Sick of being Fat

[Total Longo]

Are you going to beg him or shall I, Mook?

 

You and Mook are Scotch and proud, that's a good thing.

[Total Longo]

I use a daft amount of antibacterial handwash and gel.

 

Me too, when i go to Aldi i end up buying about five bottles of that sanitising hand gel, i'm addicted to the smell of it.

 

I've deffo got a problem.    

[Anny Road]

I was reading recently we don't need as much protein as we think and unless you're body building 50-70g is perfectly acceptable. So vegans should have no problem. Most of the vegans I know are in great shape, but also fairly young which could be a factor.

 

Nuts and nut butters, soy milk, peas, beans etc etc. It's much easier than you think.. providing you like these things.

 

 

I admit I don't know much on the matter I get most of my advice from lads with big arms and bigger bellies.

 

I haven't weighed myself in years but I can't be much more than 165-70 and I'm 27 now. I've only really started to take an interest in getting in shape recently tbh. A lot of trial and error.. a lot of thinking protein shakes + lifting weights now and then is gonna turn me into a stud muffin.

 

 

I'd be happy with that tbh! One time some blokes pulled up in a van and asked for directions and when I'd got done giving them one of them says..

 

'One more question mate if you don't mind...? Where's the rest of you ya lanky cunt?!'

 

Cue 3 blokes pushing 40 in hysterics. Funny thing is I've had stuff like that since I was 10 and although when I was an insecure teen it'd get me down, I stopped caring a long time ago and I nearly always just laugh it off.

Did  I not read you are 6' - 8''

If you are thinking about getting big on 50 - 70g of protein forget it. It will not happen and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.

 

If you want to be Mo Farah it will work.

If you are on a budget as I was when I was about 16 living on my own and started hitting the gym just fucking eat everything you can.

Crisps, chips, butter, as much meat as you can get, bread etc. the only thing not to eat is other people. Trouble there.

 

At 17 I went from 11 1/2 stone to 17 and a bit in over two years. I looked like a big fat bloated tit. However I was lifting everyday and even the competition power lifter guys in their 30's and 40's stopped taking the piss out of the skinny nobhead and were offering to spot me when I went for big lifts. Tiny compared to theirs but I was giving it a go.

 

I was not interested in strength training then I wanted big biceps to shag birds. I dieted like fuck, ran cycled whilst still 'trying' to lift heavy.

Got down to just under 13st and looked fucking awesome. Abs the lot. at 13st that is good.

 

Met the wife had kids pay the mortgage blah blah. 20 years go by. Fuck

 

Now I dont need another woman or abs so I am trying to lift heavy shit off the floor. Sometimes I watch Olympic lifters on youtube doing 350.

I think fucking hell I had a pop at that this weekend. Then I realise theirs is kilos mine is pounds.

 

Eat train eat train sleep.. Best workout programme I was ever given

[Champ]

You and Mook are Scotch and proud, that's a good thing.

I am not Scottish but it grinds my gears when I hear people referred to as 'Scotch', Gaelic pronounced Gaylic, the list goes on. To be fair, I reckon Mook is a lot thicker skinned than I am

[Mook]

You and Mook are Scotch and proud, that's a good thing.

 

Here's a selfie I took yesterday.

 

[Tony Moanero]

Scotch is an alcoholic beverage.

[cloggypop]

Or a small pancake

[Tony Moanero]

Or an egg.

[thegreatelephant]

don't forget the tape, or risk getting caught on the hop

[Anny Road]

Scotch is an alcoholic beverage.

That winds me up to fuck.

 

 

Last holiday met a load of Yanks in Jamaica. Had the same conversation every other night when a new lot came.

 

Yank ....'Hey the barman told us you are the Scotch couple'

Me....'No mate I'm English'

Yank....'Same shit buddy one continent'

Me '...... 'Yes, ,,,,nice to meet you.'

Yank's Wife...'My great great Grandfather was Robert the Bruce so I am Scottish'

Me..lifts up glass...'Cheers'

Yank.....'You mean slangsh'

Me....'Slangsh'

Another Yank....'Is this the Scotch Man you where telling me about'

Yank.....'Yeh'

Another Yank.....'I was up there in SCOTland and you guys know shit. All them Whisky factories are in the middle of nowhere. Get them moved to the city man. Save you a dollar

[Mook]

That winds me up to fuck.

 

 

Last holiday met a load of Yanks in Jamaica. Had the same conversation every other night when a new lot came.

 

Yank ....'Hey the barman told us you are the Scotch couple'

Me....'No mate I'm English'

Yank....'Same shit buddy one continent'

Me '...... 'Yes, ,,,,nice to meet you.'

Yank's Wife...'My great great Grandfather was Robert the Bruce so I am Scottish'

Me..lifts up glass...'Cheers'

Yank.....'You mean slangsh'

Me....'Slangsh'

Another Yank....'Is this the Scotch Man you where telling me about'

Yank.....'Yeh'

Another Yank.....'I was up there in SCOTland and you guys know shit. All them Whisky factories are in the middle of nowhere. Get them moved to the city man. Save you a dollar

 

Some of the best comments I've heard from American tourists over the years:-

 

"What time does the one o'clock gun go off?"

"How long is the Royal Mile?"

"Where is Edinburgh Castle?" standing on Princes St with the castle right behind him

"It's neat they built the castle so close to the railway station."

[Anny Road]

Some of the best comments I've heard from American tourists over the years:-

 

"What time does the one o'clock gun go off?"

"How long is the Royal Mile?"

"Where is Edinburgh Castle?" standing on Princes St with the castle right behind him

"It's neat they built the castle so close to the railway station."

"It's neat they built the castle so close to the railway station.

I had one nob say this place is stupid why build a castle so far from the airport .

 

London Banker Story I have just remembered.

 

Up in the Hills after a six hour treck my mate who is gamekeeper had no shots at anyhing.

These pricks where on their phones most of the the time he said.

No deer so they insisted on going back to the lodge for food.

 

Many bottles of wine later they insisted on taking the 2 brand new Range Rovers they had driven up in bought especially for the trip

up the hill.

No the man said. you will not get up and if you do you will scare everything away for. hundreds of miles.

 

In the end he let them do it.

 

They both slid down the hill and ended up in a burn.

 

They all jumped in the 8 seater Land Rover and told my mate,'Fuck it keep them. Two 60/80k  Range Rovers.

He had the recovered and transported to them.

With a fucking big invoice.

[Lario]

That winds me up to fuck.

 

 

Last holiday met a load of Yanks in Jamaica. Had the same conversation every other night when a new lot came.

 

Yank ....'Hey the barman told us you are the Scotch couple'

Me....'No mate I'm English'

Yank....'Same shit buddy one continent'

Me '...... 'Yes, ,,,,nice to meet you.'

Yank's Wife...'My great great Grandfather was Robert the Bruce so I am Scottish'

Me..lifts up glass...'Cheers'

Yank.....'You mean slangsh'

Me....'Slangsh'

Another Yank....'Is this the Scotch Man you where telling me about'

Yank.....'Yeh'

Another Yank.....'I was up there in SCOTland and you guys know shit. All them Whisky factories are in the middle of nowhere. Get them moved to the city man. Save you a dollar

 

Did they actually say "Slangsh"? Maybe they were saying "Sláinte!", the Irish cheers?

 

Americans are beauties though. Was on a student Visa working holiday with the wife 20 years ago. She's tall and blonde, and had a couple of American people trying to convince her she was Swedish and not Irish!

[Mook]

Did they actually say "Slangsh"? Maybe they were saying "Sláinte!", the Irish cheers?

 

Americans are beauties though. Was on a student Visa working holiday with the wife 20 years ago. She's tall and blonde, and had a couple of American people trying to convince her she was Swedish and not Irish!

 

Slainte is Scottish & Irish Gaelic for 'health' & pronounced 'slange'.

[Anny Road]

They had no fucking idea what they were saying. I had no idea what i was typing 'slangsh' could just have easily been 'Ball dicks'

 

Fucking idioits.

[Total Longo]

So are the Scotch people on here not actually Scotch then?

[Lario]

That winds me up to fuck.

 

 

Last holiday met a load of Yanks in Jamaica. Had the same conversation every other night when a new lot came.

 

Yank ....'Hey the barman told us you are the Scotch couple'

Me....'No mate I'm English'

Yank....'Same shit buddy one continent'

Me '...... 'Yes, ,,,,nice to meet you.'

Yank's Wife...'My great great Grandfather was Robert the Bruce so I am Scottish'

Me..lifts up glass...'Cheers'

Yank.....'You mean slangsh'

Me....'Slangsh'

Another Yank....'Is this the Scotch Man you where telling me about'

Yank.....'Yeh'

Another Yank.....'I was up there in SCOTland and you guys know shit. All them Whisky factories are in the middle of nowhere. Get them moved to the city man. Save you a dollar

 

Did they actually say "Slangsh"? Maybe they were saying "Sláinte!", the Irish cheers?

 

Americans are beauties though. Was on a student Visa working holiday with the wife 20 years ago. She's tall and blonde, and had a couple of American people trying to convince her she was Swedish and not Irish!

[Lario]

Slainte is Scottish & Irish Gaelic for 'health' & pronounced 'slange'.

 

Not in Ireland it's not.

 

Thanks for the lesson though.

[Lario]

Slainte is Scottish & Irish Gaelic for 'health' & pronounced 'slange'.

 

Not in Ireland it's not.

 

Thanks for the lesson though.

[Lario]

The fuck is going on with my messages?!?!

[Mook]

Not in Ireland it's not.

 

Thanks for the lesson though.

 

Sorry, I didn't mean for it to come across like that, I know the Scottish Gaelic Slainte means 'health' or 'good health', a quick look on Google told me it meant the same in Ireland so apologies if that was wrong, no ideas about the Irish pronunciation either. I presumed that as the American had used the term when addressing a Scottish couple, he was attempting to use the Scottish version rather than its Irish counterpart.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sl%C3%A1inte

[Lario]

No worries, I was just being a cunt.

 

Over here, it's pronounced slaw-in-cha.

[johnsusername]

Reminds me of the Scotch episode of Garth Marenghi's Darkplace...

 

Dagless: The cabin crew suggested we all go out and club it. I had no option. It was that or one of their B&Bs. I figured it'd be safer on the streets. For the first time ever I saw the Scotch in their natural habitat, and it weren't pretty. I'd seen them huddling in stations before, being loud but… this time I was surrounded. Everywhere I went it felt like they were watching me; fish-white flesh puckered by the Highland breeze; tight eyes peering out for fresh meat; screechy, booze-soaked voices hollering out for a taxi to take 'em halfway up the road to the next all-night watering hole. A shatter of glass; a round of applause; a sixteen-year-old mother of three vomiting in an open sewer, bairns looking on, chewing on potato cakes. I ain’t never going back… not never.   

 

 

Dagless: They want what all Scotch people want: To kill the Queen, and destroy our way of life.

[Elite]

Just had my weekly treat of a Krispy Kreme tonight, that shit was good!

[Champ]

So are the Scotch people on here not actually Scotch then?

I can vouch for Mook's Scottishness and I suspect Scottish Steve is Scottish but the rest of us are just incomers