Serious things you shouldn't laugh at

[TheHowieLama]

Scottish F**ty

[Dougie Do'ins]

Man who threw 'lucky' coins into plane engine fined

 

Quote

Mr Lu argued in court that the airline should have warned passengers not to throw coins at planes.

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-50979485

 

 

[Mudface]

Quote

Mr Lu argued in court that the airline should have warned passengers not to throw coins at planes.

I got the same bullshit off these lax cunts when I chucked petrol bombs into the cockpit. SHOW ME WHERE IT SAYS I SHOULDN'T DO THAT.

[Dr Nowt]

[cloggypop]

On 04/01/2020 at 21:24, Mudface said:

I got the same bullshit off these lax cunts when I chucked petrol bombs into the cockpit. SHOW ME WHERE IT SAYS I SHOULDN'T DO THAT.

[Mudface]

1 hour ago, cloggypop said:

Ah, they're just guidelines.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

The missus’ mate is over on holiday, I nearly fell over when I saw her as she has had a certain amount of “work done”. Led to me saying to

my missus, I can’t tell you what to do, but if you ever fuck about with yer face like that - I’m off.

anyway, we went scuba diving yesterday off Sorrento, and the mask must have had a great deal of pressure which means she now has a fucking big line splitting the shit on her fod that is supposed to smooth out wrinkles. 
4 hours later it was still there, I was laughing me bollocks off.

[s(k)aturation]

4 hours ago, arthur friedenreich said:

The missus’ mate is over on holiday, I nearly fell over when I saw her as she has had a certain amount of “work done”. Led to me saying to

my missus, I can’t tell you what to do, but if you ever fuck about with yer face like that - I’m off.

anyway, we went scuba diving yesterday off Sorrento, and the mask must have had a great deal of pressure which means she now has a fucking big line splitting the shit on her fod that is supposed to smooth out wrinkles. 
4 hours later it was still there, I was laughing me bollocks off.

 

Ha.

I contemplate divorce (merely) when the Irish spouse is on the fake tan.

 

 

[Rico1304]

We went to a funeral yesterday, it was the first one Izzy (7) has been to.  
 

At the front of the aisle they’d placed the stand for the coffin.  She asked what it was for and I told her. Her eyes went as wide as saucers and she said “A coffin, like a vampire?”  I said no, just a coffin.  
 

Ten minutes later I spotted a tiny bat in the window, I pointed it out to her and she said “See, I told you there were vampires in here”. 

[lifetime fan]

On 10/01/2020 at 14:19, Rico1304 said:

We went to a funeral yesterday, it was the first one Izzy (7) has been to.  
 

At the front of the aisle they’d placed the stand for the coffin.  She asked what it was for and I told her. Her eyes went as wide as saucers and she said “A coffin, like a vampire?”  I said no, just a coffin.  
 

Ten minutes later I spotted a tiny bat in the window, I pointed it out to her and she said “See, I told you there were vampires in here”. 

That’s fucking ace. 

[Anubis]

Love the bloke wearing headphones and sat eating his kebab in part one. Looking like ‘yeah, it’s just another Saturday night in Ken’s Kebabs.’

 

 

 

 

[Elite]

4 minutes ago, Anubis said:

Love the bloke wearing headphones and sat eating his kebab in part one. Looking like ‘yeah, it’s just another Saturday night in Ken’s Kebabs.’

 

 

 

 

Serves him right for asking for pineapple on his pizza.

[Bjornebye]

18 minutes ago, Anubis said:

Love the bloke wearing headphones and sat eating his kebab in part one. Looking like ‘yeah, it’s just another Saturday night in Ken’s Kebabs.’

 

 

 

 

I lived off that road for years. Albert Rd in Southsea. Been in that Kens Kebab a good few times but the one across the road is better. Charcoal Grill. I actually got chased out of their with a skewer one night pissed. Id bought a kebab further down the road and we were all slow walking up the road because their is a 24 hour booze shop right across the street from that video. Anyway stood about and looked at my kebab and it looked like it had spit in it so I took it back in the kebab shop and complained. Completely not realising it was the wrong kebab house. Anyway the fella came running from behind the counter holding one of them big shish skewers the mad cunt. 

[Bjornebye]

On 10/01/2020 at 14:19, Rico1304 said:

We went to a funeral yesterday, it was the first one Izzy (7) has been to.  
 

At the front of the aisle they’d placed the stand for the coffin.  She asked what it was for and I told her. Her eyes went as wide as saucers and she said “A coffin, like a vampire?”  I said no, just a coffin.  
 

Ten minutes later I spotted a tiny bat in the window, I pointed it out to her and she said “See, I told you there were vampires in here”. 

Ha! Poor Izzy I bet she fucking shit herself 

[Trumo]

24 minutes ago, Anubis said:

Love the bloke wearing headphones and sat eating his kebab in part one. Looking like ‘yeah, it’s just another Saturday night in Ken’s Kebabs.’

 

 

 

 

 

That Beth Deakin looks quite tidy.

[cloggypop]

A good friend of mine died on Thursday morning. I got an invitation on Facebook today from him to his own funeral. Marko (the deceased) is down as "Going". 

[Bruce Spanner]

On 12/01/2020 at 21:21, Trumo said:

 

That Beth Deakin looks quite tidy.

 

Is that how banal twitter actually is?

 

Fucking hell she's dull.

[General Dryness]

On 13/01/2020 at 10:21, Trumo said:

 

That Beth Deakin looks quite tidy.

I can't bring myself to like that wide eyebrow thing that seems to be de rigeur these days.

[Em City]

On 08/08/2020 at 13:00, cloggypop said:

A good friend of mine died on Thursday morning. I got an invitation on Facebook today from him to his own funeral. Marko (the deceased) is down as "Going". 

 

People still send event invitations over Facebook?

[cloggypop]

2 minutes ago, Em City said:

 

People still send event invitations over Facebook?

Yes. It's usually invites to gigs for me. Not everyone is a hipster Instagram wanker. 

[Bjornebye]

5 minutes ago, cloggypop said:

Yes. It's usually invites to gigs for me. Not everyone is a hipster Instagram wanker. 

Its because you are behind the times you stray reebok classic. 

[cloggypop]

2 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Its because you are behind the times you stray reebok classic. 

Instagram is for look at me cunts. 

[Em City]

31 minutes ago, cloggypop said:

Instagram is for look at me cunts. 

 

Facebook is for boomer humour and conspiracy theories.

 

Instagram is a den of narcissism, but everyone on my feed is under 35 in age and over 70 in I.Q so I tend to cut it more slack.

[cloggypop]

Just now, Em City said:

 

Facebook is for boomer humour and conspiracy theories.

 

Instagram is a den of narcissism, but everyone on my feed is under 35 in age and over 70 in I.Q so I tend to cut it more slack.

Facebook is for keeping in touch with people you don't often see. I don't have anyone on there that I wouldn't happily have a beer with in real life. I rarely post anything on there myself. 

[VladimirIlyich]

If you can post pictures and videos on Twatter,what is the point of Instagram?