The world of a woman.

[sir roger]

Her , watching a film - That Jessica Biel looks great for her age

Me - why , how old is she ?

Her - well Flashdance was in the 80's

Me - that was Jennifer Beals

Her - oh

 

[Oh Buoy]

Been ready to go to the shop for the last hour. We've been delayed because she needs to hype herself up for a shower by swiping through TikTok.

[littletedwest]

Seen an advert for quorn yesterday saying "have more meat free days"

I said " couldn't be arsed with that"

" we have loads of meat free days"

" do we?"

"Yeah I bulk the meat out with vegetables"

 

 

[manwiththestick]

1 hour ago, sir roger said:

Her , watching a film - That Jessica Biel looks great for her age

Me - why , how old is she ?

Her - well Flashdance was in the 80's

Me - that was Jennifer Beals

Her - oh

 

To be fair to your missus, she's not wrong.

 

58 today..

 

 

[Geoff Woade]

She keeps leaving the taps running in the bathroom sinks. It’s basically any tap with the twist mechanism on the top, she seems to have worked the others out. Apparently flooded her own house twice by doing it and the habit has now spread here. Instead of learning to check, her serious idea at a solution is that at her house she’s going to have the sink capped off in the downstairs bog (‘nobody is allowed to do a poo in there anyway’ being the reasoning) and that I have new taps fitted that are like the ones in public bathrooms where you have to press the top down and it gives you about 3 seconds of water. She’s lucky she’s otherwise top quality.

[Bjornebye]

2 minutes ago, Geoff Woade said:

She keeps leaving the taps running in the bathroom sinks. It’s basically any tap with the twist mechanism on the top, she seems to have worked the others out. Apparently flooded her own house twice by doing it and the habit has now spread here. Instead of learning to check, her serious idea at a solution is that at her house she’s going to have the sink capped off in the downstairs bog (‘nobody is allowed to do a poo in there anyway’ being the reasoning) and that I have new taps fitted that are like the ones in public bathrooms where you have to press the top down and it gives you about 3 seconds of water. She’s lucky she’s otherwise top quality.

 

 

 

[VladimirIlyich]

8 hours ago, manwiththestick said:

To be fair to your missus, she's not wrong.

 

58 today..

 

 

She's three years and a day older than me. I'll never be that good looking(from a male point of view) as she is.

[manwiththestick]

1 minute ago, VladimirIlyich said:

She's three years and a day older than me. I'll never be that good looking(from a male point of view) as she is.

And I'll bet she's a better welder.

[VladimirIlyich]

21 minutes ago, manwiththestick said:

And I'll bet she's a better welder.

I couldn't disagree with that either.

[Harry Squatter]

Her: "next year you need to take more time off around Christmas to help buy presents, wrap them and tidy the house, this is too much of a rush and I'm stressed out".

 

She only buys presents for her family and friends so I don't need to have any input into it. There's nothing wrong with the house and I wrapped about 8 kids presents last night in half an hour. 

 

Her the last few days:

 

Goes to a works party

Meets her Dad for lunch 

Meets her sister for lunch

Goes the cinema

Meets her friends on Saturday afternoon for drinks and spent most of Sunday on the couch knackered with a massive hangover.

 

But I need to waste leave days next year apparently because everything is too much of a rush. 

[Bjornebye]

She doesn't understand that an oven is able to cook food at different temperatures. I've just gone into the kitchen and smelt burning, she's got a vegan quiche in the oven that's starting to burn around the edges. She's thrown it in and whacked it up to 225 when it's meant to be 180 and gone upstairs and just left it. 

 

I'm left with the dilemma, do I turn it down so it cooks properly for her and not saying anything meaning she will continue to do it or do I tell her that I've turned it down because she yet again tried to burn her food into a crisp and get accused of being a nagging twat? Or just leave it, let it burn, ruin her dinner and get called a cunt for not smelling burning? 

[manwiththestick]

2 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

She doesn't understand that an oven is able to cook food at different temperatures. I've just gone into the kitchen and smelt burning, she's got a vegan quiche in the oven that's starting to burn around the edges. She's thrown it in and whacked it up to 225 when it's meant to be 180 and gone upstairs and just left it. 

 

I'm left with the dilemma, do I turn it down so it cooks properly for her and not saying anything meaning she will continue to do it or do I tell her that I've turned it down because she yet again tried to burn her food into a crisp and get accused of being a nagging twat? Or just leave it, let it burn, ruin her dinner and get called a cunt for not smelling burning? 

Mine does the same on the hob, turned up to the top temperature and doesn't understand why whatever she has in the pan gets welded to it.

 

I don't eat her food.

[Pete]

Her: is my other red plant pot in the shed or the garage.

Me: dunno. Check the garage first. 
her: nope not in there. I’ll check the shed.

her: not in there either. Where have YOU put it.

me: let me check the garage again.

her: I found it. I’m using it for something else. 

 

They’re all fucking nuts

[tokyojoe]

9 hours ago, Harry Squatter said:

Her: "next year you need to take more time off around Christmas to help buy presents, wrap them and tidy the house, this is too much of a rush and I'm stressed out".

 

She only buys presents for her family and friends so I don't need to have any input into it. There's nothing wrong with the house and I wrapped about 8 kids presents last night in half an hour. 

 

Her the last few days:

 

Goes to a works party

Meets her Dad for lunch 

Meets her sister for lunch

Goes the cinema

Meets her friends on Saturday afternoon for drinks and spent most of Sunday on the couch knackered with a massive hangover.

 

But I need to waste leave days next year apparently because everything is too much of a rush. 

Wanna job?

[RJ Fan club]

6 hours ago, manwiththestick said:

Mine does the same on the hob, turned up to the top temperature and doesn't understand why whatever she has in the pan gets welded to it.

 

I don't eat her food.

Grrrrrr. Scrambled eggs and hot chocolate in our house end up welded every fucking time. 
 

Last week I made and showed her how to make hot chocolate without committing arson or creating a new alloy of stainless steel and lactose. She looked genuinely confused it didn’t burn.
 

Hasn’t changed her approach to using a stove like, but still she knows better is possible. I like to think. 
 

I’m aiming for evolution not revolution  

 

I’m pissing in the wind. 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

8 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

She doesn't understand that an oven is able to cook food at different temperatures. I've just gone into the kitchen and smelt burning, she's got a vegan quiche in the oven that's starting to burn around the edges. She's thrown it in and whacked it up to 225 when it's meant to be 180 and gone upstairs and just left it. 

 

I'm left with the dilemma, do I turn it down so it cooks properly for her and not saying anything meaning she will continue to do it or do I tell her that I've turned it down because she yet again tried to burn her food into a crisp and get accused of being a nagging twat? Or just leave it, let it burn, ruin her dinner and get called a cunt for not smelling burning? 

 

Let it burn, and then even if she does set it to 180 next time, you should sneak in and turn it to 240 to hammer the point home.

[Bobby Hundreds]

"I've got loads to do" lists 3 things and she's off 2 days to do them. She's stressing out because I haven't done my wrapping yet, fuck sake there's 4 days to wrap a handful of presents I'm not in a race against time or Christmas is ruined. Half an hour boom I'm done. She's even at the point now she breaks down singular tasks to make herself sound more rushed, "I've got to wash my hair, then dry my hair, then brush my hair then do makeup".... so you've got to get ready then. She does it with everything  you ain't busy you work from home in your pyjamas and when I get home there's brownies been baked She's on a recliner Web browsing.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Her and her ma have been to the big tesco twice in the last week spending £200 each time. 

 

We have no butter and no bread in the house. 

[Pete]

21 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Her and her ma have been to the big tesco twice in the last week spending £200 each time. 

 

We have no butter and no bread in the house. 

Well that is clearly your fault for not 'nipping round to the co-op' and picking some up. 

[Bob]

8 hours ago, RJ Fan club said:

Grrrrrr. Scrambled eggs and hot chocolate in our house end up welded every fucking time. 
 

Last week I made and showed her how to make hot chocolate without committing arson or creating a new alloy of stainless steel and lactose. She looked genuinely confused it didn’t burn.
 

Hasn’t changed her approach to using a stove like, but still she knows better is possible. I like to think. 
 

I’m aiming for evolution not revolution  

 

I’m pissing in the wind. 

Yesterday I hadn’t eaten breakfast and so was hungry a bit earlier than lunchtime and she walked from her room/office to mine so I asked if she would cook the chilli bratwurst we had in the fridge for our lunch. she said she was about to have a shower but ok then.

 

anyway, I turn back to my laptop and carry on working until about 10 minutes later the oven starts beeping and she shouts me from the bathroom saying “can you go and

turn those sausages over, I’m in the shower”.

 

she’s only put them under the grill on its highest setting and then fucked off to another part of the house.

 

yes, they were burnt on that side, and yes, I did turn the grill down and move it to a lower shelf of the compartment, and yes, I did whip up a tremendous impromptu currywurst ketchup (takes 3 minutes, tastes amazing) and throw a part baked baguette into the oven so we had a tremendous lunch in the end, but Christ i can’t work out how her head works.

[Oh Buoy]

10 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Yesterday I hadn’t eaten breakfast and so was hungry a bit earlier than lunchtime and she walked from her room/office to mine so I asked if she would cook the chilli bratwurst we had in the fridge for our lunch. she said she was about to have a shower but ok then.

 

anyway, I turn back to my laptop and carry on working until about 10 minutes later the oven starts beeping and she shouts me from the bathroom saying “can you go and

turn those sausages over, I’m in the shower”.

 

she’s only put them under the grill on its highest setting and then fucked off to another part of the house.

 

yes, they were burnt on that side, and yes, I did turn the grill down and move it to a lower shelf of the compartment, and yes, I did whip up a tremendous impromptu currywurst ketchup (takes 3 minutes, tastes amazing) and throw a part baked baguette into the oven so we had a tremendous lunch in the end, but Christ i can’t work out how her head works.

 

You could have just sorted lunch y'self yer lazy tit. I'm with the misses on this one. 

[Paulie Dangerously]

1 minute ago, Pete said:

Well that is clearly your fault for not 'nipping round to the co-op' and picking some up. 

Going to get some on my way home from work. Will be probably be asked to bring something for tea as well 

[Pete]

4 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Going to get some on my way home from work. Will be probably be asked to bring something for tea as well 

I know this one well too. "Whilst you're out can you get some xxxxx". 

But I've ony got funds for the bread, butter and a pint of milk as its Christmas & I'm skint until payday...

[Mudface]

1 minute ago, Pete said:

I know this one well too. "Whilst you're out can you get some xxxxx". 

But I've ony got funds for the bread, butter and a pint of milk as its Christmas & I'm skint until payday...

You know what to do.

 

[RJ Fan club]

1 hour ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Her and her ma have been to the big tesco twice in the last week spending £200 each time. 

 

We have no butter and no bread in the house. 

Was in Tesco last night, two lasses filling up a trolley with an absolute load of calorific food. No problem it’s crimbo
 

Cheese, tubs of chocolate, boxes of biscuits, boxes of mince pies, stollen, Christmas pudding, cream, brandy butter, wine, etc.

 

one turns to the other asked her to get some of “those diet cake bars”.

 

Swear they’re a different species