The Hangover Thread

[YorkshireRed]

12 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Switch the first two lines around there and you’ve stumbled upon an ace forum handle. 
 

The Gutter is a way better name than YorkshireRed

Too late now. If YR ever gets banned then maybe that will be my next incarnation. Watch out for The Gutter turning up in the FF circa 2025. 

[KMD7]

5 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

Too late now. If YR ever gets banned then maybe that will be my next incarnation. Watch out for The Gutter turning up in the FF circa 2025. 

You are able to change your name on here if you like mate

[YorkshireRed]

Just now, KMD7 said:

You are able to change your name on here if you like mate

I know but I’d feel a bit disloyal to the Yorkshire Red handle bumping it off now just because something younger and sexier has come along.

 

@Captain Turdseye is right though. The Gutter would be a great handle. Hope Code enjoys it. 

[Captain Turdseye]

37 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

Too late now. If YR ever gets banned then maybe that will be my next incarnation. Watch out for The Gutter turning up in the FF circa 2025. 

As if you’re lasting that long. 

[Dr Nowt]

Jesus fuck. 
 
Trouble. Deep trouble.

[Bjornebye]

6 minutes ago, Dr Nowt said:

Jesus fuck. 
 
Trouble. Deep trouble.

I need detail 

[Dr Nowt]

1 minute ago, Bjornebye said:

I need detail 

Me and a lass I know who’s a cocktail waitress, started at lunchtime yesterday at mine. Lost count of how many different drinks she’d made by 6pm. Brand new bottle of gin done in, empty bottles of Prosecco, red wine, pilsner littered all over the shop. Broken glass everywhere, the table looks like someone has had a fit in the middle of a buffet, my feet are sticking to the floor, I have various cuts, I’ve broken a lamp...there’s stuff everywhere. A stray monster munch got soaked in something and has melted into a packet of rizla on my table. I feel like it should be my logo. Shambles. I’ve got eyes like two piss-holes in the snow. Haven’t had any sleep and am currently sat in the bath on its 3rd hot water top-up, contemplating the futility of existence and muttering imprecations to a god I don’t believe in.

[Dr Nowt]

[Mudface]

Just make sure your cocktail waitress friend isn't under the floorboards.

[Dr Nowt]

Had to throw her body back out of the bath so I could get in it.

[Mudface]

Hate it when women hog the bathroom.

[tokyojoe]

4 hours ago, Dr Nowt said:

Me and a lass I know who’s a cocktail waitress, started at lunchtime yesterday at mine. Lost count of how many different drinks she’d made by 6pm. Brand new bottle of gin done in, empty bottles of Prosecco, red wine, pilsner littered all over the shop. Broken glass everywhere, the table looks like someone has had a fit in the middle of a buffet, my feet are sticking to the floor, I have various cuts, I’ve broken a lamp...there’s stuff everywhere. A stray monster munch got soaked in something and has melted into a packet of rizla on my table. I feel like it should be my logo. Shambles. I’ve got eyes like two piss-holes in the snow. Haven’t had any sleep and am currently sat in the bath on its 3rd hot water top-up, contemplating the futility of existence and muttering imprecations to a god I don’t believe in.

Just how my old fella used to describe me (at certain times).

[Dr Nowt]

33 minutes ago, tokyojoe said:

Just how my old fella used to describe me (at certain times).

Exactly where I got it from (mine not yours, obvs).

[A Red]

19 hours ago, Dr Nowt said:

 Broken glass everywhere

People pissing on the stairs you know they just dont care

[Bruce Spanner]

So. Woke up at five with a massive headache. Downed half a bottle of calpol as there were no other painkillers in the house. Didn’t work, so rolled around in bed kicking my heals for half hour or so. Then drank about a gallon of water and fruit juice. This stayed settled in me for around ten minutes, I projectile vomited down the toilet, I’m not proud. Tried it on with the Mrs at 6(ish) who told me to ‘piss off’. Now, tired, very hungover and waiting for the last saving grace, a McDonald’s breakfast, the last refuge of the drunkard, to arrive.

 

I’m nobody’s  hero, but I’m happy with how everything panned out last night, I think.

 

Today will be a struggle…

[Dr Nowt]

My long-term ex took me to a party last night. With a group of people who are evidently still living the 1990’s lifestyle on a weekly basis. Fuck a fucking duck. As a dear departed friend of mine once remarked on a particularly strong pill, ‘I haven’t been here in a while’. Moved a couple of ton of top soil from their back garden for her in the past few days and supposed to be making a border with it today. Probably not going to do that if I’m honest.

[Mudface]

I'm glad I drunk myself to death last night; today's my wedding anniversary and it would be really painful otherwise.

[Chairman Meow]

2 hours ago, Dr Nowt said:

My long-term ex took me to a party last night. With a group of people who are evidently still living the 1990’s lifestyle on a weekly basis. Fuck a fucking duck. As a dear departed friend of mine once remarked on a particularly strong pill, ‘I haven’t been here in a while’. Moved a couple of ton of top soil from their back garden for her in the past few days and supposed to be making a border with it today. Probably not going to do that if I’m honest.

Why are you doing gardening for your ex?

[Elite]

18 minutes ago, Chairman Meow said:

Why are you doing gardening for your ex?

Hopefully he's fiddling her bush or sowing his seed, etc.

[Dr Nowt]

1 hour ago, Chairman Meow said:

Why are you doing gardening for your ex?

Because we’re good mates still and she’d do anything for me.

[Rico1304]

15 minutes ago, Dr Nowt said:

Because we’re good mates still and she’d do anything for me.

But she won’t do that. 

[Bjornebye]

39 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

But she won’t do that. 

If my ex was Christy Turlington I'd still do her garden. And her bins, her dishes, her hoovering the whole fucking lot 

[Dr Nowt]

1 hour ago, Rico1304 said:

But she won’t do that. 

She’s served her time mate. Would be inhumane to ask her to do any more.

[Dr Nowt]

4 hours ago, Dr Nowt said:

My long-term ex took me to a party last night. With a group of people who are evidently still living the 1990’s lifestyle on a weekly basis. Fuck a fucking duck. As a dear departed friend of mine once remarked on a particularly strong pill, ‘I haven’t been here in a while’. Moved a couple of ton of top soil from their back garden for her in the past few days and supposed to be making a border with it today. Probably not going to do that if I’m honest.

Just been informed I had to be propped up and carried home by an old mate, and once back I collapsed on the floor. Ex said I just lay there for half an hour while she pottered about and ultimately had to crawl up the stairs in stages on my hands and knees. That would explain the cataclysmic state my fucking head is in. Don’t remember a thing. If I’m not sick it’ll be a real-life miracle.

[Captain Turdseye]

I feel sick at the mere thought of being that hungover. That picture of the Monster Munch Rizla isn’t helping.