Instant cunt identifiers

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

54 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

And proper Bristolian is ‘my babber’. 

I knew it was Prowse taught me to cross the road and levitate lollipop man.

[Section_31]

People who try and barter you down on Ebay. Do I look like I'm wearing a fez?

[Section_31]

On 26/08/2021 at 20:20, Section_31 said:

Anyone who's exceptionally good at pool. Possibly due to time practicing in prison, or in the pub when everyone else is at work, deriving significant masculine self worth from being good at it.

 

You just know Uday Hussein would have been boss at pool, Terry Pratchet would have been shit at it.

 

..

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Found the video I referenced above.

[Engineman Hicks]

12 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

 

..

I’ve a nephew who became very good at table tennis whilst in prison. He came to a family party shortly after his release and Mrs hicks innocently required if he had had private coaching. 

[Ezekiel 25:17]

People who do bets in pubs , " I bet I can put 20p in that glass whilst balancing a brush on my nose" well yeah I'm sure you can or why would you suggest it you cunt.

[cloggypop]

44 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

People who try and barter you down on Ebay. Do I look like I'm wearing a fez?

 

Tommy Cooper over here

[Harry Squatter]

Anyone who lets their kids run amok in a public place like a pub or restaurant annoying everyone while they sit on their phone or having "me time". Selfish arrogant pieces of shit. The rest of us don't have to tolerate your twat kids while we want to sit in peace just because you are too big a cunt to rein them in.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Putting your hands up on a roller coaster.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Splitting the G.

[TheBitch]

On 21/03/2025 at 19:32, cloggypop said:

 

Tommy Cooper over here

According to QI last night it was actually a Tarbush and not a fez that’s Tommy Cooper wore. 
 

Don’t shoot the messenger. 

[Jairzinho]

3 hours ago, TheBitch said:

According to QI last night it was actually a Tarbush and not a fez that’s Tommy Cooper wore. 
 

Don’t shoot the messenger. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[TheBitch]

4 hours ago, Jairzinho said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pretty happy with this. 

[Section_31]

People in night classes who tell everyone they've been abused.

[littletedwest]

On 21/03/2025 at 18:48, Section_31 said:

People who try and barter you down on Ebay. Do I look like I'm wearing a fez?

Used  get it when I worked for carphone warehouse. Favourite one was "how much for cash?" My stock reply was " do I look like a plumber doing a VAT con?"

 

Used also get what can you throw in for free a lot. 

 

Also remember one bloke getting a phone and coming back in to complain as it went down in price two months later and asking could we refund him the difference. I asked him had it gone up in price would he have turned up pay extra.

[Strontium]

11 hours ago, TheBitch said:

According to QI last night it was actually a Tarbush and not a fez that’s Tommy Cooper wore. 
 

Don’t shoot the messenger. 

 

They're the same thing!

 

QI researchers obviously running out of material.

[TheBitch]

3 hours ago, Strontium said:

 

They're the same thing!

 

QI researchers obviously running out of material.

Don’t shoot the messenger Stronts. 

[cloggypop]

6 hours ago, Section_31 said:

People in night classes who tell everyone they've been abused.

 

I once spent a 40 minute bus journey back from work from Lisse to Leiden being told about being abused by both Fred West and the Yorkshire ripper. Went for a beer and found out that I had met Mad Pat. If she wasn't mad she was fucking unfortunate. 

 

The same place genuinely had Matt Smith (who made Manic Miner and Jet Set Willy) and half of Spiral Tribe on the run from the Castlemorton riot charges as employees. 

 

 

[Section_31]

Going the gym on holiday.

[Harry Squatter]

On 21/03/2025 at 18:48, Section_31 said:

People who try and barter you down on Ebay. Do I look like I'm wearing a fez?

Facebook marketplace is genius for these mingebags.

 

Next coffee table worth £120. Selling it for £60. Pickup only.

 

"Hi, would you accept £20 and can u deliver?. I'm on benefits"

[Curly]

3 hours ago, Section_31 said:

Going the gym on holiday.

I get the premise behind this, but when you’re buzzing off being on holiday, get some exercise in while on said buzz, then really ramp up the feel good factor once you’ve done the exercise, you feel amazing kicking fuck out of 6,000 calories at the all-inclusive snack points, 12 Long Island iced teas and 10 bifters. Until the next day like, but what a ride at the time.

 

Then you have a day or 2 off, then exercise one morning and repeat the process. All in moderation. That way, those morning time burpees really start paying for themselves when I’m smoking spice on the balcony later that day

[YorkshireRed]

People who constantly appear pleased with themselves. I don’t trust the cunts.
 

You know where you are with those who practice the traditional art of self loathing. They’re too busy hating themselves to fuck anyone else over which is a much better state of affairs.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

The use of the expressions 'its giving' 'oh my days' 'vibing'  or ' Bougee'.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

On 31/03/2025 at 22:22, Harry Squatter said:

Facebook marketplace is genius for these mingebags.

 

Next coffee table worth £120. Selling it for £60. Pickup only.

 

"Hi, would you accept £20 and can u deliver?. I'm on benefits"

 

'May I be considered please'  *kicks them down the Facebook marketplace well*

[Remmie]

8 minutes ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

The use of the expressions 'its giving' 'oh my days' 'vibing'  or ' Bougee'.

Not sure I know the first one. What's the context?