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*Shakes head* Everton again.


Fugitive

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I’m not sure exactly when it was that my feelings of pure loathing for Fat Sam started to change. After Newcastle, certainly...it was delicious to watch as he and his big-time manager fantasies got roasted on a spit like the fucking pig he is.

 

Probably it was after Venkys chicken fired him and installed that human scotch egg in his place, emasculating the previous version of Sam and turning a hideous, thin-skinned turd into a pathos-drenched comedy character, impossible to tell apart from the infamous Twatter account.

 

As he circled the drain of lower level Premier League clubs and became an ever-greater self-parody, “out-tactic-ing” The Special Cunt, laughing in the face of that Swansea fanny and dancing to Rihanna in Ibiza all amped up on e’s and gravy, with various amusing GIFs of him in circulation, I started to hope and pray he got the England job. For someone absolutely willing both them and him to publicly shit all over their own feet, to inevitable mass tabloid outrage from that utter pack of cunts who report on the national team, I was sure it would be the perfect marriage. I knew he had it in him to serve me up some top-level comedy, and wanted the FA to give him licence to go out there and express himself in a way which helped that Henry Winter prick develop a stomach ulcer.

 

As it transpired he managed to take the laughs further than I dared dream...knocking the ball out of the park with his own wang by getting caught with trotters stuffed inside the till AND ripping the piss out of Hodgson on camera, barely having had time to set the password on ‘Big Sam’s Office’. Sacked after one game, in total disgrace! Couldn’t get better from there, he’d maxed out in the popularity stakes where I’m concerned. The circle was complete; journey from hate-figure to comedy hero in the bag.

 

But Samuel wasn’t finished with me yet. Saving the very best til last, he’s off to the blues in his twilight years, driving the best comedy show football’s produced since Moyes’ smash hit season at United. If he gets them relegated, all the while blustering how it’s everyone else’s fault and playing football that would shame even Gollum, Allardyce will have done the once impossible and become arguably my favourite figure in football.

 

Hilarious individual who was absolutely born (not manufactured) to manage those delusional, paper-skinned, ludicrous bellends. And he’s doing it with little Sammy Lee, Liverpool legend no less, inside the Goodison inner sanctum as this all plays out to their signature sound of howling anger and spilt bile.

 

They must be fucking terrified right now, knowing they would never, ever live it down. And rightly so.

 

Brilliant post, but I still hate the cunt.

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There isn't anything to really dislike intensely with Big Sam because he's a loser. Same with Moyes. 

 

I have far more regard for Moyes.  I doubt he's skimmed the kind of dosh Sham has and whereas Allardyce basically doesn't give a fuck and steals a wage Moyes does in his limited way try his best for his employers, His mistake was to think 10 years apprenticeship at Everton fitted him for bigger things,. Suckered into stepping out of his comfort zone by Ferguson who had his own agenda. 

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It's nice to know there are some people who never miss an opportunity to take the piss out of the Bloos.  Last night was our union AGM, where we have to do all the boring formal shit, as well as have a piss-up.  When the Treasurer was reading the accounts for the year, someone shouted "Where's the Arteta money?"

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I’m not sure exactly when it was that my feelings of pure loathing for Fat Sam started to change. After Newcastle, certainly...it was delicious to watch as he and his big-time manager fantasies got roasted on a spit like the fucking pig he is.

 

Probably it was after Venkys chicken fired him and installed that human scotch egg in his place, emasculating the previous version of Sam and turning a hideous, thin-skinned turd into a pathos-drenched comedy character, impossible to tell apart from the infamous Twatter account.

 

As he circled the drain of lower level Premier League clubs and became an ever-greater self-parody, “out-tactic-ing” The Special Cunt, laughing in the face of that Swansea fanny and dancing to Rihanna in Ibiza all amped up on e’s and gravy, with various amusing GIFs of him in circulation, I started to hope and pray he got the England job. For someone absolutely willing both them and him to publicly shit all over their own feet, to inevitable mass tabloid outrage from that utter pack of cunts who report on the national team, I was sure it would be the perfect marriage. I knew he had it in him to serve me up some top-level comedy, and wanted the FA to give him licence to go out there and express himself in a way which helped that Henry Winter prick develop a stomach ulcer.

 

As it transpired he managed to take the laughs further than I dared dream...knocking the ball out of the park with his own wang by getting caught with trotters stuffed inside the till AND ripping the piss out of Hodgson on camera, barely having had time to set the password on ‘Big Sam’s Office’. Sacked after one game, in total disgrace! Couldn’t get better from there, he’d maxed out in the popularity stakes where I’m concerned. The circle was complete; journey from hate-figure to comedy hero in the bag.

 

But Samuel wasn’t finished with me yet. Saving the very best til last, he’s off to the blues in his twilight years, driving the best comedy show football’s produced since Moyes’ smash hit season at United. If he gets them relegated, all the while blustering how it’s everyone else’s fault and playing football that would shame even Gollum, Allardyce will have done the once impossible and become arguably my favourite figure in football.

 

Hilarious individual who was absolutely born (not manufactured) to manage those delusional, paper-skinned, ludicrous bellends. And he’s doing it with little Sammy Lee, Liverpool legend no less, inside the Goodison inner sanctum as this all plays out to their signature sound of howling anger and spilt bile.

 

They must be fucking terrified right now, knowing they would never, ever live it down. And rightly so.

Awesome post.

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No that’s German for “the allardyce, the”

One poster on their forum had as his avatar a Liverpool badge crossed out. Why would you do that, when the obvious alternative is having an Everton badge.

 

It's more than being defined by a hatred of us, it's more like a repressed disappointment in their own club.

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He's a massive bully. I reckon at Finch Farm at lunchtime he goes round the players and takes stuff off their plates "Go on son, what are you going to do about it? That's right. I'm the boss round here. Now, I'll have those potatoes. They're Sam's potatoes."

 

He probably gets Sammy Lee to go round collecting protection money. There's Sammy Lee with his Reebok holdall stuffed with bundles of cash that go straight into Allardyce's offshore accounts.

 

And to prove that he is THE MAN at Everton he makes Duncan Ferguson clean his shoes in front of everyone.

 

Before the end of the season Ferguson will have had enough and go full of Return of the Jedi - lifting Allardyce above his head and throwing him down into one of those big Euro bins, while Bill Kenwright (Ferguson's real father) looks on with amazement and pride, before keeling over, the Arteta money falling out of his jacket pocket.

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He's a massive bully. I reckon at Finch Farm at lunchtime he goes round the players and takes stuff off their plates "Go on son, what are you going to do about it? That's right. I'm the boss round here. Now, I'll have those potatoes. They're Sam's potatoes."

Pardew Mark II.

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One poster on their forum had as his avatar a Liverpool badge crossed out. Why would you do that, when the obvious alternative is having an Everton badge.

It's more than being defined by a hatred of us, it's more like a repressed disappointment in their own club.

Bet that they changed their avatars to sevilla badges when they played us in Basel. Every bitter I know did it on Facebook.

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One poster on their forum had as his avatar a Liverpool badge crossed out. Why would you do that, when the obvious alternative is having an Everton badge.

 

It's more than being defined by a hatred of us, it's more like a repressed disappointment in their own club.

I remember seeing one like that on there and it says, "I'd rather walk alone" over it!

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Imagine being one of their younger generation now. You've never seen a period of any type of success. You have an illustrious neighbour who play infinitely better ball than they EVER did. Said illustrious neighbour seems to be on the cusp of doing something great, playing super football and you have fat Sam and his pony and trap tactics and the only thing you have to look forward to is if neighbour loses. It's a wonder they all don't fuck themselves off the nearest bridge.

Let's enjoy Dr nowts post and the shambles at woodison for what it is. But never let their continued crisis fool you about our mediocrity. We've won one trophy, the smallest pot of all, since 2006. We've beaten a few sides and played some scintillating football, but we've won nothing and it's getting to the point our history is as in the past as theirs.
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Let's enjoy Dr nowts post and the shambles at woodison for what it is. But never let their continued crisis fool you about our mediocrity. We've won one trophy, the smallest pot of all, since 2006. We've beaten a few sides and played some scintillating football, but we've won nothing and it's getting to the point our history is as in the past as theirs.

 

Bet you were the kid in school who sat at the front and reminded the teacher about the homework no one bothered to do. 

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Bet you were the kid in school who sat at the front and reminded the teacher about the homework no one bothered to do.

Sorry, I forgot about those 3 leagues and 2 champions leagues we've won in this decade. We are no standard bearer of football. We are losers. We used to set the standard the whole of Europe wanted to follow, but now our best attribute is being better than Everton.
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Sorry, I forgot about those 3 leagues and 2 champions leagues we've won in this decade. We are no standard bearer of football. We are losers. We used to set the standard the whole of Europe wanted to follow, but now our best attribute is being better than Everton.

Exactly.

 

We need to fucking win stuff. Playing good football is great, and fun to watch, but the point of it is to score goals, win matches and ultimately win trophies.

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