The 'stoopid things that call centre staff say' thread

[odris]

I too work at an IT help desk for many womens clothing stores who have MANY female staff. Need I say any more?

[Jennings]

When I was at University it was common practice for the malaysian students to take on a European sounding name. Some of the choices were fantastic. I must look in the graduation book to remind myself.

 

 

Yeah. I worked with a Chinese guy. His name was Sai. He told me that he had an adopted English name too. I laughed when he told me about it. It probably loses a bit in translation to the written word, but the conversation went something like this...

 

Jennings: Sai, does your name mean anything specific? Is it a common name.

Sai: No. It is a family name...but I have an English name too.

Jennings: Why?

Sai: When I came over I wasn't sure if you guys would be able to pronounce it.

Jennings: For fucks sake it only has one syllable. How tongue tied do you think we are!?

Sai: Yes, I realise that now.

Jennings: So what is your English name anyway?

Sai: Aran.

Jennings AAron? Cool name.

Sai: No. Aron

Jennings: Arran as in the island?

Sai: No Aran...as in Aran Partridge.

[Liverpool lad]

I used to work in student accommodation and the Chinese would adopt English names, we had a Cliff and a Dennis in one flat

[Jairzinho]

I too work at an IT help desk for many womens clothing stores who have MANY female staff. Need I say any more?

 

Yes please. How good/shit is it?

[Fowlers God]

I work for a major 3PL logistics company as a transport planner. The two best I have had from our illustrious customer service department was;

 

Girl: How long is a mile.

Me: Are you serious

Girl: Yes, me and a few others didn't know.

 

And the best was an email today at 08:15 asking whether some stock in Wolverhampton can be delivered to Scotland at 10am today.

[Section_31]

Nah I've got plenty of sympathy here. The thing about call centre or helpdesk work is they never train you properly. I worked for the water board on their debt recovery phones but knew nothing about debt, nothing about the company or what in fact it did. One of my gems:

 

Caller: What's a water meter.

Me: I imagine it's like a gas meter, but with water instead of gas.

Caller: Wow!

Me: I know!

[Spy Bee]

I worked in a call centre for a good few years in a number of rolls including being on the phones. You can normally make it a bit of fun if you try hard enough.

 

Couple of the best ones I heard

 

Girl taking a call from customer "So that's A for alpha, D for delta, and Y for wanky!" She immediately went bright red and hung up!

 

Lad on the phones was recorded for training purposes. When a guy phoned up for a loan he had to select a reason for the loan. He asked the guy what it was for & he said to pay for breast implants for his missus "I'll put it down as home improvements" said the operator!

 

When we started offshoring to India. One woman phoned up to make a payment on her credit card and we were trying to collect leads for car insurance.

 

Indian girl "Can I ask a few questions about the car you drive?"

Customer "I have a hatchback"

Indian girl "I am sorry to hear that madam and I hope it gets better soon, but I would still like to ask a few questions about the car you drive if that is okay?"

 

I am now going to phone our Irish supplier and use the 'mainland' angle to wind him up. It's beyond genius!

[fowler9]

"Have you had an accident at work in the last three years"

 

"As a matter of fact I have but it was okay I just went home and changed my pants"

[Flying Pig]

02 Broadband have first class customer service by the way

 

100% agree - only company I have ever (Iand I mean ever) agreed to do a customer survey for.

 

I work for O2 Home Broadband in a call centre. Thanks for the comments.

 

To everyone believing every call centre is like a night with Jimmy Saville I dispute that. I won't go into detail, I'm not in senior management position but I am paid enough to only work four days a week, have 5 weeks holiday (plus the other 52 days I get off from only working 4 days a week) and can watch TV in work and use the internet everyday whilst dealing with callers. I am on first name term with the CEO of Telefonica (as are most of my collegues) and have been very happy for 5 years. Basically its the easier and most relaxed job I've ever had. I agree some call centre workers are a bit daft but every industries has idiots.

 

To balance out the argument, I could easily write a book on stupid things customers say. Here's my favourite:

 

 

Caller (Voice of young Man calling about an account of an 80 year old man): I want to cancel

Me: Why

Caller: I've died.

Me:Oh, You've died. I have reasons to believe you are not the account holder.

Caller: You can't say that, I have the password.

Me: But Sir, you have just told me you are dead. Do you not understand why I question your identification?

Caller: ............I'll call back.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

I get frustrated by call centre staff because half of them don't give a fuck.

 

I used to work on the phones and I sued to give 100% to every customer and got a quite a lot of recognition (so much people on my team like Vincent Vega used to say my Mum used to write letters in pretending to be customers I had deal with)

 

It doesn’t help that I have coached and trained in call centres (still do with a part of the business I currently work for) and I always look for things like empathy, active listening, re-assurance, objection handling and the other important stuff when dealing with customer services. I am a nightmare customer especially when a scenario like this occurs.

 

Call Handler: Hi, I am selling pet insurance and was wondering if you would be interested in insuring your pets against any future medical bills etc.

 

Me: No thanks mate, my cat has just died a week ago.

 

Call Handler: Are you getting another pet any time soon.

 

Me: What?

 

Call Handler: Yes, seeing as though you have just recently lost your pet, if you were to get another pet we could offer a very cheap discount if you sign up today?

 

Me: How can I sign up if I haven’t got a pet? And who the fuck are you asking me so soon if I am going o be getting another one?

 

Call Handler: We offer fantastic deals, and if you were to get yourself two pets, we could offer even more discount for you.

 

Me: *dead tone*

[Skidfingers McGonical]

I work for O2 Home Broadband in a call centre. Thanks for the comments.

 

To everyone believing every call centre is like a night with Jimmy Saville I dispute that. I won't go into detail, I'm not in senior management position but I am paid enough to only work four days a week, have 5 weeks holiday (plus the other 52 days I get off from only working 4 days a week) and can watch TV in work and use the internet everyday whilst dealing with callers. I am on first name term with the CEO of Telefonica (as are most of my collegues) and have been very happy for 5 years. Basically its the easier and most relaxed job I've ever had. I agree some call centre workers are a bit daft but every industries has idiots.

 

 

I rolled out the training of O2 Broadband at Preston Brook nearly 5 years ago.

 

Before the fuckers made me redundant.

[Flying Pig]

Skids, did you know Emma Shaw?

[Juniper]

I'm at Preston Brook this Friday for a day of meetings.

 

Just love those automatic blinds.

 

Anyway, as you were.

[Flying Pig]

I'm at Preston Brook this Friday for a day of meetings.

 

Just love those automatic blinds.

 

Anyway, as you were.

 

 

What for mate?

 

The blinds are quite cool, I agree.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

Skids, did you know Emma Shaw?

 

Yeah she was on the training team when I was there.

[She Knows It]

Don't get me started on fucking o2's fucking call centre. I swear those bastards are going to give me a stroke. I've got thousands of pounds sat in our o2 business account to buy phones and dongles and stuff for my staff, only it might as well be thousands of magic beans because they never fucking answer the phone. Our account manager never answers or returns calls, and the call centre just pass the buck and say we have to speak to the account manager. I ended up having to go out and buy a load of phones with shitty PAYG sims, even though I'm paying for a million fucking contracts each month, because I can't get through to them to send me new sim cards out. It took me 6 months to get any dongles out of them.

 

For a telecoms company, they're shitting well useless. I won't be renewing. Screw you o2, right in the ear. The ear you never have a cunting phone next to.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

Thibk Vincent Vwga works in the business side of O2 SKI.

 

He may be able to help.