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Remmie

Instant cunt identifiers

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Lads, lads, lads! Whaaaaay! Fuck off you whoppers

TOP FUCKING BANTER!!!!!.

 

Look at the state of Jeggsy there!!!!. #Benidorm2015 #Goodtimes #Happydays #Jeggsstagdo #madbastards #lifelongmemories

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The phrase lads is often adopted by middle class women whose sons and husbands probably don't have many friends and don't know how to be a bloke. 

 

"Where's John?"

 

He's golfing with the lads (John is 48 and is there with three people, one of whom is a cousin and one of whom he doesn't really know)

 

"Our Robert is going a way to Newquay for his first ever holiday with the LADS, they're all coming around here first for some crumpets and Nesquick."

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Met two young estate agents the other day and it was like the planetary alignment of identifiers - shiny skinny trousers, absurdly pointed winklepickers, a hipster beard, shaved side partings and one wore his coat indoors on a hot day with the collar turned up.

 

I was later shocked to find out that they weren't very competent.

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Anyone who retires/moves on from a business then pops back in to say "Hi" is a massive cunt. The fucking office has just been distracted by some cunt woman who retired at the beginning of the may. all she did was fucking moan when she was here. usual scenario, all the women stood up (most couldn't stand her and the feeling was mutual) hugging her and standing listening intently while she told them how many lie-ins she has had and how confused the cat is that she is always home.

 

twats and cunts

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Met two young estate agents the other day and it was like the planetary alignment of identifiers - shiny skinny trousers, absurdly pointed winklepickers, a hipster beard, shaved side partings and one wore his coat indoors on a hot day with the collar turned up.

 

I was later shocked to find out that they weren't very competent.

Where you listening in on mine and Lizzie's conversation yesterday afternoon?

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Haha.

 

I had a new lad out with me at work last week. First time we'd met properly aside from a hand shake and "alright mate" in passing once. This cunt gets in my car and not only turns the blower to maximum cold, but also turns the air con on. It was fucking raining for starters, but who the fuck gets into a strangers car and smashes the air con on full chaff without asking? Cunts, that's who.

 

 

Bit strong that.

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Yep, we were both slating estate agents yesterday afternoon.

 

I'd have concurred then. I keep thinking they're an easy target, but then I meet another and they all seem to conform to the stereotype of dressing like a date rapist on trial and having the sense of a cabbage.

 

I'm sure there must be good ones, but I'm not sure I've met them.

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One of their clever little tricks I do enjoy is them leaving a house which is no longer available to buy on the likes of Rightmove with nothing to say 'Sold STC' or 'Offer Accepted', for months on end, so should someone who's not seen it before ring up they can say unfortunately an offer was accepted just this morning, but if we can just take your details for our database.... 

 

Fucking time-wasters.

 

An agent round here who no-one in the block is using has taken to putting their for sale boards up at our place whenever they feel like it.  The other half called up recently and said she was interested in the flat they were selling at this address, only to be told they haven't had anything on their books here in ages.  She said to her that's funny, because you've had a board outside my flat for the past few weeks, a board which is now out on the street where it'll be going whenever you try and put it back up...so come and remove it.  She said it was worth it just to hear the smarmy clown's mouth opening and closing with nothing coming out of it at the other end of the phone.  A brief moment of awkwardness no doubt, among a sea of high-fiving the types BBN mentions above over their initiative skillz.

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Didn't know you were married Ben

 

Wouldn't you stick a ring on her finger if you saw her having that much fun on her hen do?

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The Estate agent who sorted our house for us was sound as fuck. Was just looking at renting at the time as I didn't realise my brother and I could afford a house but after discussing it with him realised we could. He then drove us to plenty of houses and when they were shit didn't wait to hear our responses he would just admit yeah they were shit and when they were good would not put the pressure on. One of his colleagues tried to steal his commission from us and told us the place we wanted had gone. I spoke to our guy and he said while an offer had been accepted, it hadn't gone - we could put in our own offer and 6 years later on I am still there. I was more than glad to give him the commission because he had thoroughly deserved it.

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People who call Bangkok, Bangers.

 

Yes, believe it or not, they do exist.

Are they the same cunts who call Twickenham, 'Twickers'? *shudders*
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People who hold there phone up to their face and talk into it on speaker. It is bad enough hearing one side of your shite without listening to the other person. Do it properly.                                            

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I've never heard anyone call Bangkok bangers but if I did I would bang them out. The worlds fucking shit really isn't it. "maggers" "beefa" die in a landslide you fucking weapons.

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I've never heard anyone call Bangkok bangers but if I did I would bang them out. The worlds fucking shit really isn't it. "maggers" "beefa" die in a landslide you fucking weapons.

 

Oh I have, believe me.  I'm still shaking with rage.

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People who road rage. What's the fucking point?

 

I was overtaking someone in the outside lane yesterday, got 10 yards ahead, went to pull into the Middle lane to clear a path for the car coming up quickly in the outside lane and the whopper speeds up, consciously or not, to undertake, then goes fucking bezerk, and I mean proper toys out the pram chucking himself around, throwing wanker signs, tapping the side of his head furiously and visibly shouting. Also, he had his little girl in the front seat the weird cunt. So I blow him a kiss and mouth at him to fuck off in my rear view mirror, he comes up alongside, doesn't look across at me, then cuts in front of me so I had to slam on to avoid him, with his little girl in the car, and starts throwing the wanker sign again. By this point the pathetic cunt has got me in stitches and I'm crying laughing at his temper tantrum.

 

Admittedly, I hadn't noticed he'd sped up, but wouldn't expect the undertake anyway as its fucking illegal. Even if I had nearly hit him and I was in the wrong, I always apologise and probably would have to him just for the misunderstanding on both parts until he went all Y**a T**re without his birthday cake on me. Overreacting, prima Donna, high blood pressure cunt.

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