Jump to content
  • Sign up for free and receive a month's subscription

    You are viewing this page as a guest. That means you are either a member who has not logged in, or you have not yet registered with us. Signing up for an account only takes a minute and it means you will no longer see this annoying box! It will also allow you to get involved with our friendly(ish!) community and take part in the discussions on our forums. And because we're feeling generous, if you sign up for a free account we will give you a month's free trial access to our subscriber only content with no obligation to commit. Register an account and then send a private message to @dave u and he'll hook you up with a subscription.

Instant cunt identifiers


Remmie
 Share

Recommended Posts

8 hours ago, General Dryness said:

Loss Prevention Officer.

 

Fucking store detective.

Funnily enough store detective was overselling the job title too, not too sure they spent much time at forensics. 

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Virtual rep,until I get my next subscription. Youtube presenters do it all the time and that Davina McCall used to do it on those stupid saturday night programmes she did.

 

4NDHGGUwiPqxi.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 08/07/2019 at 08:33, Geoff Woade said:

Not that I know of. I may have been because like everyone I’m sure I’ve made a mistake.

The point is the hypocrisy, they’ll have made mistakes themselves but I’m sure they wouldn’t broadcast them.

 

The cycle lane issue is more to do with when there are proper ones down dual carriageways etc but the Lycra brigade refuse to use them. 

 

No I haven’t cycled round a City Centre and neither would I want to. 

 

The Olympic road race and time trials came through where I live in 2012. As part of the 'legacy' the council narrowed one of the main roads that was part of the route to widen the pavements and accommodate cyclists. It's now impossible to overtake 'serious' cyclists doing 18mph on the carriageway because the cycle lane is for wimps. On the other hand, the unhelmeted helmets in jeans and T-shirts cycle round the rest of town on the fucking pavements.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

21 hours ago, Tony Moanero said:

People who say they’re interested in “the arts” when in reality they go the theatre from time to time, make homemade Christmas cards and read Martina Cole books.

"I like all types of music. Rock, hip-hop, reggae, dance."

 

Essentially meaning, "I've got the greatest hits of Bon Jovi, Eminem and Bob Marley and a few Clubland Classics CDs."

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, TK421 said:

"I have an eclectic taste" = I don't like music. 

Or whatever is flavour of the month. 

 

I remember years ago my ex sister in law posted that very phrase on Facebook backed up by telling everyone she likes "Snow Patrol, Razorlight, James Blunt, RHCP and even some random 80's stuff"

 

I replied saying her definition of electic is wrong and she just use the word shit and that her and my brother have a perfect match of dodgy music taste. She didn't speak to me much after that.

 

They divorced now.

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 15/07/2019 at 12:44, General Dryness said:

Shit job titles are ace. My best one was "Customer Experience Agent". Proper cunt company that one. 

 

If you're going to call someone an agent, at least give them one gun.

 

A mate of mine does house/garden clearances and hires out skips. 

 

Whenever asked by someone what he does he always says ‘waste management consultant’ in a Tony Soprano voice.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

23 hours ago, DimReaper said:

"I like all types of music. Rock, hip-hop, reggae, dance."

 

Essentially meaning, "I've got the greatest hits of Bon Jovi, Eminem and Bob Marley and a few Clubland Classics CDs."

"I like reggae"

 

"Who is your second favourite reggae artist?"

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
On 18/07/2019 at 00:50, 3 Stacks said:

People who wear shirts with lots of text or corny messages on them in the "world's #1 dad" or "don't talk to me before I've had coffee" variety. Not only do they come across as cunts but they look like cunts too. 

rock-out-with-your-cock-out-mens-premium

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 17/07/2019 at 16:32, Jairzinho said:

"I like reggae"

 

"Who is your second favourite reggae artist?"

 

 

I had the world's worst earworm the other day. I was in a supermarket and they had some cheap compilation CDs by the tills. One of them was a reggae compilation and (because I was in the foul mood I always have in supermarkets) my first thought was "I bet it's got fucking Baby I Love Your Way on it."

Then the fucker got stuck in my head.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

I had the world's worst earworm the other day. I was in a supermarket and they had some cheap compilation CDs by the tills. One of them was a reggae compilation and (because I was in the foul mood I always have in supermarkets) my first thought was "I bet it's got fucking Baby I Love Your Way on it."

Then the fucker got stuck in my head.

Tune that 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I got the Toots version of Country Roads on in the pub a few weeks back because some drunken bird wouldn't stop singing the John Denver version. Stopped for a half in there tonight and they were playing it as I walked out. I'm whistling it to myself as I unlock the bike but the next four people coming out are singing it. 

 

Probably the opposite of this thread like but fuck it, what a song. 

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 minutes ago, cloggypop said:

I got the Toots version of Country Roads on in the pub a few weeks back because some drunken bird wouldn't stop singing the John Denver version. Stopped for a half in there tonight and they were playing it as I walked out. I'm whistling it to myself as I unlock the bike but the next four people coming out are singing it. 

 

Probably the opposite of this thread like but fuck it, what a song. 

 

 

Reminds me of the annoying united version. Cunts 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, cloggypop said:

I got the Toots version of Country Roads on in the pub a few weeks back because some drunken bird wouldn't stop singing the John Denver version. Stopped for a half in there tonight and they were playing it as I walked out. I'm whistling it to myself as I unlock the bike but the next four people coming out are singing it. 

 

Probably the opposite of this thread like but fuck it, what a song. 

 

 

This is like the non violent version of a phillyhamann post.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, cloggypop said:

I got the Toots version of Country Roads on in the pub a few weeks back because some drunken bird wouldn't stop singing the John Denver version. Stopped for a half in there tonight and they were playing it as I walked out. I'm whistling it to myself as I unlock the bike but the next four people coming out are singing it. 

 

Probably the opposite of this thread like but fuck it, what a song. 

 

 

 

Whenever I hear someone on TV say West Virginia I have to shout “West Virginia” as if I’m singing that song. It can get awkward if it’s a news piece and they say it four or five times in a minute but I’m deeply committed to it. My bird thinks I’m a knob. 

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 17/07/2019 at 17:11, Section_31 said:

Anyone who makes reference to the fact a work experience kid or new starter has 'no common sense'.

 

Usually Akin to Bella Emberg telling Erika Eleniak her feet are too small.

Also people who moan that their work colleagues are lazy and constantly moan about it when in fact they do very little themselves. 

 

My mate works for an engineering company and has to travel with some right miserable twat who constantly slags off his colleagues but is a massive lazy cunt himself. Constantly making snide comments like "oh turned up to do a bit of work today have we?/you might break a bit of sweat today/you're permanently on a break you are"

 

I work with a woman who makes out she is indispensable and always busy but takes forever to do the most basic task but moans that people aren't working as hard as her. Doesn't help that she spends a third of the day gabbing and talking shit on the phone to people when a 2 minute conversation would be enough.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...