Instant cunt identifiers

[Elite]

People who drive old models of high end cars and brag about it.

 

"Spent the weekend cleaning the Merc."

 

"Took the wife out for a drive in the Jag."

 

Yeah you have a Merc, but it's also done 100,000 miles and cost 4,000 as it's on its last legs.

[Curly]

3 minutes ago, Elite said:

People who drive old models of high end cars and brag about it.

 

"Spent the weekend cleaning the Merc."

 

"Took the wife our for a drive in the Jag."

 

Yeah you have a Merc, but it's also done 100,000 miles and cost 4,000 as it's on its last legs.

Yeah - people who refer to the make of the car, instead of saying “I’ll get the car” they go “I’ll get the beemer”. Just fuck off

[Curly]

Just to add to all this line of talk - people who boast about knowing people who are loaded. “Oh, you should see their en suite - it had double sinks and....” I don’t fucking care! There’s a couple we know and if they mention the specific rich friends they have, it gets brought up every time. “We are seeing x and y this weekend. Honestly, the money they’ve got. Tell them what we did last time we were there, babe”

[Elite]

4 minutes ago, belarus said:

Yeah - people who refer to the make of the car, instead of saying “I’ll get the car” they go “I’ll get the beemer”. Just fuck off

It's like those people that pay 20 grand to buy a basic Audi A1 just to say they have an Audi. 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

8 minutes ago, Elite said:

People who drive old models of high end cars and brag about it.

 

"Spent the weekend cleaning the Merc."

 

"Took the wife our for a drive in the Jag."

 

Yeah you have a Merc, but it's also done 100,000 miles and cost 4,000 as it's on its last legs.

 

3 minutes ago, belarus said:

Yeah - people who refer to the make of the car, instead of saying “I’ll get the car” they go “I’ll get the beemer”. Just fuck off

 

Thankfully I've never witnessed anyone doing this in person as I'd have done a sick on the spot.

[Dr Nowt]

People who relentlessly drive at sub-20 miles an hour. Was stuck behind some cunt yesterday who’s motor would have been going faster if they got out and pushed it. Considered stopping my car, running after them and beating them to death with their own handbrake through the open window while they were still driving along.

[Section_31]

5 hours ago, belarus said:

Just to add to all this line of talk - people who boast about knowing people who are loaded. “Oh, you should see their en suite - it had double sinks and....” I don’t fucking care! There’s a couple we know and if they mention the specific rich friends they have, it gets brought up every time. “We are seeing x and y this weekend. Honestly, the money they’ve got. Tell them what we did last time we were there, babe”

Piers Morgan is like that, he did some show years ago where people were showing him around their houses, he only had to see a gold door knob and he looked like he was gonna cum. That's probably why he likes the brash vulgarian types like Trump and Sugar. 

 

 

[Elite]

10 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Oh I’m not sure. There’s a certain pleasure in owning an old prestige car that you paid less than 10% of the book price for. A lot more interesting than driving a brand new 15k Kia. People are obsessed with mileage as well, mines got 171,000 on the clock but as long as you keep changing the oil, it will do another 50,000 easily. Better to buy a decent car with high motorway mileage than some cheap shit that’s only ever been driven around town by a granny wearing out the brakes, clutch, suspension etc. 

You're one of them aren't you?

[Dr Nowt]

12 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Piers Morgan is like that, he did some show years ago where people were showing him around their houses, he only had to see a gold door knob and he looked like he was gonna cum. That's probably why he likes the brash vulgarian types like Trump and Sugar. 

 

 

An old mate’s wife is good friends with a Bournemouth lass (absolutely fucking red hot in her day btw) one of them property cunt Candy brothers was with for years before he married Holly Valance. Regularly used to get told mock down-to-earth tales of good old Nick rolling his own eyes at himself while making a self-deprecating comment about thinking he’s James Bond when turning up to their social engagements in a helicopter, etc.
 

The fascinating thing I find is that absolutely no level of blatantly hostile sarcasm or open disdain breaks through to a person delivering such a humble brag. I’ve really road tested this one in my able to lose good friendships within one conversation signature style. They remain completely impervious to it, like a social cues version of Batfink’s wings being a shield of steel.

[Remmie]

On 08/10/2020 at 14:32, Colonel Kurtz said:

Double barrelled names particularly if neither name is historically significant. I can imagine if I married a Rothschild (if only) she’d want to keep the name but when a bloke from Kwik Fit marries a women off the deli counter at Sainsbury’s and they call themselves mr and mrs Smith - Wilson, it’s just wank.  

Oh I see, only toffs are allowed double-barrelled names, because who would be proud of their poor heritage? 

 

Fuck off. 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

On 08/10/2020 at 20:11, Bruce Spanner said:

Alphabetical order, I know, I’ve thought about this name, a lot! 

ZKG doesn't play by society's rules.

[Bruce Spanner]

1 hour ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

ZKG doesn't play by society's rules.

Just remember her name that way.

 

Zeb can do as Zeb does free the travails of us mere hoomans.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

1 minute ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Just remember her name that way.

 

Zeb can do as Zeb does free the travails of us mere hoomans.

True.  We've seen his shirts.

[alles ist gut]

19 hours ago, Dr Nowt said:

like a social cues version of Batfink’s wings being a shield of steel.

Batfink rep

[Karl_b]

Aren't a lot of double-barreled surnames reflective of both different family make-ups and fewer people taking their spouse's surname when getting married? To say it's pretentious or only for those with a 'legacy' is ridiculous. 

 

My wife has a double-barrelled surname because she didn't want to drop her family name but also wanted to reflect that her and I are a family. I wasn't bothered but that's what she chose.

 

Don't Spanish and Portuguese language countries have different customs when it comes to surnames and everyone is effectively double-barreled? It also deals with the inevitability of two people with double-barreled surnames have a child/wed and how that name changes?

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

The double barrelled thing doesn't really work beyond on generation though. What surname do children get with both parents having double barrelled name? Or a couple marrying, again already with double barrelled names.

[Evelyn Tentions]

 

23 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

Aren't a lot of double-barreled surnames reflective of both different family make-ups and fewer people taking their spouse's surname when getting married? To say it's pretentious or only for those with a 'legacy' is ridiculous. 

 

My wife has a double-barrelled surname because she didn't want to drop her family name but also wanted to reflect that her and I are a family. I wasn't bothered but that's what she chose.

 

Don't Spanish and Portuguese language countries have different customs when it comes to surnames and everyone is effectively double-barreled? It also deals with the inevitability of two people with double-barreled surnames have a child/wed and how that name changes?

In Spanish culture a child is named in the form mothers second name fathers second name. For example

A B C marries D E F.

She becomes D E F de C

Their children are G F C, H G C and  I G C

G F C is female

She grows up and marries X Y Z and becomes G F C de Z.

Their kid becomes M C Z.

H G C is male. He marries Q R  S. She is Q R S de C

 Their kid is W S C

It's always the males surname that carries forward.

 

Just to make things more complicated the de part is mostly used by the toffs

 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

8 minutes ago, Evelyn Tentions said:

 

In Spanish culture a child is named in the form mothers second name fathers second name. For example

A B C marries D E F.

She becomes D E F de C

Their children are G F C, H G C and  I G C

G F C is female

She grows up and marries X Y Z and becomes G F C de Z.

Their kid becomes M C Z.

H G C is male. He marries Q R  S. She is Q R S de C

 Their kid is W S C

It's always the males surname that carries forward.

 

Just to make things more complicated the de part is mostly used by the toffs

 

 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

29 minutes ago, Evelyn Tentions said:

 

In Spanish culture a child is named in the form mothers second name fathers second name. For example

A B C marries D E F.

She becomes D E F de C

Their children are G F C, H G C and  I G C

G F C is female

She grows up and marries X Y Z and becomes G F C de Z.

Their kid becomes M C Z.

H G C is male. He marries Q R  S. She is Q R S de C

 Their kid is W S C

It's always the males surname that carries forward.

 

Just to make things more complicated the de part is mostly used by the toffs

 

Guessing people's passwords is piss easy in Spain.

[Shitty Arse]

Riding a bike with no hands on the handlebars 

[Geoff Woade]

5 minutes ago, Soft Joe said:

Riding a bike with no hands on the handlebars 

It’s one of life’s great mysteries why junkies who can’t even walk straight can always seem to ride a bike with no hands.

[manwiththestick]

27 minutes ago, Soft Joe said:

Riding a bike with no hands on the handlebars 

Or doing wheelies in the middle of the road. Great, you can wheelie your bike, so can I but I'll do it in the hills not outside the co-op.

[lifetime fan]

On 11/10/2020 at 17:16, Colonel Kurtz said:

Oh I’m not sure. There’s a certain pleasure in owning an old prestige car that you paid less than 10% of the book price for. A lot more interesting than driving a brand new 15k Kia. People are obsessed with mileage as well, mines got 171,000 on the clock but as long as you keep changing the oil, it will do another 50,000 easily. Better to buy a decent car with high motorway mileage than some cheap shit that’s only ever been driven around town by a granny wearing out the brakes, clutch, suspension etc. 

We had a fairly early edition (Y reg) focus that was past around between family members for years. 
 

It finally died when my brother had it with 200k plus miles on the clock. 

[Section_31]

Anyone who drives under 20mph. The coppers pull you over for that because they assume you're up to no good. There's just no excuse for it unless you're kerb crawling and have really bad eyes.

[sir roger]

5 hours ago, Karl_b said:

Don't Spanish and Portuguese language countries have different customs when it comes to surnames and everyone is effectively double-barreled? It also deals with the inevitability of two people with double-barreled surnames have a child/wed and how that name changes?

I have been calling out  ' Bobby fuck-off ' at a Portuguese speaking guy I know for a while now.