife survived breast cancer 2 or 3 years ago and it looks like it’s back as secondary cancer of the bone, which from reading online isn’t curable.

 

shes got an appointment on Tuesday to find out more.

 

im in bits every time I think about what it’s going to do to my little girl.

 

I'm so sorry to hear this. Cant imagine what you are going through.

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49 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

The first time round I just never ever felt like it wouldn’t be ok. I was sure it would be fine.

 

we had agreed to end our relationship for good a few weeks before she was diagnosed after trying to give it another go after a year apart, but it wasn’t going to work. But it meant we were back living together which meant I could be there for her and with her.

 

i don’t know if that’s making it feel so different that I’m not with her to support her or whether it’s just reading the word “incurable” on the breast cancer website, but I feel utterly hollow now.

 

every time I think about how our little girl will feel I burst into tears.

 

like now. Fucking cunt disease.

 

Really sorry to hear about it and wish you all the best.

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5 minutes ago, Champ said:

Have you looked on the Macmillan Website. They have a free phone line. I don’t know if you already have professional supports in place but it might be helpful to talk your situation out with them or something similar . No-one knows how you are feeling but there are people that have been on this road before you and it may be helpful to talk to people who you can tell how it feels and who you’re not having to protect. All of our thoughts are with you

I started to read their website yesterday. Then I started googling stuff about how to help children deal with grief and got lost down that rabbit hole for a while.

 

im going to just try and keep busy til she’s been to her appointment on Tuesday and we know more.

 

thanks all. I feel guilt for only ever interning into this thread when it’s me and mine that are affected, when so many people have gone through so many awful things.

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Just now, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I started to read their website yesterday. Then I started googling stuff about how to help children deal with grief and got lost down that rabbit hole for a while.

 

im going to just try and keep busy til she’s been to her appointment on Tuesday and we know more.

 

thanks all. I feel guilt for only ever interning into this thread when it’s me and mine that are affected, when so many people have gone through so many awful things.

 

Its a hard thread to read when you've seen family members go through it, and lose, which most of us have seen on some level. It brings up a lot of shit and I know personally I don't always want to bring my mind to that place too often. Maybe selfish. Maybe unhealthy. Maybe wise. I don't have a clue. Anyway, don't feel bad. You have enough on your plate.

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9 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

My ex-wife survived breast cancer 2 or 3 years ago and it looks like it’s back as secondary cancer of the bone, which from reading online isn’t curable.

 

shes got an appointment on Tuesday to find out more.

 

im in bits every time I think about what it’s going to do to my little girl.

Recently had news that a very close relative has incurable cancer.  I know some of what you're going through and how it constantly plays on your mind. There are no words that help much.  You just have to support them as much as they want or need. 

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11 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I started to read their website yesterday. Then I started googling stuff about how to help children deal with grief and got lost down that rabbit hole for a while.

 

im going to just try and keep busy til she’s been to her appointment on Tuesday and we know more.

 

thanks all. I feel guilt for only ever interning into this thread when it’s me and mine that are affected, when so many people have gone through so many awful things.

We are here so you can vent your feelings among friends without guilt or embarrassment, anything that helps you get through this horrible episode.

YNWA

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On 27/02/2020 at 02:54, Bob Spunkmouse said:

My ex-wife survived breast cancer 2 or 3 years ago and it looks like it’s back as secondary cancer of the bone, which from reading online isn’t curable.

 

shes got an appointment on Tuesday to find out more.

 

im in bits every time I think about what it’s going to do to my little girl.

That's awful news Bob.

 

While it's incurable, have they said how they can restrict it? I think in some situations people can live with certain cancers for decades now with the medicine we have. They don't cure it, but they can keep you here and keep it at bay. And everything is changing by the month. You buy yourself sometime and you just don't know, there might be a cure. I'm not trying to give you false hope, but I think the medical profession, especially the specialists have an ability to make everything as dark as it can possibly be. As champ said, Macmillan can provide great support and advice too. Some of the staff I came across were ex-nurses who'd specialised and worked alongside oncologists, so they have good medical insight and experience and perhaps more importantly at times, a human touch.

 

Good luck fella. 

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1 hour ago, Barry Wom said:

That's awful news Bob.

 

While it's incurable, have they said how they can restrict it? I think in some situations people can live with certain cancers for decades now with the medicine we have. They don't cure it, but they can keep you here and keep it at bay. And everything is changing by the month. You buy yourself sometime and you just don't know, there might be a cure. I'm not trying to give you false hope, but I think the medical profession, especially the specialists have an ability to make everything as dark as it can possibly be. As champ said, Macmillan can provide great support and advice too. Some of the staff I came across were ex-nurses who'd specialised and worked alongside oncologists, so they have good medical insight and experience and perhaps more importantly at times, a human touch.

 

Good luck fella. 

Yeah, thanks Barry.

 

ive been doing some reading up, and it seems it can be lived with for a long time potentially - we’ll wait and see how the prognosis is.

 

shes been in a lot of pain The last several months and not known what it was, and it was obviously this.

 

the treatment she can get will help to ease that pain, and maybe/hopefully will manage the cancer too.

 

It’s hard to read about and to think about.

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6 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Yeah, thanks Barry.

 

ive been doing some reading up, and it seems it can be lived with for a long time potentially - we’ll wait and see how the prognosis is.

 

shes been in a lot of pain The last several months and not known what it was, and it was obviously this.

 

the treatment she can get will help to ease that pain, and maybe/hopefully will manage the cancer too.

 

It’s hard to read about and to think about.

Fingers crossed mate, I'm rooting for you all. 

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On 27/02/2020 at 02:54, Bob Spunkmouse said:

My ex-wife survived breast cancer 2 or 3 years ago and it looks like it’s back as secondary cancer of the bone, which from reading online isn’t curable.

 

shes got an appointment on Tuesday to find out more.

 

im in bits every time I think about what it’s going to do to my little girl.

Best wishes to you both, mate.

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On 27/02/2020 at 12:25, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I started to read their website yesterday. Then I started googling stuff about how to help children deal with grief and got lost down that rabbit hole for a while.

 

im going to just try and keep busy til she’s been to her appointment on Tuesday and we know more.

 

thanks all. I feel guilt for only ever interning into this thread when it’s me and mine that are affected, when so many people have gone through so many awful things.

Isn't that what we all do, though - do our best to ignore it and hope it won't strike us or our loved ones? Horrible disease and so widespread now:1 in 2 people will have it at some point in their life. Horrible bastard disease.

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8 minutes ago, Jarvinja Ilnow said:

Isn't that what we all do, though - do our best to ignore it and hope it won't strike us or our loved ones? Horrible disease and so widespread now:1 in 2 people will have it at some point in their life. Horrible bastard disease.

1:2? I didn’t know that. Is that because of increased life expectancy?

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3 minutes ago, Champ said:

1:2? I didn’t know that. Is that because of increased life expectancy?

Sorry, that's for people born after 1960. The nurse specialist who told me said that it's thought to be a kind of mutant gene within chromosomes that everyone carries, and it becomes active once triggered by an external factor. He thinks it's due to our massive use of chemicals that we use to try to stay clean and healthy! Cancer does seem to have increased since the use of sterilisers, pesticides, and mass plastics production. Could just be a coincidence, I suppose.

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Cancer chances increase exponentially as we age so increased life expectancy will always increase cancer rates on a population basis.

 

Not saying there aren't other factors though. There are plenty of things we do that increase risks that we tend to ignore.

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All the best bob, god forbid it is incurable hopefully it can be controlled for a long time.

I posted earlier in the thread about my mates mum near Christmas, she pulled through. She was diagnosed as incurable 3 years ago and still alive with a decent quality of life

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Never really know what to write in these type of threads I'm always scared of putting the wrong type of message but I really hope things work out for the best Bob 

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She’s had the results of her scan today and has been told it’s in all of the bones they’ve looked at from head to hip, mostly in the base of her spine.

 

i still don’t know if that means it isn’t in her organs or if they just haven’t checked them yet.

 

i feel numb, but don’t feel like we know anything we didn’t already think we knew last week.

 

were going to talk to our daughter this weekend now and tell her that she’s poorly and that she’s not going to get better. The thought of that conversation absolutely ruins me.

 

does anyone have any experience of talking to kids about this sort of thing?

 

ive read the Macmillan document about it and will read it again on the train home soon too, but any personal experiences Would be Gladly received. 

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7 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

She’s had the results of her scan today and has been told it’s in all of the bones they’ve looked at from head to hip, mostly in the base of her spine.

 

i still don’t know if that means it isn’t in her organs or if they just haven’t checked them yet.

 

i feel numb, but don’t feel like we know anything we didn’t already think we knew last week.

 

were going to talk to our daughter this weekend now and tell her that she’s poorly and that she’s not going to get better. The thought of that conversation absolutely ruins me.

 

does anyone have any experience of talking to kids about this sort of thing?

 

ive read the Macmillan document about it and will read it again on the train home soon too, but any personal experiences Would be Gladly received. 

Really sorry to hear that mate. Can’t imagine how you are feeling. Can only send my best wishes. 
 

My birds auntie passed away just before Xmas and she had 3 kids. All between 17 and 21 though. I think the tact they used was just complete transparency and they were super strong even at the end.

I guess there is no right or wrong way. Good luck pal xx

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