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Ezekiel 25:17

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And then the next morning she’s going on about how late I had stayed up, not gone to bed with her and why did you drink a bottle of gin? 
 

“Because there wasn’t two bottles of gin” took her a while to get as well. 

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11 minutes ago, General Dryness said:

Might want to hold off on marrying this one Col. I hope this advice hasn't come too late.


Fuck that! 
 

We’re both very happy unmarried. 

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We've got people coming tomorrow to fix replacement wardrobe doors in the main bedroom which same company fucked up last time.

 

So what's she doing? Hoovering the stairs, landing and said bedroom. All of which will be traipsed all over tomorrow.

 

Words fail me.

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Her - "What time do we have to leave?"

Self  - "5 minutes ago"

........

Self from another room..."Are we going now?"

......

Walks into room...she is dusting and polishing......"just do this before we go"

Self - "shall I just cancel then?"

Her - "We wont be late"

Self - go and sit in car and fume gently......

 

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8 hours ago, Waitak said:

Why would she do that when you're around to buy the latest new one  

This is probably more like it. 

 

Most blokes here if they're being honest have undoubtedly thought when their partners mention replacing something, 'There's nothing wrong with what we have already'

 

Men, trying to save the planet one roll of wallpaper/tin of paint/appliance at a time.

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2 hours ago, redinblack said:

Her - "What time do we have to leave?"

Self  - "5 minutes ago"

........

Self from another room..."Are we going now?"

......

Walks into room...she is dusting and polishing......"just do this before we go"

Self - "shall I just cancel then?"

Her - "We wont be late"

Self - go and sit in car and fume gently......

 

The wife did exactly the same yesterday. Looked after the grandkids while the stepson and his girlfriend went to a wedding. The 5 year old was going swimming at 5 and had to be there at 5 to 5, latest, so the wife decided to go and get her car at half 4 (we only live round the corner from them) to take her swimming.

 

In her infinite wisdom, she decides to take her hair extensions to the hair dressers that she's bought for the stepsons wedding this weekend. Rolls back up to the house at 4:52 to get the 5 year old ready and wonders why I didn't do it while I was looking after a 3 month old who's screaming the house down because he's teething.

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This is the best one.....a friend of ours does something in anaesthetics and he got some sort of accreditation. We were invited to the graduation, which was nice, Mrs RiB said it was " in London". I was working away so didnt get too involved at this point (which in retrospect was fatal) but I booked our usual hotel in London for the stay.

 

A couple of days before the graduation I get home...

 

Me - what time does this graduation start?

Mrs RiB - 10am

Me - where exactly is it in London?

Mrs RiB - Oxford

Me - Wha?

Mrs RiB - Oxford

Me - thats not London, its an entirely different place. Its like saying Liverpool is Leeds

Mrs RiB - its not far

Me - its 55 miles and in another county

 

So we get up at fuck knows what time in the morning to go to Oxford ( hotel near Euston so across to Paddington), and of course we miss our train back from Euston as we arent back from Oxford, so I have to buy new train tickets at the walk up price.

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25 minutes ago, redinblack said:

This is the best one.....a friend of ours does something in anaesthetics and he got some sort of accreditation. We were invited to the graduation, which was nice, Mrs RiB said it was " in London". I was working away so didnt get too involved at this point (which in retrospect was fatal) but I booked our usual hotel in London for the stay.

 

A couple of days before the graduation I get home...

 

Me - what time does this graduation start?

Mrs RiB - 10am

Me - where exactly is it in London?

Mrs RiB - Oxford

Me - Wha?

Mrs RiB - Oxford

Me - thats not London, its an entirely different place. Its like saying Liverpool is Leeds

Mrs RiB - its not far

Me - its 55 miles and in another county

 

So we get up at fuck knows what time in the morning to go to Oxford ( hotel near Euston so across to Paddington), and of course we miss our train back from Euston as we arent back from Oxford, so I have to buy new train tickets at the walk up price.

I'm sure the whole experience made him numb.

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been working from home through lockdown - the missus has benefitted with a lift to and from the Royal right through all this. I normally log on work and get a few emails out the way before she is ready to leave, usually around 7.40. Last night says she wants to nip Lidl on way to get some fresh bakery stuff for her mates. Working on pc and she says she is ready - didnt even register the time. Looks at clock in car as we pull into the Lidl, just gone 7.40 - Lidl doesnt open til 8!!! Sat in car for 20 minutes!

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We’ve had to cancel another holiday because of Covid, supposed to be going to Corfu on Monday. We’d already had to arrange to go a day later as Izzy caught it and is finishing her isolation today.  
 

Anyway, through work I’ve got travel insurance.  The policy is amazing, they’ve already paid out for the first set of flights we cancelled and now have paid for the rebooked outbound and inbound flights. No excess and no drama. She’s woken me up to tell me she’s paid for some new travel insurance just in case.  We aren’t going anywhere and the cover we’ve got is better than the one she’s bought for £200.  

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39 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

We’ve had to cancel another holiday because of Covid, supposed to be going to Corfu on Monday. We’d already had to arrange to go a day later as Izzy caught it and is finishing her isolation today.  
 

Anyway, through work I’ve got travel insurance.  The policy is amazing, they’ve already paid out for the first set of flights we cancelled and now have paid for the rebooked outbound and inbound flights. No excess and no drama. She’s woken me up to tell me she’s paid for some new travel insurance just in case.  We aren’t going anywhere and the cover we’ve got is better than the one she’s bought for £200.  

Can never be too careful mate.

 

She might want to get an extra car insurance policy on a car you don't have, just in case.

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My mates Mrs is completely clueless with money and does his head in constantly over it.

 

They live in a house worth around 130 grand in Whiston and he wondered why they were paying shitloads for house insurance. They were paying over 150 quid a month. Turns out his Mrs insured the house for over 900k when the most expensive thing they have in the house is a new telly.

 

She also racked up a lot of debt on credit cards without telling him and then wanted to go through one of those IVA's to write off your debt but you never get any credit for the rest of your life. All she needed to do is make one payment to get one of the store cards down to a manageable level which he ended up paying rather than being blacklisted. They weren't in any danger of any court proceedings, just that she looked at the balance and decided that the most extreme measure was the best course of action

 

He phones her up one day while she is at the shops and asks her to get some beer as the footy was on.

 

2 days later she's stomping round the house in a bad mood and he asks what is up. She then asks him when he was going to give her the £20 she used to buy the beer with a couple of nights ago.

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On 05/08/2021 at 19:55, tokyojoe said:

We've got people coming tomorrow to fix replacement wardrobe doors in the main bedroom which same company fucked up last time.

 

So what's she doing? Hoovering the stairs, landing and said bedroom. All of which will be traipsed all over tomorrow.

 

Words fail me.

They never turned up. Fucking Hammonds.

 

At least the house is clean.

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On 08/08/2021 at 10:37, Doctor Troy said:

My mates Mrs is completely clueless with money and does his head in constantly over it.

 

They live in a house worth around 130 grand in Whiston and he wondered why they were paying shitloads for house insurance. They were paying over 150 quid a month. Turns out his Mrs insured the house for over 900k when the most expensive thing they have in the house is a new telly.

 

She also racked up a lot of debt on credit cards without telling him and then wanted to go through one of those IVA's to write off your debt but you never get any credit for the rest of your life. All she needed to do is make one payment to get one of the store cards down to a manageable level which he ended up paying rather than being blacklisted. They weren't in any danger of any court proceedings, just that she looked at the balance and decided that the most extreme measure was the best course of action

 

He phones her up one day while she is at the shops and asks her to get some beer as the footy was on.

 

2 days later she's stomping round the house in a bad mood and he asks what is up. She then asks him when he was going to give her the £20 she used to buy the beer with a couple of nights ago.


We haven’t got a pot to piss in at the moment (her ex has defaulted on a loan he took out against the house without her knowing so muggins is trying to cover it) yet she’s booked us to go camping three times this month, and whilst trying to have a lie in this morning there’s some woman banging on the front door at ten to nine. 
 

“Hi I’m Sarah from Howdens, your partner Claire booked me for a design and measure appointment for a new kitchen”. 

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28 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:


We haven’t got a pot to piss in at the moment (her ex has defaulted on a loan he took out against the house without her knowing so muggins is trying to cover it) yet she’s booked us to go camping three times this month, and whilst trying to have a lie in this morning there’s some woman banging on the front door at ten to nine. 
 

“Hi I’m Sarah from Howdens, your partner Claire booked me for a design and measure appointment for a new kitchen”. 

At least she's having someone come measure up first instead of drawing it herself on the back of a fag packet like someone's missus on here.

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27 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:


We haven’t got a pot to piss in at the moment (her ex has defaulted on a loan he took out against the house without her knowing so muggins is trying to cover it) yet she’s booked us to go camping three times this month, and whilst trying to have a lie in this morning there’s some woman banging on the front door at ten to nine. 
 

“Hi I’m Sarah from Howdens, your partner Claire booked me for a design and measure appointment for a new kitchen”. 

Fucking hell. 

 

They literally have no concept of money. I work with loads of women who are skint despite living at home with their parents and not paying them any money. Just goes on expensive cars they can't drive and eating out because they can't cook.

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9 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

Fucking hell. 

 

They literally have no concept of money. I work with loads of women who are skint despite living at home with their parents and not paying them any money. Just goes on expensive cars they can't drive and eating out because they can't cook.


Her: I’d thought you’d be happy as you love cooking and desperately want a new kitchen. 
Me: I do and I do. But don’t you think it’s more important we get a loan secured against the house sorted first? 
 

Now I’m an ungrateful cunt. 
 

 

Edited: Hungover and my lie in ruined I might not have been that polite so the cunt comment is fair enough. 

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Off work yesterday and went up to West Derby village for a few drinks and something to eat. In a beer garden and a barmaid leads some blind fella out and asks him where he wants to sit - he says nearest the door, which was the table we were on. We said we didnt mind and had a little chat with him. He starts telling us that he is getting a new patio laid and looking forward to getting some new furniture.
Cue my missus then asking "have you seen anything you like yet?"
Upon immediately realising what she had said and seeing me trying not to laugh, she then quickly carries on to ask "have you been looking online?"
I quickly had to change the topic of conversation!

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49 minutes ago, GR10 LFC said:

Off work yesterday and went up to West Derby village for a few drinks and something to eat. In a beer garden and a barmaid leads some blind fella out and asks him where he wants to sit - he says nearest the door, which was the table we were on. We said we didnt mind and had a little chat with him. He starts telling us that he is getting a new patio laid and looking forward to getting some new furniture.
Cue my missus then asking "have you seen anything you like yet?"
Upon immediately realising what she had said and seeing me trying not to laugh, she then quickly carries on to ask "have you been looking online?"
I quickly had to change the topic of conversation!

 

To be fair, I almost had a similar moment the other week. 

 

I use this app called Be My Eyes. Blind and sight impaired people ring you up and ask you to identify stuff for them. The other week I was out in the garden at my mums and the birds were chirping up a storm. The women calling is from Brooklyn, New York and she picks up on my English accent. She says: "I can hear the birds, they're so loud, are you in the countryside?" 

 

I was about one nanosecond from turning the phone around and saying "yeah, look at this." 

 

 

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4 minutes ago, Chris said:

 

To be fair, I almost had a similar moment the other week. 

 

I use this app called Be My Eyes. Blind and sight impaired people ring you up and ask you to identify stuff for them. The other week I was out in the garden at my mums and the birds were chirping up a storm. The women calling is from Brooklyn, New York and she picks up on my English accent. She says: "I can hear the birds, they're so loud, are you in the countryside?" 

 

I was about one nanosecond from turning the phone around and saying "yeah, look at this." 

 

 

My daughter has volunteered on that app. We were both working from home last year when her phone went and it was her very first call on it - excitedly, she put in on speaker phone and answered, only for some Twat to start going on about his cock! She hung up and my missus put a complaint in which resulted in the user being terminated. She has dealt with a few genuine calls since - great idea.

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3 minutes ago, GR10 LFC said:

My daughter has volunteered on that app. We were both working from home last year when her phone went and it was her very first call on it - excitedly, she put in on speaker phone and answered, only for some Twat to start going on about his cock! She hung up and my missus put a complaint in which resulted in the user being terminated. She has dealt with a few genuine calls since - great idea.

 

Lesson of the day: Blind people can be perverts too. 

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