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The world of a woman.


Ezekiel 25:17
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Both the Mrs and my mum do this, if they're a passenger they wait until I've stopped the car, turned the engine off and have one leg out the open door before starting a new conversation, whereas I would think it'd make more sense to either start and end said conversation during the drive, or wait until you're in the house.  

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18 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

She doesn't understand that an oven is able to cook food at different temperatures. I've just gone into the kitchen and smelt burning, she's got a vegan quiche in the oven that's starting to burn around the edges. She's thrown it in and whacked it up to 225 when it's meant to be 180 and gone upstairs and just left it. 

 

I'm left with the dilemma, do I turn it down so it cooks properly for her and not saying anything meaning she will continue to do it or do I tell her that I've turned it down because she yet again tried to burn her food into a crisp and get accused of being a nagging twat? Or just leave it, let it burn, ruin her dinner and get called a cunt for not smelling burning? 

Mine does the same with the drier.  Everything is either put in for 2 hours and comes out crispy or put in for 20 mins and sits damp for hours so needs rewashing. 

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1 hour ago, Rico1304 said:

Mine does the same with the drier.  Everything is either put in for 2 hours and comes out crispy or put in for 20 mins and sits damp for hours so needs rewashing. 

I went to put a wash on a few weeks back and opened the machine to a load of damp washing, she'd left it in there for two days. Not only that but yet again she had completely filled the machine so things don't properly wash so i had to do 3 loads of washing and hang them out while she nipped round her mums who was babysitting her nephew. In other words to get the fuck out the way while I sorted her mess out. 

 

I wanted a lie in over the weekend, noise noise noise so I come downstairs and she's got the mop bucket out and all sorts of stuff going on. I jump in the shower and by the time I'm out she's sat on the couch, most of the stuff has been cleared away but the empty mop bucket remains. It still remains... wait for it... to this day... it's still next to the bathroom door exactly where it was when I came down. It's next to the cupboard where it usually lives. 4 yards away. Like fuck I'm moving it. I might even make a point of tripping over it later just to cause an argument.  

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I’m not working this week, the wife is. Both mornings she’s stomped around the bedroom, bathroom and then slammed the front door as she leaves. 
 

It’s not her doing this so much that gets my goat, it’s the knowledge of the reaction I’d get from her if our situation was reversed and I even made the faintest pip of a squeak. 

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10 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

I’m not working this week, the wife is. Both mornings she’s stomped around the bedroom, bathroom and then slammed the front door as she leaves. 
 

It’s not her doing this so much that gets my goat, it’s the knowledge of the reaction I’d get from her if our situation was reversed and I even made the faintest pip of a squeak. 

I get this all the time.  The worst one is if she's up late watching telly she never turns the volume down or puts on headphones, If I do the same heaven forbid! 

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My Mrs was driving to work and a fox ran out in the road ahead of her, then apparently about 20 seconds later a fox ran out in the road from the opposite side this time.

 

She said, and I quote "It couldn't have been the same one could it?"

 

Well I suppose if the top speed of a fox is now 200mph I guess it could have legged it up the side of the road just to run out in front of you again and fuck with your head. Absolutely potty she is.

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1 hour ago, TheBitch said:

My Mrs was driving to work and a fox ran out in the road ahead of her, then apparently about 20 seconds later a fox ran out in the road from the opposite side this time.

 

She said, and I quote "It couldn't have been the same one could it?"

 

Well I suppose if the top speed of a fox is now 200mph I guess it could have legged it up the side of the road just to run out in front of you again and fuck with your head. Absolutely potty she is.

I bet the Fantastic Mister Fox was behind this. No other explanation. 

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2 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

I’m not working this week, the wife is. Both mornings she’s stomped around the bedroom, bathroom and then slammed the front door as she leaves. 
 

It’s not her doing this so much that gets my goat, it’s the knowledge of the reaction I’d get from her if our situation was reversed and I even made the faintest pip of a squeak. 

Could be wrong here, but at least it sounds like she's refrained from giving you a list of useless things to do just because you don't have work.

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Just now, Mudface said:

Could be wrong here, but at least it sounds like she's refrained from giving you a list of useless things to do just because you don't have work.

If only that was the case. I’m well drilled in that regard. It is something of a surprise that she hasn’t chosen to repeat them before leaving the house though. She’s clearly up to something. 
 

Thanks for uncovering her treachery. 

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3 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

If only that was the case. I’m well drilled in that regard. It is something of a surprise that she hasn’t chosen to repeat them before leaving the house though. She’s clearly up to something. 
 

Thanks for uncovering her treachery. 

Ah, fair enough, I've been in the same situation and usually get woken up to be told what I (reluctantly) agreed to do only the night before. So yeah, she's trying to trap you...

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When's a good time to ask her about her suede boots sat in the kitchen ready to be cleaned (by her) that were put there early November? Or how about the two shows on the Sky box recorded in 2017?  
 

Never you say? Ok. Bit annoying though. 

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1 minute ago, Pete said:

When's a good time to ask her about her suede boots sat in the kitchen ready to be cleaned (by her) that were put there early November? Or how about the two shows on the Sky box recorded in 2017?  
 

Never you say? Ok. Bit annoying though. 

This is what your last words are for.

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9 hours ago, Bobby Hundreds said:

"I've got loads to do" lists 3 things and she's off 2 days to do them. She's stressing out because I haven't done my wrapping yet, fuck sake there's 4 days to wrap a handful of presents I'm not in a race against time or Christmas is ruined. Half an hour boom I'm done. She's even at the point now she breaks down singular tasks to make herself sound more rushed, "I've got to wash my hair, then dry my hair, then brush my hair then do makeup".... so you've got to get ready then. She does it with everything  you ain't busy you work from home in your pyjamas and when I get home there's brownies been baked She's on a recliner Web browsing.

Women ruin Christmas with their constant flapping and being dramatic. 

 

My ma used to send about 200 Christmas cards and get my Dad to deliver them or drop off presents to random people as soon as she saw him stand still or relax for a minute there would be another job to do. They always spend a fortune and have constant drama. The way they go on about it you'd think they were organising a G7 summit. 

 

She'd always have people round on boxing day and pull a face if he sat down to watch the footy. 

 

Another fella I work with despises Christmas, said all he wants to do is sit in his shed watching his telly and drinking Jack Daniels. His Mrs decides two weeks before Christmas that the whole house needs cleaning from top to bottom "in time for Christmas". No logic to it at all apart from "I've decided". She then makes a big drama about food shopping and drags it out over a week. She also decides that everyone has to come round to their house on boxing day and demands that he get a taxi back from the match because he's leaving her in the lurch to sort everything. Even though it's her choice to invite her entire family round.

 

My Mrs had a big drama last week going the shops to get something to wear on her night out. Literally took her 3 hours to get something even though she already has loads of clothes.

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21 minutes ago, Harry Squatter said:

Another fella I work with despises Christmas, said all he wants to do is sit in his shed watching his telly and drinking Jack Daniels.

It might not be a shed and it might not be Jack Daniel’s but I bet most blokes cohabiting with those female types can relate to this. 

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41 minutes ago, Harry Squatter said:

Another fella I work with despises Christmas, said all he wants to do is sit in his shed watching his telly and drinking Jack Daniels. His Mrs decides two weeks before Christmas that the whole house needs cleaning from top to bottom "in time for Christmas". No logic to it at all apart from "I've decided". She then makes a big drama about food shopping and drags it out over a week. She also decides that everyone has to come round to their house on boxing day and demands that he get a taxi back from the match because he's leaving her in the lurch to sort everything. Even though it's her choice to invite her entire family round.

Oh god I feel his pain! I fucking despise it with a passion! Weeks of shit telly, months of shit adverts, presents costing the national debt of Croatia, fake bonhomie - oh please let me hibernate and miss every fucking second of it!

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1 hour ago, YorkshireRed said:

It might not be a shed and it might not be Jack Daniel’s but I bet most blokes cohabiting with those female types can relate to this. 

I really don't know how he puts up with her. He goes fishing somewhere in Lancashire and tells her to not contact him unless it's an absolute emergency like one of the kids being rushed to a&e. Yet as soon as he sits down by the river she's texting him about shite like food shopping and tidying up. A fucking horrendous pain in the arse woman. 

 

She also flipped a few weeks back when she wanted him to go to London to see her mate and stay in a hotel and he refused point blank.  He doesn't like her mate and has absolutely nothing in common with the husband but she wants to spend over 500 quid dragging him down there. 

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55 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

Oh god I feel his pain! I fucking despise it with a passion! Weeks of shit telly, months of shit adverts, presents costing the national debt of Croatia, fake bonhomie - oh please let me hibernate and miss every fucking second of it!

Yep me too. I seem to hate it even more every year as well. The last five years I've been skint and it just seems so pointless. 

 

I'm made up when it's boxing day and the months of hype are over. I'm convinced men only like it because they are off work and you can drink more. 

 

Last year I saw tons of photos on faceaids of families in matching pyjamas on Christmas Eve and all the fellas looking as happy as Isis hostages.

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8 minutes ago, Harry Squatter said:

Last year I saw tons of photos on faceaids of families in matching pyjamas on Christmas Eve and all the fellas looking as happy as Isis hostages.

I have absolutely refused to the wife to do anything like that, same with Christmas jumpers, fuck right off. I won't even put lights up outside the house whilst half the street looks like Blackpool illuminations.

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22 minutes ago, Harry Squatter said:

I really don't know how he puts up with her. He goes fishing somewhere in Lancashire and tells her to not contact him unless it's an absolute emergency like one of the kids being rushed to a&e. Yet as soon as he sits down by the river she's texting him about shite like food shopping and tidying up. A fucking horrendous pain in the arse woman. 

 

She also flipped a few weeks back when she wanted him to go to London to see her mate and stay in a hotel and he refused point blank.  He doesn't like her mate and has absolutely nothing in common with the husband but she wants to spend over 500 quid dragging him down there. 

I’ve got mates like this. On the few occasions they’re allowed out for a few drinks their respective wives can’t leave them five minutes without texting. The texts keep on coming, pissing everyone off. They start boring and mundane, progressing to completely unwarranted attacks. Dreadful state of affairs and no life really. 

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11 minutes ago, manwiththestick said:

I have absolutely refused to the wife to do anything like that, same with Christmas jumpers, fuck right off. I won't even put lights up outside the house whilst half the street looks like Blackpool illuminations.

Well said! Doesn't help that my missus and my youngest adore it! I've got tired of pretending now, they know I'm a misery and am best left alone.

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14 minutes ago, manwiththestick said:

I have absolutely refused to the wife to do anything like that, same with Christmas jumpers, fuck right off. I won't even put lights up outside the house whilst half the street looks like Blackpool illuminations.

The two neighbours opposite were up a ladder in the 23rd of November putting all kinds of lights and decorations up like it was freemont Street in Las Vegas. Fuck that shit right off. 

 

We had a Christmas jumper day a few years ago and I just point blank refused to wear one saying I don't own one and I'm not buying one because they look fucking shite. 

 

I feel sorry for one fella whose wife makes them all wear Alder Hey pyjamas every year and her and the two kids watch shite Christmas films and open Christmas boxes (another shit idea thats suddenly crept in the last couple of years). Bet he wishes he was down the pub.

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12 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

I’ve got mates like this. On the few occasions they’re allowed out for a few drinks their respective wives can’t leave them five minutes without texting. The texts keep on coming, pissing everyone off. They start boring and mundane, progressing to completely unwarranted attacks. Dreadful state of affairs and no life really. 

The need to be in constant contact is fucking annoying yet women I've known who've started going out with men say its weird that men always text or want to call them. 

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24 minutes ago, manwiththestick said:

I have absolutely refused to the wife to do anything like that, same with Christmas jumpers, fuck right off. I won't even put lights up outside the house whilst half the street looks like Blackpool illuminations.


I don’t mind the jumpers and a Santa hat but the pyjamas are a strict no. 
 

My mate used to have Xmas lights on his house all year round. His ma just couldn’t be arsed taking them down. Used to be sound in the summer months, having a few beers in his front yard and playing poker into the early hours, with Santa climbing up the walls and illuminating everything. 

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She comes home last night and tells me I’m having bbq spare ribs for my tea, but I’ll have to eat them all as she’s had something to eat with her mate in the afternoon.

 

I weren’t complaining and when she served them up they looked gorgeous.

 

Next minute she sits down next to me and starts eating my ribs from my plate.

 

Me: Fuck off Eve 

Her: whose Eve

Me: from Adam & Eve

Her: I don’t get it

Me: how was Eve created

Her: I don’t know, from an apple?

 

 

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