Instant cunt identifiers

[Bjornebye]

10 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Their twitter picture is of them either presenting or receiving an award.

Yep unless its "biggest twat on the planet" and no thats not mine I don't have a twitter account. 

[Elite]

52 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Their twitter picture is of them either presenting or receiving an award.

Beats holding a fish though.

[Section_31]

Used to deal with this guy when I was freelancing and he was boss, a top red too, he was replaced by some other bloke who - even over email - you could tell he was a cunt, so fucked him off. I googled him and found his Twitter account, the picture was of him holding a panel discussion while wearing a headset, and I just thought 'yeah, that's about right'. 

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

Path hoggers. 

 

In the park. Big, wide paths. Groups of 3 or 4 stretched out across the width of the whole path. The gaps between them aren't big enough to get through. And they make no real effort to tuck in, meaning that you have to break the rhythm of your power walk, or walk on the grass/mud to get past without having to stop. 

 

Utter. 

 

Fucking. 

 

Cunts. 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

6 hours ago, Nelly-Torres said:

Path hoggers. 

 

In the park. Big, wide paths. Groups of 3 or 4 stretched out across the width of the whole path. The gaps between them aren't big enough to get through. And they make no real effort to tuck in, meaning that you have to break the rhythm of your power walk, or walk on the grass/mud to get past without having to stop. 

 

Utter. 

 

Fucking. 

 

Cunts. 

 

That's why I always carry an empty crisp packet, just in case.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

7 hours ago, Nelly-Torres said:

Path hoggers. 

 

In the park. Big, wide paths. Groups of 3 or 4 stretched out across the width of the whole path. The gaps between them aren't big enough to get through. And they make no real effort to tuck in, meaning that you have to break the rhythm of your power walk, or walk on the grass/mud to get past without having to stop. 

 

Utter. 

 

Fucking. 

 

Cunts. 

 

"I'll just walk in the road."

[Bjornebye]

10 hours ago, Nelly-Torres said:

Path hoggers. 

 

In the park. Big, wide paths. Groups of 3 or 4 stretched out across the width of the whole path. The gaps between them aren't big enough to get through. And they make no real effort to tuck in, meaning that you have to break the rhythm of your power walk, or walk on the grass/mud to get past without having to stop. 

 

Utter. 

 

Fucking. 

 

Cunts. 

Bad enough before social distancing became the safe thing to do but yes, American gun laws seem less weird these days. 

[Mook]

Calling someone who you seem to be good at F**tball a 'baller'.

[easytoslip]

2 hours ago, Mook said:

Calling someone who you seem to be good at F**tball a 'baller'.

I hope I never hear that, unless I have a bludgeon to mete out the necessary punishment for such an outrage. 

[KMD7]

5 hours ago, Mook said:

Calling someone who you seem to be good at F**tball a 'baller'.

Yeah, automatic death sentence there.

[Mook]

Fucking spellcheck, that should've read 'deem'.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

"That's it.

  That's the tweet."

[Curly]

On 17/02/2021 at 18:54, Mook said:

Fucking spellcheck, that should've read 'deem'.

Who in the fuck is calling someone good at football a deem?? The world has gone mad

[Clem H Fandango]

Cunts that say 'same shit, different day'. Do something interesting with your life then! Cunt.

 

Fat cunts on bikes wearing a team sky jersey. Cunt.

 

People that wear funny face masks just to draw attention to themselves. oh look at me with my smiley grin mask, im so fucking funny i am. Cunt.

 

Fitness cunts that drink a protein shake whilst out walking around town. Cunt.

 

Cunts that are my age and have had 45 years of practising how to walk and choose to do it as slowly as possible and just generally get in my way. Cunt.

 

i must admit, having turned 45 last year, i spot a lot more cunts around me. probably makes me a cunt for pointing out cunts. Cunt.

[Elite]

Anyone that isn't Evil Knievel or an extreme sports star that does wheelies on bikes and motorbikes.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

People on the phone at checkouts while the person on the till and people behind are waiting for them to pay.

 

People being self righteous about Covid safety yet getting away at every opportunity and having grandkids over during lockdown.

 

Most people with garden bars/sheds. Just put this beauty in for 10k and tells his mates who are all furloughed.

 

 

 

[Section_31]

Ugly lads with fit birds. I've never in my life met an ugly bloke who's in a couple with a fit bird and is also a nice man. 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Just now, Colonel Kurtz said:

Money is a big leveller in that regard particularly when there is an age difference as well. Rich ugly blokes with younger women tend to be cunts. They must also be bored as fuck. Young people are not very interesting. 

 

Don't ruin my dream of winning the lottery please. Its bad enough being older, poor and ugly, we've got to have something to hope for.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

5 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Ha ha. Trust me on this, Young women are overrated. You’ve got to meet her parents who will probably be the same age as you so that’s going to be really awkward, she’s going to want to take you to nightclubs with her mates on a Saturday night when all you want to do is have a second bottle of wine and watch MOTD and she’s going to want to have a baby at some point so you’ve got to start all that parenting shit all over again. Plus she’s invariably going to be disappointed in your middle aged libido so your going to have to take drugs to keep up and they’ll give you a heart attack eventually. I’ve a couple of friends in their 50s who are dating women in their 30s and they’re not happy. 

 

They're extremely happy for 2 minutes a day though, right?

[Bjornebye]

My last missus was 8 years younger than me. Uni graduate so not dense and the first few years were brilliant. Then it all went to shit. We realised we went from thinking we had loads in common to actually very little. My missus now is a year and 3 months older than me and we get on great most of the time. Can count on both hands the amount of arguments we've had since both working from home on lockdown. Its much better for your mental health to spend the majority of your time with someone of a similar age and/or very similar interests. 

[Jairzinho]

5 minutes ago, Rick Sanchez C-137 said:

 

They're extremely happy for 2 minutes a day though, right?

Is that the time they get to see their credit card?

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

42 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

My last missus was 8 years younger than me. Uni graduate so not dense and the first few years were brilliant. Then it all went to shit. We realised we went from thinking we had loads in common to actually very little. My missus now is a year and 3 months older than me and we get on great most of the time. Can count on both hands the amount of arguments we've had since both working from home on lockdown. Its much better for your mental health to spend the majority of your time with someone of a similar age and/or very similar interests. 

In between my ex and my missus I had a 8 month fling with a girl 8 years younger, ex dancer so fit as fuck. Shame she was a fucking nut job.

[manwiththestick]

3 hours ago, Elite said:

Anyone that isn't Evil Knievel or an extreme sports star that does wheelies on bikes and motorbikes.

Guilty however I do keep my wheelies and other tricks for the bike parks, not down the middle of a main road on a shitty Carerra with my black North Face on.

[Anubis]

On 29/11/2020 at 21:18, easytoslip said:

I've seen two of those I think but why would Die Hard be an Xmas film? 

And where's Alistair Simm on that list? 

The heartwarming tale of a man estranged from his family battling through hardship to reunite with them on Christmas Day. With headshots. 

 

What could be more Christmas than that?

[Anubis]

On 05/02/2021 at 10:18, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

Think you pay too much attention mate, grab a savoury cake covered in bbq sauce and chill.

Savoury cake? It's a fishcake you fucking wool.