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Think I posted this before and (rightly) took some shit for it. But was on a course once with some bird from a domestic violence charity and she said they had a safe house for 'battered husbands'. I thought that was fucking hilarious. 

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22 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Think I posted this before and (rightly) took some shit for it. But was on a course once with some bird from a domestic violence charity and she said they had a safe house for 'battered husbands'. I thought that was fucking hilarious. 


Putin having to call Isreal to apologise, when his man claimed that Jews were behind the Holocaust made me belly laugh.

 

Even in the throws of his megalomania and suicidal decision making, Putin was on the blower going “bloody hell, please ignore my foreign minister, he is out of his mind and doesn’t speak for us.”

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If a bird tried to attack me I'd distract her by wafting Matalan money off vouchers, them I'd throw a daddy long legs at her while shouting 'hadoken'.  

 

No doubt I'd be vilified for it though as the shock would send her into early menopause or some shit and she'd end up on Lorraine Kelly. I'd be jailed but would don a Pat Sharp wig and have myself moved to a women's prison, them spend the next three years chasing the rest of the prisoners round the exercise yard in the style of Benny Hill. 

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In the correct thread this time.

 

I read something last week about an escapologist who had been on Britain's Got Talent.

 

Apparently one of his stunts went badly wrong. He had been hung upside down between two cars and the cars fell or something both going on fire. He also fell, breaking his hip, severing his spinal cord so is paralysed and suffering burns.

 

He died on the operating table and they brought him back. (If it was me I'd wish they'd let me go and  hate them for that tbh) and reading the article I was thinking 'you poor bastard'.

 

Anyway, the girl he was with is marrying him, so good on her for that, but what made me laugh was when the article said that he had now retired from escapology.

 

You don't say...

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47 minutes ago, Harry's Lad said:

In the correct thread this time.

 

I read something last week about an escapologist who had been on Britain's Got Talent.

 

Apparently one of his stunts went badly wrong. He had been hung upside down between two cars and the cars fell or something both going on fire. He also fell, breaking his hip, severing his spinal cord so is paralysed and suffering burns.

 

He died on the operating table and they brought him back. (If it was me I'd wish they'd let me go and  hate them for that tbh) and reading the article I was thinking 'you poor bastard'.

 

Anyway, the girl he was with is marrying him, so good on her for that, but what made me laugh was when the article said that he had now retired from escapology.

 

You don't say...

The only thing he can escape these days is his own mortality. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 09/05/2022 at 10:00, Harry's Lad said:

In the correct thread this time.

 

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I read something last week about an escapologist who had been on Britain's Got Talent.

 

Apparently one of his stunts went badly wrong. He had been hung upside down between two cars and the cars fell or something both going on fire. He also fell, breaking his hip, severing his spinal cord so is paralysed and suffering burns.

 

He died on the operating table and they brought him back. (If it was me I'd wish they'd let me go and  hate them for that tbh) and reading the article I was thinking 'you poor bastard'.

 

Anyway, the girl he was with is marrying him, so good on her for that, but what made me laugh was when the article said that he had now retired from escapology.

 

You don't say...

 

 

Isnt he marrying Amanda Abbington

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44 minutes ago, Strontium said:

 

It's exactly how comparing number of accidents per mile works.

If you’re doing it badly, of course.

 

Average from a very large sample vs average from a very small sample is a poor effort at statistical comparison.

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13 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

If you’re doing it badly, of course.

 

Average from a very large sample vs average from a very small sample is a poor effort at statistical comparison.

 

I'm not though. I'm averaging from two very large samples.

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Some YouTuber, (is that a word?) has rented a piece of land near Gatwick and written on the land, welcome to Luton, causing panic in 1000’s of passengers each day, that believe they are landing at the wrong airport. 
 

I’d be fuming if the prank had worked on me, but since I read about it before flying, I laughed my bollocks off when people started panicking. 

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2 hours ago, DJLJ said:

Some YouTuber, (is that a word?) has rented a piece of land near Gatwick and written on the land, welcome to Luton, causing panic in 1000’s of passengers each day, that believe they are landing at the wrong airport. 
 

I’d be fuming if the prank had worked on me, but since I read about it before flying, I laughed my bollocks off when people started panicking. 

That's pretty funny. 

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Some bloke in our street had nonce keyed into his car. He got it fixed. Then it happened again, got it fixed, then it happened again.

So he now has nonce carved into Side of his car. He's set off for a caravan holiday today just laughing at the thought of a bloke pulling up at half term in a caravan park full of kids with "nonce" on the side of his car.

 

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1 hour ago, littletedwest said:

Some bloke in our street had nonce keyed into his car. He got it fixed. Then it happened again, got it fixed, then it happened again.

So he now has nonce carved into Side of his car. He's set off for a caravan holiday today just laughing at the thought of a bloke pulling up at half term in a caravan park full of kids with "nonce" on the side of his car.

 

Do I need to ask the obvious question? 

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