Shop lifter dilemma

[Rico1304]

10 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

 

What is funny is that when I said someone was racist you immediately thought I was on about you and jumped on the defensive. I guess being well into your forties and still posting anti-Muslim shite online all the time brings with it a certain paranoia. Now fuck off and listen to one of your intellectual podcasts. 

It’s thrown at me a lot, but never backed up.  Ever.  Funny that.  Just oft repeated with phrases like ‘all the time’ so should be incredibly easy to prove but then the excuses come out.  Someone found your racist shit in a few hours.  I didn’t even know you were racist, you must hide it well.  

[Captain Turdseye]

Obviously I do. It’s hidden so well that it’s not even visible on the forum. 

[Babb'sBurstNad]

The only thing I remember about the Lilly Allen thread was someone saying "I'd like to put my head up her clout and be her miscarriage."

 

I'm ashamed to say it still makes me laugh, for sheer levels of depravity, even by TLW standards.

[aRdja]

So did you ever find out if they stole anything @iPlop?

[moof]

2 hours ago, Rico1304 said:

It’s thrown at me a lot, but never backed up.  Ever.  Funny that.  Just oft repeated with phrases like ‘all the time’ so should be incredibly easy to prove but then the excuses come out.  Someone found your racist shit in a few hours.  I didn’t even know you were racist, you must hide it well.  

Fuck off, bluff artist 

[Bjornebye]

28 minutes ago, aRdja said:

So did you ever find out if they stole anything @iPlop?

Negged. 

 

The only thing I want out of this is a picture of them bristols 

[TheHowieLama]

First all these name changes, now I have to keep track of who is a racist as well. 

[A Red]

4 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Obviously I do. It’s hidden so well that it’s not even visible on the forum. 

Admitting youre a racist on the day you proudly announce youre standing for public office.  This also coincides with you calling a badass a big bad racist who now only needs to work out which ward youre standing in to get your real name and address and seek revenge on your candy ass.

 

 I'm just bustin your balls

[Dr Nowt]

8 minutes ago, A Red said:

Admitting youre a racist on the day you proudly announce youre standing for public office.  This also coincides with you calling a badass a big bad racist who now only needs to work out which ward youre standing in to get your real name and address and seek revenge on your candy ass.

 

 I'm just bustin your balls

He only admitted he's a racist so when Anny catches up with him he buys him a pint rather than round-housing everyone he knows to death in one motion.

 

[Strontium]

8 hours ago, Rico1304 said:

Are you Liam Neeson?  

 

Come on everyone knows redemption is impossible nowadays.  It is funny though don’t you think?  You accuse me of it and less than 24 fucking hours later you have to admit it.  Good job you are patrolling Speke and handing out disapproving shakes of the head. Keep up the good work and don’t relapse. 

 

Depends who you are surely. 

 

Man who had fleetingly racist thought 40 years ago = no chance.

Unrepentant member of terrorist group who's coming home for free healthcare = we will try to help and redeem you.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, TheHowieLama said:

First all these name changes, now I have to keep track of who is a racist as well. 

Well, it's been proven on here that I am a religious extremist - I think aRdja can back that up. Does that mean I am racist as well? It's pretty hard to know for sure if you are.

[Numero Veinticinco]

On 16/02/2019 at 11:08, Rico1304 said:

It’s thrown at me a lot, but never backed up.  Ever.  

Except when I did and you ignored the particularly damning parts.

[gkmacca]

I've heard about those Midsomer Murders-style villages. The shops don't have CCTV, they have retired High Court artists, sitting on a stool behind the counter, sketching possible shoplifters. I can see this incident as a movie - Michael Caine as Anny Road, Rusty Lee as the mother, Jamelia as the daughter (oh stop moaning, the budget's been blown on Caine, ferchrissakes!). It takes several days but suddenly Caine notices the Monster Munch has gone way down and the Maltesers Chocolate Bunnies have completely disappeared. Caine holds his head in his hands for a moment, then bares his teeth in that weird way that he signals basically any emotion you fancy, then he calls in his mates - Les Dennis, playing the local key maker; Shane Richie, the greengrocer; and Ray Winstone, the butcher. They resolve to track down the guilty parties - black or white - and send them back to Kenya.

[Anubis]

I think the main role would really require Nicholas Cage levels of overacting, as opposed to Caine.

[gkmacca]

3 minutes ago, Anubis said:

I think the main role would really require Nicholas Cage levels of overacting, as opposed to Caine.

Cage would do. And to be fair, that's the kind of standard of movie he's been signing up to for many years now, so we could get him and have enough money left over to bring in, say, Bob Mortimer as the eccentric local gardener and John Nettles as the local Bobby as well. This is great brainstorming! We should take this to Crowdfunder!

[Mook]

I'm looking forward to hearing Ray Winstone's Scottish accent, Jamelia should definitely nick some cranberry juice as well...

 

[gkmacca]

2 minutes ago, Mook said:

I'm looking forward to hearing Ray Winstone's Scottish accent, Jamelia should definitely nick some cranberry juice as well...

 

He won't have a Scottish accent. We're probably relocating the action to Garstang.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Nnnnnnn...........

[Mook]

14 minutes ago, gkmacca said:

He won't have a Scottish accent. We're probably relocating the action to Garstang.

I'm disappointed but I accept the decision & still plan to watch this all action, race war, Lancastrian blockbuster.

[gkmacca]

That means a lot mate, thanks. We've had pressure from ITV, who wanted to turn it into a six-part comedy with Martin Clunes, but we're holding firm. This will be a great dramatic movie.

[aRdja]

On 16/02/2019 at 15:55, Shooter in the Motor said:

Well, it's been proven on here that I am a religious extremist - I think aRdja can back that up. Does that mean I am racist as well? It's pretty hard to know for sure if you are.

It’s viRdjil FFS.

[stringvest]

15 minutes ago, gkmacca said:

That means a lot mate, thanks. We've had pressure from ITV, who wanted to turn it into a six-part comedy with Martin Clunes, but we're holding firm. This will be a great dramatic movie.

Maybe an offshoot, Parbold For The Course, where Clunes plays Wingnut, the greenkeeper accused of pilfering from the clubs shop.

[Anubis]

I think it'll be easier to keep this in Scotland and just write Winston's character as somebody who moved from Scotland with his family when he was 1 year old, and has now returned in his older years having been brought up in England.

 

Keeping it in Scotland sells it to Cage as his Braveheart movie.

[gkmacca]

Just now, Anubis said:

I think it'll be easier to keep this in Scotland and just write Winston's character as somebody who moved from Scotland with his family when he was 1 year old, and has now returned in his older years having been brought up in England.

 

Keeping it in Scotland sells it to Cage as his Braveheart movie.

 

I feel I should be paying you for this. Absolute gold!

[gkmacca]

2 minutes ago, stringvest said:

Maybe an offshoot, Parbold For The Course, where Clunes plays Wingnut, the greenkeeper accused of pilfering from the clubs shop.

Genius stuff! This could be a franchise!