Job Interview Questions

[Captain Turdseye]

Just had an interview and don't think it went too well. I was confident going in and thought I had all the bases covered but some of the questions are killers, give us an example of this, etc. Now I thought I'd heard all of these before but most of them were different from any other interview I've ever had.

 

I'm waiting for a call back in the next few days, feeling pretty gutted at how it went but still hopeful. I'm wondering what is the hardest question you've ever faced at an interview, and how did you answer it?

[Tom R]

After I'd been offered a job and we'd shaken on it, just as I was leaving the premises the guy who was interviewing me asked me "didn't you used to fuck Yvonne who works here?"

 

I of course said yes, and he shook my hand even more vigorously than when I accepted the job and said, "fair play mate. Fair play".

 

The most stupid question I've ever been asked in an interview was "do you do drugs?"

I mean, come one. What kind of total derp would say yes to this?

But then it was followed by this absolute belter, "if you could BE a drug, then what drug would you be?"

 

I think I answered it by looking intently at the female interviewer and saying, "I'd have to say weed cos many people have tried it and liked it".

 

I didn't go back for the second interview.

[Remmie]

They had just asked me the standard fare and there was no surprise when they asked me what my colleagues would say about me. Then they asked me what my best friend would say about me and I just didn't know what to say because he'd probably say "he's a big Abbo, veggie cunt, I hate him and I hope he gets aids". I get the impression that wasn't the answer they were looking for. I mumbled some shit about knowing lots of useless information.

 

I didn't get asked this but a friend got "if you were a fair ground ride, what would you be?". My mate said some shit about being a super fast rollercoaster as you can never tell what's coming next. The lady interviewer lapped it up.

[Hermes]

 

But then it was followed by this absolute belter, "if you could BE a drug, then what drug would you be?"

 

 

You said "a suppository" I bet?

[Kevin D]

"If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small infant, would you seize and consume it?"

"Uh, well, uh, I, uh, the question is vague, you don't say what kind of candy or whether anyone is watching or uh. At any rate I certainly wouldn't harm the child."

[Liverpool lad]

I hate fucking stupid job interview questions, 'why do you want this job?' Because I don't want to be skint and miss out on loads of things.

[Guest Scaramanga]

I hate fucking stupid job interview questions, 'why do you want this job?' Because I don't want to be skint and miss out on loads of things.

 

That's my pet hate in interviews, "So, what is it exactly that first attracted you to the role?"

 

The fucking money, bitch.

Instead they want to hear about passion and commitment, and other fancy words I have no time for. I'll do the job, you pay me, and that's as far as it fucking goes.

 

In response to the OP, working in IT, it's not uncommon for me to have a technical evaluation as part of the interview process. The hardest question/s i've ever faced were technical questions (I won't bore you with them), not because I didn't know the answers. But because the two people asking me the questions didn't.

 

That can turn an interview pretty uncomfortable in a matter of seconds. Especially when you set them straight.

 

It's a bit nerdy, but these might cheer you up a bit:

Tales from the Interview - The Daily WTF

 

I'm sure you blitzed the interview dude so don't worry.

[lucozade]

Job interviews are just pure shit. They have a good idea whether they're going with you or not inside 5 minutes but they have to do this big fucking dance around - so they feel professional. I hate the 'what are your strengths and weaknesses' question. Seriously who in there right mind answers that honestly. What are you going to say -"well a lot of the time I can't be arsed, I like to throw the odd sickie and if you 'micro-manage' me I will find ways to fuck your with your mind just to amuse myself - but enough of my strengths!" I always say my weaknesses are things like - being a perfectionist, being so driven and hard-working I have to remember to pace myself and take breaks - I know, I know, pass the sickbag - but they eat that crap up.

 

anyway , good luck mate, hope you get a call back

[Mandrill]

Just stay cool. That's all.

[The-Sir]

Job interviews are just pure shit. They have a good idea whether they're going with you or not inside 5 minutes but they have to do this big fucking dance around - so they feel professional. I hate the 'what are your strengths and weaknesses' question. Seriously who in there right mind answers that honestly. What are you going to say -"well a lot of the time I can't be arsed, I like to throw the odd sickie and if you 'micro-manage' me I will find ways to fuck your with your mind just to amuse myself - but enough of my strengths!" I always say my weaknesses are things like - being a perfectionist, being so driven and hard-working I have to remember to pace myself and take breaks - I know, I know, pass the sickbag - but they eat that crap up.

 

anyway , good luck mate, hope you get a call back

 

Shooting yourself in the foot there mate.

[navbasi]

I remember being asked a question and thinking as it was being asked.. "I have no fucking idea what they hell he is talking about..." when he finished asking, I took a deep breath and then just started talking shite about something or other for a couple of minutes none stop... at the end of my speech, I said.. "Hopefully that covers it..." The bloke looked at me and said.. "Well it covers everything expect what I asked...."

 

I smiled, he smiled....... I never got the job...

[lucozade]

Shooting yourself in the foot there mate.

 

Maybe so - but I've never applied for a job and not got it - so the shot wasn't fatal. You smile and talk about being a perfectionist in the standards you set for yourself and realising that that's a weakness - blah blah blah

 

like I said it's a dance - you have to give them weaknesses but you have to make them the kinda weaknesses that will at least have upsides. It's all 100% bs all of it, and both interviewer and interviewee knows it.

[Einch]

I got diverted to the home of my new boss for my final interview last year. Driving down the M1 and the HR team call and ask if I have a sat-nav and then give me his postcode and say get down there a.s.a.p. Very awkward since he had his uncle and aunt over form the states and they were wandering in to say goodbye. Turns out that my response to his relatives really won him over (standing up and shaking hands and saying a lot of sir and ma'am).

 

As for questions the worst one's are where you know someone in common and you all keep in touch and you have to explore the motivation for decisions and then triage the outcome. This was where I had the toughest time since we both new a CIO from the recent past and got into some of the details about services and delivery model stuff.

[Captain Turdseye]

Got the job, start at the end of the month. Fucking chuffed now, think a beer or two is in order! Really thought I'd fluffed it, guess I'm just a pessimistic bastard.

[navbasi]

Well done mate! It's brilliant when shit like this happens!! Enjoy your weekend!!!

[Captain Turdseye]

Well done mate! It's brilliant when shit like this happens!! Enjoy your weekend!!!

 

Oh I will do, thanks mate.

[RedinSweden]

Nice one. I had to do a test with loads of bizarre pattern predictions. She warned me they got steadily harder. I had an hour and finished with about 10 minutes to spare, but the last few were mental. After she came in and said "oh. You finished them all, people don't normally do that."

Thanks for telling me that now after stressing my arse off. The test was a load of bollocks though as I scored really high and I am useless.

[Mike D]

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[stevebaby]

Got the job, start at the end of the month. Fucking chuffed now, think a beer or two is in order! Really thought I'd fluffed it, guess I'm just a pessimistic bastard.

I must spread some around before repping you again unfortunately,but congratulations and well done.

A well deserved ale or several is deffo in order.

[Guest San Don]

Fucking stupid questions I got asked in interviews

 

Why do you want this job which is only for 6 weeks? (You fucking advertised it!)

 

Why do you want to work for this company? (I dont, I work for MY company filling your short term requirements.)

 

What are your weaknesses? (Like Im going to admit that to you yer fucking ejit!)

 

Tell me the last thing you did properly? (You what? I do everything properly!)

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I have a job interview on Tuesday so i'll let you know.

 

Past interviews have been mostly friendly and i've basically gotten every job i've been in for. They looked at my CV with said qualifications for the job and were happy enough without any daft questions.

 

Nowadays they ask shite like

 

What three things would your mates say about you ? That i'm a cunt who drinks too much and i hate working for knobbers.

[VladimirIlyich]

I dont have any problems with job interviews BUT they are only ever for crappy,unskilled and low paid jobs anyway so it doesnt stress me out at all.

After all even if I dont get it I wont be any worse off than I already am before I go for it.

 

But I'm sure if there ever was a job that I went for that was something I really wanted then I'm sure I'd get the nerves a lot of the rest of you get.

[Guest San Don]

I dont have any problems with job interviews BUT they are only ever for crappy,unskilled and low paid jobs anyway so it doesnt stress me out at all.

After all even if I dont get it I wont be any worse off than I already am before I go for it.

 

But I'm sure if there ever was a job that I went for that was something I really wanted then I'm sure I'd get the nerves a lot of the rest of you get.

 

Yeah right!

 

Ever heard of the contract market? £700 a day jobs have interviews. Crappy, unskilled and low paid LOL!

[robslappa]

Yeah right!

 

Ever heard of the contract market? £700 a day jobs have interviews. Crappy, unskilled and low paid LOL!

 

I think he means the interviews that he's done rather than interviews in general.

[Guest San Don]

I think he means the interviews that he's done rather than interviews in general.

 

Not that Im on 700 a day but fair enough if I read it wrong!