Serious things you shouldn't laugh at

[Fugitive]

I meant 'too far' as in probably too much information about the wife but fuck it.

 

 

We're (Me, her and her parents) meeting with her specialist and he's talking through the side effects of chemo, he then starts talking about IVF and a whole load of other stuff before he just casually drops into conversation they advise men to wear a condom if their partners are having chemo.

 

And Carly justs blurts out - 'I've a tumour in my vagina and backside, he's not getting either'.

 

She made no mention of her mouth. Get it in there.

[lifetime fan]

She made no mention of her mouth. Get it in there.

 

 

Her Mum didn't pick up on it, but the specialist and her Dad both knew she'd been taking it up the arse.

[Fugitive]

Her Mum didn't pick up on it, but the specialist and her Dad both knew she'd been taking it up the arse.

 

You should have tried to high-five her Dad.

[lifetime fan]

You should have tried to high-five her Dad.

 

 

He's nearly 70, I still reckon he'd have kicked my ass. Some things Dads should never know about their daughters.

 

To be fair to him he just gave me a look as if to say, 'I heard that, you never mention it again and neither will I'.

[Trumo]

And Carly justs blurts out - 'I've a tumour in my vagina and backside, he's not getting either'.

 

Superb.

[Champ]

I meant 'too far' as in probably too much information about the wife but fuck it.

 

 

We're (Me, her and her parents) meeting with her specialist and he's talking through the side effects of chemo, he then starts talking about IVF and a whole load of other stuff before he just casually drops into conversation they advise men to wear a condom if their partners are having chemo.

 

And Carly justs blurts out - 'I've a tumour in my vagina and backside, he's not getting either'.

 

Nothing we didnt know already. So when did the 'laughing' take place exactly? More suitable for a Most awkward moments thread, I 'd say. How long was the silence that followed?

 

Remembered, or more accurately, will never forget being walked in on by my Dad years ago. Never mentioned again!

[TheHowieLama]

Listen, everyone knows you're jealous because Tommy Lawrence likes me more than you. You need to get over it, you're starting to sound bitter.

 

Set up for a round of disc golf and then kayaking in the mangroves next week.

[Captain Turdseye]

Set up for a round of disc golf and then kayaking in the mangroves next week.

 

Do you want his house phone number or are you only dealing with him through his mobile?

[melons]

 

We went back to my car and waited as the emergency services had blocked the road, eventually the lad we were there to see came home, stopped for a chat then moseyed off to do his own rubber necking. After a while he strolled back and breathlessly told us "no need to worry, it's good news." "He's never survived that?". "I doubt it, no, but they've found his wallet."

 

Bugger me, i had tears in my eyes reading that, brilliant.

[Harry Squatter]

Met my mum the other week and she told me that my brother who I don't get on with had lost his job, nearly lost his house and been depressed. I immediately started laughing as soon as she told me, this is the brother who tried to shaft me over buying me out of a house we bought together and generally doesn't give a fuck about anyone but himself. I told my mum I was perfectly entitled to piss myself laughing.

[stevebaby]

When I was in my teens me and a mate were waiting outside another mate's one Sunday afternoon, when we heard an almighty bang up the road then saw people milling around the area it came from in frantic droves.

 

Walked up and a lass was screeching hysterically about how "she threw it up there, he just went to get it." Turns out "it" was his wallet after a row about him being too pissed, "there" was an electricity substation roof, "she" was called Shelley Fry and he" was her boyfriend in an Everton shirt.

 

Through sheer morbid curiosity a well-worn route was followed to the top of an adjacent car park, and it was nay a pretty sight. A grown man with his whole life ahead of him, in an Everton shirt. In short order the fire brigade turned up to retrieve him, but confirming this wasn't his day on an epic scale, it abruptly started absolutely pissing it down so they had to wait until it stopped before they could touch him.

 

We went back to my car and waited as the emergency services had blocked the road, eventually the lad we were there to see came home, stopped for a chat then moseyed off to do his own rubber necking. After a while he strolled back and breathlessly told us "no need to worry, it's good news." "He's never survived that?". "I doubt it, no, but they've found his wallet."

This made me happy. The delightful thought of the Everton shirt exploding in blue flames and melting as its owner is fried in an unearthly glow to a small blackened piece of crackling, gave me a warm feeling all over. About halfway between pissing myself and an orgasm I would reckon. A little ray of high voltage happiness just shone into my life.

[Anubis]

He's nearly 70, I still reckon he'd have kicked my ass. Some things Dads should never know about their daughters.

 

To be fair to him he just gave me a look as if to say, 'I heard that, you never mention it again and neither will I'.

 

That's what you think. When you're least expecting it you'll find yourself face down in gravel.

[lifetime fan]

That's what you think. When you're least expecting it you'll find yourself face down in gravel.

 

 

Could you blame him?

[Harry Squatter]

Was in Whiston hospital last week and some old dear was in the room next to my mother in law. Went into the corridor and she tries to call me in asking me when I was bringing her dinner in, I told her I never worked there. I went back into the mother in laws' room after it had been cleaned and this woman burst into the room asking me and my brother in law to arrest the nurses because she thought we were police. Managed to get her out the room after convincing her we weren't coppers.

 

This woman clearly should have been on a secure mental health ward as she kept escaping from her room as she kept pressing her face ip against the window snarling at us. Ten minutes later she was out in the corridor and dropped her knickers and started pissing all over the floor. All the nurses ran up and told her to go back on the toilet. She was roaring at them "I'll piss where I bloody well want and if you try to touch me I'll phone the police"

[Dr Nowt]

This made me happy. The delightful thought of the Everton shirt exploding in blue flames and melting as its owner is fried in an unearthly glow to a small blackened piece of crackling' date=' gave me a warm feeling all over. About halfway between pissing myself and an orgasm I would reckon. A little ray of high voltage happiness just shone into my life.[/quote']

 

I don't mind admitting, but probably should, that as we stood on the car park roof my mate said to me, and I quote, "I think we should probably wait until later before we start cracking jokes mate" after I'd said "back to the drawing board in their search for a new striker."

[Dr Nowt]

 

Bugger me' date=' i had tears in my eyes reading that, brilliant.[/quote']

 

I only discovered his girlfriend was called Fry a few days later, at the tills in my work's onsite shop where they kept the local paper. Something like that takes you by such surprise there's no preparation time to think where you are and at least try to moderate your behaviour a bit, I burst out laughing uncontrollably and lost it.

 

The woman behind the counter, and assorted colleagues and managers in the queue, followed my eyeline to a "Man Electrocuted In Substation Horror Dies" style front page. Had to just walk myself off in damage limitation, but my shoulders were heaving as I went at the whole situation. Too funny.

[General Dryness]

Set up for a round of disc golf and then kayaking in the mangroves next week.

 

Is that a euphemism? If it isn't, it probably should be.

[Champ]

Was in Whiston hospital last week and some old dear was in the room next to my mother in law. Went into the corridor and she tries to call me in asking me when I was bringing her dinner in, I told her I never worked there. I went back into the mother in laws' room after it had been cleaned and this woman burst into the room asking me and my brother in law to arrest the nurses because she thought we were police. Managed to get her out the room after convincing her we weren't coppers.

This woman clearly should have been on a secure mental health ward as she kept escaping from her room as she kept pressing her face ip against the window snarling at us. Ten minutes later she was out in the corridor and dropped her knickers and started pissing all over the floor. All the nurses ran up and told her to go back on the toilet. She was roaring at them "I'll piss where I bloody well want and if you try to touch me I'll phone the police"

 

What was she doing that was a danger to herself or others that meant that she ought to have been 'locked up'?

[Harry Squatter]

When I worked as a chef there was some scally dishwasher who decided to tell one of the waiters a completely shite racist joke, something along the lines of a copper pulling over a van with a load of bowling balls in the back, the copper radios for backup and said "just pulled over a van that's got 20 n****r eggs in the back and they were about to hatch". Basically the type of joke a 13 year old would tell someone in school.

 

The waiter just walks off and goes back out without laughing. The dishwasher looks at us wetting ourselves laughing and says "ee arr, you found that hilarious yet he's a miserable twat and just walked off".

 

I then said "oh no, the joke is shite, just that his stepdad is black and he died about two months ago, we were going to stop you but we thought it would be funny to see if he'd fill you in"

[Harry Squatter]

What was she doing that was a danger to herself or others that meant that she ought to have been 'locked up'?

 

She was pissing all over the corridor whilst completely sober.

[Champ]

 

She was pissing all over the corridor whilst completely sober.

 

And if she was your mother you would want her locked up for that?

[Harry Squatter]

And if she was your mother you would want her locked up for that?

 

And being aggressive and abusive to staff, fellow patients and visitors as well?. She did get moved to a mental health ward.

[Harry Squatter]

My mate is one of the most hard faced people ever and literally does not give a shit about who he offends.

 

We went to Madrid and went on a city tour, we went past Atocha station where Al Qaeda blew up a couple of trains. The tour guide stops the bus and explains about the attacks, my mate just put his hand up and said "don't you think it's been blown out of all proportion?". The whole bus went completely silent for about 5 minutes.

[Champ]

 

And being aggressive and abusive to staff' date=' fellow patients and visitors as well?[/quote']

 

You missed out those crucial bits of information, even after I'd queried your initial post

[Harry Squatter]

You missed out those crucial bits of information, even after I'd queried your initial post

 

Because I didn't think I had to provide a full medical background. The main point of the post was though although sad that she was acting in that manner I couldn't keep a straight face while she decided to have a slash in the middle of a corridor whilst telling the nurses to do one.