What is the maddest thing your bird has done?

[Tom R]

she married me.

[Tom R]

My mates ex bird sacked him off to move in with a guy 25 years older than her who lived 3 doors away from my mate, 2 months after this she started shagging my mate behind her new fellas back. As her and my mate had a kid together he was desperate to get back together with her. She got pregnant about 3 months later but said it was the older guy's kid so he was devastated. Later she changed her mind and toild him it was his but kept getting the other guy to wind him up as much as possible.

 

My mate was stupid enough to believe that she still wanted to get back with him and she kept shagging him behind the other guys back, texting and sending picture messages every 5 minutes. She moved into her dads with his kid when she was heavily pregnant but set up a situation by texting my mate asking him to come round when she knew he was bladdered and then wound the other guy up so much he wanted to batter my mate. When my mate came round to her house the other guy tried to batter him and my mate ended up stabbing him 18 times, luckily the guy lived but my mate got 13 years.

 

At the trial she lied under oath about everything she did and said that she only kept shagging my mate because she was "terrified" of him and "wanted to keep the peace"

 

This was in Crosby last year wasn't it?

 

I know about this. I know the bird in question as well. Laura?

[Unrighteous]

And he just slips it in like it's background info. Yeah, he stabbed him 18 times, but the guy lived and he's now got a job as a sieve, so every cloud an' all that.

 

I laughed my ass off after reading that... Am I bad a person?

[Captain Turdseye]

My mates ex bird sacked him off to move in with a guy 25 years older than her who lived 3 doors away from my mate, 2 months after this she started shagging my mate behind her new fellas back. As her and my mate had a kid together he was desperate to get back together with her. She got pregnant about 3 months later but said it was the older guy's kid so he was devastated. Later she changed her mind and toild him it was his but kept getting the other guy to wind him up as much as possible.

 

My mate was stupid enough to believe that she still wanted to get back with him and she kept shagging him behind the other guys back, texting and sending picture messages every 5 minutes. She moved into her dads with his kid when she was heavily pregnant but set up a situation by texting my mate asking him to come round when she knew he was bladdered and then wound the other guy up so much he wanted to batter my mate. When my mate came round to her house the other guy tried to batter him and my mate ended up stabbing him 18 times, luckily the guy lived but my mate got 13 years.

 

At the trial she lied under oath about everything she did and said that she only kept shagging my mate because she was "terrified" of him and "wanted to keep the peace"

 

Bump. Every time the world of a woman thread pops up, it reminds me of this post in particular. The first time I read this I had tears streaming down my face, I was laughing that much.

[TheBitch]

 

This was in Crosby last year wasn't it?

 

I know about this. I know the bird in question as well. Laura?

 

I'm currently fucking a Laura from Crosby. Who is mental. It can't be......

 

Ted...... Ted...... It can't be can it?

 

TEDDDDDDDDD..........

[Joe Le Taxi]

I've been crying at this thread, Doctor Troy's post and the response Lance quoted above are fantastic!

 

Bitch, next time she's round, hide anything sharp...

[Juniper]

Had a mad agreement a while back, she took out a wardrobe draw out when I turned my back to her to watch the tv (ninja defences were down) to continue watching the f**tball and she proceeded to chuck it full pelt at my head.

 

It hit the target, it hurt and my head bled.

 

There are others but I'll add them at a later point.

[Paulie Dangerously]

She wasn't my bird but I was set up with a casual fuck buddy late last year by one of my exes who I'm on great terms with. Big goth girl she was, but dirty as you like, never said "no" to anything and I did some things to her and she did things to me I hadn't even considered before.

 

Anyway, I sensibly broke off the arrangement when I thought it had run it's course and she took it well and we just chatted for a while on facebook etc until one day she deleted and blocked me "oh well" I thought. I got a message from her a few weeks later saying:

 

I hope that your well. I am not sure how I am going to say what I am about to say but here goes anyways, I dont think I can chat to you anymore, or have you as a facebook friend, as when you ended our arrangement I realised that I actually like you....so its not that I have any negative feelings towards you and I honestly wish you all the happiness in the world .

 

Maybe in a few months when my heads straight I will re add you if thats ok? To see how your doing, I dont want to cut you out as I really do find you amusing and all that jazz.

 

I am not sure what other way I can deal with this, I am only telling you this incase you notice I have deleted you and you think I am being childish. Not that you even going to be bothered I have deleted you, but I just wanted to be polite.

 

Take care and be happy

 

Love you ex slampiece

 

 

xxx

 

I thought "awww that's sweet" and sent a similar message back to her but without the "i like you" bit obviously and thought no more about it.

 

Few weeks later the ex who set us up asked to meet me for coffee, we do this every now and again on a platonic basis. She asked to meet me because of some of the things this girl had been saying about me to their group of friends. Among the best ones were that I "dumped her" on facebook which i didn't. I slapped her around, which i did but only in the context of sex play and she consented, and the big bad one was that the reason she was in hospital over christmas was because she miscarried my baby.

 

Now, she always maintained she had an illness, Lupus. She had to take medication to combat this which left her sterile. I'd seen her inject herself with stuff when she'd been at mine for a few hours or whatever. I knew when we were fucking there were times she was in hospital (or claimed to be) because of lupus related problems

 

Turns out none of her friends knew she had Lupus. They didn't know she was sick at all, and these are people who have known her years longer then me. Turns out she has a form of Munchausen Syndrom and is compulsed to make up medical style lies to draw attention to herself. Out of that list on the website of common complaints there were plenty of those she claimed in stories about exes being violent, suicide attempts, not to mention the big fat LUPUS in the middle. Fuck knows what I saw her injecting herself with

 

Mental

[Captain Turdseye]

Did she stick her finger up your arse?

[WaltonRed]

fucking hell Paulie!

[Ted]

 

I'm currently fucking a Laura from Crosby. Who is mental. It can't be......

 

Ted...... Ted...... It can't be can it?

 

TEDDDDDDDDD..........

 

Dude. Shit.

 

I fucking told you she was mentalist. Any person who hadn't seen Departed in the 5+ years it's been out is a loop.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Did she stick her finger up your arse?

 

And the rest

 

fucking hell Paulie!

 

Tell me about it

 

I now wind up my ex by claiming that she did it on purpose to get me back for breaking up with her all those years ago.

[WaltonRed]

Some people especially girls of a certain age are fucking warped in the head with loads of problems

 

Its like a badge of honour for some of them

[TheBitch]

I've been crying at this thread, Doctor Troy's post and the response Lance quoted above are fantastic!

 

Bitch, next time she's round, hide anything sharp...

 

Mate, this bitch was mental.

 

She started off by throwing DVD's round the room, screaming nonsense then got in the shower. All very bizarre. She wants to come to mine this weekend. I'm debating what's for the best.

 

As Ted said. Loop.

[lifetime fan]

Had a mad agreement a while back, she took out a wardrobe draw out when I turned my back to her to watch the tv (ninja defences were down) to continue watching the f**tball and she proceeded to chuck it full pelt at my head.

 

It hit the target, it hurt and my head bled.

 

There are others but I'll add them at a later point.

 

I'd fucking hate to see what she was like if you ever had an argument mate.

[lifetime fan]

I'm currently fucking a Laura from Crosby. Who is mental. It can't be......

 

Ted...... Ted...... It can't be can it?

 

TEDDDDDDDDD..........

 

Photos Bitch...

[lifetime fan]

Mate, this bitch was mental.

 

She started off by throwing DVD's round the room, screaming nonsense then got in the shower. All very bizarre. She wants to come to mine this weekend. I'm debating what's for the best.

 

As Ted said. Loop.

 

Never heard of don't shit on your own doorstep mate?

 

Fuck her all night long at hers but, never, ever let mentalists even know where you live, let alone come round there.

 

I fucked a dodgy bird years ago, bit on the big side, two kids with different fathers at the age of 20 but proper filth. made the mistake of taking it back to mine one night pissed up as I'd borrowed a mates camcorder.

 

Anyway long story short, her Mother turns up on my doorstep one morning with two brats in tow saying mentalist told her I'd look after them for the day. Long argument followed as mentalist was out for the day and mother was late for work.

 

I only managed to get rid of the Mother and brats from my doorstep by telling her I was having a beer for breakfast and watching porn, was i really the type of bloke she wanted to leave her grandkids with.

[TheBitch]

 

Photos Bitch...

 

I don't have any of those photos. Yet.

She follows me on twitter, there's her pic on there. Also look at her ramblings at me at about 2 in the morning.

I'd link you up but I'm on my phone and about to go to bed.

 

(I'm @TheBitch_7 )

[chrisbonnie]

My missus rarely walks the dogs,

 

It's not exactly lying about a miscarriage, but equally as annoying in it's own right

 

Fucking bitch!!!!!!

[Remmie]

Mrs Bitch

 

[Simbo]

Was going through the loft having a sort out and I uncovered a box of mine that was years old. It had a load of stuff in that I had literally just thrown in when I originally moved out of my Mums house. Well one of the items happened to be a poster of a rather tasty looking model. My missus went mental and accused me of still looking at it regularly (the box was covered in dust and I CLEARLY hadnt touched it in years). Well the entire contents of the box got hurled at me bit by bit. She didnt speak to me for the rest of the afternoon. The arguement carried on into the night and even when we got into bed. She decided she was going to leave me at around 2am, threw some clothes on and left the house. I turned over and fell asleep....only to be woken up at about 3.30am by my sobbing missus. She hadnt got any further than the doorstep and had been sitting outside for the last hour and a half crying. She told me how sorry she was and how much she loved me etc etc.

 

She then proceeded to give me a 'make-up' suck treat with tears still rolling down her cheeks.

[Fowlers God]

Was going through the loft having a sort out and I uncovered a box of mine that was years old. It had a load of stuff in that I had literally just thrown in when I originally moved out of my Mums house. Well one of the items happened to be a poster of a rather tasty looking model. My missus went mental and accused me of still looking at it regularly (the box was covered in dust and I CLEARLY hadnt touched it in years). Well the entire contents of the box got hurled at me bit by bit. She didnt speak to me for the rest of the afternoon. The arguement carried on into the night and even when we got into bed. She decided she was going to leave me at around 2am, threw some clothes on and left the house. I turned over and fell asleep....only to be woken up at about 3.30am by my sobbing missus. She hadnt got any further than the doorstep and had been sitting outside for the last hour and a half crying. She told me how sorry she was and how much she loved me etc etc.

 

She then proceeded to give me a 'make-up' suck treat with tears still rolling down her cheeks.

 

Thats not mad, thats a crazy fooking loon. Which sane woman thinks her fella doesn't look at porn.

[Ginny]

My ex bird tried to hit me with a hi heel shoe once when we were lying in bed. She honestly tried to take me out with it. thinking back, its a good job i moved cos it defo would have done some damage. Women are fuckin crazy

[sparta7]

I had an ex who had studied psychology. We got into a row because I was listening to "The Sun Aint Gonna Shine Anymore" by Scott Walker and I happened to comment that in my view this was one of the greatest vocal performances of all time. She took it on herself to advise me that I was clinically depressed. After a couple of hours I took it on myself to tell her she was fired.

[Trumo]

My ex bird tried to hit me with a hi heel shoe once when we were lying in bed. She honestly tried to take me out with it. thinking back, its a good job i moved cos it defo would have done some damage. Women are fuckin crazy

 

Were you on top and she needed air?