Share a secret with the forum.

[Sugar Ape]

Do as the thread title says, it can be a big or little secret up to you.

 

Last Saturday I was watching the Khan fight with a few of my mates, anyway my mate made a couple of Pizzas and left them to cool on the coffee table in the living room.

 

Whilst him and my other 3 mates went into the kitchen to discuss what drinks to have next his dog jumped up and licked the pizzas right across the middle. I, of course, didn't want to spoil their food so I let them eat the food without telling them. Felt a tad bad afterwards.

[Guest davelfc]

When I was a wee nipper my younger brother had hepatitis, don't ask me which one I was a young kid. Anyway he was ill and he was on a strict diet of lemonade and yellow fish (it was years ago, they still burnt witches)

 

One night I crept into the kitchen and took two Blue Ribband biscuits and ate them, stuffing the wrappers under his pillow as he slept.

 

The next day the wrappers were discovered and of course they believed he was so hungry that he had taken them. The doctor was called and immediately he was put on a diet of just water for a day or was it two, hopefully it was two. No harm came to him and he recovered.

 

Nobody discovered my crime but why not tell you lot now. He deserved every bit of this, believe me he deserved it.

[Baldi]

I'm Batman

[Guest TK-421]

I nicked the drum machine from school.

[manwiththestick]

When I lived with the folks I shared a room with my brother who's 5 years younger. I came in bladdered once when I was about 18 and went to bed, straight away I needed a bad slash and knew I wouldn't make it to the bog so I relieved myself all over his duvet and on the floor by his bed. No blame was apportioned to me.

[Unrighteous]

When I was like 8 or 9... I started to find new ways to fight my brother because the physical side wasn't working for me.

 

Anyway... I peed in his shoes one afternoon after another losing battle.

[a stoner]

I'm a lesbian, I love eating pussy.

[Pony Princess]

I was bored one night on world of warcraft and this guy who'd been trying to chat me up for ages was trying it on again (people think i am a girl on WoW as my character is an 8ft tall female cow-person).

 

I was just humouring him and he mention that he would love a girl to tell him what to do on the webcam and make him do some CBT (cock and ball torture) - so I was like 'ok', thinking this might amuse me for 15 minutes. So he got on his webcam on MSN and he was like 'tell me to do something to hurt my cock!' so i said errr... slam your cock in the door... so he did that... wtf

 

then he said 'i've got some paint stripper here, should i put my penis in it?' - i was like umm if you want to... (you fucking freak...) so he did - that was fucking weird coz he was moaning and telling me to tell him when he could take it out... i went for a piss , took about 3 minutes as i'd had a few beers and when he got back he was groaning with his dick in a cup of paint-stripper. i typed 'err, yeah you might want to take it out of there...' and he scampered to the bog to wash it off i guess. i was bored of his antics by now and logged off and went to bed.

 

about 3 weeks later he sent me a message on WoW saying he had lost a ton of feeling in his bellend but he enjoyed it... i replied 'thats nice' and blocked him. what a freak.

 

Much like the Jill Dando's daughter thing, i do tend to get into strange internet situations.

[Mendoza]

I killed Maddie.

[Unrighteous]

I was bored one night on world of warcraft and this guy who'd been trying to chat me up for ages was trying it on again (people think i am a girl on WoW as my character is an 8ft tall female cow-person).

 

I was just humouring him and he mention that he would love a girl to tell him what to do on the webcam and make him do some CBT (cock and ball torture) - so I was like 'ok', thinking this might amuse me for 15 minutes. So he got on his webcam on MSN and he was like 'tell me to do something to hurt my cock!' so i said errr... slam your cock in the door... so he did that... wtf

 

then he said 'i've got some paint stripper here, should i put my penis in it?' - i was like umm if you want to... (you fucking freak...) so he did - that was fucking weird coz he was moaning and telling me to tell him when he could take it out... i went for a piss , took about 3 minutes as i'd had a few beers and when he got back he was groaning with his dick in a cup of paint-stripper. i typed 'err, yeah you might want to take it out of there...' and he scampered to the bog to wash it off i guess. i was bored of his antics by now and logged off and went to bed.

 

about 3 weeks later he sent me a message on WoW saying he had lost a ton of feeling in his bellend but he enjoyed it... i replied 'thats nice' and blocked him. what a freak.

 

Much like the Jill Dando's daughter thing, i do tend to get into strange internet situations.

 

[Melchett]

When I was in Monksdown Junoir school in the 80s, we went on a school holiday to The Isle Of Man. During this holiday I did something (forget what it was now) to get shouted at by one of the teachers, FUCK THIS i thought so my retribution was that i had a shit on the handle of the teachers suitcase. I put it back into the cupboard they where being stored and left it to crust over.

 

Needless to say, I had the last laugh, I am now a well rounded adult male.

[Nantwich girl]

When I was at uni one of the blokes in our group was a real perv. He had a car and was always offering lifts home to me and my friends after nights out. He lived off campus with his girl friend who wasn't a student. He used to try it on with all of us and he used to make really crude comments about us all being students and we should all act like it and shag each other. He always used to pretend he was joking when he said things like this(but you could tell he wasn't). Anyway we just used to laugh at him and if he was desperate enough to give 3 drunken girls a lift home from town when they texted him then serves him right. One Friday night my friend rang him from a bar and asked if he could pick us up? He said no problem and was there in about 10 minutes. He got out of the car and opened the door for us and when the last of us got in (Sarah) he put his hand up her dress and groped her. He said it was an accident and he just meant to put his hand on her back to help her in the car (yeah ok). On Monday when we were back in studies he was telling some of the orher blokes that Sarah didn't wear any knickers when she went out in case she got lucky! We then decided to get our own back so the next weekend we called him again (we all wore jeans that night) he picked us up and made some crude comments again. Just before we got home I took a (clean!) pair of knickers that I had brought with me from home out of my hand bag and put them under his seat along with a condom wrapper. The week after next he was asking the other guys if he could move into their house as his girlfriend had kicked him out.

 

He used to brag about how this girl was that desperate to be with him he could order her to do stuff and she would just do it. Things like go out and get me some beer/smokes, iron my clothes and most notably clean my car twice a month! Turns out whilst doing this she found a g string and a condom wrapper. She wasn't as desperate as he thought and she binned him off. The really bizarre thing is we thought he would twig it was us who did it but he didn't! Anyway Brendon if you're reading this it was me. Ps serves you right you big perv.

[She Knows It]

Last weekend, after gardening I couldn't find a nail brush to scrub the dirt from my nails, so I used my boyfriend's toothbrush.

[Nantwich girl]

Last weekend, after gardening I couldn't find a nail brush to scrub the dirt from my nails, so I used my boyfriend's toothbrush.

 

I bet he didn't even notice!

[MOGLET]

I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.

[Red Banjo]

Im not really me.

 

He is.

 

*point's over there*

[Red Banjo]

How unusual that Nantwich girl/boy tells a story of how someone wants to fuck her/him?

 

We get it, you think your attractive and irresistible. How about a post that doesn't contain the above?

[Cardie]

So we're letting chicken's post go then?

[odris]

Just keep on walking and don't look him in the eyes.

[Pony Princess]

The Jill Dando's daughter thing

[Paulie Dangerously]

 

Is that a channel 5 version of Secretary?

[Nantwich girl]

How unusual that Nantwich girl/boy tells a story of how someone wants to fuck her/him?

 

We get it, you think your attractive and irresistible. How about a post that doesn't contain the above?

 

Yeah, Yeah, whatever !

[Elite]

I like my balls to be tickled during sex, oh yeah.

[Medazza]

my brothers wife stayed over and was sleeping on the couch as she got pissed and he didn't want to take a chance on her puking in the bed,as she was a sleep with her mouth open.......well you can guess the rest.

 

i did clean up the evidence though................... shes a lovely girl.

 

I thought secrets were meant to be true. This thread is like the bullshitters thread all over again

[Malarkey]

Chicken Licken and his Internet tomfoolery - I love it.