Instant cunt identifiers

[alles ist gut]

44 is quite old for a Scots gran these days though.

[Kevin D]

People who use the word "bullying".

[Champ]

44 is quite old for a Scots gran these days though.

 

What I would do to be 44

[alles ist gut]

People who use the word "bullying".

Particularly to describe the act of someone winning an argument.

[stringvest]

What I would do to be 44

 

what would you do?

 

 

He would do anything, but he wouldn't do that

 

 

 

I think in this case 'that' meant a green salad for dinner

[Champ]

what would you do?

 

 

He would do anything, but he wouldn't do that

 

 

 

I think in this case 'that' meant a green salad for dinner

 

Sadly, it aint happening

[Hooch]

Men who wear flip flops in urban settings.

[stringvest]

Men who wear flip flops in urban settings.

 

you trying to tempt a few lids out of the shadows?

[Hooch]

Also middle aged men who wear sunglasses on their head. The 'ticket tout' look.

[Furmedge]

Any fella who looks like he's spent 4 hours doing his hair.

[lifetime fan]

Men who wear flip flops in urban settings.

Wrong.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Wrong.

OK - Men who wear flip-flops in urban settings where the average temperature is less than a million degrees Celsius.

[Furmedge]

Spambots

[lifetime fan]

OK - Men who wear flip-flops in urban settings where the average temperature is less than a million degrees Celsius.

Try hard fashion twats wearing them yeah, putting them on because you can't be arsed on a day off? Never.

[A Red]

Blokes who whilst you're stood with them suddenly hit an imaginary golf ball with an imaginary golf club.

 

I know why you're doing it you knob, you think I will assume you are a member of an elite golf club, hop nobbing with the top members of society, a successful bloke to be reckoned with. But I dont, I think you're a prick. Imagine if all of a sudden I started playing an imaginary banjo, or tossing an imaginary pancake or playing keepy uppy with an imaginary ball? Cunt.

[Mook]

Anyone who gets involved in any form of hop nobbing is definitely a fucking cunt.

[Harry Squatter]

Lads who ridiculously overdo "banter" on a stag do. Lad I know has gone to Benidorm yesterday but for months has been overdoing the banter with his mates, all vying to be top dog of all the banter to prove how "mad" they are.

[Trumo]

Blokes who whilst you're stood with them suddenly hit an imaginary golf ball with an imaginary golf club.

 

I know why you're doing it you knob, you think I will assume you are a member of an elite golf club, hop nobbing with the top members of society, a successful bloke to be reckoned with. But I dont, I think you're a prick. Imagine if all of a sudden I started playing an imaginary banjo, or tossing an imaginary pancake or playing keepy uppy with an imaginary ball? Cunt.

 

Reads like a Mills & Boon.

[stringvest]

Blokes who whilst you're stood with them suddenly hit an imaginary golf ball with an imaginary golf club.

 

I know why you're doing it you knob, you think I will assume you are a member of an elite golf club, hop nobbing with the top members of society, a successful bloke to be reckoned with. But I dont, I think you're a prick. Imagine if all of a sudden I started playing an imaginary banjo, or tossing an imaginary pancake or playing keepy uppy with an imaginary ball? Cunt.

 

haha - I love the idea of playing an imaginary banjo when someone does that

[Dr Nowt]

The only person who's ever swung an imaginary golf club in an acceptable manner is Sir Michael of Patton in the video for 'Evidence'.

[Dr Nowt]

Lads who ridiculously overdo "banter" on a stag do. Lad I know has gone to Benidorm yesterday but for months has been overdoing the banter with his mates, all vying to be top dog of all the banter to prove how "mad" they are.

 

 

Stag Dos Increasingly Run By The Biggest Tosser You'll Ever Meet

 

06-08-10

 

EXPENSIVE, lengthy stag trips are usually organised by some total prick who won’t leave you alone for five minutes, according to new research.

 

If he suggests a Sunday morning game of touch rugby, tell him to 'fuck off'

 

The Institute for Studies found that, in any given social circle, custodianship of the stag trip will almost always fall to an arse that no one else has met before, but who was apparently ‘mental’ at university. They will be called ‘Duncs’, ‘Mikey’ or ‘Shamrock’.

 

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “These people work in management somewhere like Carphone Warehouse, and are the personification of FHM magazine.

 

“The groom will never, ever have mentioned them before announcing the wedding. God knows where these people come from. Maybe there’s a secret prick factory hidden somewhere in the East Midlands.”

 

He added: “You usually receive the first of several hundred emails about six months before any planned trip. It will be headed something like ‘Ola Compadres’ and outline the many expensive, high-testosterone compulsory activities planned, including something called ‘skelfing’ that involves jumping naked into a volcano with a bit of bailer twine around your ankle.

 

“The whole thing will be organised with militaristic precision, cost as much as a small house and if you exhibit anything less than rabid enthusiasm you will be branded a ‘whingeing gaylord’.

 

“And, of course, you will have to wear a t-shirt with ‘Captain Fanny’s Vagina Hunters 2010′ printed on it.”

 

Professor Brubaker stressed that stag events have not always been such an unconscionable pain in the arse, adding: “Strangely enough, it didn’t always have to last an entire weekend. Until 1996 all you needed was a function room, a few bags of McCoys and a nice, dirty stripper.

 

“The whole thing was over and done with in about six hours and at no point did anyone have to get on a fucking jet ski.”

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Fat bastards at the checkout with about ten XXL bottles of diet coke in their trolley. 

[Harry Squatter]

My mate sent me a chain of emails off some fella organising a stag do in town. Basically they all had to dress up as 80s pop stars and record their own version of band aid. There was hardly any drinking involved, no strippers or brasses. They all paid through the nose for the studio. I said to my mate "what type of gay bastard does this?". Didnt get a response.

[Dr Nowt]

That sounds like my version of hell.  Went on one to Barca with an old close mate of mine about 10 years ago.  On the Saturday night apparently everyone had to wear a pink t-shirt.  There were about 20 blokes in pink t-shirts and me in a white one and we've never been in much contact since.

 

Fucking hate things like that and being called a miserabe cunt by 20 odd people is as nothing to the self-loathing caused by being near it, let alone taking part.

[A Red]

I'm off on a lads holiday in Benidorm in June, I shall make a point of twatting anyone i see at the airport wearing t shirts telling me that they are " on it till we vomit" or such like.