Instant cunt identifiers

[General Dryness 9,211]

8 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Just dont ask them the way to the beach 

"It's over there."

 

[Colonel Kurtz 406]

A bracelet worn with a suit. Infallible evidence. 

[Doctor Troy 10,442]

People who completely change their accent if they move elsewhere. I understand that if you are a bad scally who talks 100 miles an hour no one outside of Liverpool will understand you and you have to slow it down.

 

But to completely change the way you talk just demonstrates that you are a pretentious cunt.

 

A girl I used to work with moved to America 5 years ago. She posted a video on Faceaids the other day and she has the most fake American accent possible. It was absolutely cringeworthy. Loads of people ripped her about it but she says she speaks that way to fit in as no one understands scouse, even though she didnt have a bad scally voice.  So in 5 years she's gone from normal scouse to sounding like an annoying character from Friends. Arnold Schwarzenegger lived in America for almost 50 years and hasn't lost his accent.

 

Another lad I work with is from Glasgow but you would never know as he is quite well spoken with no trace of scottish slang or even a hint of an accent. His mum phoned him at his desk once and he started speaking like Rab C Nesbit. Everyone was looking at him and when he put the phone down he said he didnt want his mum knowing he had an English accent. Must be funny keeping it up when his ma comes to visit him here. 

 

Another pretentious twat unknown moved to London from Crosby. Two years away and he comes back speaking  a hybrid of Cockney, South African and Australian. 

[Dougie Do'ins 9,690]

10 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

Another pretentious twat unknown moved to London from Crosby. Two years away and he comes back speaking  a hybrid of Cockney, South African and Australian. 

To be fair,  the hybrid mix has got to be better than sounding like a wool so it's sort of understandable. 

[Bjornebye 25,692]

14 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

People who completely change their accent if they move elsewhere. I understand that if you are a bad scally who talks 100 miles an hour no one outside of Liverpool will understand you and you have to slow it down.

 

But to completely change the way you talk just demonstrates that you are a pretentious cunt.

 

A girl I used to work with moved to America 5 years ago. She posted a video on Faceaids the other day and she has the most fake American accent possible. It was absolutely cringeworthy. Loads of people ripped her about it but she says she speaks that way to fit in as no one understands scouse, even though she didnt have a bad scally voice.  So in 5 years she's gone from normal scouse to sounding like an annoying character from Friends. Arnold Schwarzenegger lived in America for almost 50 years and hasn't lost his accent.

 

Another lad I work with is from Glasgow but you would never know as he is quite well spoken with no trace of scottish slang or even a hint of an accent. His mum phoned him at his desk once and he started speaking like Rab C Nesbit. Everyone was looking at him and when he put the phone down he said he didnt want his mum knowing he had an English accent. Must be funny keeping it up when his ma comes to visit him here. 

 

Another pretentious twat unknown moved to London from Crosby. Two years away and he comes back speaking  a hybrid of Cockney, South African and Australian. 

My mate lives in Sydney now, he came back to visit after a few years over there and fuck me he sounded like Alf Ramsey. He was blatantly putting it on as well because later on after he'd had a few pints he was back talking normally. 

[Doctor Troy 10,442]

2 minutes ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

To be fair,  the hybrid mix has got to be better than sounding like a wool so it's sort of understandable. 

Loads of Crosbyites try to sound scouse. 

 

I played for a team in Crosby and we had 4 or 5 young lads. They all sounded scally when we played teams from Burscough, ormskirk and the Wirral but when we played teams from Edge Hill, Speke and Huyton no one would hear a perp out of them.

[Liverpool lad 2,011]

People who use steroids but won't trust the vaccine for Covid 

 

I literally know a lad who gets his jabs done in a moody gym but is firmly against the vaccine 

[Section_31 19,891]

Anyone that buys you Lynx for Christmas.

 

Was looking through the cupboard before and found a Lynx Africa set. Turns out my wife's mate got it for me last year and I was going to recycle it for a gift. Even though there's still a few people in my life who I place very little value on, I still couldn't bring myself to give them fucking Lynx. I hate mingebags.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA 8,018]

31 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Anyone that buys you Lynx for Christmas.

 

Was looking through the cupboard before and found a Lynx Africa set. Turns out my wife's mate got it for me last year and I was going to recycle it for a gift. Even though there's still a few people in my life who I place very little value on, I still couldn't bring myself to give them fucking Lynx. I hate mingebags.

You a Brut man?

[Section_31 19,891]

I prefer axe, if you're gonna be a stinge go full stinge and get it from B&M.

[Rick Sanchez C-137 5,286]

11 hours ago, Section_31 said:

Anyone that buys you Lynx for Christmas.

 

Was looking through the cupboard before and found a Lynx Africa set. Turns out my wife's mate got it for me last year and I was going to recycle it for a gift. Even though there's still a few people in my life who I place very little value on, I still couldn't bring myself to give them fucking Lynx. I hate mingebags.

 

They're trying to tell you something, smelly.

[easytoslip 983]

11 hours ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

You a Brut man?

Fuck all wrong with Brut, I got one of those the other day, I got wafted back to 1974, hadn't really seen it for years   its alright. 

[sir roger 6,032]

36 minutes ago, easytoslip said:

Fuck all wrong with Brut, I got one of those the other day, I got wafted back to 1974, hadn't really seen it for years   its alright. 

They are having a big push with Brut adverts at the moment, Vinnie Jones is on tv more than Philip Schofield.

[easytoslip 983]

1 minute ago, sir roger said:

They are having a big push with Brut adverts at the moment, Vinnie Jones is on tv more than Philip Schofield.

I did see that, only once though, that fuckin' Pip and his grid irritates me no end. 

Surely he's been entered in the punchable faces dept? 

[Qwikage 225]

A real mans gift this one.

 

[Bjornebye 25,692]

You aren't a man unless you use 

 

 

 

[Mudface 3,496]

For the smooth fuckers amongst us-

 

[Bjornebye 25,692]

1 hour ago, Mudface said:

For the smooth fuckers amongst us-

 

I went home with a few birds in the navy where a bottle of that could have come in handy. 

[manwiththestick 3,732]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

I went home with a few birds in the navy where a bottle of that could have come in handy. 

"Birds"

[easytoslip 983]

Mandate says a lot about a man. 

[Doctor Troy 10,442]

19 hours ago, Section_31 said:

Anyone that buys you Lynx for Christmas.

 

Was looking through the cupboard before and found a Lynx Africa set. Turns out my wife's mate got it for me last year and I was going to recycle it for a gift. Even though there's still a few people in my life who I place very little value on, I still couldn't bring myself to give them fucking Lynx. I hate mingebags.

For the last 5 years i bothered with her all my ma ever bought me for Christmas was the cheapest aftershave on offer in Home and Bargain and a couple of bottles of beer that are usually by the till. 

 

Wouldn't have minded if they were skint but they had no mortgage and tons of money saved up. She would then get a cob on when she didnt get what she asked for, which was always more expensive than what she would get me and ignoring what I had asked for.

[Section_31 19,891]

17 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

For the last 5 years i bothered with her all my ma ever bought me for Christmas was the cheapest aftershave on offer in Home and Bargain and a couple of bottles of beer that are usually by the till. 

 

Wouldn't have minded if they were skint but they had no mortgage and tons of money saved up. She would then get a cob on when she didnt get what she asked for, which was always more expensive than what she would get me and ignoring what I had asked for.

Yeah the other year mine got me a half a lynx set, just the shower gel which had been taken out of the set, and some orange fudge. I always buy decent stuff though as I feel it says more about me than it does about them.

[Trumo 14,175]

1 hour ago, easytoslip said:

Mandate says a lot about a man. 

 

Nowadays they all use Grindr.

[AngryofTuebrook 18,295]

4 hours ago, easytoslip said:

Mandate says a lot about a man. 

I always thought "Denim - for the man who doesn't have to try too hard" was a shit slogan.

 

"Denim - for the man who can still get his nuts when he stinks like cat piss".  

[easytoslip 983]

14 hours ago, Trumo said:

 

Nowadays they all use Grindr.

And put their pyjamas on backwards.