The world of a woman.

[Bogman]

Sophos, so good.

[Juniper]

We don't want to paint a picture of bad humour on here, someone needs to set a task, bar the rubbish jokes.

 

 

No?.....I was just leaving anyway...it's ok

[Alan Sex]

[She Knows It]

My daughter just said to me "There aren't many lesbians around are there?" so I told her that there were and gave her a list of all the ones we know to prove my point. I included Leeson's flatmates, and she said "They're not lesbians. They're gay". I said that yes, they are gay, that's what a lesbian is, it's a gay woman. She replied "No it's not. A lesbian is a gay woman that looks like a man".

[Crazyhorse7778]

My daughter just said to me "There aren't many lesbians around are there?" so I told her that there were and gave her a list of all the ones we know to prove my point. I included Leeson's flatmates, and she said "They're not lesbians. They're gay". I said that yes, they are gay, that's what a lesbian is, it's a gay woman. She replied "No it's not. A lesbian is a gay woman that looks like a man".

 

Hahaha, that's brilliant.

[Original202]

At the pub yesterday lunchtime:

 

Me: "Hi Sarah, not with Danny today?"

 

Sarah: "No, he's gone shopping to get some new golf racquets"

 

"Haha, racquets?"

 

"Alright, bats then. Pedant"

[Anubis]

My daughter just said to me "There aren't many lesbians around are there?" so I told her that there were and gave her a list of all the ones we know to prove my point. I included Leeson's flatmates, and she said "They're not lesbians. They're gay". I said that yes, they are gay, that's what a lesbian is, it's a gay woman. She replied "No it's not. A lesbian is a gay woman that looks like a man".

 

Ha ha ha. That's well funny. I can't help but think Leeson had a hand in it.

[The Tott]

When this ad first came out i was up in my mates living room having a few beers with him and his Dad. This ad came on the tv and (deadly serious) his dads goes "jesus they have the chimp well trained"

 

[YOUTUBE]Ow_o78zjo14[/YOUTUBE]

 

My mate was up in our flat recently talking about her holiday to Madrid in the past summer and my dopey flatmate Alexandra goes "Ive always wanted to go Italy" Stunning

 

 

Last thursday night i was fast asleep, about half 3 in the morning when i heard a load of girls burst into my flat. Pissed off i got up to see what the fuck they were making so much noise about.

 

I couldt get over this. Apparently they were in our mates flat downstairs and started hearing banging on the walls. So they decided it was fucking GHOSTS and they all came up to my flat and slept on the kitchen floor. GHOSTS, FUCKING GHOSTS, not someone in the next flat banging something, not doors closing, FUCKING GHOSTS. They only just moved back down yesterday.

 

Unreal

[odris]

Last thursday night i was fast asleep, about half 3 in the morning when i heard a load of girls burst into my flat. Pissed off i got up to see what the fuck they were making so much noise about.

 

I couldt get over this. Apparently they were in our mates flat downstairs and started hearing banging on the walls. So they decided it was fucking GHOSTS and they all came up to my flat and slept on the kitchen floor. GHOSTS, FUCKING GHOSTS, not someone in the next flat banging something, not doors closing, FUCKING GHOSTS. They only just moved back down yesterday.

 

Unreal

 

I'm pretty sure they came up to get a good fucking by you Richie.

[DJLJ]

When this ad first came out i was up in my mates living room having a few beers with him and his Dad. This ad came on the tv and (deadly serious) his dads goes "jesus they have the chimp well trained"

 

[YOUTUBE]Ow_o78zjo14[/YOUTUBE]

 

My mate was up in our flat recently talking about her holiday to Madrid in the past summer and my dopey flatmate Alexandra goes "Ive always wanted to go Italy" Stunning

 

 

Last thursday night i was fast asleep, about half 3 in the morning when i heard a load of girls burst into my flat. Pissed off i got up to see what the fuck they were making so much noise about.

 

I couldt get over this. Apparently they were in our mates flat downstairs and started hearing banging on the walls. So they decided it was fucking GHOSTS and they all came up to my flat and slept on the kitchen floor. GHOSTS, FUCKING GHOSTS, not someone in the next flat banging something, not doors closing, FUCKING GHOSTS. They only just moved back down yesterday.

 

Unreal

 

Don't do drugs kids.

[The Tott]

Don't do drugs kids.

 

They werent even drunk!!! perfectly sober, just a bunch a twits

[Anny Road]

We had my wifes mate around today and she has those athletic legs that bow out from he hips to her kness. And likewise in the inner thigh. I think it is a blessing that I saw john terrys header through the gap in her Leg/fanny cavity as she was standing in front of the telly at the time. I would eat her farts.

[Steve Holt]

This thread has cracked me up something else. I've had loads of these, but I can't remember any just now. I'll be racking my brains to remember them.

[Liverpool lad]

We had my wifes mate around today and she has those athletic legs that bow out from he hips to her kness. And likewise in the inner thigh. I think it is a blessing that I saw john terrys header through the gap in her Leg/fanny cavity as she was standing in front of the telly at the time. I would eat her farts.

 

Is this the one you were dancing with a few months back?

[Anny Road]

Is this the one you were dancing with a few months back?

 

No not that one she lives in Dubai with the Italian ambassador or some other EU sponger.

This is a local chick. She is hardly 5ft and you could just pick her up and plonk her on your nob. Fine bird she runs a lot and keeps asking me to go running with her. I would be thinking about fucking her the whole way.

[elvis]

I took my wife to a car auction a few years ago .

After looking around for a while she says " why are there no prices on them ?"

Guffaw!

[yourma2000]

I remember another one with my sister, Eastenders was on and that Ronnie Mitchell was buying all baby stuff for a baby and she says "I got the baby a mobile aswell" my sisters then says "Why has she bought a baby a mobile? it won't be able to use it!" she forgot a baby mobile is one of those toys that dangle down in the cot.

[JagSquared]

i went to see my folks for the weekend so my bird decided to sleep in the lounge of our flat her logic its an old building so there might be ghosts in the bedroom but i guess they dont like the lounge them

[JagSquared]

Bump

 

The Girlfriend "I thought bollocks meant bum?"

[Harry Squatter]

I brought some photos into work of my holiday to Dubai, one was of the Burj Al Arab, the sail shaped hotel, some bird passed by and looked at the photo and said "how sad are you, going down to Crosby beach and taking photos of the coast guard centre"

[Lucky Pierre]

Walking past the cash machine today some girl spotted the lumpy bits on the buttons, and said to her mate "Wow, it's got them things for braille people."

[The 5th Benitel]

I went out on Friday so when i woke up to go the m***h on Saturday i was feeling rough and was running late. My mrs tooks pity on me and offered to help.

 

'Why dont you jump in the shower and make you some eggs on toast?'

 

'Yeah thanks, that'd be brilliant.'

 

'No probs. How do you want them, mashed or scrambled?'

 

 

Problem was she was doing me a favour so i couldn't even take the piss.

[William_Ulsterman]

I went out on Friday so when i woke up to go the m***h on Saturday i was feeling rough and was running late. My mrs tooks pity on me and offered to help.

 

'Why dont you jump in the shower and make you some eggs on toast?'

 

'Yeah thanks, that'd be brilliant.'

 

'No probs. How do you want them, mashed or scrambled?'

 

 

Problem was she was doing me a favour so i couldn't even take the piss.

 

must be a local thing?. mashed egg is a boiled egg, peeled and obviously mashed in a cup (the way my missus likes it), scrambled is... well... scrambled (the way i like it) totally different, no?

[Harry Squatter]

My missus wouldnt speak to me for 2 days because I corrected her for saying Brazil is a Spanish speaking country. I even got the atlas out to prove my point, she thought that this was worth ruining a weekend over.

 

My missus never tries clothes on in shops because she "doesn't have time" yet when she gets them home and they don't fit she spends half of saturday going the shop and getting a refund or getting an alternative.

[William_Ulsterman]

My missus never tries clothes on in shops because she "doesn't have time" yet when she gets them home and they don't fit she spends half of saturday going the shop and getting a refund or getting an alternative.

 

snap. and it annoys the shit out of me