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*Shakes head* Everton again.

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16 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

Why is he even bothered about what us and the Manc clubs do?. Just worry about your own club and stop picking apart other clubs who actually compete for trophies. 

 

It's like someone who sits in every Friday and Saturday night watching porn while slagging off other fellas who go out shagging women. 

He's a sad pathetic narcissist who has a pop at everyone else when his own house is far from in order. Deflection with lies and rhetoric. Cries when he gets pulled up on it as well. In short, a horrible cunt. 

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1 hour ago, Red74 said:

Let’s all laugh at Catcher

4687A597-B0A1-45E8-927F-CEDBD1ADB50A.jpeg

 

 

As apposed to Everton who have spent around a billion since 1995 and you know won the Florida cup and finished 4th once, before going out of Europe twice before the end of September

 

 

Spending 1 billion and only have 1 league title(2x Champions Leagues,3 FA Cups,4 League Cups,1 Uefa Cup, 3 European Super Cups and 1 world club cup) is admittedly poor, if you don't read the small print

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What is 'Everton'? A series of questions, answered

A handy explainer for Carlo Ancelotti, or just about anyone, on what this strange, strange football team is actually all about

1. Since 1995, when they won the FA Cup, Everton have spent almost £1 billion on players. Have they won any trophies? Surely they've won a trophy since then?

 
 
No, they have not won a trophy.

2. But... one BILLION pounds. 

 

 

Yeah. One billion pounds. One billion pounds on the likes of Davy Klaasen and Mark Hottiger and Oumar Niasse and Ashley Williams and Cuco Martina and Per Kroldup - John Carew sends his regards - and Sandro Ramirez and Andy van der Meyde and Cenk Tosun and Alex Nyarko and Shani Tarashaj. Who is Shani Tarashaj? Google him. He is literally still on the books of Everton Football Club and you've never heard of him in your entire life.

To Moise Kean and Alex Iwobi: run for your lives.

 

3. Why haven't they won a trophy? That makes them the single football club in the entire world to have spent the most money and not won anything. That's amazing, in a way. In an impossibly shit way.

Yeah. Because they're Everton.

 

4. What do you mean 'It's because they're Everton'?

It's because they're Everton.

 

5. Surely there must be more to it than that?

You'd think so, but no, it's because they're Everton. That's all it is. If they weren't Everton, it wouldn't happen, and they'd be good.

 

6. Ok, so what is 'Everton'?

Everton is one of the oldest and most historic clubs in England. They have been in the top division a record 116 seasons. They have won the FA Cup five times and the First Division nine times. They have basically been amongst the best teams in the country since their inception. And yet... Everton is also a state of being. An intense flux between brief moments of hope and endless chasms of despair. Everton is that feeling you get when you wash your jeans with a twenty in the pocket. It's the feeling of your umbrella blowing inside out. Or a seagull nicking your chips on the pier, not even to eat them, just to drop them in the sea. It's the constant, relentless woe of everyday life encapsulated within the to and fro of a football team.

Everton is running for a bus in the rain, having it drive off just as you get to the door and then watching helplessly as a small boy gives you the finger through the window.

That is what being Everton is, but every single day of every single year. Forever.

 

 

7. Can you give an example?

Sure. Literally yesterday, Everton lost in the FA Cup Third Round to their famous rivals, Liverpool, at Anfield, 1-0. Which on the surface sounds, you know, not completely awful. Until you take into account the fact that Everton were at full strength whilst Jürgen Klopp picked a team consisting of James Milner and a horde of young men with TikTok accounts. Milner went off injured after nine minutes.

 

 

8. What happened?

Despite getting the ball knocked around them for fun because they were running about like a bunch of winded dads on Sports Day, Everton should have been three, possibly four goals up at half-time.

 

 

9. But they weren't.

No.

 

 

10. Because they are Everton?

Because they are Everton. They spurned every chance they were afforded, each in more Everton fashion than the last. It almost looked as though they were doing it on purpose. Particularly when Dominic Calvert-Lewin, who sometimes looks like prime Alan Shearer and sometimes looks like an emergency Sunday league player who is roped in at the last minute and only plays as up top because it's where he will cause the least damage, attempted a diving header...

 

... after the ball was already past him.

 

 

11. Then what happened?

Theo Walcott, who actually looked pretty dangerous in the opening 45 minutes, relapsed into playing like Theo Walcott.

 

12. And then what?

The inevitable: 18-year-old local boy Curtis Jones curling a beauty up and over Jordan Pickford, who couldn't reach it because of, you know, his arms, to send Liverpool through. He wasn't even born the last time Everton won at Anfield.

 
 
 

13. Should the players take the blame?

Yes and no. But mostly yes.

 

14. Why yes?

Well. A number of reasons. Each unique to the individual. Lucas Digne and Yerry Mina came from Barcelona but both played like it was the Ecuadorian team. Gylfi Sigurdsson cost £40 million. He can't run. It physically pains him to run. Pickford is a great shot-stopper and a wonderful presence in goal but has to ask old ladies to reach stuff on the top shelf for him in Tesco. We've mentioned Calvert-Lewin and Walcott already.  Seamus Coleman hasn't been the same since the leg break, Mason Holgate looks every bit a quality player until he inexplicably passes the ball to the opposition four times in a row and Richarlison loses his head the moment he realises his teammates are all useless. Which happens a lot. Djibril Sidibe looks more Serge Aurier than Serge Aurier, which isn't a great sign, but was at least the only Everton player to go over to the away fans at the end of the game. You could put an office swivel chair in midfield instead of Morgan Schneiderlin and you honestly wouldn't notice the difference.

 
 
 

15. And what of Carlo Ancelotti?

Carlo Ancelotti has won the Champions League three times, league titles in four different countries and can raise both eyebrows independently of each other like The Rock. Turning Everton into a normal, functioning football club, let alone a successful one, would be his greatest accomplishment to date. By far. It would be his life's work. His crowning achievement. Again: he has won the Champions League three times.

 

16. Will he succeed?

As much as I buy into Ancelotti's otherworldly reputation as a man-manager, motivator and serial winner: I can predict with some certainty that he will not succeed. There is no way he succeeds. This is Everton, remember. Everton aren't allowed to have nice things. They're not allowed to just appoint one of the most successful managers of the last two decades and have that be that, for everything to start running smoothly and for the good times to roll. It has to blow up in their faces, like it always does. Those are the rules.

They're the footballing equivalent of Wile E. Coyote ordering new ACME rocket skates, again, and hoping against all hope that this is the time they don't fire themselves into a canyon.

 

 

17. I think I'm starting to get it. Out of curiosity, what's the most Everton thing to ever Everton? 

Sunday's defeat to Liverpool's eSports Fifa squad was obviously very Everton, but my personal favourite is Fabian Delph joining the club and stating that he wanted to bring the 'Man City mentality' to the dressing room.

This happened in his second game.

Fabian Delph becomes my all-time favourite Everton player by shouting “everyone is fucking shit” after Bournemouth scored their 3rd.

 

 

 

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24 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Our owners are cunts for having a picture with Donald Trump apparently yet he won't mind sitting in a stadium funded by Usmanov who has heavy links to Putin and all sorts the fucking skinny cunt (catchernonce not Usmanov who is a rather large fat cunt) 

That’s the thing tho. He’ll never sit in that stadium cos he’s never been to see them play and has no intention of ever doing so. 
 

His support for them is built on hating us and getting acceptance down that route. 
 

He’s got no natural emotion about the game or players, everything he says is based on analysis he’s picked up the previous hour elsewhere. 

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3 minutes ago, Red74 said:

That’s the thing tho. He’ll never sit in that stadium cos he’s never been to see them play and has no intention of ever doing so. 
 

His support for them is built on hating us and getting acceptance down that route. 
 

He’s got no natural emotion about the game or players, everything he says is based on analysis he’s picked up the previous hour elsewhere. 

He's just a robotic liar. 

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1 minute ago, Bjornebye said:

He's just a robotic liar. 

There used to be another ming on there called Toffee Jack who claimed to be a massive blue but had a Swansea badge as his avatar. He despised us more than anyone on there. He slipped up once by saying the only time he’d been to Liverpool was getting off the coach in skelhorne street for a piss break after going to Blackpool with his nan.

 

He disappeared and this weirdo came along and filled his crocs.

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47 minutes ago, Beno said:

How is our title win tainted,but Cities 3 trophies in the pandemic not?

Hes an utter bellend.

 

Ours is highly contested. Obviously.

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1 hour ago, JagSquared said:

I kind of buzz of catchers obsession. The mental gymnastics, sacrificing what little morals he has by constantly contradicting himself in order to back city and Chelsea’s owners and their regimes and not to mention the constant bitterness that means he has to try and turn our victories into some sort of defeat. 
 

I used to pitty him but now I worry for him I really do.

He's great, isn't he? Too many nutters end up going down a route of paranoid violence, but he's woven his lunacy around a failing sports team. Fair fucks, if I was going to sever all ties with reality I'd become a polymorphic mega-titted android demigod. He's decided to watch Everton.

 

The glorious punchline is how he unwittingly mirrors them through his sheer delusion. He sees himself as some kind of analytical thinker, a football polemicist for the modern age. Instead he wields language like a 12 inch dildo at a dwarf gang bang, showing himself up to be a rambling facade, and encompassing all the hypocrisy he claims to see in others.

 

I love him. I'd pay to see him and JP in conversation. Give it the ten hour Netflix treatment.

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1 hour ago, Beno said:

How is our title win tainted,but Cities 3 trophies in the pandemic not?

Hes an utter bellend.

 


Also ignoring the fact at lockdown we had 82 points. After playing the 8/9 remaining games, Citeh only finished with 81.

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14 minutes ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

Ours is highly contested. Obviously.


To be fair, it wasn’t really contested on the pitch. It was a procession from mid-November.

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4 minutes ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

He's great, isn't he? Too many nutters end up going down a route of paranoid violence, but he's woven his lunacy around a failing sports team. Fair fucks, if I was going to sever all ties with reality I'd become a polymorphic mega-titted android demigod. He's decided to watch Everton.

 

The glorious punchline is how he unwittingly mirrors them through his sheer delusion. He sees himself as some kind of analytical thinker, a football polemicist for the modern age. Instead he wields language like a 12 inch dildo at a dwarf gang bang, showing himself up to be a rambling facade, and encompassing all the hypocrisy he claims to see in others.

 

I love him. I'd pay to see him and JP in conversation. Give it the ten hour Netflix treatment.

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The guys a fucking prick 

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13 minutes ago, Scott_M said:


Also ignoring the fact at lockdown we had 82 points. After playing the 8/9 remaining games, Citeh only finished with 81.

FUCK OFF TALKING SENSE AND FACTS ROUND ERE - YER ARE DEFO A KOPITE!!!

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22 minutes ago, Scott_M said:


To be fair, it wasn’t really contested on the pitch. It was a procession from mid-November.

It’s a bit of an irritant to me that we don’t rub everyone’s nose in it by reminding them that we won the league in March. Quickest ever?
 

The Media can’t wait to remind us how we lost the league to city on the final day despite winning the CL that season, actually heard this again yesterday which is why it’s on my mind.  
 

We should have been lauded for running that city team to the wire and also the Gerrard slip year where we were about 30-1 to win the league that season yet it’s us who were the bottlers whereas Chelsea, utd & Arsenal had far superior teams to us and got a free pass. 

 

Just proves that we’re judged differently than everyone else here. 
 

Get the super league signed up John and let’s fuck the prem off. Then they’ll see what we really brought to the table. 

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And Bubb’sBurstNad has still been too kind.

 

By the way, the Ancelotti prediction in that Everton piece was prescient.

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On 16/08/2021 at 08:06, Doctor Troy said:

Why do they always bang on about Liverpool neglecting the area and running it down?.

 

Went to Anfield yesterday with my son and took a few photos with him outside the ground. There's always loads of people walking around there visiting the stadium. The area is still a bit messy but there's been a lot of improvements with new housing, roads and new businesses opening. There's also been a lot of improvements to the Park too which Liverpool paid for. 

 

Then drove round Everton's ground to show him and Everton have done nothing to improve the area, all the streets are run down and there's no evidence of any money being put into the area, it looks far more neglected than the areas round Anfield. 

 

They could argue that they are moving grounds but it's looked like this for at least the last 20 years and well before they announced the unicorn arena. If they do move then the area will be even more neglected.

As you know I took my lad to his first game last week, so was home for 4 or 5 nights.

 

I drove down County Road, and passed the theatre of beams on Monday or Tuesday.

 

it’s never been a haunt of mine, but   I remember it a a vibrant, albeit functional and secondary shopping area.

 

It looks dead, desperate. 
 

It can’t claimed Everton have caused that, it’s modern life and habits. But they’re literally adding nothing to it now and they should be the anchor for that area. 

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1 hour ago, KMD7 said:

He seriously needs a good hiding

I wouldn’t wish a hiding on him, but a public dressing down and then a dig. Just one though - a lovely but effortless straight right that pops his nose and has him scurrying away in front of everyone like the little maggot that he is

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40 minutes ago, belarus said:

I wouldn’t wish a hiding on him, but a public dressing down and then a dig. Just one though - a lovely but effortless straight right that pops his nose and has him scurrying away in front of everyone like the little maggot that he is

True. 

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1 hour ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

He's great, isn't he? Too many nutters end up going down a route of paranoid violence, but he's woven his lunacy around a failing sports team. Fair fucks, if I was going to sever all ties with reality I'd become a polymorphic mega-titted android demigod. He's decided to watch Everton.

 

The glorious punchline is how he unwittingly mirrors them through his sheer delusion. He sees himself as some kind of analytical thinker, a football polemicist for the modern age. Instead he wields language like a 12 inch dildo at a dwarf gang bang, showing himself up to be a rambling facade, and encompassing all the hypocrisy he claims to see in others.

 

I love him. I'd pay to see him and JP in conversation. Give it the ten hour Netflix treatment.

 

Rapped for a truly unique use of semantics.

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1 hour ago, RJ Fan club said:

As you know I took my lad to his first game last week, so was home for 4 or 5 nights.

 

I drove down County Road, and passed the theatre of beams on Monday or Tuesday.

 

it’s never been a haunt of mine, but   I remember it a a vibrant, albeit functional and secondary shopping area.

 

It looks dead, desperate. 
 

It can’t claimed Everton have caused that, it’s modern life and habits. But they’re literally adding nothing to it now and they should be the anchor for that area. 

+ve for 'theatre of beams'!

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Evertonians desperate for FFP to level the playing field until they got wealthy owners now they're screaming for it to be abolished. Fuck the game and its future let clubs go to the wall because their existence now entirely depends on a wealthy sugar daddy not getting bored and leaving them with fake revenue streams and huge costs.

 

Building a ground doesn't come under FFP so crack on and use your huge wealth to build it and increase revenue streams legitimately. The taxpayers money has gone with the commonwealth games.

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Can anyone else smell an angle here....

 

 

catcherintherye

Player Valuation: £70m
The x2 Chelsea and United teams you mentioned all won the biggest prize in European Football. Until City do the same, Pep will always get stick. That's not from just the Media but from their fanbase too.


It took Chelsea a long time to do it.

Indeed took Ferguson a long time too.

Everyone will have a different view, but over recent years I would say the CL has become a bit devalued and is not as important as maybe it was between say 1992-2002, or say 2007-15 which felt very much the golden eras for it.

 

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22 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Can anyone else smell an angle here....

 

 

catcherintherye

Player Valuation: £70m
The x2 Chelsea and United teams you mentioned all won the biggest prize in European Football. Until City do the same, Pep will always get stick. That's not from just the Media but from their fanbase too.


It took Chelsea a long time to do it.

Indeed took Ferguson a long time too.

Everyone will have a different view, but over recent years I would say the CL has become a bit devalued and is not as important as maybe it was between say 1992-2002, or say 2007-15 which felt very much the golden eras for it.

 

It took Rafa 1 year to win it. 

 

It's almost as if he thinks the competition is shit when Liverpool win it. Not sure what is so special about those years he's randomly picked out of thin air. Especially the second era. 

 

Again if it's so shit and devalued why have Everton never been able to qualify?

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7 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

It's almost as if he thinks the competition is shit when Liverpool win it. Not sure what is so special about those years he's randomly picked out of thin air. Especially the second era. 

The first sentence is the answer to the second.

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51 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Can anyone else smell an angle here....

 

 

catcherintherye

Player Valuation: £70m
The x2 Chelsea and United teams you mentioned all won the biggest prize in European Football. Until City do the same, Pep will always get stick. That's not from just the Media but from their fanbase too.


It took Chelsea a long time to do it.

Indeed took Ferguson a long time too.

Everyone will have a different view, but over recent years I would say the CL has become a bit devalued and is not as important as maybe it was between say 1992-2002, or say 2007-15 which felt very much the golden eras for it.

 

Haha see he has to try and turn every victory of ours into a loss. So he’s excluding what most people consider the greatest final of all time but thankfully he is including our run to the semis in 2002 and our appearance in the final in 2007 which is actually some compliment if that was the golden eras to him. We must have been a formidable team in those years. 

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